This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I am concerned about you ((((((hugs))))))) ♥
Going to push getting all the stuff out of the house at least by the 27th, and then have the electric turned off on the first, as all that will be left to be done is the back porch, a/c will do you no good there, and then the shed, again a/c will do you no good there either
Even if all we do is go to NC and stay there for a couple of weeks, I want to be out of here no later than the first, we'll figure out where we are going from there. Let's see, dogs are fed, cat's outside, hubby's butt is still in bed, yup, everythings normal...
Emjo, yes pets treat us as if we are another one of them.
Mama's, I'm not doing well. A little tid bit I don't think I mentioned before is, well when I was a kid I lived in this town that I just moved back to and a couple of people did some very terrible things. So my mother took me and my sister and moved us to PA. Well, I then moved to Pittsburgh where I got therapy and was doing quite well, then I came back to this town for Grandparents. The people that did the terrible things I was told no longer lived here, and I found out with my own eyes that they do. So I saw 1 of them at CVS where I work and immediately began to have "mini flashbacks" and space out. It was terrible. It didn't stop either it just kept on like that all day. Anyway, I just had another one of those mini flashbacks. I hate them. I wish I could just cut those bad memories out of my brain and live without them.
On a brighter note. Grama went to Walmart so it's just me and Grampa, which I love. She was especially nasty to me this morning. She was talking about my late aunts cat and she said "well i couldnt tell her she couldnt bring him because she loved him so much and that would be mean". And I said, "If I would have known you wouldn't have minded I would have brought my dog"! And she said "Your dog cant stay here, and besides I ASKED your aunt to come here".
So...what exactly is she saying? Because it seems to me that she is telling me basically that she did not ask me to come so it's not quite the same?
Oh my - what a tough situation for you to see one of those people again - must make it feel very much not safe for you
know about flashbacks - get them over my Gordie - not nice - unfortunately they are embedded in your memory - did your past counseling suggest any techniques for dealing with them? - do you think more therapy would help now? hang onto the fact that you are a good person and whoever did this is the one who has the problems. It gets my dander up and i want to take them to court.!!! Your life has been deeply affected by what they did - and you have a burden to carry that no one should have to but, life is not fair. I wish you could get rid of those memories too. I have found with my Gordie flashbacks - to him in hospital - I immediately replace those images with ones I have of him - in my head - or a picture on the wall - when he has happy and whole. Can you try to fight those images by thinking of good things, bringing back good memorys/images to replace the bad ones? I have found it does help.
so glad u r havng a good morning with grampa
re your grama - I think she is just being nasty - because that is who she is right now - maybe resents that she needs help, maybe always was that way -and you are there for her to dump it on - mama ladee may have a good comeback for you - the lack of appreciation hurts doesn't it? she is fortunate that you are there and helping them out - crabby old woman!!! I can say that because I am one sometimes too - but not very often :)
lots iof love and (((((((hugs)))))) ♥♥♥ joan
Your a strong woman Deb, keep that in mind.. As for your gramma? ask her next time she says something like that, what it is she would like you to do? if she is unhappy about you being there, then so be it, start looking for yourself another place to live.. You can always stop by and check on them, you don't deserve or need to be treated like that.
I can't go to therapy here, and even if I could, it wouldn't be like it was in Pittsburgh. My therapy in Pittsburgh was very extensive. When I left this town I started to get better and my whole life was about recovering. My therapist was always available to help me work through things, she would even meet me for lunch on random days, and check on me and she was just so wonderful. But now that I'm back in town...where it happened, I've started dissociating again, because I can't deal with being here any other way, and that is just like tossing all that progress in the garbage.
Well, I finished sanding Gram's rocking chair, came in for some lunch and am going back out to stain it. Woohoo.
What a wonderful therapist you had in Pittsburgh. Sounds like being where you are is not good for you for several reasons. I agree with Starri - you don't deserve or need to be treated that way. You have been injured by these past experiences and need to look after yourself first and not go backwards and trash all the benefits of the therapy. Do you need to get out of town and continue your life somewhere else. ???? ♥♥♥
Ladee, Diva is a little rascal. Yes they know very well what they do. My dog Rexy hated my ex landlord and he always pooped in front of his house. He had acres of acres of land where to poop, but he pooped there every day like a swiss watch. When my cats want my attention, they walk on the keyboard because they know perfectly well that they mustn't do it.
Emjo: Maybe your mother doesn't want to talk about Gordie because she suffers too much talking about him. Some people are like this. I always talk about my father, my brother never mentions him, because he is like this, it's his nature, he likes to keep his feelings bottled inside. And I know he loved my father.
Yes Emjo, be careful when you write stories.... Maybe you had better send them via e-mail and then delete the e-mail.
Emjo, Ladee, Stormy: my favorite cousin Franca is Leo, too. She was born in August 13 like Stormy. I am Gemini and the relationship between these two signs is very happy and easy... Lot of fun.
