The Caregiver... How are YOU doing today?

Ladee, yes, there is sadness...but am not sure what I can do about it. I recently went and had one session with a therapist and thinking about going or more. I have asked my sister and brother to come to relieve us, but they have there own issues on why they can't...partly because the live in other states, but my mother would pay their expenses. My sister comes about twice a year for a max of 4 days. We are planning at rip to the coast for 10 days in Sept. My sister will be here foe 3 of those days and I am arranging for caregivers to come by. My mother has has had 3 strokes and is in a wheel chair. Her speech is dramatically affected so she has trouble expressing what is wrong to the caregivers. I know her so well that I can interpret her needs. Nursing care is not what it should be as you probably know. If I am not there o assist with the bedtime my Mom sits in her chair for a long time waiting. I recently discussed this with staff, and they seem to be improving (because I am there)...when I am not there I feel for my mom. Why do I feel so responsible ? I don't know. I live right down the street from the Nursing home and maybe that is why I am so compelled. On most nights I go down to take my mom outside to read to her....then I take her in and start her bedtime preparations, I get her nightgown on her and help her with her teeth brushing and face and hands washing. Afterwards the attendant comes in and takes care of her private areas and puts her to bed. If I am not there, they would rush her through as they don't have time to ease her in a bedtime process. It is more mechanical. I feel so badly when I see other residents sitting a waiting, crying out to please be put tp bed. This is my Mother...she has always lived her life with dignity. There is nothing wrong with her mind, she just cannot speak her needs easily. This is why I have a difficult time letting go and setting some healthy boundaries. It is simple, I love her. My husband is a very independent man and enjoys his trips. Sometimes I do wonder about that as he does not seem to disturbed about having his own adventures without me - he has always had a lot of personal autonomy. Thank you ladee, you did not offend me, and what you speak has already been in my mond and thoughts. My mother moved up near me after her 1st stroke 3 years ago. She has no friends here, just me. It has been a tremendous adjustment and change in our life because I had not lived near my mother for 40 years. I never knew it would be this difficult and perhaps the most difficult part is the loss of my husband's and myself's freedom. We are working at having caregivers fill in so we can get away and perhaps I just have to work at more caring with detachment. This trip to the coast Sep. 10th is a start. I am going to work hard at putting my mom out of my mind and enjoy my wonderful husband! We also have 4 grown children and 8 grandchildren that I barely have time for.

Dear seemeride, I know i am depressed. I once tried anti depressants, didn't feel they helped enough to put up with the weight gain they produced. I do think I have anticipatory grief. I have started back to the gym and taking a Silver Sneakers exercise class and yoga. I just started that, but I think it will help. Thank you for your kindness. I know from reading ths website that I am more fortunate then most, that is why I just don't want to sound like another complaint....I just pray that I can find a path that I can live with while still providing emotional support to my mom, and be there for my husband too. I need something for myself, and need to find a better path to fill some of my needs too. Before this I was learning to play the harp and I was taking some art classes. I need to find myself some balance as I think I have lost that the last few years. It is the kindness of people like you that are helping me to question and find new ways. There sure is no instruction manual! Thank you again for your thoughts.

Zannie, what an awesome daughter you are... now I see why you help her at bedtime... is there another facility she can be placed in that would have more timely care....? And yes, living right down the street would make it very easy to go check on her.. but I do have to say you are a wonderful advocate for your mom....
Hopefully the excercises will help with the depression and I do pray that you find some balance... but you remind me of Seeme..... she would not have left her Mom's side for anything or anyone..... and to be compared to Seeme is a wonderful compliment.... anothe awesome daughter....
I feel the love and compassion you have for your mom and it is fine for you to come here and tell us how you are feeling.... yes, some have it more complicated, but the feelings are all the same... so hope you return and find this a safe and real place to become involved... as Jam says. 'we'll leave the light on for you".... you are just so full of love I can feel it across the miles..... hugs to you...

Poor Baby Harley... ate too much grass...try rolling it and getting him to 'smoke' it next time... sorry, I am laughing at hubby running around in his undies wishing he had never gotten the babies....I can just hear him now... and tell him he CAN NOT block my number on the phone.....!!!!!!

