This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Love ya,
Jam
Will try to write back later... Love and Hugs to all!!!!
can't refer to all posts but starri - thank you for the camping info. Gary is a licenced guide (hence all the antlers) along with his other talents and doesn't use campgrounds. He has slept in a tent at 40 below in the North West Territories. His idea of tenting is to find a piece if outback as far away from civilization as possible, construct his own fire pit from stones, dig out a place to set up the tent then spend all day out in the bush surveying, stalking, hunting. Last time we did this I slept in the tent and in the truck a lot as I needed it. However I don't want this to become a pattern, so I said I wanted a hotel and some places to sight see this year. Last year on one of his treks he saw a grizzly bear digging roots a couple of hundred yards away and he didn't have his gun!!! A little too close for comfort for me! We found a place near where he likes to hunt, several hotels, and some hoo-doos, a beaver boardwalk and some sand dunes to see and more so I think I wil be fine.
Have a good day every one - back later! ♥♥♥ Joan
So now he is in the car and I am typing this comment. Hopefully, he will not decide to walk to the cemetery. We have none around here and we live in the boondocks. He has run away from home before trying to hitch a ride north.
There you go!
Joyce.....welcome to our humble home! Some of us here are psychics and I think I might be seeing deadbolt locks in your near future.....:) I have them to keep my mil (henceforth known as the col - crazy old lady) in because she was wandering off after her dog or pulling weeds on the edge of our pond with a 20' drop. And we also fenced our yard.
Our regular part-time care giver is here today.....yippee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so comfortable knowing the col is being well taken care of. Although we did discuss this morning that the col's short-term memory is pretty much gone. I saw Heather walk her out to get her morning newspaper, and about 10 min later she was asking if someone would go get it. This makes the 4th day she hasn't read her paper, and this thing has been an obsession to her. I can't figure it out. New glasses? She won't learn to use the bifocals if she doesn't read. We thought maybe with her memory being gone, that perhaps she doesn't retain anything she is reading, so she just won't make the effort to attempt to read.
seeme.........more cleaning or was it doctor today? I'm turning somersaults waiting for the green light on the surgery..........
ladee.....hope Marie is in a good mood for you today.
emjo and stormy......no more cold symptoms I hope!
starri.......is the hubby still alive? or is he being a good boy?
ASG.......still waiting on the "rest of the story".....hope it's quiet around your house. Saw the pics of the boys on FB and they all look like ornery little buggers.....I hope the kids are enjoying their summer. I finally figured out what town you're in........my Grandfather lived there waaayyyyyy back when he retired. Was living in Flemington when he passed away.
rossella....remember to take breaks and don't work too hard.........
YR, Vic, 54............hello to everyone, let us know how you're doing.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
welcome newton, some of us have trouble keeping our elders from wandering off, I had key dead bolts installed, it was a hassle sometimes, but it kept Ruth safe....
Seeme, has Kathy worked your butt off??? Bet it is nice to have your house so clean and shiny ..your mom's appt. is tomorrow??? Please let us know what they are going to do... I know surgery would be hard on her, but continuing like she is is very hard on her also... and very hard on you too... prayers sent your way...
Jam, Marie was in a crappy mood and so was I so we just didn't talk to each other, which is good, more time with Sonny... I'm just grateful it's not HER with Alz....
54, I am so sorry to hear about your husband, you and him are in my prayers... keep in touch with us and let us know how things are....
ASG, sure will be glad when the kids are back in school, miss ya... and loved the pics of the kids, they look happy, even with the Aunt living there, you are a great mom.....Is hubby's new truck working out for ya'll??? I sure hope so, I applaud anyone who works for themselves....prayers for success..
I know I am forgetting someone, but will check back in later... I treated myself to a great haircut today,,, hope I can afford to keep going to her, she did a great job. Needed a surprise for myself,,,,
Hugs across the miles to everyone... later
Dad has stopped reading the newspaper and his magazines he enjoys. Oh well. We do all we can and then some.
Take Care ya'll!
i am not getting any notifications on this thread since July 18th
anyone know how to fix this ?
hey you're not going to get rid of me that easily lol
stormy - hope you don't get an infection as well - i am like you -say the word and I have it. I use Cold FX. i don't know if it is made in the states. It boosts your immune system and is you start it right away usually shortens the length of a flu - also for sore throats I use zinc lozenges -makes you mouth taste like a tin can but works for me - so glad the helper is helping!
