This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
YR........Hope you have lots of fun on vacation. Put some ice on that knee when you can and just think, you'll have an extra walker to use when you get home. Tell you what, those things come in handy......a long time ago, in a place not so far away, a young man was looking at the weeds on the wrong side of the road and WHAM hit us damn near head on. I had to use a walker for a week and it turned out to be a blessing.
starri.........glad you are home but not for the mess. Target did that to me once with the lake house. He remembered a couple days after we got home, oops I turned the main breaker off............it's only an hour and a half drive, but still....so I went back and cleaned out the fridge and freezer. We didn't have a lot there, but still.......why the heck don't they think? And God forbid if we do something stupid like that we would never hear the end of it!
And by the way girls....I STILL HAVE NOT FOLDED ANY UNDERWEAR.........!
I'm feeling better today......was really in the "hole" yesterday and my back was killing me....no appetite, good way to lose weight I guess. Target took care of the col yesterday except for giving meds. She gave him a lecture yesterday morning on how she can take care of herself. So while I was giving her meds, I made her go to the bathroom and sure enough...soaked. So I explained again, that's why she needs help with some things. She then demanded her hot rollers, a pot of coffee and informed me she CAN drive but just doesn't want to. Okay, we'll let you get by with that one. Got her clean, in her jammies, told her no on the hot rollers and coffee and left the building....with both of us in one piece....lol.
Will have a substitute care giver on Thursday....will call her today to give her the rundown on things so I don't have to do it in front of the col or try to get her off somewhere that she can't hear us talking.
I heard a strange noise coming from the area of the pond bank yesterday right at the back of the house, wasn't sure what it was then all of a sudden, there are the turkey hens and all the babies eating. They must like it around here.
I need to go out in the front yard, which is actually the side yard, and plant some bushes or something. There was a huge evergreen tree that died and when we burned off all the dead needles it left a pretty big area and it would be perfect for landscaping something. Maybe some type of bushes, it's all in sun, so can't be hostas, which I love. Any suggestions?
Guess I'd better get up and start making some phone calls. Scripts to refill, dog's butt to have sutures out, and whatever else comes up I guess.
Hope everyone has a good day!
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Ladee, congrats on the motorhome, passport america offers half off on a lot of campgrounds.. we could meet up somewhere traveling. There's a campground up in NC that for 325.00 per month, you stay there full time, they offer full hook ups, and including the electric you use. Over all it's a heck of a lot cheaper than where we live now.
I kinda love the fact that it took me a few hours to get caught up on the reading, gave me a good excuse not to have to put my head in that freezer.. but now the excuse is gone, hubby is on his way home from his doctors appointment, and then I have to leave here about 2 for mine.
If I manage to do nothing more than just get the meat out of the freezer, I need to get that done today. Big hugs to all
I am going to be smelling rotten meat for the next frigging year.. I'd hop in the shower, but sometime during the time we were gone, something happened to the water flow to the shower, we have water in the sink, water in the toilet, but no water at all to the shower.
Does someone want to hold the hubby while I take a club to him? we just got the call out of our mechanic who serviced the truck, 835.00 there went the rest of the nest egg, we don't get paid again till the 27th.. Told hubby that we had x-amount of money left to get us through till payday and that meant no extra activities...what does he say? oh, I want to go riding on Sunday, do this that and the other thing.
Helllllooo. Didn't I just say no extra doing things? here he has wiped out any extra meats I have for getting us through till payday and he thinks he can just go out blowing money.... someone feed me a sedative.
Burned, maybe someone else here can help you with the claims, I know nothing about any of that... but I used to be on Zoloft and it had so many side effects for me, I went to something else... maybe that is contributing to him not feeling well.. did you get his pain meds??? Hope your day wasn't one hassle after the other... hugs.
Jam, you know the col can drive... give her the keys and stop being a meanie....... And I am very proud to hear you still have not folded the underwear......Target is slow, but he'll catch on sooner or later.... and as far as those damned hot rollers, I would bring her to a window and say, " See that little fire out there, that is your hot rollers", and then go back to your house, just let her look at the pretty colors burning plastic makes...
And I will loose my message if I look on the next page, but the "turkeys" ??? sound so cool. and the babies,,, take some pics if you can... and of course I will ask which one is Target........poor Target and Starri's husband, I just don't know what to say...
Seeme, I know you are tired, but check in and let us know how things are...
Debbie, check in after work and let us know how you are too.
emjo, where are you.... we are waiting for our next installment on how to pick up young men....
I know I have missed someone, so I'll check back later...
