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Lord, I just got through reading the posts and I feel like i have depressed everyone. I just want to sit here and cry for all of us until there are no more tears to cry.
Notlike- I am very sorry that you and your family are having to go through this. My heart goes out to you and your dad. My prayers are with you sweetie. ((((Hugs))))
Bookworm- I understand taking a break from everything. At times i feel like a broken record, complaining about the same stuff everyday. And i guess i give myself a break as well as you girls until I'm about to bust with emotion then i just have to let it all out. So if you want to talk whenever we are here for you. I think you are amazing. And a wonderful daughter. My love and prayers to you!!!! ((((hugs)))to!!
Austin- I am keeping the support thing in mind. Thank you for the info. Love and hugs to you.
Well, i guess i got to gather up all of my nerves to get ready to go to dads. Ugh. I pray that we all will have a better day today. Hell, maybe all of us just need to have a crying party then maybe we all would feel better!!! Love and hugs to you all stormyyy
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Book you are valued and love if staying away from us helps that is what you need to do I feel your pain I was there for so long I and we all are here for you anytime as Jam said we will leave the light on for you I pray for God to give you strength and wisdom and whatever else you need-life is so unfair for you right now I hope you feel my love and concern for you. Take care girlfriend.
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Book: I love you. You are in no way a hypocrite. All the advise you have given others is spot on and filled with caring. I feel responsible for adding to your feelings of sadness and being overwhelmed. You can't change your life overnight. It takes lots of time. I hope you will forgive my pushing you. It was my mistake and I was way out of line. I am so sorry.

Book, I'm still working on getting my life together too. I wish I could dig myself out from under all the weight I feel on my shoulders and my life is so simple compared to yours and all you have and continue to go through. I get sad and frustrated with myself at times and then realize that it is just going to take time and beating myself up isn't going to make it happen any sooner.

I learn from you Book. My words can be helpful or hurtful. I will try by best to make sure they are always more helpful in the future. Hurting you breaks my heart.

Come back when can. You are loved and valued here more than you can imagine. Love and apologies, Cat
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Frustrated, they did an x ray of my mother's hip yesterday at her facility and after weeks of me saying it was a fracture, her denying it, looks like it is and now waiting for ambulette to take her to ER. She is mad I cannot take her due to needing to put no weight on her leg. Now I get to spend hours in the ER. No idea how this affects her radiation treatments which are supposed to begin next week...
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Book, don't know if you are reading or not, but just wanted to say if giving advice and not taking our own makes you a hipocrit, then we are all pretty much hipocrits... it's easy to give suggestions.... becuase we are objective, other peopls's problems are not up in our faces....But you do what you need to do to take care of yourself.... but I think if you take an honest look at the past few months, you will see that you are safe and you have learned alot... that building that wall up again wont' be possible with us as we already know you... and we love ya just the way you are.... no expectations, just loving Book, and if nothing else, just damned proud you are not suicidal..,so, if your time with us is done, then just know you have impacted our lives.... sometimes when it's time to move on we know it... and you may return.... do what is right for YOU for a change, no one else... sending love, hugs and angels to help you on your journey....
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Bookworm~You have been a super help to me which I will always be so thankful to you. I am sorry you are overwhelmed and I know I encouraged you to force your brother and sil to help more. I shouldn't have said that knowing how hard your situation is. Please know you are so appreciated and wanted here. So many of us are at different levels of healing from abusive childhoods and we have trigger points. I have mine too and no one is judging you as a hypocrite. You are an important part of this thread and many others and very much loved on all of them. Take what time you need and come back when you are ready♥♥♥!!
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Book.....If it's time away from us that u need, or others in ur life....please....do it for urself....don't let guilt, or self criticism cloud the fact that.....u DESERVE to take some time........it is long over due. Ur words have helped all of us on this site, n we will always appreciate n love u....no matter wat...We're all connected...As Ladee said....U have made an impact on lives, here...We r grateful for u...Find some peace, Book.....it is ur's to have........much love to u
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Stormy,thanks for volunteering for our depressions here, but I really think our lives gives us all the reason we need....I had my meltdown last week, it's just others turn this week.... I know for me, If it doesn't get cooler here soon I am MOVING TO ALASKA...... not really.... who would eat chocolate ice cream with Sonny after his nap.... not the other girls.... oh hell no, i have seniority....I will have to go back and read some stuff so I can tell ya'll what Seeme Sue calls the thorn in my side at work.... remember thinking, ya, that's it.....

I just pray we don't all have a nervous breakdown on the same day... or maybe we should..... nahhhh, I'm afraid a member of my family would finally step up... scairy thought...


And ya know what is straight up creepy.... all these posts we get of people looking for cemetary plots.... or names of people in a cemetary... I am so tempted to write something bizarre in answer..... but Jam says I am the YOU problem child, don't think she'll let me be that for the whole sight..... but I do think about it....

Lovin' you all, even you Beck, email on the way..... love , hugs and chocolate.
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Ladee......i always knew u loved me.....even wen i disappear for awhile. It will take a hell of alot to get rid of me.......ur stuck with me now....mama....i'm smilin from ear to ear, jst posting this!!!!!! U make my day,woman!!! LYL
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Hospice at Home social worker has me scheduled for a 5day respite. Mom will go into the absolutely wonderful nursing home where they had her for my first respite . I am so excited, something to look forward to, and I won't have to worry about her, as this place is the best. Whew...the social worker with Hospice is an angel. :O)
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Dad was funny again today. Yesterday, he hardly got out of bed, but today, he's laughing. While unpacking their groceries, I found a package of smoked sausage, so I swatted Dad on the arm with it. He was zoned out, mechanically and vacantly unloading the contents of the bags onto the counter, so the swat startled him and made him laugh. So, I started attacking him a little more, thwacking him on the hand and forearm, popping over the island at him every once in a while when he didn't suspect it (or had forgotten about it already). And, in case anyone thinks I'm beating up an 87 year old man... I wasn't. He thought it was a riot, and it was only taps to get his attention. Then, he made fists and told me that his left hand is "intensive care" and his right hand is "the morgue". He used to say this when I was a teenager when he'd joke around. My dad doesn't interact much. He's mostly deaf and confused and has trouble with conversation - hearing it and following it, but I've found that joking with him in a simple slapstick kind of way, that doesn't require hearing, makes him laugh like a little kid - you know when they laugh hard and make no noise? - that was the old man today. Of course, my mother was a bit annoyed. Eh. Whatever. I should've whacked her with a sausage too. Weird day. I started off at my parents house this morning, feeling pissed off and resentful, but this afternoon, my dad was a hoot, and when I stopped in at my brother's house, he was feeling better - he's been so down, which is so unlike him (he's quadriplegic from a car wreck a long time ago). So, when I drove home, the radio was cranked and I was feeling much better.
I wish Bookworm was feeling better.
I wish Stormy was feeling better.
Maybe everyone needs to go by my dad's and smack him a little bit with a smoked sausage. Did wonders for me.
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What a great moment for you Judy!! You should do this more often to bring your father out. It is memory you will treasure for many years to come♥!!
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Pokagon, what great news..... so happy for you, and not having to worry about mom is twice the blessing.... make sure you let us know after your respite how much fun you had, how late you slept, and let us celebrate with you..... and you are right, something to look forward to... great great news... hugs...
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Judy....Sausage therapy......i love that!!! Im so happy u got to share a happy moment with ur dad, but i'm especially happy that he smiled! Those moments r priceless n don't happen enough for me, but then, i've never tried slapstick sausage...lol....thanks for the idea.....Hugs

Stormy n Notlike.....thinking n praying for both of u that things get a lil easier....even if it's jst for a moment....Love ya both...