ladee - a new haircut always does wonders. I bet it looks sharp! last year when the mattress didn't inflate I did better that him sleeping on the ground - my joints/bones are fine and he has broken lots of bones with bull riding etc so he got more aches than I did but getting up in the middle of the night to pee was hard on me - bum first crawling out of the tent backwards in pitch dark, feeling for a tree to hang onto to get me up on my legs, putting on my rubber boots (it rained a lot)and then hi-tailing it for the outhouse -1/2 the time I didn't make it and just peed in the bush - once or twice before I got my pj quite bottoms down lol - it was cold there at night -[depends are looking better all the time lol - hope u find a place for the banana boat
seeme -so hope something can be done for ur mum - prayers going out
YR - have u tried the antid's?
vic - hope u r feeling more chipper
54 - my heart goes out to you
ASG -waiting - like everyone else...
ros - make sure u swim this week
jam - time out for you today yay!!!!
starri - missing you...
john - i guess one answer to insomnia is working yourself to exhaustion - not sure how practical it is on a daily basis - if you want any low carb ideas, i have lots. the expansion of your man cave sounds good and will keep you busy once it is constructed
love and hugs to all especially anyone I forgot ♥♥♥ Joan
now u will be able to get out of where u r into ur own place - i'm sure town will take a bit of getting used to and no donkeys there!!!
hugs
J
Today I got the vaccuuming done, dusting, gave mom her bath, washed and fixed her hair, did a couple loads of laundry. The other neighbor brought over some fish stew, so I didn't have to make supper and I was thrilled. Still got a few more things to do in the kitchen, but Kathy comes tonight and again I am thrilled. Mom had me up every hour last night. Earlier in the evening, it was 3x/hr.
Tomorrow is the big day. Glad this fistula was urgent....it's taken 2 and a half months to get to this point where we will finally talk about the surgery options. And I have no idea what mom thinks about it anymore. She would cry and get scared if she thought about it too much, so I just don't bring it up. This morning she was wanting to die because I wanted her to take a shower before she got dressed, fake crying and all. I gave in THEN, but I was pissed from lack of sleep. Reallty tired this evening. If I didn't have to let Kathy in or if she had a key I would go to bed now.
Joyce, welcome !!! I will have an ice cream sandwich in honor of your first visit here !! Hang around and see how silly we can get. Unfortunately I will have to wait till I get just a little more sleep
Stormy.....head colds suck any time of year......poor Red, too.
Emjo....I too like camping as long as there is a toilet and hot running water where I can take a shower and hubby does the cooking.....how does that sound???
Starri.....gonna make it in a week??
Car 54....my prayers and sympathies go to you and your hubby. May things go smoothly for both of you. Will think of you often.........
ASG......know you are busy, just want to know if the old bat is behaving......
Jam....meant to tell you that we have had to conserve water for a few years now due to drought conditions. Now the water company isn't getting the revenue it wants, so they raised the rates. What was a $30 bill last month is $50 this month. Damned if you do, damned it you don't......
Ladee try to stay cool.......We are supposed to have the 100 degree days through the weekend. May have to but me a wading pool and fill it with gold.............
ladee.....I am so happy for you.....there is a bright light at the end of this moving tunnel. So I guess this means I'd better not take the lake house off the market, huh? Darn.
As for me I AM PISSED OFF! The col was discharged from the hospital on 6/17 and about 2 weeks later, we got a phone call from the local visiting nurses association. Of course we turned down their help, along with their expenses, explaining that a doctor, paramedic and care givers were perfectly capable of taking care of the col. Tonight I took the col her supper and as I'm coming in the back door Target says there's county deputy at the door. Gee I don't think either one of us has done anything. So I open the door, and this woman says there's been a complaint that the woman living here has dementia and we're doing a check. Oh, really and who would know that except the VNA? So I said sure, you can visit with her, even though you are interrupting her dinner, and for the record this really pisses me off, but sure, you walk right over to that door and I will let you in. They came into a clean house, a clean col who was sitting at the table eating. Happy, answered their questions......we may do a follow-up later. Well, you just do that......you will find the same thing then as now. So the VNA got their noses out of joint because we refused their services.....well they can bite me. And the compressor on the AC unit won't come on.....it's only 84 degrees in the house and 100 outside. The heating and cooling guys will be here as soon as they finish another job. I couldn't resist telling Target we should have gone with the furnace/ac package last fall when we had the new furnace put in. I wonder if I walked out into the pond the col would think I was trying to drown myself. I can see her now.....trying to climb the fence to save me.
Going to try and eat before the AC guys get here.
Hope y'all have a terrific evening.........
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Ladeeda, I'm happy for you, there's no place like home.
Stormy, I don't know how old red is but when my daughter was around 3 she got pneumonia {so did the rest of us}. She didn't want to take the meds either. So we told her that if she took her meds we would take her to the toy store and she could pick out the Barbie that she wanted. That worked! And she got her Barbie.
Emjo, I have not taken the anti's yet, I guess I'm waiting for Christmas or sumpin.
Ross, I would love to go swimming, but it doesn't look like it's gonna happen.
Besides, you wouldn't catch me dead or alive in a "babein" suit. Which reminds me I started a new diet today. The Dukan diet. I hope I can stick with it. I've gotta lose some weight, dr's orders.
Well, take care all you crazy peps!
Thanks seeme, think I can afford to get excited yet??? I know you are so happy that your house is going to be so shiny clean... nothing quite like a super clean house...
What happens if your mom can't or won't consent to surgery...that won't stop it will it if they decide to do the surgery...will it....????
Jam, hope you get the ac fixed, I'd have to get a room , can't deal with this heat without ac.... do you have any old "contacts" that may help you find out who sent someone out for a welfare check.......
YR, sorry dad is sundowning so bad, that can be so exhausting, and stressful. Ruth was having a violent sundowning episode when she broke my leg... so hope he is just confused and not physical...hope you get some rest when you put him to bed....
Gotta go write a check for AC and put the col to bed. Check back later.
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
jam - i am appallled at the VNA - what a nerve!!! but u showed 'em but glad u got ur ac fixed -
YR - sorry u r having such problems with sundowning. good luck with that diet - low carb is all that works for me - ur mood may be better on the diet
stormy - hope you and litttle red are doing OK - my daughter used to get such high fevers - I put her in a tepid bath then in bed I covered her with a cotton sheet and after she fell asleep I "misted" her with water - the evaporation cooled her off - I sure hope it is not the same bug I have - still coughing some - just won't go away
well, I got taken out for supper last night - baba ganoush - yum! and we are staying in a hotel when we go away next week - Gary is a nice man! he got it that I cook and wash up all the time and need a change sometimes (just have to keep reminding him) - and I do tons of computer work for him and and deserve a reward!
everyone - stay cool - I saw on the news there is a heat wave where lots of u r (I think) - here it is a cool 59 this am going up to 70 and a sprinkle of rain - love walking in this kind of weather - everything is looking so green!!!
playing my sad songs and missing my Gordie - found some old Mother's day and B'day cards from him - counting down to d day - looks like we will be away which is good - balancing things with Gary's job interviews
mother is raising cain again/still which means she is well - for now I am not a target and I need that break - especially this time of year. I am thinking of POA - does anyone know if you can delegate some of the work of that - thinking that may be a solution to keep me at arm's length
stay cool everyone - love and hugs -♥♥♥ Joan
Caregivers need to receive just as much support as they give. So even if I'm only asked "How are YOU doing today", it means a lot to me. It's a gesture. It shows the person acknowledges what I'm doing and sees how tough it can be. And that's at least something.
Wanted to give you an update.....it's so darn cold in this house now I need a sweater...:) It finally shut off about 3 am. At least we didn't have to replace the whole unit. And today is supposed to be hotter than previously.....my poor garden!
I wrote a letter to the editor this morning about our experience with VNA. He sent it to his editor and accidentally sent that response to me......says "this sounds like a story". Supposed to call me tomorrow or Friday, gotta keep my cell glued to my butt so I don't miss him. Maybe there will be a story on this and I can give him some input about home care givers and maybe get a series of stories out of this! Will keep everyone updated.
emjo.....glad you won out on the hotel room.....our weather right now is hot and hot. The thermometer on the deck says 106....40% chance of rain on Sunday with temps in the 90's......so no break here. I envy you having 70. I mentioned going to Sanibel Island, Florida to Target yesterday....does anyone know anything about it? The pics are beautiful, but we could get there and it's really a dump.
stormy.....I sure hope you and little red are feeling better. Both of my daughters were born with red hair, the oldest turned darker, but the other one still has red hair and blue eyes. My son took after me.....brown and brown.
Waiting impatiently for seeme to get back with an update......oh please let this be a positive outcome........and yes, I didn't let the social worker see the arrows....:)
ladee.......I didn't get a chance to ask you how Sonny and Marie were yesterday. Is today a transfusion day? I wish we were closer, I would help you get your new home ready to move into. I enjoy doing that in others homes...I look at mine and think ehhhhh it will still be here tomorrow.
I need to go feed my fish babies.....we have a 125 ga aquarium in my bathroom....started with 3 Oscars and put a minnow trap in the pond to get treats for them....accidentally caught a blue gill and would you believe the Oscars left it alone and it grew and lived for about 2 yrs. We named it Pond...:) Two out of the three Oscars have died, Pond died, and I went and bought some goldfish and the last Oscar allowed 3 of them to live. We think one of them has some Koi in it.....it had a huge black spot on it's face and then one day the spot was just gone. Now I noticed a new tiny spot.....Target says they change color all the time. There are also 2 plecostomus.....very fun and relaxing to watch. So now that I'm babbling again, I will try and get something done. It's nice and cool.....
Everyone have a wonderful, relaxing day!
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam