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Over at dads house now just feeling kinda nervous and tense. Woke up with a tension headache for days now. I wish it would go away... Been here since 9:30 and he's been asleep thank the Lord i've been hiding in the kitchen cause he doesn't know i'm here yet. I guess I will go in there when he wakes up cause i got to feed him through his feeding tube and give him his meds. Got to stay til 4 today then the new lady we have hired will be here to stay with him til 8 tonight when sis gets here I sure wish 4:00 would get here soon! I will talk to ya'll later I got some more news on all the drama that's going on with my crazy ass family. I will fill ya'll in later. Love and Hugs!!!!
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Morning ya'll, How am I ? not doing to good at the moment, my heart feeling like a elephant stomped on it, and then took a poo. Baby brother is in Columbia getting his eye surgery, so I am in charge of feeding and letting the dogs out to do their thing, have no problem with that, he's been taking care of mine while I am gone.

What I do have a problem with is finding out that he has lied to me. He knows that Mom's jewelry was to come to me, I found a couple of her jewelry boxes over at his house.

It just breaks my heart to think that he could be this way. I don't know if I should confront him, or say nothing. I bet if I was to look in our friends house that I would find the cookbook that is missing and Lord knows what else. I have done everything I could possibly do to be fair to all and to have one of them stab me like this hurts beyond belief.

