This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
But did get some things accomplished today so feel a little better...onward thru the fog... hugs across the miles....
A simple phucking thank you is all...
Glenn knows that something is up with me this evening, I haven't told him about Jerry's attitude.. How I wish I could just say you know what? up yours and walk away.. Jerr isn't scheduled for surgery tuesday, he gets a cath (has had several before) then depending on what that shows, he might be heading straight from the cath into the hospital for the surgery.. so we shall see, I've had friends who's had this done before and came though just fine.. only challenge we have with him is his age 70, and the fact that he's in bad health to begin with.. So I'll be taking them to Anderson, Jerry still can't drive, Jerr can't drive, not with his nerves tore up like they are.. He would have had his brother in law take them, but the brother in law is about to crawl 6ft under himself.
So that leaves me, then next month Jerry has two appointments scheduled for the VA down in Columbia, one on the 16th (it's actually a double appointment) the way we figure that one is a last check on the left eye and the pre-bed as they call it for the right, then on the 23rd he has his next surgery scheduled on his right... so this is going to be fun, if Jerr does have to have the surgery, he's not going to be able to take Jerry, that leaves me again, for both appointments.. and then after getting the little shit head home, it's going to more than likely be me that is going to have to do his drops, keep the patches and stuff on his eye..etc.. Here is where I really want to say you know what? up yours, deal with it yourself.
Ladee lol I would love to see a picture of the banana split. LOL ..
Starr I agree with you about the boogers and the puke. I can handle cleaning up her behind most of the time its when she gets diarrhea which thankfully is NOT often I get a bit queasy but stuff in her nose or her throwing up yep I'd be right there hurling with her. Starr I use A & D ointment cause mom can get very sore easily down below or Boudreaux's Butt Paste both work very well and keeps her from getting sores down there....
Ladee I am so sorry for that poor doggie ... i agree you might have to take him to live with you because .... feeding table scraps to a dog sometimes can make them very sick and especially if they are over weight. Anyway closing for now .. hope everyone had a great weekend... mom and I will be in the pool tomorrow she can't wait now I just got to get her her own suit and the life jacket and we are set for water therapy.
Ladee, does the a/c work in the banana split? Puleeeeeeezze tell me it does !!! And how long is it????
And Starri it is hot like a MF here right now, very low humidity in this part of Texas, very dry, but we are in a drought remember, so If I didn't already live here, I wouldn't come visit until the fall..... but I'll leave the light on for ya......
Ok, shower, wash clothes,, and get ready for my next great adventure... hugs to all.
The kids are at the beach and are having fun would you believe no fussing!!!!
why do they tell us constantly how much they hate each other and then get along so well away. sounds like it may be us. But I never say anything to them about the other one or what they should or should not do. only the one time lately when I shocked the youngest with a little mouth full and he said Mom I didnt know you talked like that! Oh well I do hope they have fun, would have taken husband but knew how it always is when we all go. Misery.
Oh well we will go (husband and I) when they get back. maybe if its not rented, and if he is able to travel. could not think of a more peaceful place to die than at the beach.
going take the trash can out to the road while everyone on the street is asleep.
I stay in except 2 days a week, for a few hours. go to the mail box at night and never sit on the front porch. Just dont want to hear from neighbors how bad he and I look. tell me something positive!! later taters
Just wanted to check in this morning because I have a busy day and Kathy is going to work me again. Mom has a dentist appt and Kathy and I start on cleaning the kitchen. That will be fun.......NOT. So, I must start my day early......going to shower and will talk to you later..........
Ladee, at this point and time I can deal with the fires of Hades, I am just so damned disgusted with family. Glenn and I both worked our asses off for that little prick, Glenn kept on him and on him to do this till he finally gave in, he had been told a long time ago to do this and was worried about messing up his SSD. We started the long haul after that, I can't tell you how many days I spent on the road hauling him 3 hours down, 3 hours back and countless hours spent in doctors offices..
Repeating the same thing over and over again like some frigging talking parrot, when he would ask me questions, only to have it start again the next day. Yes he's sick, yes he has memory issues, but that is no excuse for being rude, I remember to tell him Thank you when's it's appropriate.
I have a house full of furniture anyone interested? lol.. we're going to take this vacation and when we return I am going to start clearing out, I've had enough..and I don't really know that I want to stick around for his up coming appointments, I'll be here for Jerr, at least he isn't some kinda stuck up little prick.
Enough complaining for now I guess. Ain't going to do no good anyway..short of making me feel better for the moment..lol... maybe he will surprise me today, NOT
I forgot to tell ya'll I got my time with the donkeys yesterday.... They head butted each other for the oatmeal cookies.... scratched and rubbed on Cheyenne and Jack, Mama just wanted the cookies.... Cheyenne got mad because I was talking to Jack, walked away and gave a kick with those back legs... glad I was on the other side of the fence... I fussed at her , she looked at me with those soulful eyes, nickered and walked away.... she had had enough of me I guess...... and besides, I didn't have any more cookies,,,, sorta like life isn't it, run out of cookies and everybody splits.....
