This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I was washing them prior to packing up, after about the 100th set of cow salt and pepper shakers I gave up.. let who ever gets them wash them..lol.. Good luck on the spring cleaning and I pray they say they can do the surgery.. I've been sweating my brother would get his eye surgery to remove the cataract's, he has a eye infection that is a recurrent infection, they would not do the surgery as long as it was currently active. Because of being pig headed and his memory issues, he would not do his ointment treatments to get rid of it, after a 6 hour ride to find out it wasn't gone, they finally got smart and gave him pills to take like I had asked them to in the first place, pills can be added to his pill box, he remembered to take his pills and on the 15th, had his surgery on the left eye, now we are waiting for the right, he might be able to see decently for the first time in years. Won't bring me back the brother I knew back when, but will make it a little safer for him to be left on his own.
Dad is ok..he is sooo squirmy and cant even rest at night despite drugs. Wish i could make it better. Mom tank God right now is healthy enough... GOD only gives as much as you can handle but sometimes it seems soooo much! I dont even concentrate on prayer anymore! How stupid is that!
Well the pity party continues. I have to work harder to get throug it. The drugs i imagine are keeping me from total bottom...but wouldnt it be nice to be somewhere in a drug coma just for a few days...oh well wouldnt change anything.
Anything your dads Dr. can do to help? A friend of mine has the signature, God gives you only what you can handle, I wish he didn't trust me so much..lol.. Feel the same way myself at times...
I don't believe it's a pity party, you have a lot going on and it can get to you at times, when you have a moment or two, sneak outside, sip a coffee or soda and just relax.. it helps.
I pray Debbie that you dont give up! The black hole sucks! We have all been there. You know honey that you can walk away! Your mom or uncle would have to step in... It is not failure! You are strong or you wouldnt be there in the first place! I know where you r coming from and am not trying to give you advice just want you to know that all of us care very much even if you dont care rigt niw. We will hold you!
My day has started out crappy and I guess it can only go up from here. No part-time care giver today; my dil won't watch her kids and she can't find another sitter. And everyone else is busy. So I suppose I will take my back spasms and make them worse today.
starri......your dogs sound like mine. Little snots will run out the door, won't go down the deck stairs and then want right back in so I will give them a treat.....NOT! They have finally settled down and are sleeping. Guess this is my chance to take a shower and get to Wal-Mart. Col is out of bread and oatmeal.....that sounds terrible.....honestly we feed her real food....lol.
I hope everyone has a terrific day and I will check back later.....if I don't get moving I will still be sitting here at noon......
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Starri.....you are just a gem here. And I thank you so much for mentioning the melatonin, if I haven't told you before. Especially when the ER doctor and mom's personal doc both said it was fine and a good idea. And it does work......when I remember to give it to her. I forgot again last night, but Kathy gave it to her at 10:30, and she was up only 3 more times last night.
Vic.....I was wondering why we hadn't heard from you in a while. Glad you got away some. I know it is a bummer to have to go by yourself all the time. I'd love to get on the back of hubby's bike and just go for a ride, but that hasn't happened in 5 years now.
Emjo, As soon as I saw Joan Benoit I thought of the runner. I remember watching her win the marathon at the Olympics........you tell such good stories.
Missing ASG, Yearight, Johnnycares and all the rest. I am brain dead....gotta get lunch going and take something out for supper...later...................
on a good note the cottage is torn down per village instructions and 2 weeks ahead of deadline and the price is excellent - we plan on building and eventually living there so YEAH I will be 5 hrs closer to Texas! - and Italy.
sweetcakes starri ( ithink) said it - You do NOT have to sacrifce yourself and your life and hopes and dreams - this is a choice and being a woman you can change your mind - but let me tell you something I learned in life - if you stay there and try to get people to help they won't - you have to leave and create a vacumn and then someone will step in - like starri said if you were hit by a bus tomorrow someone would organize something for grama and grampa. It does NOT have to be you.
sweet heart you are entitled to all that life has to offer you
glad you had a good time with ur mum and sis - BLUE HAIR - love it - maybe I should try that - tired of white on white - thinking of low lights
everyone else - looks like that black hole has spread its ugly self all over north america today - yuck - will answer more after my next nap - think I know what's causing mine - freaki' ex - had enough of the lies - time for surgery I think - or antler theraoy lol - Ohhh that feels good!!!
luv and hugs to all ♥ Joan
Let us know how you are doing..
Linda22.........don't allow yourself to feel guilty because the time has come to place Mom. Yes, I know, easier said than done. Try to look at it from the point that you are doing this to show her how much you love her and only want the best of care for her. There comes a time when you cannot give anymore of yourself without falling into that hole from whence there is no return. And then how much is your care worth? I have always said that the care giver's life should not be in the trash can, just to keep your loved one at home. Now, you will be happy, will be able to have a life with your husband and still be able to see Mom, all the while knowing she is getting the best care possible. I have to be honest and say I envy the freedom you will have......I don't wish anything bad on the col, but boy do I get tired of the sarcastic remarks, the stink of wet and poopy diapers, trying to keep her from harming herself.