Book, I didn't mean to sound ugly when I said 'grand gesture', man oh man, my mouth has been getting me in trouble lately... and I should have known you would Google it.... see, I'm just not thinking, but glad Kimbee scaired you in a good way so we won't be worried about having a fried Bookworm..... sorry if I hurt your feelings....

Might just need to take a break for awhile and get my mind centered in the things that make me happy, that bring love and compassion into the world.... love ya'll

Hey, Kimbee, I lived in Charlotte from 6th through 9th grades. My favorite place in the US. I still miss it. We could have a rogressive party and start at my house and then go to yours or start at yours and come to mine. It might take awhile, but it would be great. By the time we're done, we might need snow shovels, though. I told my husband about the homemade fruit cocktail. He liked it. I reminded him I don't know where you can get grapes, though, it would be just peaches and cherries and no juice.

MIL has to examine her poop to "see how much " she did. We keep track of everything that goes in and comes out of her and write down what it looks like. That's sick, but we've done it. Sometimes I want to use words like "huge" and "terribly smelly" "unbelievably large" and Ladee, you're right. How can someone eat so little and poop so much?? Go figure. I think she saves it up just for me. I know she does. She always poops before Nancy comes or after she leaves, and especially during the night.

She turned her TV on at 6:45 AM and had it so loud her deceased husband could hear it. I had to get up and ask her to turn it off, but I had to tell her that her BABY was still asleep before she would do it. When is she going to let this man grow up? My son became a man before he was 20. I call him Honey or Sweetheart, but not Baby.

Ladee, You were just worry like everyone else here for Bookworm. Thank you Kimbee for whatever you said to Book to scare the mess out of her.
Bookworm, you know we all meant well for your safety for we all luv you tooooooooooooo much for we don't won't a fried-crispy bookworm. I personally don't care to be messing with electricity for it scares mess out of me n I am a pretty tuff little cookie. If your brother cannot help y'all can he at least send a friend of his over to help? maybe then he will have small gulity feeling to get some help for his parents too. Relatives!
Mnl slept in late today n I was getting a little worry myself. I had already gotten up in am n took my meds n made sure hubby took his. So, I went back to sleep for I think I have a head cold with sore throat. Again. When I got up it was almost noon! Went in their check on her make sure she didn't die on me n she got up. She was fine but then she told hubby that I must have giving her a sleeping pill or something for she don't sleep late like that. I like to fell over hearing such mess! Hubby told her she must had taking a sleeping pill herself. There is a story to this 'sleeping pill' mess. Mnl always thinks hubby has taking one if he takes a nap. don't matter if he don't matter if he had gotten up every morning at 6am n went to work all day. Of course, she never takes naps. Yeah right!
Anway, then she starts to cry because she slept late. Hubby n I quit with the sleeping pill stuff. We just told her that, her body was telling her she needed some extra rest. Everything began to sooth out okay. Well, hubby waits until I got up n to go for a 5mile bike ride. That would be great but I told him it was a bad idea for it was already 91 degrees! Of course, the apple don't fall far from the tree. He calls me about 30minuets later to pick him up for he didn't feel right. so, I am getting all the big dogs out of the house, grab my purse, yell at mnl get her butt out the door because she looking for a jacket. yes, I said jacket and the reason she wears a think jacket is because she is self-consciouness about her ass. At 80yr old, she is worry that people r going to look at her flat ass! Plus, she does wear it just in case we r going grocery shopping for she gets cold in the stores. I call hubby right back while we r heading out the door asking does he need to dial 911 while we were on r way but he said he was fine just to pick him up. Mnl is crying n scared for her son so I am having to calm down in order to calm her down. We finally find him n he still riding his bike! I wanted to kick his ass! he said that he was going to ride back home but that I may be mad at him. You think? duh! I did tell him that. he kept saying he didn't sweat any and that was a bit of concern. He had dranked his water n he looked fine. Thankfully, he was okay. He then points to a a few other people that r still riding the trail n that he could ride his bike back home which is another 5 more miles. So, I had to let him know that he was not 20 anymore, it was too freaking hot n if he was alright then why did he call me in the first place. I didn't won't to throw in the age thing but he made no sense n it was freaking hot outside not a breeze in site. The dummy already accidently took his medicine twice one night for he forgot that he had taken it. He called me to the bathroom n he was leaning up against the door n my short ass couldn't get it open for he had all his weight on it. He finally manage to open the door n got his balance again. I helped him to the bed n brought him some water for at the time I didn't know that he had taken his meds twice! He also had a tore up stomach so we wasn't sure if he had ate something that didn't agree with him.It wasn't unitl am that he told me about the meds. I would had called ER if I had known that he done that accidently. But, I checked his sugar, b/p and he said he was feeling better. So, the next very afternoon after he had told me, mnl, I and hubby went to get him a weekly pill box for am n pm. So, we r all back in gear once again. Oh, I had to call to make sure rugrat was doing okay too. Now, I need to make a call to check on my Dad. Anyway, that has been my week n weekend so far. I hope everyone else has a safe holiday.

Book thank God someone scared you into not doing that electrical job by yourself-also any extension cord should be heavy duty. I know it is hard to wait for someone else to do something that needs to be done. I was waiting for my son to take a door off my husbands bedroom so he could get his power chair into the room -I waited and waited then said to myself grandma built house I guess I can take down one door I did on course I did it the wrong way and it fell onto me but next time I will do it right-about two weeks later my son called-he was comming up to take the door down-I told him I did it and next time I would know the way to do it right. Any home projects you plan tell us beforehand we need to keep you safe.

Just a quick note...still haven't updated myself on the previous posts. I had a meltdown this morning. Dad so angry that I didn't get up to suction mom. I put mom on her side at nights. So, if I'm unable to get up to suction her, the fluid will flow out and down (gravity) and not stay inside the trache/mouth and she chokes from it.

I get up at 6:15am, he was in a roll. He said with such meanness in his face and voice that I was a BAD DAUGHTER and that I HAVE to take care of them. I've had a stressfull weekend. I worry about everything: the house, feeding him without a stove/micro. I just had a meltdown. I told him that I'm NOT a bad daughter cuz he has 8 kids and I'm the only one here taking care of them. I don't HAVE to take care of them. It just went on and on. I was angry, I started crying. I never cry in front of people - a sign of weakness. One must never show weakness because they will go in for the kill. I tried calling brother, niece of next door - no one answered. I called fave sis, the minute she answered, I was venting, crying and saying I cannot take it anymore. Hung up and went to my room to cry it out. Got so angry, I started dressing up. I had to LEAVE NOW. I called sis and told her I'm leaving. Then I called SIL of next door. She finally answered and telling her at same time crying that I cannot take it anymore. I quit. We need to find someone to care for them because if we don't then I'm killing myself. I just can't take it anymore. I left the house with no one there. I got in my car and then SIL came out of their house. She tried to calm me ...I was just crying and crying. She didn't want me to leave until I calmed down.

Piss me off. Even while I'm crying, she kept going on and on how they know how hard it is for me. That I need to not take his words to heart. That I need to stand firm with him. Teach him a lesson..etc... Basically, I'm still on my own with dad. She just giving me a pep talk.

I cried while driving to fave sis. Terrible to cry when you're wearing eye glasses. I tried so hard not to cry while driving but it just kept falling. I left the house without feeding or changing their pampers.

I'm at sis right now. We're going shopping even though I don't feel like it. I'm still too teary once in a while.

To All, despite my meltdown, I was NOT SUICIDAL (compared to June incident.) Okay, there was a teeny tiny part of me that wanted to do it NOW. But it was just a tiny part...I'm fine for now...still too raw with emotions...

I will be back later ...about hours from now. I need to shore up myself for when I go home and change his mess of a pamper from last night. SIL will not change his pampers....

Bookworm~ ((((HUGS)))) to you, Please take care of yourself!!!

BW.....have a good cry....sometimes it helps.....better to have a wet worm than a fried one........

Book we are here for you, we love you and care deeply for you -you have been pushed beyond what you need to do-this is the time to get everyone together-the family -with you father and tell them you are calling social services and plan will have to be made for both of them-it is not fair for you to carry the whole load yourself-sil and everyone better learn to change pampers and whatever else needs doing-they are not just your parents and that father better learn to keep his mouth shut from now on. Shame on all of them for what they are doing to you-everyone of them is quility of abuseing you and it has to stop now.

Book-Prayers for you. Soggy is better than fried,but would really like to see you happy. Shame, shame, on your family! Austin is right - you need to demand help. If bro won't fix your electric, go over there and start cooking, or come with plates and start filling them for your parents and yourself. I'll bet he gets busy pronto! Wishing that your crying washed away some of the stress, and that you get treated better tomorrow.
Ladee-Older and wiser beats young and stupid any day. Hugs.
Zannie-You sound like a very caring daughter, one that has gotten caught up in feeling guilty for something you can't control. Even if you aren't with your Mom every minute, please realize that what you are doing is making her life so much better! You are a great advocate for her, and I'm sure she appreciates all that you do. And she wouldn't want you worrying when you are not there. Hugs.
Judy-I was LMAO and I think I got a headache just reading about you trying to get that pen! Much safer to leave it :)
Seeme and Lildeb-dogs, boobs, and bikes...oh my! Thanks for all the smiles.
Put up the September appointment calander and realized that Dad has 5 appts this month and Mom has 0. That's not how this was supposed to be. I feel for those of you whose parents are in worse shape than mine, and only hope I can handle it as well as you all do when I get to that point. (That was a compliment - you all amaze me!)
Goodnight, and better tomorrows.

I'm fine everyone. I just had a meltdown. I just can't continue as I am doing now. With family, I need to come up with a solution or nothing will get done. I'm already officially the parents caregiver. I cannot just walk out. So, I cannot even threaten next door that I am packing my bags and moving out.

Fave sis says that I just need more help from next door. Next door (SIL) says that I should learn to get a thick skin and let dad's words not affect me. I just keep telling everyone that I can't take it anymore. They just won't accept it because that means THEY will have to get involved.

I need to talk to someone. I am willing to tell them that they can take over caring for the parents if it means they get the darn house/land. It's not going to me so I don't see why I should care. Dad has medicare. I just don't know anymore what to do. I just know that I'm so tired of being the one to think, worry, etc...but...I don't know anymore. I think I'm going into depression from the stress.

So, we have had family meetings. My mom's doctor even had a meeting with dad, myself and oldest bro that this is not a one-person job. That it takes the whole family to care for Alz mom. Bro didn't take it the advice. They never will because: IT'S NOT THEIR PROBLEM!! But, the only way it WILL become their problem if the house/land becomes jeopardized.

I don't know who to talk to about the parents. I have proof with the caregiver respite that I'm suicidal. No problem there. I guess I can call social services and go from there.

Zannie, I'm glad that you're going to try to separate from mom. I hope you and your husband are able to get back a closer relationship. I think this upcoming trip would be a good time to work on it. I think it would be nice, too, if you give a surprise gift to hubby as a Thank You for accepting your mom into your home and being patient. And at the same, you should reward yourself for the same reason!

Ladee, no insult. I couldn't understand your term "grand gesture". Kept reading it trying to figure it out. Couldn't figure it out. My brother would have taken a loooong time to do it. I just didn't want to spend another day eating sandwiches. And I would be going back to work on Tuesday, and then oldest sis would have nothing to eat. I just figured the electricians would be off today being a holiday. Don't worry, Ladee. No matter what I Googled, that warning of Kimbee's kept popping up on my head. In the end, I would not have been able to do it...Hmm...I need to send Kimbee a HUG for THAT!

Seeme - as I was reading your comment, I almost thought it was Lildeb. The antics of your "babies" sounded just like her Lily!

No matter how teary eyed I was, I giggled about the Fried bookworm. I actually visualized it. Then it was even funnier with Seeme's "wet worm than a fried worm"! I started laughing. You guys are soooo crazy! And you sure know how to raise a person's spirit. Thanks!!!

It's almost 2pm. It's time to go home and face the music. I think we need to start thinking of getting a paid caregiver here. I prefer to just move out and let everyone fight over the house/land. Whoever wants it can stay and take care of the parents.

Oops, lily belongs to Beck not lildeb!! Have to go and stop by the grocery before heading home.

I think leaving the care of your parents for whoever gets the house and land in the end is a great idea. Why the hell are you busting your ass, being the family do-gooder, wearing yourself out, giving your life up.... if they're just waiting around to collect? What would happen if you walk out? Really? Who would walk in and take care of the parents? Can you walk out? I think its a great idea.

Father says that "someone" caused us to argue this morning. He is currently lecturing me for the past 30min. that I must sleep early so that I be better abled to care for them....
..... I am nothing to him but a daughter he gave birth in order to care for them in their old age. This morning, in our argument, I asked what about ME? When I get to be their age, who will care for me? He just gave me a blank look. Same old arguments all the time. But, this time, I'm stronger - thru this site. I did have the meltdown but not the suicide thoughts that I usually get. So, I am getting stronger - thru this site.....
.....I stopped by the grocery store on the way home. I ran out of my comfort food (Neopolitan ice cream) and a new bottle of chocolate syrup. Since socket is still not fixed, I got a loaf of bread for sis to eat tomorrow. She will just have to have sandwich for lunch. :( I rarely buy lunch. I budget in my paycheck $5/lunch for every day for 2 weeks. When i don't spend it, I use it for whatever I want - like extra cash. Well, I will use my lunch money tomorrow to buy us dinner. I refuse to have sandwich for dinner!.....
.......Bro stopped by. He said that I'm still missing a multi something...Anyway, he's suppose to buy it before he does the socket. Most likely it will be on hold until the weekend...
......Notlike, I will be needing the stove to sanitize mom's oxygen canisters. I will do as you suggested. It's a 30min. process. I think I will take my pans, distilled water, vinegar and book to read at their house while sanitizing it. Meanwhile, they will have to send someone to the house to babysit parents....
.....Sis came over this afternoon. She felt bad. She said that she is willing to pay for a caregiver to come on Sundays. She brought us....pizza. I'm beginning to dislike pizza. We just had it for lunch. Can't wait to finish cleaning parents so that I can eat my ice cream. I'm not sharing with HIM. If he wants any, i will give him my yogurt. (I'm trying to eat healthy yogurt to off-set the no-no ice cream.)....
......Father just Ordered me to stop using the computer. He still doesn't get it. I snapped 2 sentences to him: "Don't tell me what to do! You haven't learn from this morning, have you?"

Decision: Oldest sis is moving in in December. If I can just last long enough for her to move in. Next argument in December, I can pack up for the weekend and spend it with sis or at a hotel using local rates. I won't worry about finding someone to cover since Oldest sis will be here.

I will also take my sis' offer to pay for a caregiver for Sundays.
I can't believe I was actually looking forward to caregiving parents after a hectic week at work!!!! Be careful what you wish for....

Thank you all for the encouragement and funnies. Time to do caregiver duties. My ice cream is calling me....

Book you sound stronger already-next time tell him -your father-that he does not have the right to tell you what to do-he has to earn your respect -take his power to hurt you away from him-I am proud of you -you will preserve -do get the caregiver for Sundays-that is your day off from work and obligations-we will help you become part of the sisterhood of Kick Ass Ladies.

MIL hit me last night. I wanted to choke her, but I didn't, of course. She had already awakened me for potty call a couple of times and just sat there and farted. Then peed and filled her Depends up. Nothing is getting into the urine pouch. Her bladder is doing the spasm dance because she won't dring enough fluids. I keep telling her that. I have two Depends left and then I have to use adult diapers. She hates that and so do I. She woke me up seven times last night either looking for the TV remote she drops on the floor a lot, or trying to turn the non-existent radio off with her hospital bed controls, or turning her light on so "all those people" can find their way out of the dark room. She was looking for the remote control to turn the TV off (it wasn't even on) and I found it on the floor, but I told her the TV was already off and I didn't want her to turn it on. It was 3:30 AM. I touched her thigh when I told her this so she would look at me. She hauled off and gave me a left-handed slam on my left arm and told me to get out of her room. I left and woke hubby up and told him this, but I don't think he understood a word I said.

She talks in her sleep a lot and got my husband awake several times and he's nearly deaf. He won't wear his hearing aids--they make his ears sweat. But when she talks so loud to make him wake up, that's loud. She scolded my grandson unmercifully last night. Finally, hubby got up and took her sugar and blood pressure. He thought her sugar must have gone really low for her to be having such a rough night. Her sugar was only 144 and her BP was 144/85, not too bad compared to other times.

She's catching up on her sleep right now. I'd take a nap, too, but if I go to sleep, I won't wake up.

It's really odd she can be so angry as to hit me and when he comes into the room she is a honey dripping angel. He told her this morning she woke me up 7 times during the night and she didn't have much to say, but when I took her breakfast in to her and she asked me if I slept good, I said "Are you kidding? You woke me up 7 times last night" She said, "I don't believe you.

When I told her she woke me up

Funnier, I have suffered and still get punched by my bedridden father. May I ask if you Told your Husband that she hit you? I hope you did. This is something you must not keep from him.

Next, from a person who has been physically, emotionally and other kinds of abused done to me....You need to nip this physical abuse in the bud. If you don't, IT WILL ESCALATE! There is No IF or ANDS or BUTS about it. You and your husband must accept it and that it WILL get worse. Right now, she is TESTING you. Just like all abusers, when they hit you, they will see how you respond. If you take it lying down, they will treat you like sh*t.

My father always punched me on my head, face. It got to the point that he moved up to trying to Choke me. I have never just stood there and took it. When he hits me, I hit him back (shocked him the 1st time I did that.) When he tried to choke me, I positioned my body sideways, swunt my right arm back with a fist and I was going to put all my weight into that punch. His hands stopped about 1 feet from my throat. It will escalate.

By the way, the next time she gets you up 7 times, YOU wake up that husband of yours. This is his mother, he might as well wake up for every time you wake up. and the next time mil asks you if you slept good, YOU WILL LIE TO HER. Why? This is a power game she is doing to you!! You Quit Reacting To Her! So, when she asks you that question, You Will Say, with a SMILE, "Yes I did!" and you walk away. Trust me, Funnier, this will drive Her Crazy!!

She is attacking you in your home and treating you like BS because you react the way she expected you. This is your home. You need to learn to fight back with her sneakily!

Nap time? Power naps are wonderful! You get your alarm clock (2 if you have) AND your Cell phone and set the alarm...in case you can't wake up. First alarm, set for 15min. 2nd alarm, for 20min. Cell phone for 25min with a SNOOZE.

You need to fight her your way! Stop reacting to HERS! Funnier, you need to do this because her treatment is ESCALATING!! Please try, okay????? HUGS to you!!!

ok u did tell hubby. But please tell him again and explain it will get worse. Question to you: how far will u go for your husband? Willing to b abused? Meditate on scenarios, how u react, etc.. it will get worse.

Bookworm, you sound like a powerful lady this morning. You sound great, considering the crap you went through yesterday. I'm psyched you're getting some help, but honestly, I was rooting for you to pack up and leave the whole mess in someone else's lap and let someone else feel the brunt of what you do, day in and day out. Nothing like learning about someone by walking in their shoes. I'm relieved you'll have Sundays free, at least. I got out of bed this morning, thinking about coming to this thread, wondering how in the world you were today.
Funnier... What the heck are you going to do? Can you just fake sleep so that your husband can get up with his dearest mother 7 times at night? Tell him your back hurts too much to move out of bed? And, I agree with Bookworm, maybe you should start taking naps and playing your mil's game with her. Or, just look her in the eye and tell her how you really feel about her. Maybe you could tell your husband how exhausted and disgusted you are and ask him to take care of his OWN mother for a night or two. Maybe if your behaviors change - like you need naps, like you refuse to get up with her, like meals aren't made, the house goes haywire, your husband will get the reality of it all. Right now, he lets you get up and handle it. He isn't being put out much at all. Time for that to change. Go stay with a girlfriend or a sister for a night or two and see how he feels. It seems to me, that the present situation is great for both him and his mother.

Bookworm, sorry to hear of your difficult day. Many hugs to you, and give yourself a big one from all of us here. - just wrap those arms around yourself and give yourself a big squeeze and a pat on the back for being the kindest and best person anyone could be!

Hey Judy, maybe you should use one of those grabber thingys. I got one after my last back surgery. I need another one now so I've been using my monkey feet to pick stuff up lately. I really enjoyed your comments today. I almost peed myself laughing too. :-)

My husband says he wakes up every time I do. I think it's about 95%. But last night it was all seven times. On the seventh time, he put his arm across me to keep me from getting up and said, I'll get this one. Shock of all shocks! He went into her room and said angrily "Just what.is it that you need?" She said "Nothing, Baby." So he told her to turn the damned light off and go back to sleep! And she said, "Oh, OK". Maybe if he had done that sooner, we could have had a better night's sleep. I do know he had a bad night. His eyes looked awful this morning.