Love and hugs to ya'll , later.. stay cool.
we had pronghorn head cooking on the stove last night - mmmmm NOT - just a little smelly - but G constructed a trellis for my front deck to train the ivy on so I gotta luv him. I had ivy all over that side of the house and it grew under the front deck overhang and "drippped" down. I loved it, Then the reno lads got too aggressive with a chain saw and cut the main stem and the whole thing died. I suppose it had to come down anyway to put up new siding. so we are growing a new one.
seeme - I don't like taking painkillers or much of anything that isn't absolutely necessary - at its worst nothing helps and if it is not at its worst I can stand it.
I am researching supplements and have increased a couple I am taking which seem to be helping. I have to believe there is an answer to this within my reach so I keep plugging. - when I am through this bout I need to build myself up some - one thing I will credit my mother with is that she does not assume something cannot improve just because you are older
YR - I don't know how u do it -though having said that I pushed through for years too - when you have to...
starri- you must have wings to help ur brother like that -sounds like time to kick some one's (_!_) !!!
jam - good for u for taking care of that mutt - truth is she probably doesn't realize what she is doing - like with most things - and that's why she is with u
- that said it still would drive u nuts
stormy - don't know how u do it either - get all the help u can - hope that cough is leaving u - I had a flu like that and it is almost over
ladee - luv hearing about the donkeys - they all have their own personalities -sounds like u have a plan with the banana split - that's good
vic - hang in there! glad dad behaved yesterday
54 - leave the boys be -almost like they are doing it to get ur attention - it would be lovely if you and hubby could get to the beach for a while
john - sounds like u r making good progress with ur man cave and ur diet
everyone out there - hope it rains and cools down all over the place
- we are going to where it will rain half the time and the temps will be between 60 and 70 - thunderstorm here last night -and the mosquitos are like dive bombers
re my online adventures - keep thinking of this one young man who wanted to cut IT off - really he did - he asked me if I would do it for him!!!!~ I researched this online and some do - of course I was concerned for him - chatted in messenger and - lo and behold without much warning - he sent me a picture of it - in full bloom! - well!!! my eyes nearly fell out! I complimented him on his fine attributes and scoured my computer to delete all copies as my grandkids use it sometimes! Still wonder about him.
my Gordie's d day coming up and I haven't tossed Gary out of the house yet or even thought about doing it - that's progress ;)
have a good day everyone and don't open pics from strange young men lol ♥
Blessed weekdays!!!!!!!!!!!! Peace and quiet and only listening to the col in the evening. Isn't that terrible? She started putting herself to bed last night, so we ran down and of course she griped about having to go to the bathroom, didn't think the dog needed to go outside and was going to fight me over a glass of water that I was trying to take out of her hand....rather hard to pee and hold a glass at the same time. It was her "alky" glass. A lot of people take a glass of water to bed with them, this household takes alka-seltzer. It gives you an aspirin a day, is also an antihistimine.......and if you have a "nip or two" before bed, you will not wake up with a headache. A cup of water, with one tablet and 6 ice cubes....you're set. The point is to drink it during the night.....the col leaves the whole thing sitting there night after night. Frankly I am sick of fixing it only to have it sit there, so when the box runs out that's it. Told Target if we need to give her an aspirin, we will start including a baby ASA in daily meds.
I was hoping I could get down to the lake house this week....but no, it's going to be hotter this week than it's been. A storm moved through here last night but I don't think it did anymore than thunder. It doesn't look like we got a drop of rain. It's a good thing the other side of the pond is so deep, the side closest to the house is dry. I walked out on the deck yesterday and saw in the lower yard a HUGE owl eating something. He took whatever it was with him, so they are getting closer now, have to watch my little chihuahua again when he goes out.
I hope everyone has a peaceful day......worrying about those of you who haven't posted for a while, let us know how you are doing....
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Love and Hugz to all of you,
Jam
Well when my son and nephew stop arguing like two old married folks, maybe they will get the banana split moved by Wed. I HATE having to count on anyone to help me, and this has turned into such a cluster f%%k... Called the lady that is renting me the space, want to go ahead and pay for it, so I still have one by the time those two make me have a nervous breakdown... and I found a storage unit today, so that is taken care of...
But for the perfect ending to the day, I come home and the house is HOT, the AC had frozen up... had to turn it off, it was 106 here today!!!!!! Let it thaw, turned it back on and it is just now starting to get cooler.. told Mike about it, he won't pay to have it fixed and I;m damned sure not, so will have to make do.... story of my life.....I'm starting to feel like poor white trash more and more each day..lol....
So, hope everyone had a descent day, will try to check back later, it is cooler outside than in here, hugs across the miles...
Now try to tell him not to swish his coffee or spit. Yearight(hence my name), not gonna happen. The last time I checked he hadn't started bleeding again.