Sharyn....I'M WAITING!!!!!! Manteca is calling ur name...If n wen u think u can handle meeting me, face to face....let me kno.....i won't bite.....hugs

Seeme...thinking of u with the 1yr passing of ur mom....i hope ur doing alright. Wenever ur heart starts to hurt, jst hug those beautiful 4 legged babies, n they will comfort u....Lily gets me thru all those difficult n emotional moments.......Jst picture this in ur mind.....EVERY time i sit at this computer, Lily is lying under my desk......waiting for me to get the hell off...LOL...gotta love her..love ya

LADEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!LYL
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Seeme Sue, you know you are in my prayers and thoughts... the others don't know about me calling you to install my cable when you were on the edge... God that was a theraputic moment wasn't it.... sending you tons of love....
Jam, have been meaning to congratulate you on the article that Aging Care did on the elections... you had some great questions and was very proud to know our very own Jambo was quoted so many times... congrats to you sister friend....

And Jam, do you see how close we are to 10,000, I knew this thread was going to be a success, because it was started for the right reasons.... God had His hands all over it....
Wonder how SDPeg is doing.... bahhahaahahaha, I know , I am such a bitch... But we are all good at something...
What is going to be the prize for the big post.. and all expense paid trip paid for by AC????? Nahh, didnt think so....

Ok, going to TRY to go to bed.... this week is flying by.... love ya'll
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Pokagon good for you getting respite get plenty of rest and have some fun.
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Judy, I felt relieved that someone else starts the day out pissed. I try so hard not to feel like this but everyday I wake up and know that the first thing I have to face is going to my parents house. Unlike my job that I left and loved, where I spoke to students and friends and laughed, I now go to a dark sad house. My dad has been on hospice for 11 months now, stroke in Feb of 2011 and my mom has kind of just given up since Jan of 2011. He is in bed, unable to move, unable to eat, has a feeding tube, is also blind and he is so skinny. If he is not drugged up (recently got put on morphine) he is yelling "please help me, someone please help me!" He is not comforted by us and till meds kick in, it is unbearable to hear. I feel so guilty, because as soon as I can I just want to run out of their house. My mom is very good with him but there is not much for me to do there after taking out trash and washing clothes I am out the door. Almost two years of this and nothing is getting better, only worse. I feel I have become somewhat callous and cold and sad and angry and the list goes on and on. Maybe I strayed from the topic a bit, but only way I can explain how I feel. Thanks for your ears:)
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Well still quiet at the home front still hasnt been anyone yet to come here to investigate wth is going on but still stressful not knowing who has it out for me and mine ...My kids school is attacking me and some anonymous strangers in town are attacking me ...I am being slandered and having character defamation going on when these ppl have no clue what my life is like ....lol they do not even bother to call or check on me ...if so its mainly an attitude that someone my age shouldn't be taking care of nearly considered elderly gentleman that is my husband btw he turned 48 on aug 26th that was a rough day for him...with or without this bs happening...I am still got myself going in circles inside my head and trying to pay bills n decide if i need to go ahead get a lawyer that can cover many of the area's of Az of law such as guardian paperwork for the kids and my husband...waiting for the other shoe to drop on the other stuff that I am not ready to share with you all...it seems ridiculous that good die young and get punished for DOING the right THINGS but doesn't matter in my shoes...I am fed up with the monstrousity of our govt and the bs hypocrisy of our laws/rights...the constant confusion and know straight answer yet when I say my husband isn't with it 100 pct of the time I get ignored...and I was praying to get another job ...but i have to wait for some things to clear out before I can cross that bridge once more...pls continue to pray and support me in the known chaos of my life and the unknown...ty and GOD BLESS...
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Beck~ Let me know when you are in Manteca next. I am more than happy to connect with you!! Did you enjoy the thundershowers today, I know I did.

Burned~No judgement on what is going on with you, hope you can get another lead on a job if the one at the school isn't panning out for you!!
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Burned: Wishing you peace.
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Patina, oh, my gosh... ya, I get resentful. I get grossed out, pissed off, my own family gets put on the back burner sometimes, and I feel like the hired help. At night, I start dreading that I have to go to my parents' house in the morning. If I wake up during the night, I think about it and dread it some more. In the morning, I find myself snapping at my family because I know my day isn't my own. Sometimes, I sit in my truck when I get there and take a few deep breaths and try to put a better face on because I know the look on my face will give me away for the angry troll that I am. I worry all of the time about what I'm going to do with them when they can't live alone - when my time there during the day won't be enough. I'm terrified that I'll be put into a position where I'll have to have one or both live with me. I just can't do that. Anyway, I'm sorry you start the day pissed off too. I've been playing some feel good, dance around the kitchen music before I leave the house and that seems to help. Nothing is forever, right? It just feels that way! Hugs to you, Patina.

