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Veronica... I am laughing hysterically here !!!!! I know the neighbors can hear me..... what a great idea !!!! Knee warmers.... at least they are still good for something... LOLOLOLOL and don't worry, when I am DONE, I am DONE.... I'll deal with the guilt of leaving Gene later....
Allison... so good to see you!!! Good thing it doesn't snow here.... it would be piled up around my door so I couldn't get out... I wipe asses, not shovel snow... hope you arm feels better soon.... and ya my batteries change their hiding places all the time....I keep my scissors in my bag with all my crochet stuff... they stay put because it is warm in there...

Ya Book, it is past time really, but I know its right, because it feels right... I am past exhausted and being worked into the ground... but unlike the rest of you.... she is NOT MY MOTHER....I will miss Gene something awful.... maybe if it ends on a half decent note I will be able to go visit him ..... I think a YEAR is sufficient time for them to find me a back up..... but why bother, she is stupid and will keep showing up.... NOT.....

Hugs across the miles to you all.... keep your asses warm....
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*a hundred hugs* LadeeM .. you know how I'm thinking about you.
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God knows. Douglas Adams claims that they are intelligent life forms making their way back to their home planet.

On the other hand I have found that the best way to find the keys I lost yesterday is to lose my reading glasses today...
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LadeeC, know what the deal breaker was... she would not let me get diapers for Gene, had to use some that were too small for him, because she said she was short on funds.... then made sure I put her wine on the list... which isn't my damned job to begin with.... the family is not carrying their load and too much is being added and dumped on me everyday....... simple little stupid stuff is what wipes me out.... and I think they have misunderstood kindness for weakness... it kills me to leave Gene as he is already being neglected..... but I HAVE to save myself.... just for today.... I hate being a caregiver.... thanks, love ya
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AND... the family will be told they seriously need to regroup and get their priorities straight, or she is going to be turned in for neglect.... I have to save myself, but I don't have to walk away with my eyes closed and my fingers in my ears... my conscience will just now allow it..
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LadeeM, that is… DREADFUL. I crack jokes to my sister about spending my mother's money on gin and cigarettes but, note, I Am Joking. The poor man. Don't blame you for "having the wisdom to accept what you can't change." Very sad for you, too. Big hug.
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CM, thanks for the support... I am sick with guilt about Gene, but am also letting the family know APS will be called by me if his neglect continues..... telling them is not a threat... but letting them know it is not how she makes it appear... and me trying to bring this to their attention has been futile.... no telling... maybe this will be the catalyst to get them in a NH... we have some really good ones here in town....but I am still proud of myself for sticking it out for over a year.... hopefully the needed changes will occur....have to let go and let God...
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LadeeM Gene will always be in your heart nothing will change that and you will be in his. This is so heartbreaking to leave him but if the parting is good maybe you can continue to visit. if not there is nothing to stop you mailing him notes and sending pictures of your life after caregiving, things you talk about all the time and will interest him. Not that I believe this is the end of caregiving for you, It is in your blood and if you only do it as a volunteer you won't be able to keep away. What you need right now is several months in a hot tub with an endless supply of chocolates and maybe a toy boy to wash your back and massage those poor aching feet. How about chocolate covered strawberries? My daughter sent a box of them for my husband's birthday on Thursday Mmm Mmm Good
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CM - Yes, they hide everything. Mom would ask me to find something that she had lost and it would take me a while. Once I found her rosary wound around the wheel on her chair. At least we can laugh about it. Take care of YOU!!
LadeeM - I am so glad that you took care of YOU!!! I know that took a lot of soul searching on your part. Take care!!!!!
ABB - Sorry about your arm. I hope your brother follows through also. Take care of YOU!!
Windy - Jeez I am glad that you killed that sucker. LOL I hope you get some relief soon. Just an inch of snow paralyzes this city. We did have a problem with ice though. Take Care of YOU!!
Veronica - Have a good one. Take care of YOU!!
Book - Good to see you here. take care of YOU!!