There were only a few pieces of furniture that I had wanted, and one brother wanted them too, as he was getting other pieces, I told him he could have the coffee table and I would take the end tables. Then baby brother told me he had wanted the end tables, I figured what the heck let him have them, I didn't have to have them, well yesterday he informs me he was wanting them for his deck... well, now they are sitting in my stove room and I will find him something else from the thrift store for his deck. These things are solid maple, they do not belong outside.
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Hey Stormy, have you talked to your doctor about maybe something to help with the stress? I'm beginning to think that maybe I ought to call mine and ask her about it..
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All she told me was that she thought I needed to talk to someone a support group in my town to be able to vent my feelings out and to take these anti depressant pills. I haven't gone and talked to anyone yet but I probably will at some point. I think you ought to talk to your dr. too it might help just to tell someone what's going on I hope these pills will work soon and I will let you know starri33. take care!!!
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Hey Friends just wondering if any of ya'll are on facebook????
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Ladee (((((hugs)))) - hope the headache is gone and u r having a good day with Sonny and Marie. He does sound like a sweetie – glad u had a good day with both of them recently
Stormy - the house of horrors sounds about right. I am glad u are getting some help from a lady and I hope u-take full advantage of it – it just does not seem right to me that your son has to go to daycare while u “nurse” your dad when the resources are there to get someone else to do it. It does not mean you would have no contact with your dad –but that you can choose the times. I’m with ladee- families make me tired and worse. However you have your own priorities and God bless you with them and I hope your health does not suffer too much from the stress of all the drama and horrors. Going back to smoking - oh dear. Taking off for other lands, sounds good to me even if you just do it mentally/emotionally. I have and it is wonderful!
Burned - hope the chicken soup was good and glad u will finally get paid – praying it all falls in place
Indy - u are fortunate to have a good family (except for the drama queen) – hope ur dog goes through the surgery fine – they do become part of the family. I had to put down my beautiful springer a couple of summers ago at age 16 and I still miss him
YR – so glad u had a good break and time on a beach – can’t remember the last time I did that – look after the sunburn
Ros – hope u had a good nap and keep swimming
Starri – ((((((((hugs)))))) what is happening to your mum’s stuff makes me sick to the stomach - can’t imagine what u r feeling though I have seen it before. After someone dies some people get very greedy - maple - outside - no way!!!! And u should have her jewellery. I might be inclined to march over there and take what is rightfully mine and not say a word – just take it - aaaargh!!!!! Maybe you should see ur doc about the stress. U have been so busy since ur mum died and with lots of other stresses and not much time to grieve. Often it hits a little while later and from my experience grief is very physical as well as emotional - more hugs ((((((((((((((( ♥)))))))))))))
Sweetcakes (Debbie) – how r u today???? Thinking about you, the rocking chair u r working on and, of course, lulu and those nasty flashbacks - r u doing any better?
Jam ((((((((hugs))))))))) hope the col hasn’t wrecked her glasses yet
Everyone else ((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))
Had a great day yesterday with my granddaughter Em, took her out to a fancy restaurant for her 8th birthday lunch then back to the house and we rummaged through my jewellery and I found some clip on earrings, and other stuff for her. I will have to take my grandson Joel out for his 6th b’day lunch next week – and “plant” some toys in the house a head of time for him to have when he comes over. Little girls are easier for me. Mother continues to b*tch about the care she is getting, etc. etc. etc. and that I am not doing anything about it. She got the last part right – I love the phrase “suck it up princess” and have been tempted to use it. I am not heartless, just finally – late in life – realising that doing right by people also includes me. I need to do right by me too...♥♥♥
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I am still tired atm but doing ok and then found out there is no summer school on friday. I am still having trouble getting his nebulizer medication and his primary care doc doesnt understand that neuro docs follow a certain protocol before dispensing new seziure meds for hubby . I have medicare, school and my health and renewing food stamps etc. Kids crying and arguing fussing about this and that. So far still haven't experience another episode of my own but been having migraines. My doc won't give me anything for my RLS which is pretty strong. I am not bummed about anything just tired of the fighting and trying to be a good mom and wife. I really want to write some more on my novel ...I just wish i had healthier relationship with my in laws but that will come in due time. Its almost 10 am here in Ajo, Az and you can find me under starrwolf on FB and I also have messenger. I just miss having some friends my age and arranging playdates for the kids. Then ppl except me to drop everything and do this n that for my kids but then forget my situation doesn;'t allow me many options do the the things I desire for them both. I am praying that I will have succeeded in something for them. I can't do college anymore and I can't organize but trying so hard. The best part is seeing if I can get him approved for medicinal weed here in AZ since they passed the law so much stuff I have to find that got all in one place. Keeping a smile and keeping peace in my heart. Again ur all great bunch of ladies.
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Stormy, how long have you been on your meds? generally takes a couple of weeks to get into the system. I am hoping to make it through without the meds, but I am not sure..
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((((((burned))))) you have quite a burden and must get exhausted at times. I am glad there is hope for a better relationship with ur inlaws. Writing can be very therapeutic. your kids see you working hard to fulfill ur responsibilities and deal with various trials anmd still have peace in ur heart - i think those are good lessons/examples for them. It doesn't sound like u have lots of options,. What is ur pic on facebook -there are other starrwolfs
more (((((((hugs)))))) and prayers for things to get worked out as you want them ♥ Joan
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everyone - search joan benoit on fb and I am the white haired lady - not the runner lol
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Hey emjo I know I looked on facebook also and there are several starrwolfs. I didn't know which one it was. I am under cliffsandysessoms. If ya'll want to look me up. I've got a pic of my little boy at the beach with RED hair. You can't miss him. Mama's little heart! Hope to hear from ya'll.
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couldn't miss him -sent the request -what a good looking kid!!! and that hair!!!! always wanyed a red haired baby - too late now
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Hey emjo I found you too. Confirmed the friendship. Yeah, my mom always wanted us to be born with red hair but we all had brown hair. Then she died in 2004 and I had my little boy in 2006. I ready hate that she never got to see and meet him. I think it is such a shame. They would have loved each other!!!! Glad I found you on FB.((((( Hugs)))))
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((((((hugs))))) sorry your mum did not get to see ur little buy - his hair is amazing!!!♥
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My dog's back from the vet -- everything went fine! He's looking kind of silly all shaved and such, but he's a trooper! Not the smartest dog we've ever owned, but definitely the one with the most heart! Very stereotypical golden retriever -- loves everyone, tolerates everything...a true joy to have in the home!