Beck....sausage therapy... oh, my...sounds very...sexual... I best leave it alone before Cattails takes it one step further, and then I'll have to move over in this gutter and let her swim on by.
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Judy........u n i have our minds in the same place.....the gutter....LOL....but i will do my best to try to keep this post "clean"....God.....that's really asking alot of myself.....but, if it takes a couple of swats from a sausage....LOL...to bring a smile....then i'll do it.....it will jst b the fact that "I" will b the one smiling!!!!!....Oooooo...that's bad....forgive me...it's 1am n i'm way to punchy to b posting, but i couldn't resist replying to ur post....n u r so correct.....Cat's going to b all over this.....n Ladee won't let this go without her input...will u Ladee???? I really meant it in an innocent way...but the word "sausage" in any context is jst asking for trouble!!! May ur day b filled with sausages n smiles.....LOL....u started all this, Judy.....i jst ran with it!!....love ya, girl...
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Sharyn....YAY....i will, definately let u kno wen i am in Manteca.....I can't wait to meet u....Question: Do i wear the weave for r first meeting, or go without??? Either way, my face won't improve, so, i guess it doesnt matter...lol...I really look forward to meeting u, but, please....have mercy on me.....it's been a rough 2 yrs, n it shows!! I'll b in touch, my.........much love, my friend
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You will all be in my thoughts today... Judy, I thought all the moods you described was part of our job description..... no wonder we are all exhausted... that's alot of energy being spent on that roller coaster....same here....
Told ya'll I'd see what Seeme Sue called my coworker.... THANG..... so when ya'll see that you will know who I am talking about.... little things she does that drive me insane... she has been using M's personal things like body powder... every day I go in the bathroom and have to clean up behind her, I moved the powder to the other bathroom , she does not need to be in there at all except to help S... same mess yesterday... also smelled perfume when I came in yesterday....sure nuff, she had used M's body spray.... guess I'll see what the daughter wants to do about this... to me, this is an absolute violation of us being in M's home.... the daughter is so tired she may not care... but I have to wonder if she is so blatant about this, what else is she doing or snooping in when no one is there.... deep sigh......

So, it's gonna be a good day.... will be finding things to be grateful for today, helps with the attitude.... I am grateful I am Ladee and not THANG....

love ya'll, hugs, angels and chocolate....
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Good Morning Angels!!!! That sounds a little like Charlie doesn't it......:) doing my usual drive-by after lurking for several days. Have been reading and keeping up with you all. It's amazing how you all pitch in together and work to ease the daily roadblocks that seems to pop up! My heart goes out to each of you suffering with your care giving....yes, it's very difficult but just remember to try and take a little time for yourselves when you can, even if it's just a few minutes.
Thank you ladee.......I so enjoy being able to contribute what little thoughts I have left.....:)
Seeme........thinking of you today....love ya sister!!!!!!

Just for today take all of your feelings of guilt, tears, anger, frustration, hopelessness, fear......put them in a box in the corner and face today with a positive smile......today is all about YOU and tomorrow you can open that box a tiny bit and see if maybe you can get by again without it!!!! Love and Hugs to all!
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We have a new caregiver from the home health agency to bathe MIL. Today will be her second day. She will come three days a week--Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. When she arrived Tuesday, I was on my driveway and she got out of her car and it was like meeting one of you guys. She had taken care of her mother for 20 years and then her dad for a couple more until he died. She said she could tell just by looking at me I had reached my breaking point and put her arms around me and gave me the biggest hug. She must be an angel sent from Heaven. She even offerred to eldersit for me at no charge (in front of Nancy, I must say-Nancy charges us). I swear, God had to send this woman to us. I can hardly wait to talk to her today.