Hi - I am still going through mom's stuff. I found a box I thought was jewelry and in it was a thimble, paper clip and a brooch. Poor mom. What she must have been going through in her mind. She would not have a good day unless she knew where those things were. It must have been scary for her to be so confused. I know she is in a lot better place now. But, I wish that I could have had more sympathy with her about what she was going through. Just thinking about how hard I was on her makes me cry.
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Lav.... please do not spend too much time on 'coulda, woulda, shoulda'...... you were an amazing daughter..... but also think of all the times you gave her a smile, a hug, made something special for her to eat... and when she ate all your Pringles !!!! Not one of us can look back and say we did a perfect job.... I am impatient with Gene who is the kindest most accommodating man on the planet....because I am exhausted...... we get so tired..... we all understand your feelings.... sending you lots and lots of hugs.....
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LadeeM,
So, you did it? I cannot imagine refusal to purchase the right size diaper! And someone will suffer for their decision, probably you until your last day. I guess the wine was more important, and I imagine it is Gene's money? Never ceases to amaze me and I would definitely call APS, just the wine expenditure ans no diapers would be enough for them to look at the situation. Seems the too small diapers should wait until after your last day. Let them deal with the over the top problems that may occur. ;-)
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Lav..Listen to LadeeM.. Don't beat yourself up.. You are a good daughter..
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Well, told C tonight that there was no good time to talk to her..... and told her when my last day would be..... I was so calm,, I was freakin' myself out lol

Of course it became all about HER.... she felt the biggest problem was her, not that she wouldn't get me some back up or fix it where I was not working 6 days a week... I did not take the bait.... I didn't reassure her, nor did I validate it.... a lot more poor me from her, then she asks if she found someone for the weekend would I reconsider... that is her mo... wait until there is a crisis , THEN do what was asked of her a year ago.... a YEAR people... I have been asking for a 'backup' so that I could take a day here or there... so tonight it was a great idea she had!?! Just makes my brain tired.... anyway, as I would not argue or take the bait she just got angrier and angrier......

So the dirty deed is done..... three more weeks and then off to my next adventure..... thanks everyone for your support... it does mean a lot to me....and Glad, the family has been told about the possibility of APS being called.... so we'll see what happens next... and you are right... she thinks she is going to make it hell for me.... but have also told the family that I will not stay and have her take it out on me.... so it's up to her...... thanks again everyone....Hugs to you all...
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Ladee good for you -you have been a saint and have gone beyond for so long-there was no other decision for you-she does not deserve you and she probably realizes this and will probably think of ways to get you to stay-to no avail-I know you will keep us posted.
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Linda, Isn't it so weird that at horribly stressful times, the calm will come over us? It just kind of "gels" at that moment. I know that there will be odd moments with them in the next couple of weeks. I know you can handle it though because you see the light at the end of the tunnel as far as caregiving goes.

You worked your rear end off for years. You deserve a break.

Love ya girlfriend,

Suzie
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Hello everyone. I'm new to this forum and reading some of the interesting comments and relating them to my life with an ailing spouse. My husband has Parkinson's Lewy Body Dementia. Diagnosed two years ago (Parkinson's) but certain the symptoms for both began well over seven years ago. I'm 67 and he's 76 - relatively young based on reading some of the ages here. My concern is my well-being. My husband's lucidity varies from one hour to the next. His short term memory is 5 minutes at best and his Parkinson's (thank God) symptoms are minimum with the exception of the dementia. It's the dementia that's killing me fast!!!! My days are all alike - very long - very tiring, trying and depressing. If he didn't have a healthy body, I think I would have already placed him into care. How does one give up their socialization, communication, exercising and the likes and expect to keep up the pace? What are others doing to deal with their concerns of being absolutely held hostage by a spouses' degenerative and incurable disease? I know there is temporary help or respite, but that's not an answer for me. How many times can a battery be recharged without killing it for good? Is there anyone out there with any suggestions as to how you are handling the idea of continuous and on-going care for a loved-one? And, when do you take the ultimate step of placing that loved one into care for the sake of your own health?
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Glow welcome to this form-you will have so many new friends soon-I have been here about 6 yrs. -the husband died 4 and 1/2 yrs. and the good folks here saved my sanity -got me out of the black hole. The best thing is to stay connected to AC-check out the news feed and you will find great threads-we support each other and exchange ideas and help in so many ways. We laugh, cry and at times get outraged, sometimes have disagreements but all done with love and this place is open 24/7.
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Glowgo, one of the most loving wives I have had the privilege to know cared for her (wonderful, beautiful) husband, who had the same disease, at home for as long as she could, then placed him in an excellent care home and concentrated on building a superb team around him. She had a very demanding job, which she was determined to keep up, but lots of support from her grown children. She visited him every day, and encouraged others to - carefully selected friends and his former colleagues, the ones who weren't going to freak out at seeing his decline. In his last days, all he was aware of was the presence of people who loved him.