Yep, those turkeys were wandering around the pond earlier with the babies chasing after them. Not sure where they are right now. But will get pics.
Right after the col moved here she kept whining and b*tching about driving and both of us were tempted to just let her go, but it was the thought that she would hurt someone else. She told us tonight that she was going to microwave frozen veggies for supper. Geez....and she doesn't need a keeper. She can't do a frozen dinner anymore. So I went down and made her some bacon, scrambled eggs, toast with orange marmalade and a bowl of watermelon. Cleaned up the dirty dishes and her plate was half eaten already...:) I'm going to have to buy her new clothes and undies. She's gaining weight since her hospital stay and small/med diapers are a little snug.
Didn't I tell you girls that husbands are good for one thing only.............and we usually end up taking out the trash ourselves?
Just got a text from my son.....he might have our boat sold for us...yippee!!!!! Get that damn thing out of here since we aren't using it any longer.
Time to medicate the col for the night. Will check back later,
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
After 70, a woman is like Tibet, She has a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages… but only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge visit there. (geography of men and women)
Today I am a crabby old woman - blinkety blank survey people called me three times and woke me up from a much needed nap - more nonsense fron mother who seems in fine fettle as "things are happening"- not sure what things and don't want to know, coughing up junk and needing to sleep so know I am recovering from this bug
catching young men - not at all - the thing is you don't catch them - they catch you. After I underwent my "transformation" told my daughter all that ensued was her fault - lol. I decided to online date as there was nowhere to go in town and beside which who wants to go out at 40 below. Then came the problem of how to present myself and how to respond to "takers". The first one was a guy of 27 who wanted only one thing - shocked me - he came out with it very quickly. I said - do you see my age - yeah - doesn't matter. He said would you meet me for coffee. I said Sure (I like yound people and will coffee with anyone -one reason I really enjoyed teaching at the college) - he said then we can let things happen. After I had established what kind of things I said Sure things will happen but not necessarily the things you are thinking about. He wasn't nice and that was the last I heard of him. After a while of this sort of thing i found out that there are a number of middle aged and older ladies - married and otherwise - who go along with this.!!!
reminds me of a guy years ago who was at the place I worked and after something - i was trying to put him off - he came up with the statement that life was all about sex and adversity - I said fine - you look after the sex and I will provide the adversity - that was the end of him!
next episode will be about the muslim terrorists - yes this is real and could be dangerous - but I ended up having some fun
Starri - glad u r back though sorry to hear about your freezer - BTDT - some lads here working around the house afew years ago unplugged my freezer and we didn't find out till too late - do you ever get the blood out of the corners of the freezer - I eventually had them take it to the dump -it was an old one and a gift anyway -hope you have shower water by now
indy welcome back - glad u had a good break
YR - have a good break - maybe a tensor bandage on the knee?
jam -(((((hugs)))) glad u r feeling better -i'm with ladee - burn the hot rollers - of course she will forget... suggestions for bushes - well I love roses and if you get hardy shrub type they don;t take much care - I have Therese Bugnet who is pink and has a lovely smell and doesn't need care other than whacking her back once in a while - she has 2 sisters - Marie and Louise who are white and I want one of those oh and few thorns -and DON"T fold the underwear and hope your boat is sold. We have a motorhome cluttering up the drive way we are trying to sell - wish someone would it...
burned - good luck with the meds and getting reimbused - so much red tape!!!
seeme - ((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))
debbie - how's it goin'?
vic - hope you are doing well - hope my stories don't shock you -
anyone i have left out - BIG hugs and love and prayers ♥♥♥
Starri - glad u r back though sorry to hear about your freezer - BTDT - some lads here working around the house afew years ago unplugged my freezer and we didn't find out till too late - do you ever get the blood out of the corners of the freezer - I eventually had them take it to the dump -it was an old one and a gift anyway -hope you have shower water by now
indy welcome back - glad u had a good break
YR - have a good break - maybe a tensor bandage on the knee?
jam -(((((hugs)))) glad u r feeling better -i'm with ladee - burn the hot rollers - of course she will forget... suggestions for bushes - well I love roses and if you get hardy shrub type they don;t take much care - I have Therese Bugnet who is pink and has a lovely smell and doesn't need care other than whacking her back once in a while - she has 2 sisters - Marie and Louise who are white and I want one of those oh and few thorns -and DON"T fold the underwear and hope your boat is sold. We have a motorhome cluttering up the drive way we are trying to sell - wish someone would it...
burned - good luck with the meds and getting reimbused - so much red tape!!!
seeme - ((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))
debbie - how's it goin'?
vic - hope you are doing well - hope my stories don't shock you -
anyone i have left out - BIG hugs and love and prayers ♥♥♥
Gotta hear about the Muslim terrorists.... I love cyberspace,,, millions upon millions of people we will never meet, but get to know a few, some good experiences and life long friends, and then there is the other stuff......