Stormy, please! I am too angry with your sister and brother to talk. I have to shut up. Please use your Lion's claws. Defend yourself. A nurse can spend the night with your daddy. He will get used to it! And he can have another help during the day, and you can go to see him a few hours a day.
I don't want to tell more, if I start I will never end!!!
I had a fantastic day today. It's very hot here. I started with a shower. Then I went to the swimming pool and swam like crazy. Then I took the dogs for a walk to the river and I walked in the river. Then I came home and watered plants (and myself!). A whole day between water and sun! I am so happy tonight you can't imagine. Sport is great to relieve stress.
Kisses everyone. I will look for Starry on Facebook! Starry I have the same photo as I have here; Rossella Messina.
the swimming sounds so great!!!!! - have more fantastic days like that!!!!
I hope you keep Gordie's photo as your icon, after this week, too! This way we can think about him, too.
seeme, how did the Dr. visit go today??
Starri, found you on FB
debbie the link you posted on my wall was taken down,, admin does things like that for your protection,,, anyone reading my wall could get it and then you may be hearing from folks you don't know, or don't want on your chat line... are you on FB? We can hook up there or I'll send you my email address.... so don't think I didn't reply, it was gone when I read your second post today.... love ya..Oh, and your progress hasn't gone anywhere.. it is still there.. You may have some flashbacks, but you know that you are an adult now and memories can not hurt you anymore..... that's where your progress comes in... I understand about flashbacks, and yes they are scary and painful... but you have already lived thru the trauma, you have already transcended the events, you are alive, you are healthy, you are loved, you are worthy... let us love you no matter what, it will make a difference... love you some more..
Ro, Go Rexy, I am loving that dog and his great way of communicating... he didn't bite the dude, he just left him a surprise everyday... which if you think about it leaves a louder message than biting him.... Go Rexy....So happy to hear you got to play in the water most of the day.... Hot here too, day 28 of 102-105 degree heat.. I am so sick of it....And yes my best friend of 40 years is a Gemini, ya'll are really the only ones that can put up with us for any length of time.lol.
John, you can always email admin and ask them, but no telling really... they would be the only ones to be able to tell you what happened...
Jam, how was your day???
I know I missed someone, but will be back later when the headache eases up....
hugs across the miles...
burned, well finally. some cash in hand... about time..and enjoy that soup!!! And chicken soup is good for the soul... let us know how things are going...
hugs across the miles to you both....
Other than my sister, we all seem to get along quite well.
On thing I did want to mention is that my elderly golden retriever is going in for some routine surgery tomorrow -- repair a damaged ear (don't know how he did it) and the vet will also remove a large benign tumor on his neck as long as he's under. This dog is very special to my Mom and has been used as a therapy dog for a number of years before Mom moved in with us. (If anyone says that therapy dogs don't make a difference, they haven't seen it in action!!) Anyway, I'm kind of worried about him, and about how Mom (or for that matter, the rest of us!) would take it if he doesn't make it.
I read them all this evening after I put dad to bed.
I had a very nice time in San Diego. It was cool and cloudy, a nice break from the hot, sunny weather here. I had lots of ocean time, but it's never enough.
We spent most of Tue. on the beach and we are all sunburned Starri. OUCH!!
I layed on the beach and just did some "soul healing". I think I need a few decades of that though. I did realize the beach is a great pain reliever! I would live there in a heartbeat but hubby wouldn't so I'm stuck in the desert!!
Well, I need to hit the hay. Night.
Yeahright I totally agree with you. Sea/Ocean is the best thing in life. I hope you can go back there soon.
I'ts 8 in the morning here and I am going to take a nap after a night of work!
For a couple of you, (names have left me) getting the hell out of dodge sounds like a very good idea.. I don't know that I could take what you two are taking without getting myself locked up..
Managed to get a bit done yesterday at mom's, it's the stress I am sure now that is causing the feeling of wanting to lose my lunch. Wasn't at Mom's 20 minutes and had to get out of there, came home drank a 1/8th of a bottle of pepto, 3 pepto pills and a tummy pill prescribed by my doctor and was able to go at it again for a hour or so. Going to get back over there today after taking care of my brothers dogs, he's in Columbia getting surgery done on one of his eyes, I do hope this helps him to be able to see.
Ladee, I hope that your headache has gone, I get migraines sometimes and those are the worst things. Laying down is about the only way I can deal with them. I feel like going back to bed myself..lol,
Want to get this (cleaning out Mom's house) over with, so that I can start doing my own and getting ready to get out of here. Hubby is kinda dragging his feet about getting in the mobile home we use for a storage shed and getting us a tool box together, if he thinks we're buying new tools so that he doesn't have too, he's got another thought coming.
Anyway, it's 630AM, need to go let the dogs out to do their thing. hope everyone is will have a wonderful day today.