This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Assandy, my father is just like that. When I'm on the phone, he keeps talking to me. I try to shush him and he just continues. He just doesn't want my attention to anywhere except him. So, he doesn't like the TV, my books, and my computer.
Lav, I'm not Catholic, but I love that song "Ave Maria." My mom's name was Maria. But my sister/sil did not use that song for mom's funeral in the church. I would have been just as satisfied if they used a CD and played it. But, they went all out and hired a real church choir. My father loves it. They only play it on Sunday early mornings in the radio. They now have male singers singing it. Not as beautiful as the females singing it! Women's version just touches my heart.
A wig and a bird in a cage left behind in a US cab
A prosthetic leg and an ex-boyfriend in Australia
A trombone in Finland
A Rubik's cube in Italy
Dentures in Germany
My question is was the prosthetic leg on the boyfriend in Australia? LOL!
new members or get a "report this post"!
"This too shall pass"
Veronica - I appreciate your post. However, no brother is not caring. If he cared he would have been there for mom. My mom was so hurt by him it just ticks me off BIG time. If I had my way which I don't I would have cut him off from everything. And I mean and I would have no regrets. I will tell you what he will NOT control me ever again. Who in the hell does he think he is. Coming here like he owns the place and not giving me time to breathe. If he calls and tells me he is coming over tomorrow I will tell him NO. If he comes over I know I will tell him off. But hey maybe I should I might just feel better. The SOB. Gee, you think I am mad right not. You're durn right I am. You know I thought I would feel funny about coming on here after mom passed but thank God I did. Thinking about him and the situation kept me up a good part of the night. I will not let that happen again. As always thanks for letting me rant and vent. Do you think an exorcist would get the devil out of him. Well, it was just a thought. You all take care of YOU and I will do the same.
The story did not say how they sorted that one out.
I don't think it's a man thing, I think it's a self-centred personality thing - I know plenty of men who are just as capable of empathy as my women friends. So infuriating. Good you can let off steam here instead of out-and-out thumping him!
Red that's excellent news at least you did not have to wait too long for the results.
Assandache what kind of replies were you planning that might offend new members? I know they don't like things like "Get a life" "Youv'e got it easier than most" "Don't complain if he sleeps all the time be thankful" Why are you worrying if she is not eating, at least she will die sooner" 'Well put her to work, no reason she has to sit around all day with that broken hip" " He wet the darn bed tell him to do the laundry" "Tell your sister in law we are dropping Gma off at 10 on Saturday so she had better be ready" "Drop your MIL off at the NH they will have to do something with her" "Tell them if I am not back in a week to call 911" "Get her a pair of handcuffs that will stop her getting into stuff" I am having fun with but had better stop or I"ll get moderated, suspended, blacklisted or whatever they do to undesirable members. Hugs
bookluvr: I lost my faith in Mammograms when my sister found out she had Invasive Lobular Carcinoma. They told her OH that doesn't show up on a mammogram, you need an MRI to see it. WTF!!!! So yeah, if the tissue is dense and the Slam-O-Gram is painful, ask for a nice painless MRI, cause you need one.
Veronica, those were some good phrases. I chuckled on some and wished that I could do some of those to MY siblings.
Psteg, I thought of the captain, too, when I read Veronica's words. I think AC admin gets on his case when enough people "report this post" on him. I think, too, they already know how he is and just automatically "delete" out some of his posts.
Lav, I can see my oldest-bro-of-next-door doing exactly what your brother is doing - when father dies. Except bro will try to get the land for himself, or move in here and rent out His bottom half of his 2-story duplex apartment. Moving in - in the name of helping us out with the house repairs, etc...
Lavender maybe you should make a doll replica of your brother and stick pins in him. Every time you stick one in put a label on. That's for forgetting Mom's birthday. This one is for telling me to ............................. and so on till you feel better and he staggers into your house bleeding like he's been stuck by a porcupine.
That denture story must have happened a lot because a friend of mine actually did that on a geriatric ward when she was a student nurse. can
t tell you how much I hate cleaning dentures. Yuk
The last one I used consisted of 2 big rubber covered rollers on a stand with a turnbuckle on top to adjust the pressure. There was a handle on the side that was hand cranked to get the clothes through. Later there were smaller ones attached to washing machines but still hand powered. Dishwashers and Dryers were still a luxury till at least the early 70s. Now I understand how American kids got their arms crushed in a mangle. Any corrections CM?
PC- Sounds like you did a good job of taking care of YOU!!! Good for you. I bet your hair looks beautiful.
Veronica - Why didn't I think of that. I live in New Orleans for goodness sake. I'll just drive to the voodoo shop in the French Quarter and get a voodoo doll. LOL
You all take care of YOU!!!!!
Hey what can you do? It's all part of it.