This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
No mammograms for me... takes too long to stop them from rolling all over the thingy you put them on...
Lav, Love you....
Phew. Thank you. Feel better now.
Alice is too busy supervising the construction of a new hens' bar and diner, one which we hope will be rat-proof or at least a serious deterrent, to help. Also I'm keeping a low profile because I seized the opportunity this morning to see who is in lay and who isn't - not a process they care for, thank you very much. Neither would I.
Glad - like it has been said here. No one knows your Mom better than you do. Take care!!!
Hi there - Well, I have been hearing from people that I have not talked to in years. A lot of them have many fond memories of my mom and dad. Everyone is inviting me to some see them. It really helps to know that I am welcome. My dad was retired from Delta Airlines. He worked for them in their heyday. I got to travel all over for free. I will have to look into that since both mom and dad are gone. It would be nice to just get away. I have not flown in a long time. Well, It has just been great to talk to everyone again. Apparently, bro called me three times yesterday. I was gone for a few hours. the phone rang a couple of times and I have been letting the machine pick up. A couple of times it rang and when the message came on they hung up. Then I got a message on my cell because he was worried about me. I called him and he told me that he had called three times. How in the hell am I supposed to know that when he did not leave a message. I told him that and he got belligerent and hung up. I cannot stand to be around him anymore. What the hell am I going to do. What a mess. If I had the money I would move out and not speak to him again. I am sorry to go on and on about him. I appreciate you letting me vent about an a-hole.
195 - I agree with you. I have talked to people that knew us when we were growing up. They were saying that he never did really grow up. 195 take care of YOU!!
Well, talking about my brother. Neither one of us had a great childhood. We were always picked on at school. A Catholic grade school mind you. Mom and dad did not know how to handle it. I was in the hospital off an on during my childhood for a hare lip and cleft palate. I guess bro did not get what he needed. Dad was not there for wither one of us. I know this is no excuse. I think women are more forgiving than men in that situation. I talked to mom about this every now and then and she would just cry about it. So I stopped bringing it up. I just had to get it out. I am finally going to get the chance to get my cat to the vet. Poor thing is elderly. I just put all my giving to my mother and I know Jazzy felt left out. She is being so mouthy lately. LOL Wow it is cold here. We even had a little snow. Would you believe it will hit 70 degrees on Friday. I wish I was an ENT doctor here I would be raking it up. It has been two days since anyone has posted on here. I hope ya'll are doing okay. Take care of YOU!!!
Lav, sorry bro is a turd...... like you tell us.... take care of you...
I am so tired of setting on a cold toilet seat..... summer , where are you??
Assa - yes, the week is getting better. I hope yours is also. Take care of YOU!!
Book - Sounded like you had a need for a bicarbonate. At least you had a great time. There is nothing like having a good laugh. Take care of YOU!!!!
Well, I have been getting things done here. I spent a good three hours In my mom's closet getting her clothes a going over. She had some beautiful things. I can even wear some of them. I cried when I came to her favorites and memories came flooding back as to when and where she was when she wore a certain outfit. I was hard but I am going to give the clothes to the battered women's home here. Mom would have liked that. I filled six garbage bags to bring to the home. She had a huge walk-in closet and used every inch of it. LOL Her room is filled with bags and bags. LOL YA'LL take care okay.
And no, we did not get two feet of snow, just a half a foot, but when that wind gets blowing it forms big waves. The snow piles at the end of our driveway are now over 5 feet.
Felt great after killing that THING! My mom was pissy I missed my day seeing her today, but that also felt great! She needs to learn to depend on them. I'm not putting my car into a ditch to plug in her e-cigs. They, and she, can figure that out. Pfftt!
Ladee, I don't know what to say to help you out of the rut. I'm sending you a metaphorical snow/s#it shovel, if that will help. Just being able to conquer a repetitive, seemingly impossible task gave my mind a vacation. There was no one to deal with except me. It's like meditation. You just keep chipping away and you get there, eventually.
Problem is, you ARE dealing with other people. And that's no escape. I feel for you. Know that. You WILL get back to you. Instead of looking for rocks next time, throw some and hard! Scream and let it all out. Cry if you want, too.
You're always the one telling us we're on this journey together. Now I'm telling YOU that. I think we've all been in a funk and none of us has been posting.
Book, I know that feeling when you get an air bubble trapped feeling behind the sternum. It's scary. I've been having that feeling since I was like 12 though. It was a little concerning when it popped up during my shoveling. I shouldn't have had masala curry for breakfast!
Lav, Oh, I remember the cleanout. That one is daunting. My mom doesn't live with us anymore but there's boxes on end in our basement still. And all of my dad's memorablillia I just can bring myself to go through after over three years since he passed. I figure it's not going anywhere. It' too painful even now. I understand what you are going through!
Wishing everyone warmth and a good night's rest.
I know you won't take any grief from C. Tell her Windytown is outside to get you out of that house and you won't take no for an answer. I sure would if I could and take you out to lunch to celebrate. Might have to be Subway on my budget, but hey! Big hugs to you for getting away from that toxic situation.
Older bro was at house today and, in so many words, gave me permission to focus on getting my life back together and he will help more with relocating dad. Its all just words right now, but felt very good to hear them. I feel like maybe my family is finally seeing the extreme toll all of this has taken on me.
Meanwhile I continue to live with chaos around me. The basement was gutted for mold remediation, many things in the house just boxed up, packed up, and left in downstairs area. I tried to hunt down a 9v battery to replace beeping one in smoke detector, and I know there's over a dozen 9v's in this house, but couldn't locate one. Its just annoying.
So, trying to read more, open up more, get back going in a positive direction. I went to the gym the other day. Sure, I did 3 whole minutes on treadmill, a couple of baby weights, and ran out of there… but its a start.
Sending much hugs and love to all of you, and a heat wave for most of us dealing with this nutty winter weather. :)
LadeeM, I was shocked when I read your news. I actually backtracked to see if I missed something previously. Then, I re-read your words again. You have always said that you will know when it's time to quit. I guess the time came. {{{HUGS}}}
ABB, I'm soooo glad to see you! When I see all those snow, I am always so grateful that we don't have snow or ice. When I was in Hawaii, sis told me that where she lives, you're responsible to shovel the snow off the sidewalk, etc... My eyes just widened. I'm so out of shape, the thought of bending down and shoveling for even a few feet ...sounds like an extraneous workout ripe for a heart attack. Sorry to hear that you sprained your right arm. You take care. And I hope your brother follows through with his words.
CM do you think they form gangs and send out the alert when they hear you muttering. "I know they were here a minute ago" the lookout battery passes the word to the scissors and so on. Of course some one else has usually borrowed them!