The point I'm making is that the nursing home option does NOT equate to failure. If you're running out of steam, start looking for a place now while your husband still has some kind of input into the choices, and you're still sane enough to manage the setting-up of a good support framework for him - and for you.
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CM good advice when they are placed you can still be very involved in their care-it is not any failure on your part-you will know when it is time-I could not understand why no one was suggesting that to me with the husband-my therapist said I was waiting to be rescued and that was not going to happen-first I got mad at her then realized she was right and did rescue myself telling the team social workers PT and nurses at the NH rehab that I could no longer take care of him and everyone agreed-he got very sick and died before the application was done for Medicaid .
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Glow let me add my welcome to this warm and caring place. Don't be afraid to ask any question or share any concerns. There is nothing new under the Sun.
Physical and mental health have equal importance. If he is ill enough mentally that you are no longer strong enough to provide care then this is the time for placement. as with the patient the physical and mental health of the caregiver have equal importance. When you love someone like a spouse it is important to do what is best for both of you and only you can do that. Don't wait for a crisis when the best decisions may not be made.
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Glow, welcome, you have come to a safe and loving and supporting place.... sometimes we call it the 'crazy train'.... we didn't ask for it, but here we are.... I am in agreement with the posts so far... start looking now.... and you have the experience of many here who waited too long to do what was needed to also take care of themselves.... this part is about US.... and please read the part about placing someone not being failure on your part, read it over and over again.....we do understand, we do care, and we hope you come back and get to know this loving, crazy bunch of folks.... you may even laugh once in awhile....great great women on this thread....we've been there, are there now, or will be going there soon.... so get on this 'crazy train' with us.... you are not alone... sending you hugs and chocolate...
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I am so relaxed this morning,after getting that mess behind me yesterday, that my body feels like a SLINKY !!!! If I was at the top of stairs, I'd just 'floomp floomp floomp to the bottom..... and I am not alone and that is priceless..... love and hugs to you all today....
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ladeeM, what is a flommp? :-)
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That's the sound the SLINKY makes going down the stairs !!!!!!!
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Glad, a correction here... a fat slinky !!!!!
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Veronica.... I don't know how I feel at this point, other than exhausted.... I need to get away from it for awhile to see what my burnout level is.... 15 years is a long time doing this....told Boni maybe I'd work at MickeyD's for awhile.... but I know I would be helping the elders to their seats and hovering over them until they made me go away!!!!

And Austin... don't think I would go so far as to call me a saint.... I am certainly not that.... I do have a temper, and I have been setting on it for months now.... I despise injustice to an elder... I despise neglect in any form.....I just need a break... and would love to have the money to take off for a few months.... I couldn't have a boy toy Veronica... couldn't bear for him to see me naked.... LOL

Ahh, just have to do the right things for the right reasons... something will present itself in my life.... I'll know it when I see it.... love to you all...
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LadeeM - I wish you could really get away right now. A boy toy would not be a bad idea just keep the lights off. LOL Take care of YOU!!!
Glow - Welcome to the most loving website ever. These people here are the best. When I was at my wit's end they saved me. They listened and gave me the best advise. Also, there are professionals on this site that will answer any other questions you might have. The most important thing for you to do is to take care of YOU as best you can. It can be as little as taking a bubble bath or taking a walk. There are breathing exercises and meditations and all kinds of simple things that you could for yourself. What I learned from here is that if you are not taking care of YOU. You will not be able to take care of your husband.
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Oh b*gg*r I think I've slipped a disc. Well not slipped so much as squeezed, it doesn't hurt enough for slipped. Yet.

I got home with the shopping, and it was on the back seat because mother's wheelchair was in the boot, and it was pouring with rain, so instead of going round the car to open the other door I knelt one knee on the seat, and it's her horrible tinny French tat hatchback because I had to sell my lovely old BMW because she couldn't bear to part with her Citroën and I couldn't keep both, so there was no room to speak of, and I reached over and hauled. Beginner's mistake. Ow.

It has made me unusually crabby with mother, unfortunately. Mainly because my back is telling me IT"S ALL HER FAULT. If this doesn't wear off soon I'm in big trouble.
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Oh CM Get thee to a chiropractor first thing Monday morning. In the meantime a good hot bath and bend gently side to side.
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Veronica has found me a job working for the Queen... I thought I had just given my notice to the QUEEN.... now I am confused.... lol
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