This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Wow u have a big bathroom, jam - sounds great. Love daffodils and 200 with tulips around must be a wonderful show. I planted a bunch some years ago with tulips, scillas, and grape hyacinths and enjoyed them for a few years then we had a winter where all bulbs died and I never did it again, - may just try again
54 – a 2x4 sounds like what those boys need – right between the eyes - glad you mouthed off. So they are mad – what’s new! Hope u get a good sleep tonight – keep us updated on hubby and all
Starri – good to hear from u – glad you have Wi-Fi – also glad u have some peace – finally – know all about needing peace and quiet
Seeme – glad that u r ok with ur mum’s decision –and it is sounding like ur best is pretty good
Stormy – glad little red is getting better and sorry about ur back – no fun at all – the cough thing is better here but the CFS seems to have kicked in more than usual – ya - it sucks being sick
Ladee - sounds too hot to do much of anything! - u have to bring ur own food and drink – Oh my! Doesn’t seem right - hope you manage to get stuff done tomorrow despite the heat – getting soaked by the hose sounds like a good idea
Here the CFS has kicked in today so I am useless. Gary is away with the horses which is better at times like this. Hate it but not much I can do about it.
Hi all out there, YR, vic, ros, asg, cara, joyce and everyone else
Have a good night ♥♥♥ Joan
Hubby is about the same, reaches a lot for things that are not there. Just sits and stares at me. I would love to know what is really going on in his sweet head. Hope God will see fit to take him on he is just miserable, not in pain just so confused.
Well I guess I will go to bed myself, and what is a banana boat? sounds like so much fun would love to sail off in it. with no forwarding address!!
night ladies
Ladee, just got to thinking about things, you know how people put bull horns, Christmas wreaths, etc... on the front of their vehicles? you need to get someone to make you the opposite ends of a banana.. really make it a banana boat, heck you could turn it into a banana split..
Glenn is still in bed, I finally gave up on trying to sleep..tossed and turned all night, don't know what kinda bug is out here, but bug spray is not keeping it at bay, ended up having to make a paste out of water and gold bond powder and put on the bites last night, it sure helped. well, sitting outside enjoying the morning, looks like I am going to have to mix up another batch.
54, I think if I had a friend or someone down there that had a key to the place, I would ask them to go look at it after they are gone and make sure they haven't trashed the place.. That would be all that you need. I hope you and hubby do find some peace and quiet, it's important to you and for you right now...
Jam, I agree, we must all have that "I will take care of you" look on our faces, I've always had the sign with flashing neon lights that says talk to me, I am a good listener.. it's nothing to walk into a grocery store and have a complete stranger start talking with me and before it is over, I know their lives history. When I was driving a bus for the mentally challenged and seniors, the seniors would get on my bus and before they got off, I knew things about them even their priest would not find out on their death beds.. While it would have made for good blackmail material, I would not use it on pain of death..lol...
Well, Chatty Cathy is up, she can't see me though, I am on the other side of the camper..lol... hope that her hubby came up last night or at least will be here this morning, she needs the companionship and needs to get to the store, I can't offer her a ride, and she's in far to bad of shape to get on the bike..
Need to figure out a way to go tell the owner of the campground to find a way to politely tell his dual sport riders to leave the bathroom doors open after they get done, there's only 4 bathrooms and with the doors closed (makes people think someone is in there) someone who needs to use the restroom might leave.
Also need to find a way to tell him to tell the boys to flush.. twice now, I've gone in there to use one and had to flush before I used it.. The doors being closed don't really bother me, I've learned over the years to knock, listen for a response, if none then try the handle.. so I open them up. as for the flushing? I was raised among boys, worked in several public locations, so it is nothing new, some times I have to wonder if girls are not as big of pigs that boys are.. I did work as a bartender one time, on the opening shift, the mens was so bad, I took a gallon bottle of bleach poked several holes in it and tossed it in.. let it soak in before I would even consider cleaning it.
the guys from the dual sports are starting to roam... they should have hang overs after last nights fun..lol.. serves them right. (dual sports= street legal and off road capable.) Guess I'll finish my email and then try and figure a polite way to tell the owner of the camp what pigs his group of riders are..
Big hugs to all, Ladee? find a way to get marie out on the porch and turn sonny loose with the hose, will make her mad to get soaked, but maybe she'll go pout in the bedroom and leave you two alone..
I have been working real hard to get out of this funk I have been in...think I am getting there. Or at least making a point everyday to stay positive. Think the time away really did help some. Trying tongo to my house more during the day for a change in scenery and trying to talk myself into major cleaning. Cobwebs..dust...stuff!!
Need to get more active! Arghh.. Gained 12 pounds in the last few months..am not happy with myself at all! Stress and fibro have been ruling my days. Not to mention the heat. Oh well.
You all have been in my prayers, am so grateful to have to this read to vent. It makes a difference!