Hope everyone is ok this evening, have to be at work early tomorrow so am going to go lay it down....... love ya'll and hugs across the miles...
everyone - sorry about the double post - i copied the post and shut down the browser cause it was being so slow then reposted but i guess it had saved the original somewhere
it does seem a shame about the inheritance, though there are worse uses it could be put to - at least your mother is well cared for.
my mother, being in one of the more expensive assisted living facilities, is using her capital to meet her monthly costs. she has enough for 5-8 years at present and although she is 99 she is going strong and sometimes i wonder if she will outlive her money as what she has from pensions, annuities is very small. guess we will deal with that closer to the time.
Ladee, yes, he is still breathing.. was thinking I'd wait till we are on the road and make it look like a accident..rofl.. I was cleaning out the freezer, cause if I waited for him to do it, it would really be rotten by the time he got around to it, ask him to do something and maybe 4 days later it gets done after you yell at him several times... I'll have to cut him a little slack, he's been falling over with apologies for having pulled a bone head stunt like this.
This morning I am off to Columbia, about a 3 hour drive from us, taking baby brother down to see his eye doctor at the VA, we might have surgery in our future, would be nice, maybe the kid can see then.
Emjo, you ought to write a book, you've got all of us waiting for the next chapter..lol, a autobiography,"The life and loves of Ms. Em.."
Well, 5:20 AM and time to go get ready for the fun, see you ladies later, be good, have fun, and I hope that your charges are nice today.
Big Hugs.
Starri, Ddrive safe...hope you get good news about is eyes.......yeh, let him live a little while longer....the anitcipiation is half the fun....
Jam...been wanting to tell you that yeah, mom's medicine is in that little container, but if you don't put it in there right.............it gets screwed up for the week.........and I have a yearly visit to the dr in August..........
Kathy was over yesterday and we cleaned out mom's living room, where I sleep now. Took 6 hrs. Mom has a collection of Indian things that range from pictures, to a cigar store Indian to little what-nots in her entertainment center/curio cabinet. Everything was washed or dusted or Murphy oil soaped. Managed to get one night stand out and it looks like there is a lot more room now. Kathy will finish down the hallway and bathroom today and then head off to the sunroom. I have a chiro appt and then will get my hair dyed and cut. Yesterday was a perfect example of mom interrupting me so often I can't get anything done in the house. At least Kathy realizes it is not a matter of me being lazy. I am ssoooooo looking forward to the chiro appt. Got a pressure apot between my shoulder baldes that is making my right arm almost useless.
It will be 100 here today, but I will enjoy getting out. Sorry I have not been very encouraging to you all . I've had problems getting up with mom's pulmonologist to straighten out her neb meds, he is on vacation this week, she's complaining of nausea after her breathing treatments, and one RX hasn't been picked up cause she refuses to pay $101 for it. Chest x-ray confirmed COPD, no surprise there. He is not likely to OK her for surgery.....am thinking of sending her home with him to deal with the fistula.....sound like a plan???
Emjo....you did it again.........I enjoyed it and looking forward to the next chapter....
Have a good day, Ladee.......love you..............
And Target owes her more than a week, but we won't push it.....