-- My youngest boy had strawberry blond red hair at first, but it turned mostly blond by the time he was 3. He's almost 20 now, and his beard comes in an auburn red!
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so glad indy - what a relief!!!! awww - love strawberry blonde and red beards -any beard at all actually - maybe when the time comes he will goive you red headed grandbabies :)
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I am composing a letter to mother's financial advisor since he has chosen to involve himself a little more than required and filling him in about a few things and discussing the POA . He is one of the people who keeps an eye on her and she is usually pleasant to him, but he has had a run in with her and does have a clue about her. He will have a few more clues after he gets my email. I need him to be aware of some things she is saying including what he supposedly has told her about my financial affairs and meetings I suposedly have had with him (her imagination). He is also my financial advisor and I waited a long time before I took that step, but he does a good job and I trust him and need his view of the state of her affairs, which he does give me. He has wanted me to take over managing her finances but she resists that and I am OK with her continuing as she is still capable which she is. I want to find out if, as POA, I can appoint some one else to take certain responsibilities. so I can stay at arm's length rather than giving it up. Today mother complains someone has stolen jewellery - the last time this happened the cleaning girl found it under the sink. She is also complaining that she has to protect her hip and that she does not have enough hours of home care and can't afford more. The gov't is paying for the home care and she should have stayed in hospital for the full length of time till she was stronger and ready to come home. No matter where she is or how much help she gets it will not be right nor enough. 3 emails today and one of them signed "your mother" so I know she is pi**ed at me.What's new. I guess it is a habit with her now.
On the good news front G will finish his work contract next week and has 2 interviews set up with 2 big companies for permanent jobs and has been asked by two headhunters to submit his resume to them and also has been asked to come back to the company he is with for their next contract that starts in August. Looks like he will have some options. prayers for the right job would be appreciated - he has had a few bad experiences
He had to take a young guy into hospital who had this flu and had developed bronchitis, sinus infection and hurt his ribs from coughing -so this old girl is not doing too badly - I am much better though not completely over it but haven't needed antibiotics. I have upped my antidepressant from 1/4 to 1/2 the basic dose as I was feeling some post flu depression and this time of year don't need anything more to drag me down.

ros i want to be in Italy and swim with you. i was there a month once and loved it!!!hugs and love to all ((((())))) ♥♥♥
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Well I am finally home thank the Lord. I had a tension headache all day long until I left from dads then i went and got some tension headache meds. About 10 min. later I could tell it was leaving me the futher I got away from his house. I was nervous and anxious all day there. Don't really know why but I was. Felt like a couple of times I might have a panic attack but I didn't. Last night I talked to my sis and she was telling me that she just wants to know where everyone stands with helping dad meaning me and our brother. Then she says I guess it doesn't matter because R(brother) isn't going to do anything and you're not going to do anything. I couldn't believe she said that about me. I couldn't even say anything I was so shocked. Then she said that she was the only one going to do anything... I was pissed!!! So we talked for a few more minutes and she tells me I appreciate everything that you have done, you have gone beyond the call of duty and I know it's been hard having C. my little boy over at dads. I felt like saying (No S#$%). You have no idea!!! How hard it has been having a 4 yr.old over at that house. Wanting to go home and play outside with his toys and having to tell him that we can't we got to stay here at papa's and then go home when it's too dark to go outside and play. Not being able to carry him on vacation last year. And just having to stay at that house all day long while dad is awake and wanting me to do stuff to him. I use to go and sit in there with him but it got to the point where every time i sat down in there with him he would tell me to do something for him. So I just quit sitting in there. I stay in the kitchen or walk up to the bedrooms and stay there for a few minutes. So sick of everybody fussing!!! I'm just trying to keep the peace in the family and stay out of everybody's way. But i'm about fed up with all of them and about ready to tell all of them where they can GO!!! Love and Hugs to all!!!
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emjo, before I forget, the very first time I say your name, it reminded me of a character in one of my most favorite books. " The Cry of Angels". There was a character in the book called Emjojohn, and he was an Indian!... in many ways he was the hero of the book... just needed to share that before I forgot again....
And yes, stay away from mama.....You know your own feelings and mind, you seeking alternatives will relieve any questions you have....let us know what happens...
Stormy, your sister sounds like my oldest "ugly" sister... To hear her tell it she was the ONLY one that ever did anything, and I did eventually just stop doing anything.. the old man didn't care as long as he had somebody jumping loops thru their ass, and she was so intent on being the martyr,far be it from me to interfere with that...lol So do what is right for you and your family (hubby and son) sometimes no matter what ,we can not make everyone happy, and as emjo said, maybe not in these exact words, but now is my turn... take your turn before you get old like most of us here, and regret not making a stand earlier... I did, and I have no regrets, it was not done out of raw emotions , it was done with thought, prayer and sharing with others until I was clear in my own heart why I choose to back away from the whole mess..... But I wish you well regardless of what you choose... hugs to you..
I have lost all my previous posts so do not know what is going on with anyone... so hugs to you across the miles, and will get caught up later,, I have to work tomorrow so am going to bed early, like before it gets dark, that kind of early.... love to everyone....
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Relatives! Let's batter them all!
I am taking a whole different direction in my life. I am becoming an animist and I am having great satisfactions in it. I have a very good relation with any kind of water, lately.... And I am having a closer relationship with plants. I have many plants in my garden, which have been kindly left me by the former owner of my house. It is crazy because until some days ago, I watered them because "I had to". A few days ago, I woke up and I though (out of nowhere) : "I LOVE MY PLANTS!" And I started to water them with another attitude, with love, in fact.
You won't believe it, 2 evenings ago I said my rose: "you make very beautiful flowers" and yesterday I found 2 new roses, pink and perfect! I thanked the plant and I petted her on her leaf. Then I realized that the other plants could be offended, and I said a kind word to everyone. You won't believe it again, tonight I looked at my wisteria and I noticed she had made a single flower, too! (it had been naked for weeks because of the hot weather). I think my plants are kind of thanking me for watering them with love. And now I think, and I think I am right, that plants blossom when they are happy.
I have to work so I kiss you all
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Emjo, between the Joan Bennet I found a very beautiful lady with necklace, earrings and a purple dress. Is that you? You can look for me rossella messina, the photo is the same that you see here-
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its joan benoit not bennet - my therapist called me beautiful yesterday - do you think I have anything to worry about???? LOL ;)
and i have white hair and glasses and a dark outfit - I will put the pic back for a bit and then put Gordie up again
then sweetcakes will know I am really a woman ;)