Dad's neurological problems get me sad. Hate to see him doing some of the off the wall stuff he does and says. Sometimes he is so clear but others he just seems out there. Course the neurologists don't have a clue.. But he does have several type of anemia that can cause a lot of these symptoms. We monitor his blood..next step is transfusion. Wish doc would just give us a go instead of saying let's keep monitoring. Last time his red blood cells were right on the line. But he wants to check again in another week. Taking him of baby aspirin and his monthly b12 shot help but I am not so sure we can't do more. At least we haven't had uti or diverticulitis flare ups lately.. Thank God. Have to repeat so dad can comprehend what I am saying, takes him a few ..have to watch my frustration level! So glad mom got her hearing aide back! Whew...
Well all. Will try to check in later. Pray everyone has the best day possible.
Vic, the lady I take care of has the same thing your dad does.... Jam would know the name of it, but for her it is prelukemia, she has to have blood drawn every week and transfusions at least every two to three weeks... She will have to go this next week.. she gets very tired, and I have no idea how bad she must feel, because she complains about everything all the time... it is hard to tell sometimes, I think she is very depressed which I understand, but will not talk to her Dr. about any anti's , I just don't think I would choose to be miserable, but I am not walking , or in her case, sitting in her shoes.. She has nothing wrong with her mind except she sees everything in the negative... Must be a sad conversation going on in her head all the time to never ever be happy about anything, to never laugh, but I am not her and do not know how she is really feeling about being sick for so long.... Happy to hear you are trying to get out of your funk, hope you are up and doing cartwheels before long...
Oh do I relate about having to repeat things, Joyce another lady I took care of, was hard of hearing, refused to wear her hearing aids, and had Alz... I was exhausted by the end of the day just from hollering all day,
Ok, there is way too much work waiting on me, so guess I need to get going before it is 1000 degrees , talk to ya'll later, hugs across the miles...
Prayers that you and family have a good day....hugs to you this morning..
Lace, thanks.. Dad takes a mild anti depressant To help him rest but we also give him lortab..nights are sometimes rough. He is on b1 and b6 as well all iron with folic acid daily, plus vitamins. He doesn't take much else but a heart, blood pressure and acid reflux meds
Can you talk to marie's children about her behavior and your concerns...
Vic, I have talked to their daughter, she says that her mother is very stubborn, and she just gets tired of arguing with her about things, I can understand that, as Marie is always upset about something... I will talk to the daughter about how she feels about me talking to her mom about anti's and see what happens... I don't feel comfortable talking to Marie about it unless I know the daughter is in agreement... sometimes they will listen to anyone but family... I just hate to see Marie so miserable....so thanks will talk with the daughter again.....
Ok, it is time to go read for awhile. too hot to work outside, and besides I just had this ten minute conversation, with myself, out loud... and yes, I answer myself, because I am the only one that tells me what I want to hear.... going to rest for awhile...
Enjoy your quite time 54, because they will return...
I love my kids but just dont understand them...shoot they dont even understand them selves!!
54, I am sooo glad that the kids are out of your hair, and that you have let them figure their own way to pay for things.. their adults now and have family's, you've done your duty, you raised them.. Mom had one brother so spoiled I am surprised that he's lived this long.. she would take care of everything for him, support him, buy his beer, his cigarettes, not make him get off his dead butt and look for work, bail him out of jail, when he was in prison for a while, would make sure he had money on the books to get what he wanted, he was in prison when we moved from CA and he had the nerve to tell us we were "deserting him" hello? you just had mom's house raided the door kicked in and you were arrested for drug dealing, and you think we are deserting you? Told Mom one time, if you know you are dying, you'd better take him with you cause none of the rest of us were going to support him. When he came to SC, where we are, law was laid down that he would not be living with Mom, he would have to get a job, and that if he were using drugs again, we (my other brother and I) would personally call the cops on him. He held a job for a long time, till he met my sister in law, and she's one of those stupid women that will work her tail off making money, then come home, clean, make meals, etc.. while he sits on his butt, told her many times, he better be glad he wasn't married to me, I would have killed him by now..
Ladee, I will help you paint the banana boat if you want, we do some brown down on the bottom to represent a bowl, then the banana of course, for the scoops of ice cream the brown, white and red, then for the whipped cream we take a large foam ball and carve it to look like a dollop of whipped cream, and use the rest of it left from the carving to make the cherry and nuts..and glue the whole bunch to the top of the banana boat, talk about getting some serious looks going down the road.. we would have to find out though what the lowest clearance is around, we would not want you losing your whipped cream or your nuts...
I think that I am officially crazy, I can see this whole thing rolling down the road, and ladee talking to herself at the top of her lungs..lol, oh, wait, I was declared crazy several years back and have the paperwork to prove it.. oh, well, normal isn't all its cracked up to be
What I wouldn't give for a new back. I got up early and did all the bare floors and now my back hurts like a %^#*!!
The diet is going OK. I'm on my 4th day and the cravings are going away, slowly.
The 1st 2 days I would have killed somebody for sweets or bread. But I have lost 5 lbs so I guess I'll keep with it.
Seeme, I have heard that sometimes when someone has dementia, the anesthesia and the proteins that our bodies produce when healing can make the mind worse. They claim thats what happened to Peter Falk.
Jam, ummmmmmm, I love rum and coke's.
