This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I can't imagine how difficult that was for you! My mom used to have screaming fits, throwing dishes, anything she could get her hands on. But, it was when she was about 50 years younger, we were young children then. These were absolutely frightening for all of us, but I got to the point that I would just yell at her to stop, roll my eyes, then retreat to the basement. I have no idea where these came from or what set them off. Wonder if they will return as she progresses in this disease. And then, yes, it is facility time!
A friend came by this evening and we watched the saints game. We kept telling Mom to help the saints and they won. She loved the Saints!!!! thanks again!!!!!!!!!
God's blessings to you Lav for peace of mind in the days ahead. You did an admirable job in caring for your mom.
I expect things to get worse soon though, brother is all about money and control, who's going to have it, I'm DPOA for dad and he's in my care. Dad will not be able to live on his own and he can't drive anymore. His home is in serious disrepair with a cracked foundation on all corners and his house is sagging, Dad has said he wants to have an auction this Spring in March, I'll arrange that and will be in charge of it, and that's when the impending true you know what will hit the fan for my brother, years of smart remarks and threats from him are going to backfire on him big time and hard. He's also removed things from dad's house that are to be auctioned. I'm wondering how he'll react actually. He'll be very angry, but he's too cheap to hire an attorney, even if he did, they'd have to argue somehow against me being dad's DPOA, and there just isn't any argument for that, brother isn't fit. It's bad enough as caregivers we give up so much to care for our loved ones, then to have to be in the middle of a war during it as well, just sucks frankly, I just keep telling myself it is what it is, and nothing will last forever.
Now what is it with you guys about football. A bunch of grown men racing around and beating each other up
Blessings
Mom has been better since thursday night. My brother returns from his vacation tomorrow so maybe that will help a bit. She still isn't sleeping well. Getting her a neurologist to check her out to see if they can help somehow. Her pain is the problem so maybe if neurologist can't give any extra help a pain clinic will have to help. We are in deep freeze...I haven't even gone outside yet but I need to go shovel the front here shortly while I have supper cooking. Also taking her to the foot doctor soon. She didn't sleep real well last night but has caught up a little today in a nap this morning. Now that the holidays are over, I have cleaned up christmas stuff in my house maybe this will settle h er...all weekend she didn't even recognize being at her house. Kept asking me when we were going home....its sad. She has these emotional outbursts but has always had them because of her brain injury.