This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
What I do have a problem with is finding out that he has lied to me. He knows that Mom's jewelry was to come to me, I found a couple of her jewelry boxes over at his house.
It just breaks my heart to think that he could be this way. I don't know if I should confront him, or say nothing. I bet if I was to look in our friends house that I would find the cookbook that is missing and Lord knows what else. I have done everything I could possibly do to be fair to all and to have one of them stab me like this hurts beyond belief.
There were only a few pieces of furniture that I had wanted, and one brother wanted them too, as he was getting other pieces, I told him he could have the coffee table and I would take the end tables. Then baby brother told me he had wanted the end tables, I figured what the heck let him have them, I didn't have to have them, well yesterday he informs me he was wanting them for his deck... well, now they are sitting in my stove room and I will find him something else from the thrift store for his deck. These things are solid maple, they do not belong outside.
Stormy - the house of horrors sounds about right. I am glad u are getting some help from a lady and I hope u-take full advantage of it – it just does not seem right to me that your son has to go to daycare while u “nurse” your dad when the resources are there to get someone else to do it. It does not mean you would have no contact with your dad –but that you can choose the times. I’m with ladee- families make me tired and worse. However you have your own priorities and God bless you with them and I hope your health does not suffer too much from the stress of all the drama and horrors. Going back to smoking - oh dear. Taking off for other lands, sounds good to me even if you just do it mentally/emotionally. I have and it is wonderful!
Burned - hope the chicken soup was good and glad u will finally get paid – praying it all falls in place
Indy - u are fortunate to have a good family (except for the drama queen) – hope ur dog goes through the surgery fine – they do become part of the family. I had to put down my beautiful springer a couple of summers ago at age 16 and I still miss him
YR – so glad u had a good break and time on a beach – can’t remember the last time I did that – look after the sunburn
Ros – hope u had a good nap and keep swimming
Starri – ((((((((hugs)))))) what is happening to your mum’s stuff makes me sick to the stomach - can’t imagine what u r feeling though I have seen it before. After someone dies some people get very greedy - maple - outside - no way!!!! And u should have her jewellery. I might be inclined to march over there and take what is rightfully mine and not say a word – just take it - aaaargh!!!!! Maybe you should see ur doc about the stress. U have been so busy since ur mum died and with lots of other stresses and not much time to grieve. Often it hits a little while later and from my experience grief is very physical as well as emotional - more hugs ((((((((((((((( ♥)))))))))))))
Sweetcakes (Debbie) – how r u today???? Thinking about you, the rocking chair u r working on and, of course, lulu and those nasty flashbacks - r u doing any better?
Jam ((((((((hugs))))))))) hope the col hasn’t wrecked her glasses yet
Everyone else ((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))
Had a great day yesterday with my granddaughter Em, took her out to a fancy restaurant for her 8th birthday lunch then back to the house and we rummaged through my jewellery and I found some clip on earrings, and other stuff for her. I will have to take my grandson Joel out for his 6th b’day lunch next week – and “plant” some toys in the house a head of time for him to have when he comes over. Little girls are easier for me. Mother continues to b*tch about the care she is getting, etc. etc. etc. and that I am not doing anything about it. She got the last part right – I love the phrase “suck it up princess” and have been tempted to use it. I am not heartless, just finally – late in life – realising that doing right by people also includes me. I need to do right by me too...♥♥♥
more (((((((hugs)))))) and prayers for things to get worked out as you want them ♥ Joan
-- My youngest boy had strawberry blond red hair at first, but it turned mostly blond by the time he was 3. He's almost 20 now, and his beard comes in an auburn red!
On the good news front G will finish his work contract next week and has 2 interviews set up with 2 big companies for permanent jobs and has been asked by two headhunters to submit his resume to them and also has been asked to come back to the company he is with for their next contract that starts in August. Looks like he will have some options. prayers for the right job would be appreciated - he has had a few bad experiences
He had to take a young guy into hospital who had this flu and had developed bronchitis, sinus infection and hurt his ribs from coughing -so this old girl is not doing too badly - I am much better though not completely over it but haven't needed antibiotics. I have upped my antidepressant from 1/4 to 1/2 the basic dose as I was feeling some post flu depression and this time of year don't need anything more to drag me down.
ros i want to be in Italy and swim with you. i was there a month once and loved it!!!hugs and love to all ((((())))) ♥♥♥
And yes, stay away from mama.....You know your own feelings and mind, you seeking alternatives will relieve any questions you have....let us know what happens...
Stormy, your sister sounds like my oldest "ugly" sister... To hear her tell it she was the ONLY one that ever did anything, and I did eventually just stop doing anything.. the old man didn't care as long as he had somebody jumping loops thru their ass, and she was so intent on being the martyr,far be it from me to interfere with that...lol So do what is right for you and your family (hubby and son) sometimes no matter what ,we can not make everyone happy, and as emjo said, maybe not in these exact words, but now is my turn... take your turn before you get old like most of us here, and regret not making a stand earlier... I did, and I have no regrets, it was not done out of raw emotions , it was done with thought, prayer and sharing with others until I was clear in my own heart why I choose to back away from the whole mess..... But I wish you well regardless of what you choose... hugs to you..
I have lost all my previous posts so do not know what is going on with anyone... so hugs to you across the miles, and will get caught up later,, I have to work tomorrow so am going to bed early, like before it gets dark, that kind of early.... love to everyone....
I am taking a whole different direction in my life. I am becoming an animist and I am having great satisfactions in it. I have a very good relation with any kind of water, lately.... And I am having a closer relationship with plants. I have many plants in my garden, which have been kindly left me by the former owner of my house. It is crazy because until some days ago, I watered them because "I had to". A few days ago, I woke up and I though (out of nowhere) : "I LOVE MY PLANTS!" And I started to water them with another attitude, with love, in fact.
You won't believe it, 2 evenings ago I said my rose: "you make very beautiful flowers" and yesterday I found 2 new roses, pink and perfect! I thanked the plant and I petted her on her leaf. Then I realized that the other plants could be offended, and I said a kind word to everyone. You won't believe it again, tonight I looked at my wisteria and I noticed she had made a single flower, too! (it had been naked for weeks because of the hot weather). I think my plants are kind of thanking me for watering them with love. And now I think, and I think I am right, that plants blossom when they are happy.
I have to work so I kiss you all
and i have white hair and glasses and a dark outfit - I will put the pic back for a bit and then put Gordie up again
then sweetcakes will know I am really a woman ;)
ros and starri I sent invitations - I am not great on fb but i manage
I also found a box full of pictures in there, and guess what? they came home with me and once again I dare him to say something..lol... he should be home tomorrow evening, I'm going to go back to mom's and do what I can to finish getting that place together.. even if it's not done by the time the 27th rolls around, I am out of here..
Went to the store today, picked up some locks, will have this place locked up tighter than a drum when we leave. Man I hate it to be this way. Ladee hope you are feeling better, Stormy, Glad to hear that you are. Big hugs to everyone else.