Ya all were talking about cg's and food. I always remind my cg to eat and drink whatever she wants. She is here for 8 hrs so I would expect her to get hungry and thirsty. I have noticed that she is getting lazy though. I find myself telling her to trim dads nails or do his laundry. She likes to sit and text on her phone. I don't really care about that as long as dad is fine; and she is real good with him.
When mom was alive she could supervise the cg but now it is just cg and dad.
But I don't pay her wage so I don't get bossy with her either.
Well, I guess I better get up and get some laundry done. Peace
Welcome Vas......good to see you here. I'm multi-tasking about 5 different things right now.....will check back later.
Love and Hugz to all of you today.......
Jam
OH, JAM, that was just too good.. I love it...probably a good thing that all the neighbors here at the campground are gone, they would have called the men in white jackets to come and get me.. I have a signature on emails "a human is only as good as their word" I think I am going to change it for a while to your dittie..
Jam love your post, you know we are going to use it now,,, we are lacking in entertainment so this will work...
Seeme, where for art thou. Check in and let us know what is going on... love ya..
more later, hugs
54.........I am on the edge of checking out the jail......my dream spa..........I know I could handle anyone who tried to piss me off.......already been pissed and pooped on..........and it is better to be pissed off than pissed on........
BananaSplit........love the new name better than the banana BOAT..........let's change the name............can we, can we?? Huh, huh???
Hot here, too, but just got a sprinkle.....just enough to make my headache a little better. Was 101..
Mom is about to wear a blister on this brick today........melatonin did nothing last night, and I did read the reminder, Ladee. I was up every hour at least. Kathy doesn't come till tomorrow. She called to remind me about the melatonin, too. Tonight I am giving her a double. Her face is just starting to heal pretty good since she scratched it after the fall, so I am still leaving the "gate" up at night. Just can't be trusted on her own anymore. She wanted to sist in her chair for a while and yelled for me the whole time to dress her. Tolds her to just shut up, but she doesn't remember long enough for it to do me any good. I think I am in Coherent right now........................
Vas.......tell your sister you love her and respect what she is doing for your parents, and PLEASE give her some time off when you go there. That is the best thing you can do for both of you and your parents.
Vic, YR.....keep us posted. Gotta gat supper going. Burritos tonight........later.
everyone else will write more later. Havent heard from the kids at the beach, maybe they will stay!!!
why is it that great news has to be followed by bad? Was just talking with my baby brother online (we have a program called icq, it's like yahoo messenger) he told me he finally got his VA approval letters, doesn't know how to understand them, but knows that he got a 70 on one and a 100 on the other.. I've fought for him with the VA for over 2 years now to get his disability, kept myself from killing him hundreds of times, by reminding myself he's sick, he can't help it.. when he would drive me nuts asking the same things over and over and over (some of you understand that one I know) or his OCD of playing with the electric window, two clicks down, two clicks up, his shoving his gps in my face every time it said something..lol.. I made the mistake of telling him to bring it thinking it would give him something to entertain himself with and leave my window alone before he broke it by wearing out the switch.. from the first day we filed for him, he's been haunting the mail box expecting his mega jigga check as he calls it, have had a hell of a time explaining to him that he had to wait to get the CNP's before they would give him a check..2 years and many doctors appointments later, with me pissing off a few doctors, we got it.
He will now be looking at getting another 2,673.00 per month for his VA pay to go along with his State Disability.. The back pay for it is going to be more than enough to pay off the property, have extra money for stuff etc.. hell if he doesn't get the back pay with what he has coming in now, he can pay off the property in under a year..
Bad news? our friend of the family (brothers ex-partner) is scheduled for heart surgery on Tuesday, this camping trip has now been cut short by 2 days, which personally doesn't hurt my feelings, just wish it wasn't for the reason it is.. I am scared to death that when something happens to Jerr, that Jerry isn't going to be far behind, while their relationship has not been physical in a lot of years, they've been together over 30. Jerry loves him with every breath..
well, time to get off here, get dinner fixed before the rain hits, already been hit with a couple rain drops.
starri......keep us informed about the surgery. I have to agree with ladee.......there is a reason your trip keeps getting delayed. Of course, you could leave hubby at the campground and you go home for a few days of peace and quiet. Glad baby bro's money is straightened out now. Hopefully those of us getting a pittance from the government will still continue to receive it after Aug. 1........
Today it's only 100 degrees outside with the heat index at 103....and the col goes outside in the garden AGAIN........after I watered I noticed one of the tomato plants was no longer standing up over the cage, it was all bent over. Now I know why. I asked her why she didn't let us know, and what would have happened if she fell and couldn't get up..."I would just have made a commercial"......huh? So Target told her that if she doesn't comply, we will have to put a lock on the backdoor and her dog will have to come up and live with us. I told her that if she has such a death wish, I will just bring her a bottle of pills and it wouldn't take so long to die. She gave me her famous "eat s**t and die look" and said "do you really want to get rid of me that bad?" Oh for God's sake. I left the building.
So now I'm going to give myself a pedicure.....
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam