This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I have wondered if I would get them since the stress level is even higher than when I had the very stressful job as buyer at the distributong company I worked for.
Well my back has still been bothering me today not as bad though as in the morning when I first get up. I was thinking about taking a muscle relaxer tonight before I go to sleep to see if that would help. So I wouldn't be in agony in the morning trying to get out of the bed. Red and I still have our cough but the cold is better. I still have not been over to dads in a few days now. And just feeling some guilt about that. I told my sister that I would stay with him tomorrow and she told me just to see how my back was feeling and we would go from there. And my foolish brother and sister in law have told my sister that I didn't want to take care of dad any more at all. And I don't know where those two are getting there info from but it ain't from me. I think the both of them are crazy and delusional. My brother has started back drinking bad from what my sister in law says. I did hear from my neice that he was drunk the other night. And she had to go and play referee between the two of them. Because they were fussing and fighting with each other. They always have some kind of drama going on. A LOVE/HATE relationship I call it. Well I guess I better go bathe the little one he's about to drive his daddy crazy I better go save one of them!!!!! Love and Hugs to all!!!!!
I am wondering about the trip as well ladies... something keeps happening, Glenn and I have thought about putting the trip off till like the first of September, we have some more things we are wanting for the camper and truck.. that will kill off most of the money left after paying bills this month. A couple of those are doubled because of having to get new blue tooths for the phones for hands free driving. and one that had to be put off because of the CT trip.
Well, talking with baby brother again might be even later than the 1st of September, Jerr to go for surgery on Tuesday the 26th, will expect to be in the hospital at least 7 days, then home to heal, Jerry said his next eye surgery is on the 23rd of next month...so there will be both of them to watch over.. Jerr is good about making sure Jerry does what he is suppose to be doing..but it's not going to be possible if Jerr can't care for himself. at least with Jerry getting paid for his trips down to Columbia now, it will make it easier on everyone as far as gas and stuff, he didn't realize just how much it cost to take him down there and back till I made him pay for it one day..lol.. He got a clue that time, surprised he was complaining about paying for this last trip, he got paid for them..lol, it more than covered his gas and hotel..he came out ahead on that one.
Ladies I know most of you feel the same, but I am so frigging tired of death.. first finding dad, I knew something wasn't right when I came up to the door of the house and didn't get the usual "get your ass in this house.." Dad's favorite greeting.. found him face first in the floor in a pool of blood, he had lung cancer, had surgery and didn't have much left, guess what he did exploded or something.. this was about 6 years back or so, have lost a few friends between him and mom, this round of deaths came in it's general 3's..
My SIL lost her Aunt who basically raised her, she was at the funeral for her when she got the call about mom, and then just a week or so later we got the call about Glenn's brother. I've had enough, I hope that God will see fit to give me a break for a while.
Jam, if COL wants to be outside that bad, go to the thrift store, pick her up a old ragged pair of jeans, a plaid shirt, and a straw hat.. get some hay for extra stuffing and put her out by the tomato's as a scare crow..rofl.. will solve her desire to be outside and keep your tomato's safe from the birds.
Ladee, how big is the banana split? if life keeps up like it has been for me, I know things are not going well for the rest of you, it's time to plan our escape.. there has to be some island we can take over. Find ourselves a couple of cute little cabana boys to serve us drinks and have a good time till they find out where we are. maybe we can dig in and throw coconuts at them, make them go away.. Sweet dreams ladies... going to be heading to bed.. will be a long day tomorrow..
You are following your heart,,, and in the end that is more powerful than any words that others sling at us.... you won't have any regrets, can't say the same for him.. and how wonderful that you have some help... you have a family of big hearts that take care of their loved ones.... maybe the brother was exchanged at the hospital and he is not really kin to ya'll...
We are so happy you are here and have joined us, guess you have been keeping up so I don't have to tell you how loving and supportive everyone here is,, and of course the silliness. gotta do that sometimes too....laugh or cry, sometimes we do both... hope we hear from you again.... hugs across the miles to you.....
I t makes me feel so good to know you have so much help... you will see on this thread and many others, many get no help at all... and I can tell by the tenderness in your words you are very grateful for that help...
Happy to hear Mom had a good time, was relaxed and it helped her physically . I know water therapy helps and the fact she enjoys it will make it even better... and yes we all need a cool down...
I live in central Texas and animals are dying from this heat, wild animals that can't find water... I feel myself getting fearful at times, it is hard to look out at the pastures and not see any green... the ranchers are starting to haul in hay by the 18 wheeler load, it is just bad here, really bad...they are setting up troughs in the pastures for water and trucking in water.... no water in the ponds, it's apocalyptic in some ways and very frightening .... but it's not going to rain until it does....
When others get up and get moving they will welcome you also.... hugs to you...
Need to see if I can wake him up soon..we go to church...if I can get him to stay awake.
Lade...wondered if you kept the anti viral meds and use at first sign of residual pain? I have running script because I get the blisters every now and again..stress induced! Fun fun, right! NOT!
Shawna..keep focused on positive! Thanks for your post. Keeps me hoping!
Starring...so jealous! Wish I was in a camper somewhere...this was is what my hubby and I always hoped to do! Other things keep getting in the way! Life ya know! Go with the flow!
Well mom just came into kitchen to start breakfast..guess it is time to see if I can get dad awake. She makes their oatmeal for breakfast every morning! 91! Thankful she is in such great shape, mind body and spirit! Don't think I could handle both at the same time although I would try.
Pray everyone has the best day possible! Love and prayers
Hope you keep us informed on how therapy goes. And just jump in any time and visit.
Which reminds me we haven't heard from Indyrose for a while and Emjo, where are you? ASG, Johnnycares, John, give us a shout......
Mom enjoys the pool you enjoy the pool, take advantage of it as long as the weather permits..
Ladies, we are packing up and getting ready to roll, my icq is wanting to be a butt this morning, will let Jerry send me text, but not me. letting Glenn sleep till the last possible moment then will get him up, we can finish loading up and be on the road for home.
Seeme, no wonder mama gives you such a hard time about a bath... and going into a pool is out of the question... We are going to be having pool envy now with Shawna telling us about getting to get wet and it not be sweat,,, oh, I made a poem...
Gotta get going, the Banana Split awaits a good cleaning.... is this part over yet????
Love you all... later... hugs across the miles to all my great friends...
Vas – u r a blessing! – the others have said it
54 – let them pay for their own misery! – think you have done more than enough for those ingrates
Ladee re talking to yourself - when I was in the throes of preparing for final exams I used to walk down the street talking to myself – got a few strange looks lol - hope the shingle pain is subsiding and that you get rid of that old mattress
Starri – luv ur image of the banana split lol and as for being officially crazy – what’s normal - a town in Illinois? sorry about ur brother’s friend but glad he got his extra pay – I am not surprised u r tired of death – finding ur dad like that must have been hard and them more on top and ur mum’s death - we had 20 deaths of family and friends in 5 years starting with my ex’s sisters suicide – it was a mad whirl of middle of the night phone calls, throwing things into a suitcase and taking off for the latest. One day I was grieving 3 uncles and 2 cousins –couldn’t even sort out which so I had to do it in batches - My fav cousin – was like a brother -died – went to the funeral and came back to find my best friends hubby (who was a friend too in his own right) had gone – finally got so I couldn’t handle funerals any more - my Gordie’s was the last one I went to
YR - sorry ur dad is hurting and that u r too – glad the diet is going well – cravings are the worst - 5 lbs. wowee!!!
Seeme - agreed - better to be pissed off that pissed on
Jam – maybe she is going out to get warm -??? Sorry it’s the best I got
Stormy - glad u and little red are getting better - toss the guilt – and ignore those two – sounds like they deserve one another
Shawna – sounds like u r doing a great job with ur mum – water therapy – love it – and u r talented – no doubt! – I have a sister like that brother of your – ignore him, write him off! – glad u have some decent sibs – I thought I had a big gap between my first and last but 14 looks small against 29
Vic – hope u all get to church with no probs
Laugh for the day – should hit a chord with some of u
• Passing the ass...(_!_ ) Life is all about ass. You're either working your ass off, sweating your ass off, laughing your ass off, kicking ass, kissing ass, spanking ass, hauling ass, wiping ass, busting ass or trying to get a piece of ass! Or, you are an ass. If you agree with this pass the ass (_!_)
have a good day ♥♥♥ Joan
Well, can not get ahold of anyone with a key to the gate to get to the Banana Split, so guess I got my mind all ready to deal with the heat, and now here I set,,,, and patience is NOT one of my virtues when I have things to do that are hanging over my head...so might as well go get groceries and just blow off this day as being anything productive..... OK God, I trust You, You know what I can handle...
gonna be gone for awhile, check in later... love to all
Ladee- So how big is the banana boat? The size of a camper or the size of a greyhound bus. It's got to be pretty big to pick all of us up for our great escape from our caregiver's hell.
Shawna- I hope the water therapy does help your mom. Welcome to our crazy site these girls on here will keep you smiling and laughing when you feel like crying. So glad I have found this site. And a brand new bunch of friends. My sister and me have been taking care of my dad for 1yr 6m. and we have a brother but he only helps out when he wants to or we have to call him and ask if he will help us. He should offer instead of us having to call him. Dad has a trach and can't really be by his self in case he starts having breathing problems. My mom died 7 years ago and God I miss her. My sister and I were very close with her she was like our best friend. Mom liked getting in the pool too. She just didn't like going under the water. Me and sis are not that close with our dad. Well I guess I better go welcome again and come back and visit with us and vent all you want that's what we are hear for. Love and (((((((Hugs)))))) to you all and have a great day!
Good to read some new friends here....welcome Shawna....sometimes we just come and lurk for awhile then jump right in......I like hearing how much fun you are having with your mom. Block your brother on FB, I had to do that with my younger sister after my Mom passed away last Dec. Long story, she and my youngest brother have acted like and still are asses. Two daughters act like spoiled princesses and quit speaking to me years ago, so they all ganged up on me at Mom's passing. Do I miss them? Not a bit......I'm their loss, not the other way around.
ladee.....now please don't throw rocks at me. I'm sitting here listening to thunder and it's getting very cloudy and looks like it could just pour. Not sure if it's going to or just slide right past us. I've managed to keep the garden green but the backyard is brown and sounds like snap, crackle and pop when I walk across it.