I hope everyone else has had a good day.....emjo I'm sorry you still are not feeling well.
seeme.......I think you can probably make that phone call now.......I've got a killer headache and I would get free health care in your "spa".....:)
ladee.......hope the heat hasn't gotten you.
Will check back later...................
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Vic, sorry to hear you are still so wiped out, caregiving will do that to us, no matter how many days we're gone, no matter how much sleep we get, we just hit a wall at some point and don't know when it happened, all we know is we are TIRED...so hope you feel better soon...
Linda, you will do great with this news to your mom... of course you are anxious, that just means you really care about the outcome...you don't want her to be too upset, yet after 10 years, it is way past time to reclaim your life... prayers sent your way for this endevour, and let us know how things went.... glad to see you here...
ASG, so good to hear from you!!! happy to hear you are trying something new with the family situation, let us hear the details... and congrats to the hubby for starting on his own,, prayers sent ya'lls way for success....
Jam, thought of this while reading your post, this is so dumb that I am looking for a place to live and you need a caregiver you can count on,,,, but nooooooooo, Ladee will not move from Texas.... is this false pride or what..... I think I would just let her set in the car and think she is driving, now make sure all the windows are not up, that is not safe, hehehehe, do you think they will let us "room" together at Seeme's Spa????
Seeme, I love what you said about reaching your limit, and anything after that blows the rest of it away.... that is such a great way to look at it... gonna remember that one..
Emjo, sorry you are still not feeling well. And we hope you laughing yesterday did not blow something loose!!!! I would loose my mind if it were not for the people on this thread..... laugh to keep from crying I guess....
Well, I do know this, If it were not for Sonny, I would have already found another job..Marie sets in her chair, delegates all day long, things that I already know to do, never sees the humor in anything, rants at Sonny for going to the bathroom, for putting napkins in his pocket, and REAL important stuff like that all day... geeez lady let up for a little while.... And yes some of it is because she doesn't feel good, but so much of it is because she is bored, will not get up and do anything while she is very capable of doing certain things.... and I have noticed when I come in on Mondays Sonny is very disoriented, easily confused, Guess I would be too if I had someone harping on me all weekend... She finds the stupidest things to complain about in regard to my work... today I just finally shot her a look that said, " do I look like a care" and she mellowed out a little... God, please let my friends know they can slap me if I get like that....just tell me to stop being so selfish and demanding, Lord it just makes the job so much harder... and yes, antlers did come to mind today...many times, but ya'll know me, I do laugh out loud at the most inopportune times...because I just see the world as this great big circus that we have all been invited to..... Like the other day when the sheriff came here looking for someone. You have to have the combination for the key pad to get in, so he goes under the fence. I called Mike and told him the SHURRIF was here.. well as the dude is walking the half acre to get to the house I waved my arm to let him know I was there, I was behind some lattice work at the back porch.. In a heartbeat he had his hand on his gun and was shining his flashlight in my direction.. keep in mind it is broad daylight.. and of course all I could think of was DON'T START LAUGHING, DON'T I TELL YA, JUST DON'T DO IT, he was a blustery and asking all sorts of questions, none of which I had the answer to, because I was concentrating on not laughing... Authority does not intimidate me, and this little Barney Fife was only making me go into hysterics in my head.... You can dress me up, you just can't make me behave... life is too short, laugh every chance you get... hugs across the miles to everyone..
seeme....made that call yet....would ya huh? huh? My back is killing me....hasn't hurt this bad since the day I injured it and had to quit work. And of course, for those of you who have migraines, you know that feeling when the knife that has been stabbing your temple for hours starts to pull itself out? Almost better than an or***m.............ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Heather had better have a kid sitter Wednesday. Of course I did learn today that it is not wise to allow the col to miss one single dose of her meds, even though she told us she took them, walking from the shelf they are on to her table she forgot all about them. That's why she was flying laps around her living room on her broom today. I couldn't catch her long enough to grab a pillow................
Gotta go watch "The Closer"....will check back in later.
Love and Hugz to all of you,
Jam
ladee -fun is always between the ears - don't you really wonder what would have happened if you had started laughing at the sheriff - i hear u about ruth and only since May is not a long time - just coming out of the numb phase
seeme -awesome image lol
vic big hugs and hope you feel better soon
jam - look after your back - in more ways than one the col might sneak up on you
asg good to see u back and me too wating to hear about your new arrangement
stormy hope your baby is better and you got good info about some helpers
YR - hope u r OK
Linda - you are good - done well by her - noi need for guilt
starri - have u got the place locked up yet?
sweetcakes - we have all been in the pits - and it's no fun - and life looks hopeless; but it isn't and things will look up - and i know when u r in them that doesn't help much - know we care and have climbed out of the pits ourselves more than once - iI got rope burns to prove it
John hope you diet is going well
ros - Come sta?
anyone else hope u r good
love and hugs to everyone ♥♥♥ Joan
Jam I just found out who col is I have been wondering about who is col? So maybe the col can make me up a magic potion with her magic broom to get rid of this cold I know that I am coming down with. Let me know if you catch her with that pillow and how that goes for ya. Still grinning about the pillow procedure. Just too Funny. Gotta love ya. I will catch up with ya'll tomorrow. Better get to bed. Hoping everyone has a restful nite (((((hugs))))) to you all!!!!
Jam, if I could I would share our rain with both you and ladee, we've finally gotten back into the pattern of rain, my fish pond almost over flowed while we were in CT.. we have been in such a drought that the "lake" front property was on a mud flat, grass growing over 4 foot tall. Finally the water levels are up and people have actually been out using the lakes.. The lakes around here where I live are all man made, so there are tree's, houses and all kinds of stuff that you have to watch out for if the water levels are down.
Jo, most campgrounds now adays offer cabins, some from the basic bed only to a full fledged house, a lot with WiFi, pools and some even with cable tv.. make a deal with Gary, he gets his camping trip if you get your cabin..lol, some places even have restaurants on the grounds or at least in walking distance. There are places too that you can rent RV's that do just about everything for you except blow your nose.. Not yet on locking the place up, still trying to convince myself that I have to get over to the house and get the rest of that stuff boxed up, so we can get out of here..have at least worked on my place some. Hubby is about as useful as boobs on a boar hog..when it comes to helping with the house, will have to give him credit though, yesterday he actually did a load of laundry himself...lol.. laundry is "his" chore, so what does he do? he goes and hires the friend of the family to do it for him. Told him I wanted a maid to do mine..lol..
Stormy? honey and lemon for the cough, I generally mix half and half, then adjust to taste, for the baby, I would figure more honey than lemon.. enchina (it's like a vitamin) for the cold, not sure how to spell that, but people swear by it. I've been blessed, get my flu shot every year and haven't had a cold in 7+ years and that is even working with the public in a drug store, where you know that folks are sick.
It's almost 4 AM and I am debating on back to bed, or over to Mom's house and do somethings while the world is still asleep.. I would really, really like to escape come the end of the month... but the budget is going to give us the most trouble... Asked hubby last night if we were to change our home base (my idea of a home base is a place you have a bed, etc..that you come in off the road to stay in) where would he like to do it ? his idea of a home base? camping out in his sisters drive..lol...nah, don't think so, don't get me wrong, his sister is as sweet as she can be, I'd keep her over him if I had to chose. But I do not want to camp out in someone's drive, if I am going to camp, might as well make it a campground, where at least I will have a bit of privacy from family. Don't know how this trip is going to turn out, did inform him that it wasn't going to be a joy ride for him..lol.. no taking off on the bike, doing his thing and leaving me there to do all the work. We go grocery shopping, he knows we have a car full of stuff, and he just gets out of the car, heads for the house and doesn't bother to take anything with him. Heeellloo? I have ice cream in the trunk melting..
Let's see, I have two dogs, a cat and a husband for sale, how much would you charge me to take them..?
Jo and Jam how ya'll crazy gals doing? Good I hope. Jam is the col still riding her broom? Jo I hope you are feeling better today and got a restful nite.
Debbiecakes I know what its like to be in a hole so deep you feel like you can't dig out of. Just know that we care, we love you. You need a break... Try to find someone anyone, a neighbor, preacher, friend to sit with your loved one. A few hours away does a world of good. Come back and talk to us....
cmagnum don't know what kind of diet you are on but i know one that works pretty good. 6 week bodymakeover. Lost 10 lbs the first week i tried it. Basically it is fresh veggies no can veggies, baked chicken and fish. Eat 5 to 6 meals a day (small) meals. 100 oz of water a day. And NO SALT on anything. 2 or 3 apples a day. Just thought I'd tell you about it. Well I hope everyone has a terrific day. I will talk to all of you later!!! LOVE and HUGS....
Find someone to let you use their garage or rent a storage for your stuff, and then you can always camp over night at a walmart or something..till you find where you can go full time. I'd suggest maybe asking Marie and Sonny if you could camp at their place, but if you did, you'd never get a moments rest, Marie would be out on the porch yelling for you. Hope you find something soon.
Oh my, yes the col is riding her broom again. Just popped my head in the door to make sure things were moving along and there she is making another pot of coffee, so I turned it off and tossed the grounds burning my fingers in the process. That earned me an "eat s**t and die look". Then I had a little visit with today's care giver.....you dictate the rules, not her. Plain and simple. She must wear her glasses and she must wear dry diapers. When she starts badgering about taking her to the store, tell her WE SAID NO. Let her be mad at us. She will forget in 5 minutes.
stormy.......is it a cold or allergies? You can develop allergies at anytime to anything. And remember a cold is a virus, and there's nothing you can do about that. Do you know the old rule of thumb to determine whether it's a cold or allergy? I can see why you would lose weight drinking 100oz of water a day....all that running back and forth to the bathroom would make the pounds fall off.......:)
starri..........I have a pond............just saying......:) Years from now, the pond will dry up and there will be a pile of bones belonging to husbands and col's.....
Going to make myself useful for a while...............I hope y'all have a wonderful, peaceful day. Will check back later,
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
There is no need to respond to this post because I won't be here to read the responses, so no need to waste your time on that. Bye...Lulu says "Tweet Tweet".