We had about 2 drops of rain yesterday. It never rains here anymore.
Well, low and behold, my bro agreed to come over last evening so hubby, teenager and I got to go out for dinner.
Have I said that I need to clone myself? Well I do.
Well dad just went into the bathroom so I better go supervise. Peace.
YR sounds like you have a brother about like mine. MIA!!!!(missing in action)
Ladee, is the banana split about ready? You can come and save all of us from our cg's hell. We can all make a break out of JAIL! I hope you can talk Mike into fixing the AC it's too hot not to have air. You'll pass out in this heat!!!
Emjo, I am soo loving the antlers pics. I hope you are having a better day today!
Jam, the schedule I got for myself is better than what it was. I guess I'm just wondering if I am staying enough. Because before I got soo depressed I was staying 9 or 12 hours a day with dad. So these new hrs. are kind of a welcomed relief. My sister is basically staying every night with my dad and I guess that is why I feel kinda bad for her. She gets off work at 8 at night and then comes to stay with dad. And she leaves to go to work around 8:30 or 9 some mornings and other days she goes in at 1 til 8. And our dear brother does not help out much at all. He might and this is a big might stay with dad at night 1 night a week or 1 night every 2 weeks. But my sister has to call him and ask him to stay with dad. Then if he does we have to hear from sil that she is scared that he is going to have another stroke coming down here to help with your dad because it's too stressful for him. But he doesn't do anything except clean out his canula and get him some tea and help him out of the chair that's all. Me and sister do everything that has to be done to dad before we leave brother there. Feed, shots, meds, suction all that shit. And my brother use to be a paramedic up until last year. And was one for like 15 yrs. So he could probably do some of that stuff. But I guess he thinks well if I start back doing it. They(we) will be calling on him to help us all the time. And now he has started back drinking pretty bad. I think the wife is about to drive him insane. She would drive me insane. And he doesn't do anything all day long so he could stay some of these nights for our sister. When he doesn't stay for a long time then I feel like I have to stay a night with him, but I just can't do it anymore. And I haven't in awhile now. Little Red would call me on the phone saying Mommy please come home when i would have to stay at night with dad. And it just broke my heart to have to tell him that I had to stay with Papa. Oh and by the way sil doesn't do sh$#!!! She was coming down some at christmas to spend the night with my brother when he would stay with dad but now she doesn't even do that anymore. She's kinda like a no show. My hubby has stayed with dad some during the day for a few hours for me or if something is going on and we need him. But most of the time he tries to keep the little one at home so I don't have to contend with dad and a 4 yr old at the same time. And my bil has started helping us out some too. The new lady that is helping us can come pretty much anytime I think. Me and hubby just fixed this schedule so that I can leave at 4 or 4:30 to pick up LR and then go home and not have to go back over to dads with LR. And that way he can go outside and play with his toys and be at home some. Because before I was having my PA I was having to keep him over at dads until 8 or 8:30 at night, rush home bathe him, fed him and play for a little while and then try to get him to bed. I guess I'll see how well I can tolerate the new schedule. I'm kinda like you I want it to be fair also for everyone. Just not sure that it's fair to my sister. Love and Hugs to all. Thanks for listening.
Don't do like I tend to do, and be fair to everyone else to my demise.
Ladee, is this Mike the guy who owns the place that your living? you might want to remind him that if there is no way to pull the humidity out of the house, he might want to think about mold growth.., even when Glenn and I were gone on our trip the a/c was left on, just because of that. You can also check with the local pawn shops, they have some used units you could stick in the window in your room for now.. or go to one of those rent to own places and get you one.. later if you need, it can be added to the side of the banana split.. They do have the portable ones, kinda like heaters you sit in the middle of the room, but those things are pricey..
Well, getting time for me to get ready to get out of here, it's 5:10AM and I am on my way to pick up the Jerry's (brother and friend of the family) and haul the friend to Anderson for a cath and possibly surgery. Gonna tell the friend he'd better plan on being home by the 25th, I can haul brother to Columbia for his surgery, but he would rather lose his sight I believe than let me help him. Ladies, I don't know how we are going to pull it off, but we are out of here by the first of Sept, if I have anyway to do it. Have a wonderful day...
So that means that we are a go for leaving at the end of the month, Jerr will be home, recovered from his stint pretty much and be available to haul Jerry back and forth to Columbia..
I can't begin to tell you what a disappointment that kid has turned out to be, no word of thanks, no acknowledgement for all that Glenn and I have done to help him get his VA disability.. I'm not asking for him to bow at my feet, jump up and down yelling thanks at the top of his lungs, but a simple hey thanks would be nice.
He's back drinking again, he'd stopped for 2 years, after mom passed he started again.. He's going to go down hill quickly I know.. anyway, how is everyone else doing today? I'm going to try and chart a course for us to start out on for the trip and get a list of things I need to stock the camper with.. maybe tonight after the sun goes down and it cools a bit, I can get out there and do some rearranging.