This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
And as is my mantra; "forgive yourself, cause ain't nobody else gonna do it." LOL
It's raining really hard all morning (it's only 8am) and I drive a Corolla. We live in a low lying area that floods even with regular rain. This also means our main roads will be flooded and my car will be hydroplaning while bigger cars goes zooming past. {{shudder}} I'm a really really terrible driver despite taking 2 classes of driver's education. I've already gotten into an accident when it was raining (my fault) and now I really really really hate driving in the rain. One thing I am sooooo grateful for..... thank goodness it's not snow or ice!!!!
There is also some humor which everyone enjoys because it is such a relief to laugh and not cry. Enjoy your group of new friends we look forward to getting to know you.
Book I hope you did not have to swim home
Thank heavens, three days later, EVERYone is well and kicking the dustballs. Woohoo!! Even managed one whole day of rest, before I go back into the trenches tomorrow. At least we're not sick .. and well enough to take down the xmas decorations.
Hoping everyone stays well .. gets lots of rest .. and is rewarded with chocolate (or splurge of choice)......
LadeeC
" .. I took it too .. "
My mother has a friend she's known for over seventy years. My mother, my aunt and the friend used to go, not often but regularly, on outings - theatre, wildlife sanctuaries - until we moved away, then kept in touch by phone every so often. They were all teenagers/young women together in India, lost touch after Independence, then were reunited by the weirdest co-incidence in the 1980s when my SIL happened to be looking after the friend's elderly mother in hospital - they got chatting, my SIL said "oh, if you were in Calcutta, did you happen to know…" and sure enough Sylvia certainly did know. One of those startling "small world" moments, leading to a 30 year resumption of the three "girls'" friendship.
And guess who I clean forgot to tell about my aunt's death in time for her to attend the funeral last week. Oh boy oh boy oh boy… I've been hanging my head in shame since Sunday night when I suddenly realised no one else would have known to tell Sylvia. No way out. My fault. Sent her a card on Monday, she rang today and was very sweet about it. Wish she'd bitten my head off instead. She's 95, beginning to feel it, and living alone. I feel such a twerp.
I have heard (I'm saying this cautiously, in case it was an April Fool or something) that a clove of garlic as a suppository will ward off any virus. Nobody present seconded this idea, but it now occurs to me that even if I had tried it and found it true I probably wouldn't have spoken up either. Does anyone know?
LadeeM - I am sorry that you miss Stu because you were very close to him. But I am glad that you had a good cry.
Everybody - It does not matter how other people think about my beliefs they are mine and mine alone. I also try to not be judgmental about other people's beliefs.
CM - Forgive yourself. I remember forgetting things. And feeling bad about it. I finally had to accept that everything that I was going through it was a wonder that I remembered anything. So do not be so hard on yourself and hope the other people understand.
Well, It has some really rough days. We finally chose a date for my mom's service but there was a problem. Mom thought that she had everything paid for. She did but she did not pay for the vault to be opened and them closed. They want $650.00 for only that. Are they nuts? So, because my mom's cremains will not be interred until later the catholic church cannot have a funeral mass said for her. She will be having a memorial mass said for her instead. I was really upset about this because she was not going to be getting the service that she wanted. That is one thing about catholic church I do not like. Too many darn rules. Oh well, her service will be terrific and beautiful. She is having the people that she wanted doing the readings. She will be having an organist and singer to do the songs that she wanted. I also really do think that she will have plenty of people there for her. The services are mostly for us and not really for her. Even though we do not have a lot of money I am hiring the church organist and vocalist. I have been going crazy calling and e-mailing people to let them know about it. The obit will be in the times-picayune tomorrow. I hope I did a good job on it. All of my friends are going to make it. Well, I had better . You all take care alright.
Veronica, I may live in an island but I sure don’t know how to swim. I really don’t care for the beach at all.
Sarah, I hope you get well fast.
LadeeC, I giggled when you said Grapefruit Seed Extract. My dad once told me to buy Grape Seed. I went and bought it, gave it to him. He got mad at me because I bought the wrong one – Grape Seed Not Grapefruit Seed. I still have the unopened bottle somewhere.
Lav, I only found this past weekend from SIL that the parents’ prepaid funeral arrangements also did NOT include the opening and closing of the vault. I couldn’t believe that they charge us that much to open and close an apartment-style vault! You think that was bad, mom happened to die just before Holy Week. The Catholics will do nothing on that whole week – no funerals, no weddings, etc…. It’s Holy week. So, my mom had a long wait to be buried. She died, I think on March 19, and got buried on April 2 (?). My family looked aghast/horrified at me when I asked if we can just bypass the priests and just have a eulogy and bury her?
Ladee, {{HUGS}} So sorry...
On Oct 23, 2013, my doc prescribed my first prescription of Lipitor, 20mg + 2 refills for my high cholest. I argued with the doctor to please lower it to the lowest dosage because my body is very sensitive to meds. I gave the example of Nyquil where the box says take 2 pills and I just take 1. The one time I took 2, it knocked me out and even the next morning at 9am, I was still on "lala land." or "brain in a fog." He insisted on 20mg. I complained to bro and a friend who were both surprised that I had a large dosage. Bro has out-of-control cholesterol. This was 2012.
Last year, I went back for my annual checkup for 2013. Doc asked why I'm not taking Lipitor. I told him why. He didn't see it in the electronic chart, so he opened the paper chart. When he found it, I heard him *gasp*. He did NOT prescribe me Lipitor. I left without a prescription.
Anyway, today, when he asked me again why I'm not taking the Lipitor, I told him why - 20mg. He said that he would not give me 20mg. He then backtracked on the electronic chart and there it was 10mg. I was shocked. After I get my blood test results, I will not come back to this doctor.
I know I should keep my trap shut and just nod my head like a bobblehead when my Mom speaks, but I'm sorry 90 is not young!
So, if your mother is, say, 91 - her friend was a mere child. 90 is the new 9! x
My mom celebrated her 90th birthday almost 3 yrs., ago.
As we were all gathered for a family celebration in her home, hosted by my sister, we sang Happy Birthday. Then mom, turned to us and asked how old she was. When we told her 90. She rolled her eyes, and replied, "90." (in total disbelief) She also said something like, "I'm that old." We all laughed, as we knew her little vanity was emerging, about the fact she was 90.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
Sis keeps raving about the toaster/convection oven. I do sometimes miss baking and would love to make cake with lots of walnuts in it. But, I do not want to buy a toaster/oven just for cake. I'm just trying to weigh the pros/cons of buying one. Sis doesn't cook. On the weekends, I usually cook enough lunch to carry over to dinner - for both of us.
How often do you use your toaster/convection oven? And what are some of the things you use it for (other than warming up pizzas)?
It only does one thing at a time though for instance one loaf of bread. But for the two of us unless I am doing something big like a turkey it is fine. It also only needs a 110 outlet which is also a plus.