This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
(\____/)
(= '.' =)
I know you are all confused and wondering just what happened......well, this was an "inside job"......frightening to think that huh? I hope that person is pleased with themselves on the harm they have caused, especially to an elderly woman. I now know what you are really made of, even though I had an idea before, and it makes me ill. You really should have thought about false accusations, harassment and cyber stalking before you decided to play your game.
Thank you all for your loving support..............
Love and Hugz to all,
Jam
Know you are loved and mssed, jam, and lifted up in prayer. God knows the truth.
Love you♥♥♥
Joan
Ladee- u doing ok? I hope so. Have a good day.
Seemeride- I love the kitty drawing!! Cool! I have two cats myself they are my other babies. They are so sweet!!!
Jam- It's so good to hear from you on here. We have missed you. I'm sorry these people are worrying the Sh#$ out of you. Tell them all to go jump off a cliff!!!! To go aggravate someone else and leave you the hell alone!!! Love you girl. Stay Strong!!! Stormy
Seeme, you have created a monster with the cat!!!!! You will be so sick of seeing it you will wish you had never posted it... how was mom last night??? and how are YOU today???
Vic, hate to hear you had to do "power lifting" before church today, I know you would rather have a different form of getting in shape, and yes, the "voice" sometimes it makes me forget where I am...
emjo, how are you today?? Everyone was thinking of you yesterday, we think of you everyday, but angels and prayers were sent your way... and I really appreciate your post about the "situation"....
hugs to everyone today,, my son has talked me into cooking for him today, so need to get moving and get some things done...
Still no "banana split", but I still refuse to talk to them about it until they get it moved..... too much noise in my head as it is....
hugs across the miles..
Emjo- how are u doing? I've been thinking about you girl. I hope you have a better day today too!!! Love and Hugs to all!!
I am trying to hang in dont know how much longer. God does though. Just got the little hint with the mess going on with you jam and I sure hope everything is ok now. . well I really dont care who likes what I say ! It is MY LIFE and I will vent what I want to!! Some people are not happy unless they are meddling in someone elses business. We all need someone we can TELL OUR FELLINGS TO .Everyone have a good day and I think about all of you and what we all go through to try to help someone. be it family or friend. Later taters!!
asg SO well said
ros - so u lost it for a moment - join the crowd
ladee - praying for the BS to be moved ( in more ways than one lol)
YR -hope dad does well today
seeme - wow clean house - hope mum has a good day and more long sleeps
jh - glad u banished your neophew - hope yr allergies settle
54 how r u? and yours
cara (((((hugs)))) tough situation for you - know about the "voice" thing - most of my life
starri - meltdowns are good - knew u needed one - hope you feel better now - getting helps
whoever i have forgotten not intentional
need my morning coffee - still groggy from long day yesterday and chasing horses on the way home -i am told it all went smoothly - would hate to see when it doesn;t
Gary picked a beautiful black mare yesterday - she and I connected and she flows like liquid - he says it was the best ride he has had in a long time and she needs a name - any ideas??? he wanted to call her Wyatt - after Wyatt earp and I said no way -she deserves better so all ideas welcome -she is a good sized horse and the feeling I got from her is that she is sad - she was ridden and loved by a 16 yr old girl - and I think she misses her - he will take her to the mountains next week with her buddy Morgan as the packhorse
mother is after me again - same old same old -and if anyone wants to make sonething of that - go for it! I have been dealing with mentally ill people all my life -so what;s new!
54, sorry things are not good for hubby... proud of you for hanging in there regardless of how it is.. did the kids come home and dump on you or did you lock the door????
emjo will be thinking of names,, can you post a pic of her on FB??? The first little calf born here was named by the group.. Nobs Busey.... the name Busey because I have a crush on Gary Busey, shows you my taste in men..lol
I will post pics on f b - got one of Gary riding her and leading her buddy morgan - not sure it is the best of her but at least something
54 - ((((hugs))) - this must be so hard for you
stormy - you are on my mind - waiting for what many be bad news is one of the hardest things - usually better once you know whatever it is - deep breaths - let go and let God if you can - sounds like your bro and sil are worse than useless - your hubby sounds like a gem. hire people to help while your sis is away if need be and possible. Hugs to you and little red - one hour at a time and try to have fun with your beautiful son
Thanks for all the well wishes! Glad I had taken muscle relaxers this morning!! Know we all have our crosses that we bare out of love or just because...you are all in my prayers.
wish I had a pool at home - i looked 10 yrs younger there
just to let you know the extra carnitine and Co Q10 is really helping me - don't have the fatigue as bad - I chased horses yesterday through the clover and clouds of grasshoppers - got home in the evening and felt something scratching my side - looked under my jeans and my underwear and a grasshopper hopped out EEEEWWWWWW! - well at least they do not bite!
-wasn't so beautiful - hot, sweaty, ornery horses, stepping in horse patties, grasshoppers everywhere - even down my undies - lol but i did enjoy it - beats reading endless bitchy emails from mother, facing undone laundry and the boxes from her apt I still haven't unpacked
email me vic - emjo at live dot ca
like the names thx! - Morgan (buddy horse) and Mandy works well - Belle suits her to a T - she is beautiful in always
this is so funny
Joel will be 6 tomorrow and my daughter gives then time out according to age so his time out time is 5 minutes - BUT he is a big boy now and wanted to start his 6 minute time out today gotta luv them
Em's recent best was going on her daddy's facebook and making comments so my daughter came on and wrote "Em has been on her Daddy's facebook again" The answer came back very quickly on facebook "No I have not " LOL
Well all week and last week things were pretty quiet with my bro and his wife. In others we have not heard a word from neither one of them then all of a sudden I get a phone call this morning from bro. we talked for awhile. But before I tell you all this I talked to my sis last night and told her I was going to put on my fb status the"serenity prayer" and I told her I said that ought to bring brother out of the woodwork. And this morning he called me and said I see you have the serenity prayer on your fb. I just played it off like I put it up there because of all of this stuff with dad(tests and results and not knowing what's going on with him for sure) I guess he bought it. But probably NOT! He has been through the 12 step program(rehab) before so he knows all about the serenity prayer!!!!!! I called sis after I got off the phone with him and told her I told you I would bring him out of the woodwork and he asked about the prayer i posted she just laughed... And I know dear old sil loved me posting that up there too!!!! NOT!!!!
Well I need ya'll advice about something: I have been thinking about telling my sis about this site so she will have somewhere to come and vent to besides me. Don't get me wrong I don't mind her venting to me. I understand what she is going through too. But I feel like maybe she would benefit from coming here to get her feelings off of her chest. Now for the part I'm not sure of I have posted on here in some of my first conversations with ya'll that i have resentment and anger towards her for not getting us some help for dad sooner. If she gets on here and reads them I don't want her to be mad at me. So what should I do. Should I tell her about this thread or keep quiet about it??????? Love and Hugs to all!!! Stormy
Has she ever said she wishes she had someone to talk to??? or shown any desire to go to the internet and find a place to talk???? You sought this out, and my personal opinion is this is your safe place.... that is sweet that you are thinking of her, and maybe getting tired of hearing it, and of course the decision is yours, but unless she says something on her own about needing someone that understands, I would just leave it alone.... but I am telling you what I would do, maybe that is not the right thing for you..... hugs to you....
Stormy, I agree with Ladee for this reason. I have talked to my sister about this site because she noticed the change in me after being on here a few weeks, and she had no interest in it at all. And I am not usually a "joiner", we just go it alone or rely only on each other. And I HAVE said things on here that would hurt her feelings and I don't want to do that at all. She took care of my parents for 3 mos and still has PTSD because of it after 5 years. I've had mom for 5 years, and I feel I am supposed to just handle it. Last time I talked to her, I said I needed a vacation. Didn't get an offer from her to come spell me for a week. But, I didn't ask, either.......and if I said any of this to her, she would be hurt beyond measure. So this is for ME!! If she felt the desire to talk to people online, I would steer her to some other site. Just saying.........you cutie.
Mom got a shower this evening unexpectedly and it put me behind with some of the work I have to do before Kathy gets here. I was up so much last night, we didn't get up for the day until 10.......makes for a short day.....at least we got RAIN.....maybe even some tomorrow. May check in later..............
Stormy, I know I am very territorial about my being on this thread and on this sight... If others were really interested in how I feel or think, they would ask, and they don't... so, I get to come here, say what's on my mind and heart and go at it another day..
so I am happy to hear you are not going to "share" just yet and as Seeme said, direct her to another sight if she is interested....
Seeme so happy to hear you got some rain.... Tropical Storm Don fizzled out, so no wet stuff for us... projected to be 105 tomorrow,,, deep sigh..... love ya'll
Love ya Jam.... we're keepin' the light on for ya' hugs
And when you were talking about the questions you ask yourself, one I ask myself is, "a hundred years from now, will it matter", I say this to Marie sometimes because she stays in a snit because Sonny puts folded napkins in his shirt pocket.... !!!!!! Good grief, we have war, drought, famine, floods, ect, I doubt a few napkins are going to change the course of the universe....... but I don't live in her head and see the world the way she does....
I do have nothing but compassion for you having to clean up all day long, I would just be a raving maniac, I'd just start serving it on the floor, spill the drinks and give em a straw.... at least I would have some fun with it if I was going to have to clean it anyway... just scream FOOD FIGHT and go for it..... I bet they would just set there and watch you, at least for a few minutes... bless caregivers and the stress we live in... I am glad you are here and hope to hear from you more... you certainly belong, and hugs across the miles to you.....