ros and starri I sent invitations - I am not great on fb but i manage
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Yes, luckily you found me!
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Ok, stormy and emjo, I couldn't find you on FB, ya'll friend me, ... Linda Miller, my pic will be a little girl, my grandaughter Keltin, and the donkey, Cheyenne... I may not respond tonite I am going to bed ,,, have to work tomorrow..hugs..
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got ya, ladee - great pic of your granddaughter with the donkey!
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I found you too ladee, your little granddaughter is so cute and so is the donkey... My little boy would probably want to ride him like a horsey.
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Well ya'll I did something yesterday that I have been wanting to do for months now. My dad has this friend that he done business with for years well he was coming to visit dad and he talked to me about trying to get some help in for me and my sister. So we could take a break. He told me that his daughter works for hospice in the town we live in and that I could just call her and talk to her and just ask her some questions about what all they could offer to us in the way of helping to take care of dad. So yesterday I called her and told her that my sister did not know that i was calling her and that I was just calling to ask some questions. So anyway she told me dad could have a nurse come in like twice a week and a cna could come in 3 times a week. I asked her if they had anyone that was knowledgeable in taking care of trach patients and if they did would they be willing to stay like once or twice a week at night. And she said that they had people that knew about trachs but that would be private care duty. So she let me make some phone calls and see if I can find someone that would be willing to stay with him at night some. She was suppose to call me today but I haven't heard from her yet. Our luck she probably can't find anyone. I'm waiting for things to cool down with my sister and everybody else in the family before I tell my sister that I called her (hospice). If we bring in someone from hospice dad will think for sure that he is dying. Well I better go the pills are starting to make me sleepy. Love, (((((Hugs))))),and Prayers across the miles Friends!!!!! Nite, Nite....
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How I wish I could just bury the family, sad really that it has reached this point, baby brother claimed all he found was cheap beads, not the truth, some of mom's antique jewelry, so I swapped them out with cheap beads and dare him to say something.

I also found a box full of pictures in there, and guess what? they came home with me and once again I dare him to say something..lol... he should be home tomorrow evening, I'm going to go back to mom's and do what I can to finish getting that place together.. even if it's not done by the time the 27th rolls around, I am out of here..

Went to the store today, picked up some locks, will have this place locked up tighter than a drum when we leave. Man I hate it to be this way. Ladee hope you are feeling better, Stormy, Glad to hear that you are. Big hugs to everyone else.
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Good for you Starri!!!! I would do the same thing if he was taking mom's jewelry. And for sure I would change them locks and won't he be surprised when he can't get in... So where are you going to??? Are you moving away??? I know what you mean all of this mess with my family is tearing all of us apart... It is sad but true!!! Take Care!!! (((((Hugs)))))).
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Hi all, got dad to bed and things are quite here. Starri, I'm glad you took the jewelry and pictures. I don't know why our families have to be that way. I hope everyone had a good day. I am feeling brain dead and can't think straight right now so I will just say good night and I will try to find you guys on fb tomorrow. Peace
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