We spoke briefly on my driveway Tuesday, but she knew everything I was going to say before I said it. I think she can help me a lot.

Today is our 49th Anniversary and I'm spending it with Nancy, who smells like BO, a MIL I don't like, a gross lack of sleep, and telperatures in the 90's again. ARRGH! But, Carolyn, the new caregiver is coming and I can cry on her shoulder and she will hug me and not tell me I have a bad attitude. God Bless her.
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Funnier, that's great news. Awesome news. Lightens your heavy load and your heavy heart a bit. Keep us posted?! Some people are just gifts, aren't they?
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Thank you all for thinking of me this day......so far, so good....I called a former co-worker this morning to let her know I was thinking of her yesterday. Her mother died a year ago at the same hospice center. We were able to hold each other up during that sad time.

Judy and Beck.....I can't touch the sausages with a 10 foot pole......I would be deeper in the gutter than you have ever seen...............

Ladee....we are here to hear about Ms. Thang..........

Funnier.......so glad you got that hug and she knows how you feel.......

As I think about my mom today, I will be forever grateful that we could laugh together.........even about the time I tripped into the bathroom when I was trying to empty the bedside commode and threw piss all over the wall behind the toilet. Good thing was, I was in a hurry to get a sister to the airport so she could go home to see about her husband who she thought was having a heart attack. Another sister was here, and she cleaned up the mess for me. Then I conveniently remembered the airport was closed and no flights would go out till morning. BIL was no having a heart attack, things settled down, when piss-cleaning sister realized she had been duped. None of this was intentional....I don't think!!!!

I COULD hug on Dyna today, but she is mad at me. Yesterday she escaped from the backyard while I was putting Harley back there after our walk. She ran next door to play with the baby on his slide. I got her on the leash and told her how bad she was. She growled at me when I was trying to comb her, and I had to make her submit to it. This morning she peed on the kitchen floor as I was trying to get them outside and I told her how bad she was. Now she doesn't want anything to do with me.......won't be the first time I am the bad guy....and not the last, I am sure. As my mom would say, "she'll get over it."

I hope everyone has a smile on their face at some point today.......think about the sausages..............
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Hi everyone. It's Thursday midnight and I wanted to say something before I sleep. I really appreciate your encouragement after my "meltdown" on Monday. It was bad but not as bad as previous ones. Except, I think this one - I cried A LOT. I'm getting better because I was able to read the posts here and not get sad by what I'm reading. Although, my brain is still too tired to respond. So, for those 3 new theads, I just click "follow this" for later on. One thread just soooo reminded me of my situation and the verbal/emotional abuse of the parent.

Cat, I know your heart was in the right place when you stated your advice so explicitly. Unfortunately, I had so much I was struggling with, that it was the straw that broke the camel's back. Or the last card to collapse the house of cards. It's not your fault that I took your advice, interpreted part of it wrong, and then ran with that wrong concept. I appreciate you saying that a lot of my advice was spot on. What you don't know is that I have gone to the other AC's post to apologize for being so blunt or telling them what to do. We all tend to become passionate when we want so much to help the person.. that we forget to be subtle, gentle, etc.. Cat, I have no hard feelings for you. I, too, know that you've been so stressed over your father. Throughout last week, as I read your posts, I was amazed that you were able to sound so "normal." that one couldn't tell that you were stressing over your father.

I have to close now. My eyes can barey stay open.
Oh, before I go, someone had mention we go through a cycle. That is soooo true! I have always noticed that I can be normal for months, then one day, I get my "depression" or "overwhelmed" and any little thing or thought would send me into tears. Have to go...
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Book: Thanks for forgiving me. I'm so sorry I hurt you. Sometimes I am just the biggest horse's ass.

Seeme: Sorry, but when you said 10 foot pole, you touched the sausage.

Well, Book is back and I am forgiven. Still feel terrible I hurt her, but at least now I feel like and breath and have a good cry.

Ladee, your right. You are not a Thang.

Love to all, Cat
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