This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
gary is fun and a great story teller - recently he stopped by a farmhouse to get to know the people there as he had pastured some horses nearby - he knocked on the door - a voice with a thick russian accent said " Coome in! I Russian, I no spik english, I alcoholic - you wanna beer?
he says he is going to boil pronghorn heads soon so I will take a pic of them - think he is happy to have a woman who doesn't freak out about them - just heard we may be going camping to another a**end of AB - AB has many of them - better get out the WD40 and oil my joints. Climbing in and out of a tent - especially in the middle of the night when u have to pee is not easy - last time we went to inflatable mattress didn't inflate lordy i will be 74 soon!!! he is just a baby at 60
texas here I come - he would be right at home there - grew up rasing cattle, won prises for bullriding, and it isn't summer until it hits the 90's = he loves the heat
Jam I like that idea about hiding behind the bed but his would have to be behind his chair because that's where he stays at all the time. I might have to borrow those antlers if you get hold of some.
Starri let me know if you and Jam decide to make all of us a video.I'm sure it would be funny as sh#$ with you girls. Ya'll have had me cracking up and laughing today. Sorry if I grossed ya'll out to bad. I figured I should share some of the fun I have at dads. LOL. ((((HUGS)))))
Well, I'm gonna try a new recipe today, so I'll be back this evening, hopefully. I hope you all have a blessed Sunday.
THE COL IS IN TIME-OUT FOR 25 YEARS! Screw the friggin fence around the yard.....I'm putting it around the walls of her house........I'm open to suggestions now please....................It's hotter than the hinges of Hades and I turned the sprinkler on to water the garden, oh around 45 min. I went out to turn it off, then thought I would check on the col and make sure she wasn't hungry, thirsty, whatever. I open the door and look at her and she's wet. Yep, she just had to have 2 PIECES OF LEAF LETTUCE. And then she starts telling me she's fine and doesn't need to change. I asked her what she thought would have happened if she had fallen and couldn't get up.............oh P----- (her dog) would pick me up, not good enough, tell me again what would have happened. Oh I would have called you. How could we have heard you when you were outside on the other side of the house and I never thought for one iota of a second that she would walk right out there in the sprinkler! I told her she is grounded to the inside of her house.....a ball and chain maybe? Then when I told HER SON he just sits there and laughs. I guess after it's all said and done, it is kind of funny. But she's still in time-out. I really need those antlers..................
Really officer, I don't know why her heart stopped beating, we were just playing a game........and over she went....this is after the antlers are safely put away, you'll have time to do that before EMS gets there...
No officer I don't know why she has that look on her face, I could hear her screaming 'OH dear OH dear", ( when we all know she was screaming.... a deer, a deer) Maybe she was having a bad dream......
And yes Starri, this is how my mind works, when you suggested putting them on our elders, my mind went to putting them on us, think of the fun we could have....
And Jam, I don't think it would "exactly" be killing them, I lean more toward "over stimulation" and we had not been told of their recent heart condition complications...
They expect us to have a strong heart, strong stomach, strong back, so I think it is only fair that we get to have some fun sometimes..... they test the limits, I just feel that is what we would be doing..... testing their limits..... No??? No one ever lets me have any fun....I bet me coming in the door Monday morning with antlers on my head would get Marie up off her butt at least for a few minutes, Sonny would love it.. he'd want to put them on when we are in the yard picking up sticks.... and I would let him... just to watch Marie's eyes stick to her glasses....
Yes, I have officially entered the "dark side", it helps me to cope..... people may THINK they control us, but they can't stop what goes on in our minds.... deep sigh, I feel so much better... thanks for letting me share.... hugs.
love the wild imaginations you all have!!! antler therapy!!!
hey don't think everyone else isn't thinking these things sometimes...just some have the courage to say them -
any of you related to jonathon winters by any chance?
On many occasions we have asked our friends on AC if they got up and strapped their pillows on like a six gun..... yes, it gets twisted, and a tad too far out there at times, but that's what happens in Caregiver Hell.....
the pronghorns are on my other computer -
nothing like as far out, ladee, as what you gals go through sometimes - truth really is stranger than fiction
several times the last few days i have laughed out loud for a while and then broke into tears over Gordie - and that is a good thing - they are there inside bottled up anyway
jam - you have done that to me a couple of times too
the freewheeling is definitely therapeutic and feeling one emotion tends to bring out others - or at least I am experiencing that - it is like a therapy session - laughter is such a great stress reliever and caregivers do experience a ton of stress and pain
(((((((hugs))))))
Love ya,
Jam
There is a way to find someone to help you, it's just a matter of digging, till you find it, kinda like finding things on the computer, you have to find different ways of phrasing it till you find what you are looking for. First place to start was your mom, they are her parents. She chose to refuse, ok, now on to the next step, contact social services.. medicaid? medicare? one of them will pay for someone to come in and help you take care of them, I can't remember for the life of me which one, but I know that Mom was offered that care and didn't qualify as she didn't get which ever one that was the one that would pay for it, Does grampa or gramma get military benefits? if so, check with the VA about getting assistance, Help is out there, you just have to find out where to find the information.
I'm kinda like a pitbull on a bone, when it comes to somethings, like finding out information on what I am needing. Check with your local Churches, hospital, senior center, hospice, etc.. someone somewhere has the information you need.
I keep telling hubby that there is nothing in this world that is impossible, if it can be thought of, it can be done, might take a little while, but it can be done. Years ago, authors thought and wrote about space travel, and here we are today, been to the moon, building a space station and trying to figure out how to inhabit other planets. Eventually we will be living on other planets, maybe not in our life times, maybe not our children's, or theirs, but the human race will be living on another planet..
On to happier notes, Ladies you all crack me up, thanks for the laughs this morning, Jam, offer still stands, I will pay for shipping if you will make a u-tube.. Ladee, I love your sense of humor, warped kinda like mine. Do S.O's qualify for pillow therapy as well?
Debating on another cup of coffee or getting some laundry together and take to Mom's and do it there while I am working on getting more stuff packed up. Coffee I think wins out for now..
The cat will come in and insist on getting her treats, she'll eat if I escort her to her food bowl, and then she'll turn around and come in and start bugging me till I feed the dogs so that she can get in their food bowls, made her mad the other day, took and tossed her out of the house.
The two dogs will back out of their food bowls if she comes and sticks her head in there.. they cleaned out their food bowls when I had tossed her out, let her back in after they had finished and first thing she does is run for their bowls...bless her heart they were empty.. I got the evil eye for that one.
Hope that you all have peaceful easy days..
Not done in the bathroom, but Kathy wants to tackle the living/dining area. Won't get far with having to take everything out of 2 cabinets and washing it. I haven't had a spring/fall cleaning like this done in 5 years. Guess I'll get the jukebox going and we can really get some stuff done. Yea, it's a real Rock-ola that has 45's and nothing newer than 1958 in it. So I can Sam Cooke and Brooks Benton and Clarence Carter my way through those rooms.
Did I tell you we are now counting down ---only 3 days left to the doctor visit that will give us options on surgery.....or not. And this whole week is going to be at or near 100.
Hope everyone manages to stay cool and have a good day...............