Well I've been busy as a bee here! The temper tantrums have become so common around here, I think I'm almost getting numb to them. Or I'm to busy to worry. One of my wonderful little boys got angry with aunt cause she blamed him for putting a hot wheel on the table outside her room! So to retaliate he decorated this table (its in our part of the house but is one of those things she gifted us when shhe moved in)with trash!!! He put confettii from those 4th of july popper things, some wadded up paper and a flip flop in it. Real early in the morning before anyone else woke up. Before I had a chance to see it. She was furious! I got up and went it to get my first cup of coffee and she said someone put somthing on that table...thinking it was another hot wheel like the previous days tantrum, I. Went in to remove it. And was shocked at what I saw!!! It was all over it. She named the one son she thought had done it(the oldest) and I said oh no, this is the work of a 5 year old I'm sure! Come to find out it was the my middle son the 7 year old. Now this little boy is normally very quiet, very reserved, he's petiete for his age, never complains about anything, gets his feelings hurt easily and I never no unless I find him crying somwhere. He's always off to himself playing with toys. After questioning I figured it all out. She balled him out along with the others the day before over a hot wheel being left on the table, and he admitted to me that he did it to make her mad, early before anyone else was awake he "decorated" the table then went back to sleep. He got a whippen for it. I sat them all down and told them all, she can't help her tantrums, she's ill, and I can't defend them if they are going pull stunts like this. I have never, ever seen him act like that. I've never seen any of them mess up somthing for spite. So he had to do work the next day, special chores. Now that I look back, I understand this isn't easy for them, its kinda funny. But still I don't want them doing anything to on purpose to get back at somone. She didn't know it was retaliation against her, she thought he did it to make his sister mad, cause of jelousy. Ok not sure why she thinks that but its better than as long as she dosnt realize it was to pee her off. She cried and cried over that for 2 days, she said when I aw that table I was trying to figure out how on earth I was gonna get outta here! I said get outta here? Why did you wanna get outta here? She said well it made me so mad to see stuff all over that table. I couldn't figure out where I would go. I said well your not a prisoner here, but don't you think leaving because a 7 year old put some paper on that table is a permenant solution to a temporary problem. He took it all off and nothing was harmed.she said well I was so angry, it made me so mad that he would would do that. Ok!! Well her reaction to it went on for 2 days. If she were to ever go to a nh, they would see she has issues. I'm not gonna worry bout it anymore. She said it one other time, when my 4 year old at the time, used his big toe to turn off the small t.v. in my kitchen. Don't know why he did it, he was 4 it was silly but kids are somtimes, she was walking through when he did it and she lost it. So I can't keep kids from being kids, I can teach them not to do anything to piss her off. But I've let go of getting myself in a tizzy over the tantrums. It dosnt stop them,it does me no good. She mentioned talking to the dr. About some of her memory problems, so I'm hoping she will. I encouraged her to do so.
Thank you for the birthday wishes everyone!!!!!! I'm not awake yet....just starting to drink coffee. I think my day will consist of taking the col to be fitted for her glasses. I think it was starri who mentioned the twist frames, etc? I thought of those, but then I decided to see if she is even going to wear them before she puts a bunch of money into them. I see these sitting on the dresser or table and one of us will always have to tell her to put them on. Half the time she doesn't even put her ears in, and when the tv is at super sonic levels I will have to ask if she even bothered. And I also have to take her dog in for suture removal. Fun day for me! And another hot one.....heat index around 115 today.....welcome to MO summer.....it will be 70 next week. Will check back later after a little coffee.
Love and Hugz,
Jam
I'm just working a lot...and coming home to do damage control.
Falling back into bit of depression. I am USUALLY depressed but have come out of it since being here which is really ironic. I know everyone gets down but this is not quite just being down. I am covered in scars because I used to take a razor blade to myself when things got too overwhelming. Yikes. So that's dirty secret number 1. Haha. If I can just remember that I'm not worthless I might be okay.
Debbie...repeat after me "I AM A GOOD PERSON AND I AM GIVING MY GRANDPARENTS JOY IN THEIR REMAINING YEARS......I AM A GOOD PERSON.....I AM A GOOD PERSON........................" Sometimes we just need a little temporary boost to get us back up to where we belong. Please consider seeing your doctor and discuss with him/her these "little" feelings of depression. They can become bigger and deeper before we know it.
Flava.....welcome and so glad you found us. Taking care of your mother now is a wonderful thing and you have such a forgiving heart. And yes it is hard to be with that person only day after day after day. The rest of us are right there with you in that box....lol. I was going nuts until I finally got my husband to see the error of his ways and hire someone to watch his mother during the day....:) Would it be possible to hire someone at least a few hours a week so that you could get a break? Or maybe trade "jobs" with a neighbor or friend....they watch mom while you run errands for them for example. You are at least getting out. My mil, more commonly known as the col here, also told me once it was like she was living in a jail...she wasn't talking about the deficits of her mental status, she was talking about the fact that we've had to put limitations on her activities. Before her dementia set in, she was off to Hawaii yearly, Disney World, Baltimore to see one of her granddaughters, New York City, to the theater, restaurants, driving. Now that she is unable to do all those things it became a nightmare trying to explain how those things were beyond her capabilities anymore. She's lucky to be able to walk across the floor....but everyday she wants to go shopping or somewhere. I guess at those times I am glad her memory is gone because I can just direct her mind to something else. When she starts talking about going to Hawaii I just tell her yes, someday we'll be able to go and then I get onto some other topic. Keep coming back and let us know how things are going..........I think all the computer companies should give care givers a discount......don't we keep them in business?
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam