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Feeling really worried tonight and borrowing trouble that hasn't happened yet is not my style...went for my mammogram today...tech said she needed to take more pics...then sent me to have an ultra sound done one the right side...I take care of my 91 year old MIL and my husband was raised an only child...if I have to go to the hospital for something, I don't know what we will do...more worried about that than another surgery...I've had so many (4in the same spot) I told them I wanted them to sew in a zipper last time but the doc wouldn't go for it...Mom (MIL) depends on me like I was her actual right hand...left too for that matter. We have tried to help preserve her dignity so I am the only one who bathes her or changes her diapers. My husband helps with lifting and sometimes gives eye drops...she has multiple issues going on so the only thing she can still actually do without help (for now) is get food from her plate to her mouth...has PD so am not sure how much longer that will last...any change in routine throws her for a loop so am really worried more about her than me...
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Reddog .. your concern for your MIL is laudable, and .. darlin', I really hope you're taking care of you first, and that includes not hiding your own feelings about your own potential future. Maybe it's become routine for you, but heck .. you deserve the opportunity to be a little selfish, too. Sending hugs.
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reddog, I sympathize with you, my sister had good SlamOGrams for many years then a speck showed up this year. They did an MRI and saw a lot of things that the SlamOGrams never picked up. So now they want to MRI the other side. Meanwhile her husband can't drive due to cardiac issues. All I can tell you is take care of YOU first, because you can't take care of anyone else if you don't survive. And if you have adult children, conscript them, the time is NOW for them to step up to the plate. Pass the torch to them for a while.
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Thanks...we have a daughter that lives about half an hour away that has 2 small kids in school who will do what she can...I'm hoping I get letter saying all is well but we will see. Never had to go get an ultrasound for this before so I know they are seeing something they are concerned about...I looked and surgery is not on my current time schedule but I've had to rework that schedule before.
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Reddog, God willing the hïatus in your MIL's routine will be very temporary, but you need to hand her over and concentrate on making sure YOU'RE okay first. She may not fully grasp that you're not doing it through choice, but you know that's true. Try to rest your mind about it. Best of luck x
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Red - I agree with everyone else. You need to think about yourself now. We all get to the point where we have to think about ourselves too. I had let myself go so much I was not taking my thyroid meds and I wasn't taking care of my depression. I wound up with high blood pressure and serious depression. Since then I have been taking care of me and I was taking care of my mom also. I hope everything turns out okay for you.
Hi all - Mom's memorial mass was yesterday. It was beautiful. My brother and I both spoke about her and we both told a story about her sense of humor. I made the mass program and of course I was the one that got everything done. myself. It was worth it. My bother stopped by the house on the way home and he was in his control mode. I know he is worried about my future and so am I but let me have a rest first. PLEASE give me time to grieve. I have to tell you a story. Mom had everything written down that she wanted. The readings the songs and just about everything else. Well, I was talking to the Vocalist and she recommended Ave Maria to be sung. I remembered mom loved that hymn. She told me that one time she went to a concert at the church. The young vocalist sang Ave Maria to her mother. Every time mom talked about this she cried because it was so beautiful. It turns out that the vocalist was the same woman who sang the hymn at the concert. It WAS beautiful and I know mom was looking down and listening from heaven. After the ceremony everyone was talking about it. It cost a lot to have the music but I know I did what mom wanted and that gives me peace. After my bother left the house I went and put on my pj's relaxed and took a nap at 2 pm and I woke up at 1 am. It was the best rest I have had in a while. Well, later I have to start on the house. It looks like Huuricane Katrina and Sandy paid a visit. Well, Ya'll have a great day and take care of yourselves.
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*hugs* Lav .. great job. Just hugs.
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Oh Lav sounds lovely. I'm so glad everything went so well. I'm sure your Mom is proud.. Hugs..
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It's funny how they act like children? My Mom's friends funeral mass is this morning at 9am and I just went to check on Mom and she's still in bed! I saw her quickly shut her eyes to pretend she's still sleeping. She never sleep this late!!! Just tell me you don't want to go! They'll understand, it's 1 degree out anyway and she's 91 yrs old. I'm sure they family will understand! Jeez!

On the bright side at least Mom's not having a panic attack!
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Red I hoe everything is ok but DO not worry about others she will just have to deal with others caring for her for now-she will deal with it or not do not worry about her. Here where I live most women have to have both a mommo and an ultrasound-the first time there found a problem with my mommo I had to wait 2 weeks to schedule an ultrasound the next time I had to have a mammo I said you better set up both at the same time it was unacceptable to wait again 2 weeks worrying-I found other women told them the same so a few months ago Ihad the mammo and went right to the ultrasound-they read it right away and I lift knowing everything was ok-I pray that is the same for you-keep us posted.
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We didn't go to the mass.
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Oops I was a little fresh with Mom, I reminded her about her saying 90 was "young", so she should be able to go outnin this cold weather without it bothering her! LOL!

I guess she's not the only one acting like a child today...
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Mom just called this morning. I need some fast advice! She is frightened and out of breath. She said she almost fell on the way to the bathroom last night. She is 92: heart problems. Wants to go to exercise class just to be with people and maybe hopes to feel better. She did call her doctor just now to see what he says.
Mom has a lot of days like this but this time it sounds like she came close to falling. She lives near me in her own apartment. She only tells me things and is not open to any advice from me. She might talk to strangers though. I have mentally resigned from trying to really help her since she refuses everything. I can't even get in an utterance of Uh, wow, really...she gets mad and says, "Can I talk now?" And then she rambles on like a machine gun.
Question: should she be having some outside help? How can I help her if she always shuts me out?
I feel like I am waiting for the worst thing to happen, which I guess at 92 is inevitable. Any advice?
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Judda, does she have a life alert ? If not, guess there is nothing you can do... I am also with someone who is noncompliant.... I feel defeated, but she is going to do what she has always done.... if she doesn't already have Life Alert, then get her one... hopefully she will wear it.... sending you hugs of one frustrated caregiver to another..
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She has one but of course she refuses to wear it.
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Mom just called and told me not to worry. She is going to the senior center with someone. Ugh.
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Judda, I feel for you.... makes us feel so angry and frustrated.... but guess if she has made it this far, she can handle it...... determined to live her life.... regardless of who it upsets or worries.... guess we just get to set back and watch things unfold.... sorry you have this to worry about everyday... lots of hugs
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Judda, based on what I've learned from the cardiologist and what your mom says, she'd probably be a candidate for a pacemaker (one of the criteria is light-headedness, fainting, falling as a result). That's IF she'll admit to it to the doctor, and IF she's decided that "enough is enough."

Meanwhile, hug her, hold her, let her know you love her enough to support her decision .. whatever it is.
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Lavendar,

What a lovely story about finding the organist who your mother had heard do this song years ago. This is truly a blessing for you and your mother. I'm sure too,
that she was watching, very proudly, and thankfully.

Quite insensitive of your brother, to have this "get on with it attitude," just after your mom's passing. Yes, now it's your time to have for yourself. So happy to hear also, that you finally can also rest.

A great big hug,
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Ugh! I want to scream! I was just on the phone with my healthcare co. about a recent bill I received and my Mom walks up to me and says "oh you're on the phone" and continues to talk about something she just saw on the news!!! "Hello" I'm on the phone...

Again my tongue is bleeding...Deep breaths...... Aaahhh...
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Red think positive. false alarms are very common after mammograms especially if you have dense breast tissue. If I understand you correctly you have had cysts removed several times before and they have been negative. could they do a needle biopsy and get the results to you sooner. You know what will be involved if it is just a cystectomy. You should be home the same day with minimal interruption in MIL's care. If and it is a big if it is cancer there is a new treatment where they put the chemo directly into the breast at the time of surgery so it is not necessary to go through weeks of being ill loosing your hair etc if you definitely need to be out of action for several weeks could MIL go in somewhere for respite. Try not to worry you won't change anything. if you are very anxious ask your Dr for something at least short term to help you through.
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judda-
How would she feel about nannycams connected to the internet so you could check in on her a couple times a day. You may even consider a system that you could talk to each other, I'm sure there is such a thing.
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Assand - I am going to get you a huge bandaid for your tongue. Your mom wanted to go to the mass for her friend but she knew it would not be good for her. That's funny that she was pretending to be sleeping.
Judda - They are going to do what they want to do. They just want to live their way for as long as they can. My mom did not want to go to the doctor either. But when she said that she wanted to go to the doctor or the hospital I said lets go.
Margeaux - thank you for your post. My brother went into this mode the day my mom died and has not let up. I just want him to stop this. He was very insensitive at the service. He was sitting right beside me and I tried to hol his hand and he did not respond. In the mean time I am working my ass off trying to get the house empty of the stuff my mom accumulated over 51 years. All he does when he comes over is tell me what to do. As you can see I am very hurt right now. Take care
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Lav, you are no one's victim... you have spent years being at the beck and call of your mom, with your feelings hurt time and again..... tell your brother I said to kiss MY ass...not yours , MINE..... I know about not having time to grieve... and it just compounds what else is going on... take your time getting that house done..... he is not going to do anything different than he ever has... put it in your mind to not expect him to be kind or compassionate.... he has never been that way, and wont start now.... something wonderful is going to break for you.... told you this awhile back...I just feel it... so you come here... we love you, we understand your hurt right now.... and he can kiss my big fat ass for not being more kind..... love, hugs, angles.... and a pound of chocolate...
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*Angels*, not angles.... oh lord...sorry !!!
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I wish I could send you all a holy card from the mass. I you would like one let me know. Love all of you. Hugs and milk chocolate kisses for you all!!!!!
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Just realized tomorrow is the 25th.. It's been a month since Christmas and not one phone call or visit from useless siblings! Maybe in May! It will be Mother's Day after all..!!!!!!!LOL
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A&A-
Since Christmas, same here with the counselor sibling, though the other has taken mom to church almost every week! Incredible what someone (guardian) watching over her will do!
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Assand and Glad - I know what you are going through with the siblings. It was so hurtful to my mom that her only son did not call or come see her. He says it was because she always brought up bad stuff when he called. He is such a wimp. The only thing I can say is that you are the one that sees the good and the bad. You will have the memories to take with you and they will not. When my mom passed all I could remember were the good times and not the bad. My brother does not have that. I hope things get better for both of you. Take care of YOU!!!
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Lavender I don't know if this will help or not. Many years ago I had female patient dying of kidney failure. This was before dialysis (there were probably only a couple of machines in the whole of London) and the first kidney transpalnts were only just beginning and not hugely successful. her name was Coralee and she had a six week old baby. She had been told not to get pregnant but she and her young husband went ahead anyway and produced a beautiful little girl but it was the end of her kidneys as had been predicted and she came into the hospital to die. Her husband hardly ever came in to see her and this greatly upset the nursing staff. How could he be so cold we asked each other. How could he not want to spend as much time with her as possible. Her mother and sister came every afternoon but come evening visiting hour there was no sign of him. She did not notice because by then she was heavily sedated which was all we could do for her. I was newly married and one evening I asked my husband why this young man did not care about his dying wife. He replied that he kept away because he did care and cared very much. I have since seen this many times when young female Hospice patients have been dying. It is sad but I was able to understand. I wonder if your brother also kept away because he actually did care very much about your Mom.
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