I've noticed that the col's dog is bulking out again. Busted her last night.....okay so I have been counting the bologna on a daily basis. She fed him 10 slices from Friday night to last night. She tried to tell us it was gone because she had a sandwich for lunch yesterday. Yeah right. After he had lost those 7 lbs he was more energetic, loving, would go outside without argument, now he is sluggish and we have to chase him down to get him outside. I watched her yesterday hiding behind her blinds and the minute he went back to the door she opened it and let him back in. I just followed, grabbed him and took him right back out but it was almost like he was crazy out there! Better that than cleaning pee off the table legs, told her I'm sick of doing that, and if this continues she can do it.....:) Tomorrow and Heather can't get here quick enough. I would like to go stay in Cognito for awhile and just do nothing. Stormy are you going to stay in Sane? If it would just cool off a little bit, I am going down to the lake house and after the big stuff is loaded and back up here I might stay overnight, just for a little peace and quiet. Have to do some touch-up paint and a little cleaning, might as well make a day of it and not worry about driving back. It's only an hour and a half one way.
It's raining...........hard to see it against the trees.....but definitely see it on the pond. I don't think there will be much, but every little bit helps.
Must shower now and go to Walgreen's.......CVS called here yesterday very concerned because I hadn't picked up my scripts. Target enjoyed telling them what screw-ups they were and how we changed to the competition....:)
Hope everyone has a wonderful day.........will check back later
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Looks like we are going to church..dad will probably sleep but he seems a little more alert today. Wheelchair and transfers kick my butt! Especially the bathroom..
Stormy..so sorry bout your mom..I am blessed to have both right now! Been with them now about 6 years. Some I was working outside and they were still independent. It was nice.
Starri..hope all goes well with friend.
Geez, found dad in the bathroom digging in his [ass]. Good Lord. So had to clean crap outta fingernails. But he is fed and napping in his chair so all is better.
It is cloudy out and I've been praying for rain. I'd do a rain dance to if I wasn't so darn tired. My [ass] is draggin!
My extent of church is Don Moen music videos on youtube. Heck, it's better than church. I get it on my tv along with net flicks. So it's up there on the big screen and Dad even enjoys it.
Well, here's hoping I can get my bro. to come over so I can take my hubby out for lunch/dinner today for his bd. My mil had a bd party for him last evening but dad wasn't feeling well so I didn't get to go. Oh, well. I came into this cg life knowing I would have to sacrifice, but sometimes it gets so frustrating!
Hope you all have a blessed day.
Jam.. Sounds like a plan..she will end up killing the puppy... Course you could just clean out her fridge and bring over the ford for her. Leave healthy snacks ,...etc.
YAY..we made it to and through church! Dad slept most of it but he didn't slip out! We even ate out today without too much problem!
Like everyone else...it is hot hot hot...
Prayers..
The col got her ultimatum today. I told her I knew she was feeding frozen dinners to her dog and I got her "s**t-eating" grin so I knew I was right. She has until Aug. 30 to get the weight off of him or he comes to live with us. Target agrees. I will not watch her kill him. They are very devoted to each other or I would take him now. She gets one last chance to save his little life. He lost the 7lbs last time while she spent the 10 days in the hospital, so it won't take but a couple of weeks to get it off again. Will keep everyone updated on the weight loss saga....:)
Will check back later.........
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Did hubby's butt when he had sepsis, he was in the hospital, but I gave the nurses a break when I was there.. they didn't have to worry about running in every 10 minutes or less to wash his tail for him.. ended up having to get some diaper rash cream and use that on him as his poor little butt was raw along with things that should not get raw, the stuff they have to use at the hospital isn't worth the bottle it's put in.
Last couple of weeks with mom, I was washing her's as well..
Jam, take all the food out of Col's house, leave her one piece of lunch meat each day for her lunch, leave her one tv dinner, don't leave her that one unless your not cooking for her that day. Otherwise, you are going to have to start rolling the dog out the door.
Ladee sorry to hear you could not get to the banana split..that sucks... I'm tired from the long ride, even more tired from dealing with the baby brother, and that is just in the first two hours of being home, will go into detail on that later, lets just say he's a ingrate..
I spent the afternoon tying bows on Kathy's dil wedding invitations. Only had to do 75, but it was wnough. Now I must do sidhes and get mom ready for bed.......at least I get to sleep in my own tonight.
Every body in the whole county got rain except us. Never fails.
Jam, sounds like a plan. OR just leave her frig empty of anything except drinks and veggies, only oatmeal in the cupboards, a little milk......anything the dog won't eat. If you give her meals, why does she need all that?
YR, Stormy and Vic have a good rest of the evening and may cg take it easy on you tonight. Shawna, keep posting !! Emjo, hope you can take something for the pain.
Mom is in Coherent tonight. Will try to get her out...........later........