Bookworm, I'm not sure how far I will go. Here's the problem. Our son lives in her house. He doesn't have a job and works hit and miss managing to buy groceries and keep gas in his truck. He's behind on child support and utilities. If she goes into a nursing home past the 28 days, Medicaid wants her house to pay for her care. Our son then has no home. I'm mad at my husband and myself for enabling our son to live like this. That seems like a simple explanation, but it's so much more complicated than this.

I don't know how many times she can stay in a nursing home for 28 days at a time. What is the time period she can stay out before being placed in one again? If only my husband wouldn't take her out before the 28 days expire like he did before. I needed the other 9 days he shorted me.

If she gets so combative it causes me bodily harm, he will have to do something and it may involve restraining her in some way. I don't know. When she hits him, he will probably do something. Nancy tells me of other elders in their family who fought in their later years and actually got violent. Maybe she is just following suit.

Maybe it's how far I am willing to go for my son. My husband put me in this position and I had no idea it would involve our son down the line.

Hi everyone I hope all of ya'll are doing ok. Sorry i haven't been on here much lately. Just keeping things bottled up i guess. Same feelings, different day. Just wish for it all to end. Tired of waking up and going to bed with the same thoughts of "How long will this last?" or "How long will i last without cracking?" If i never had to go back to that house again it would be too soon. I just dread it with every fiber of my being. I daydream about the day that it all ends and a smile comes across my face because that is the day i will feel free again. I know to some this sounds harsh but this is the only place i feel i can be truthful and honest and every once in a while i have to bare my soul to make it to the next day. Dad said something to me the other day and i was already in a bitchy mood to start with and it just pissed me off. Connor has started school as most of you know and i have to leave from dads earlier to go pick him up from school. Thank God! I have to leave at 2:00 to go get him. Whereas before i was leaving at 4:00 to pick him up from daycare. Well a few days had passed that i was leaving at 2 and dad asked me this: "Have you got to pick up Connor today at 2?" I said, "Yes". He said, "Is this going to be everyday?" and i said, "Yes". He said, "For the whole school year?" and i said, "Yes". And i wanted to tell yes for the next 5 years he is going to be getting out at 2:00 so get used to it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh i was so mad. I called sis and told her what he said I did not act mad I just told her that we might need to get the lady that used to sit with him to come back and stay with him some. Oh he would love that!!! NOT. If its not me or my sister staying with him then he don't want them. I mean i am staying the same amount of hours with him that i was when connor was in daycare cause i am getting to his house earlier cause connor has to be at school earlier than at daycare and i have to get to dads earlier to get all the stuff done to him before i leave to get connor. So what's the difference. If he wants a babysitter then he should hire one!!! Just so fed up with him. I know i am not over there as long as it could be or as long as i used to have to stay over there but a hour over there is too long for me. That's how fed up i am with this mess. I look at bookworm and i think she is a inspiration to me and to all of us for looking after her parents for 23 years and a abusive parent on top of that and i wonder how does she do it. I am in awe of her for putting up with it all. I wish i had it in me to do that but i know i do not. Thanks for letting me vent and spill my guts to you all. Love and hugs Stormyy

Stormy would you be able to cut the time with your father down by say one/half hr on each end and maybe get a book to start reading you really need me time-since he does not appreciate all you do for him as it is I would be tempted to say I had to leave earlier for the next two weeks and keep adding a few min every once in a while-maybe being abusded so long with the husband makes me more pushy I do not know but I do know what I will not stand for anymore-our director of our senior center is now on my last nerve for sure and I am finding a way to not tolerate her any more than I want to at this point.

Stormy, I feel for you. I just do a few days a week with my parents and I'm ready to slit my own throat on the drive over there sometimes, I get so resentful. There's no love there. Its purely obligation on my part. So, while you're looking at Bookworm, thinking she's amazing, and she is, no doubt about that - the woman is a flippin superhero - I look at what you do, while raising a young child too, and I think you're amazing. Don't beat yourself up for being resentful, I think its just part of the deal. Give yourself a pat on the back, because if I was with you right now, I'd give you a few. And a hug.