This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Notlike- I am very sorry that you and your family are having to go through this. My heart goes out to you and your dad. My prayers are with you sweetie. ((((Hugs))))
Bookworm- I understand taking a break from everything. At times i feel like a broken record, complaining about the same stuff everyday. And i guess i give myself a break as well as you girls until I'm about to bust with emotion then i just have to let it all out. So if you want to talk whenever we are here for you. I think you are amazing. And a wonderful daughter. My love and prayers to you!!!! ((((hugs)))to!!
Austin- I am keeping the support thing in mind. Thank you for the info. Love and hugs to you.
Well, i guess i got to gather up all of my nerves to get ready to go to dads. Ugh. I pray that we all will have a better day today. Hell, maybe all of us just need to have a crying party then maybe we all would feel better!!! Love and hugs to you all stormyyy
Book, I'm still working on getting my life together too. I wish I could dig myself out from under all the weight I feel on my shoulders and my life is so simple compared to yours and all you have and continue to go through. I get sad and frustrated with myself at times and then realize that it is just going to take time and beating myself up isn't going to make it happen any sooner.
I learn from you Book. My words can be helpful or hurtful. I will try by best to make sure they are always more helpful in the future. Hurting you breaks my heart.
Come back when can. You are loved and valued here more than you can imagine. Love and apologies, Cat
I just pray we don't all have a nervous breakdown on the same day... or maybe we should..... nahhhh, I'm afraid a member of my family would finally step up... scairy thought...
And ya know what is straight up creepy.... all these posts we get of people looking for cemetary plots.... or names of people in a cemetary... I am so tempted to write something bizarre in answer..... but Jam says I am the YOU problem child, don't think she'll let me be that for the whole sight..... but I do think about it....
Lovin' you all, even you Beck, email on the way..... love , hugs and chocolate.
I wish Bookworm was feeling better.
I wish Stormy was feeling better.
Maybe everyone needs to go by my dad's and smack him a little bit with a smoked sausage. Did wonders for me.
Stormy n Notlike.....thinking n praying for both of u that things get a lil easier....even if it's jst for a moment....Love ya both...
Sharyn....I'M WAITING!!!!!! Manteca is calling ur name...If n wen u think u can handle meeting me, face to face....let me kno.....i won't bite.....hugs
Seeme...thinking of u with the 1yr passing of ur mom....i hope ur doing alright. Wenever ur heart starts to hurt, jst hug those beautiful 4 legged babies, n they will comfort u....Lily gets me thru all those difficult n emotional moments.......Jst picture this in ur mind.....EVERY time i sit at this computer, Lily is lying under my desk......waiting for me to get the hell off...LOL...gotta love her..love ya
LADEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!LYL
Jam, have been meaning to congratulate you on the article that Aging Care did on the elections... you had some great questions and was very proud to know our very own Jambo was quoted so many times... congrats to you sister friend....
And Jam, do you see how close we are to 10,000, I knew this thread was going to be a success, because it was started for the right reasons.... God had His hands all over it....
Wonder how SDPeg is doing.... bahhahaahahaha, I know , I am such a bitch... But we are all good at something...
What is going to be the prize for the big post.. and all expense paid trip paid for by AC????? Nahh, didnt think so....
Ok, going to TRY to go to bed.... this week is flying by.... love ya'll
Burned~No judgement on what is going on with you, hope you can get another lead on a job if the one at the school isn't panning out for you!!
Beck....sausage therapy... oh, my...sounds very...sexual... I best leave it alone before Cattails takes it one step further, and then I'll have to move over in this gutter and let her swim on by.
Told ya'll I'd see what Seeme Sue called my coworker.... THANG..... so when ya'll see that you will know who I am talking about.... little things she does that drive me insane... she has been using M's personal things like body powder... every day I go in the bathroom and have to clean up behind her, I moved the powder to the other bathroom , she does not need to be in there at all except to help S... same mess yesterday... also smelled perfume when I came in yesterday....sure nuff, she had used M's body spray.... guess I'll see what the daughter wants to do about this... to me, this is an absolute violation of us being in M's home.... the daughter is so tired she may not care... but I have to wonder if she is so blatant about this, what else is she doing or snooping in when no one is there.... deep sigh......
So, it's gonna be a good day.... will be finding things to be grateful for today, helps with the attitude.... I am grateful I am Ladee and not THANG....
love ya'll, hugs, angels and chocolate....
Thank you ladee.......I so enjoy being able to contribute what little thoughts I have left.....:)
Seeme........thinking of you today....love ya sister!!!!!!
Just for today take all of your feelings of guilt, tears, anger, frustration, hopelessness, fear......put them in a box in the corner and face today with a positive smile......today is all about YOU and tomorrow you can open that box a tiny bit and see if maybe you can get by again without it!!!! Love and Hugs to all!
We spoke briefly on my driveway Tuesday, but she knew everything I was going to say before I said it. I think she can help me a lot.
Today is our 49th Anniversary and I'm spending it with Nancy, who smells like BO, a MIL I don't like, a gross lack of sleep, and telperatures in the 90's again. ARRGH! But, Carolyn, the new caregiver is coming and I can cry on her shoulder and she will hug me and not tell me I have a bad attitude. God Bless her.
Judy and Beck.....I can't touch the sausages with a 10 foot pole......I would be deeper in the gutter than you have ever seen...............
Ladee....we are here to hear about Ms. Thang..........
Funnier.......so glad you got that hug and she knows how you feel.......
As I think about my mom today, I will be forever grateful that we could laugh together.........even about the time I tripped into the bathroom when I was trying to empty the bedside commode and threw piss all over the wall behind the toilet. Good thing was, I was in a hurry to get a sister to the airport so she could go home to see about her husband who she thought was having a heart attack. Another sister was here, and she cleaned up the mess for me. Then I conveniently remembered the airport was closed and no flights would go out till morning. BIL was no having a heart attack, things settled down, when piss-cleaning sister realized she had been duped. None of this was intentional....I don't think!!!!
I COULD hug on Dyna today, but she is mad at me. Yesterday she escaped from the backyard while I was putting Harley back there after our walk. She ran next door to play with the baby on his slide. I got her on the leash and told her how bad she was. She growled at me when I was trying to comb her, and I had to make her submit to it. This morning she peed on the kitchen floor as I was trying to get them outside and I told her how bad she was. Now she doesn't want anything to do with me.......won't be the first time I am the bad guy....and not the last, I am sure. As my mom would say, "she'll get over it."
I hope everyone has a smile on their face at some point today.......think about the sausages..............
Cat, I know your heart was in the right place when you stated your advice so explicitly. Unfortunately, I had so much I was struggling with, that it was the straw that broke the camel's back. Or the last card to collapse the house of cards. It's not your fault that I took your advice, interpreted part of it wrong, and then ran with that wrong concept. I appreciate you saying that a lot of my advice was spot on. What you don't know is that I have gone to the other AC's post to apologize for being so blunt or telling them what to do. We all tend to become passionate when we want so much to help the person.. that we forget to be subtle, gentle, etc.. Cat, I have no hard feelings for you. I, too, know that you've been so stressed over your father. Throughout last week, as I read your posts, I was amazed that you were able to sound so "normal." that one couldn't tell that you were stressing over your father.
I have to close now. My eyes can barey stay open.
Oh, before I go, someone had mention we go through a cycle. That is soooo true! I have always noticed that I can be normal for months, then one day, I get my "depression" or "overwhelmed" and any little thing or thought would send me into tears. Have to go...
Seeme: Sorry, but when you said 10 foot pole, you touched the sausage.
Well, Book is back and I am forgiven. Still feel terrible I hurt her, but at least now I feel like and breath and have a good cry.
Ladee, your right. You are not a Thang.
Love to all, Cat