This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I have awesome friends... in real life and on here.... so what is there to be down and out about.... I would rather find a solution than stay in the problem.... life is just too short..... so.... I'll be thinking of you all today.... thanks for being present for me for this last roller coaster ride.....made it much nicer to get to the other end..... love, hugs, angels, and CHOCOLATE !!!!
And since we're sharing weather ...... it's 80° today (while it was about 44° last night).
LadeeC, you're not homeless now are you?
Glad, so far so good on the lights, thank God! I've had enough of freezing to last me a lifetime! This storm is supposed to continue until tomorrow. I think we'll be alright. Thanks for the kind thoughts! :)
I don't think her Majesty would let you park your trailer in front of the palace or as it is affectionately called "Buck House" Her Majesty would not be amused as they used to say about Queen Victoria. Anyway the Corgies would pee on your wheels and rot out the tyres. they do nip at your heels too.
So now we can look forward to the next chapter in your life when you become the next Grandma Moses. Can't wait to see you on the Today show.
Ending on a sad note we had to put the old cat to sleep this afternoon. It was time she only weighed 4 1/2lbs. She showed up as a stray about ten years ago not young then. She obviously had been someones pet and had been spayed. once she got to know us she was very affectionate to the people but not to the other cat who I am sure will not miss her one little bit.
Don't let SA fool you with ideas of fancy cruises. however much food there is on them they still have to sail on that wet stuff called the SEA remember the Titanic.
Glad you are at peace with your decision.
And no, I don't see the Queen allowing the Grapes of Wrath Wagon any where near her sight... lol.....and the pups couldn't rot the tires.... this thing isn't going anywhere with the tires that are on it... it doesn't run... wish it did, I be so outa here!!!! I want to live in the country again... peaceful, quite, and just the coyotes howling at night...
LadeeC, the more we get to know each other, the stranger it gets.... are you sure we aren't related somehow.... like long lost sisters that our moms forgot to tell us about??? Yes, I love my ratty little house..... guess more than anything... because it's mine.... The Diva (my cat) and I are just fine where we are... I don't have to worry about someone trying to move in... no room.... even if I have company for the weekend they have to stay in a hotel... I do go over where they are a visit and get a shower!!!!!
But ya, the Ladee's got it goin' on !!!!!
Veronica, sorry about the furbaby.... I have had the Diva for almost 20 years... that girl and I have put some miles together side by side... I have lived in different states... but always end up back 'home'...I am going to be devastated when it comes time for her to go over the rainbow.... but I will be at the pound with in a week, rescuing some babies to bring home.... I am a cat person, thru and thru.....
One time down home, I lived in the country.... I had 18 cats.... my house burned and someone saw the smoke and kicked the door open and saved all my cats... when I put a Thank You in the newpaper, I put all their names..... !!!!!
Happy news.... I WILL be getting severance pay... talked to the dil today, and she made sure that I knew I would get my money..... they are all so disgusted with C and the bind that this has put everyone in....and they will not let her talk bad about me.... I bet she is fit to be tied.... oh well, like I said,,, Karma has her name.....
Have been getting some long overdue cleaning done today... starting to look like home again.... so, am enjoying my time off and getting some much needed rest..... it's all good...
Hope everyone found one thing to be grateful for today..... love and hugs to you all....
My cat Jazzy is doing better ya'll. She is eating dry and wet cat food. I will have to continue her meds tomorrow. Jazzy has become very good at moving her head side to side so I cannot give her meds. When I finally think that she has swallowed the pill (after at least 5 minutes) she spits it out. I am glad my mom is not here to hear my language. I swear the cat had a smirk on her face. It was like gotcha. I have been getting on with cleaning out the house. I just went through old bills that had been paid. Mom kept everything!!!!! The bills date back to 1997. JEEZ!!!!!! Take care ya'll.
SA- where do you live? I am north of ATL and stand to get ANOTHER 4 inches tonight! havent seen this much snow since my son was 12 and he is 30 now!!!!
Lucky us, we havent lost power yet but I am getting snockered on beer cuz I am cabin crazy!!!!! I havent been to see my mom since Monday and it looks like it will be Sat before I get out of here! Might have killed my hubby by then and we get along just fine!!!!!!
LadeeM - you go girl! I think I would be like you if I didnt have a hubby to look after ....
So one step forward, two steps back. May mom is back to driving me nuts again. And I shouldn't let her, shouldn't give her the power. It's that damn guilt but quite frankly I'm pissed off.
I told her yesterday over the phone that we we're thinking of having a party Saturday night with people we love but haven't spent time with in a looong while. Due to DUI laws and us living quite away out, I said they might have to spend the night. Sensible right? We have a couple of guest rooms.
Her response was, "What about me???" You'll be taking me out the next day, won't you? I assured her that we would be fine with that. I'm not exactly 20 anymore staying up until 3 a.m.
When I walked into mom's AL today, one of the women told me mom was having a fit that she wouldn't get taken out this weekend and she was in a bad mood.
So on Wednesday morning she is bat shit worked up about what may or may not happen on Sunday at 11:30 and complaining to people about me. To me, she said nothing about it. I know now she is really losing it.
My brother and I are not talking because I'm not like him. He sends me e-mails that the world is ending in his view. I sent him an e-mail back that he is just like his mother in their stubborn views that they cling to, though he and mom have different views on that subject. I am stuck in the middle between two very strong personalities. I miss my dad horribly. He was the buffer between me and these two crazies.
I just ignore my brother as he hasn't e-mailed me back in almost a month. Mom needs an outlet for her craziness. I'm just thankful I'm appraised of what she thinks. I have been there for her for 2-3 hours or more every other day for three years. And my brother thinks I can take a two week vacation no problemo. No fall out, nothing!
Vent over!
LG! Welcome back! I miss you too! I figured you will pop up when you pop up. Chuckled as I can read your excitement.
Windy, I think almost everyone here have experienced that! How they're nice to you in your face, but complain about you behind your back. I am 99.9% positive that father still blacklist me to the gov't caregivers. Sigh... I'm a "communist" for being so firm with him. Just continue to do what you have planned for the weekend. You already set aside the day for your mom, so - it's better than not coming out at all. AND if your mom decides to cut her nose by throwing a fit and trying to blackmail with you emotions to do what she wants or else she's not going - so be it. She is the one spiting herself, not you.
LGV, I'm in NC. And yeah, I feel you. I can't remember the last time we had this much snow. It's almost unheard of around here. I was reading the news this morning and it's bad, really bad. Over 400,000 without power. O__O Thank God we were spared that. So far all is well where we are. And yeah, I get the cabin fever! If I had some weed, I'd smoke it. I've never been big on alcohol. *snickers*
Windy, I feel your frustration. All I can say is that YOU know what's up. If your mom gets worked up and has a hissy, well, she has a hissy. Let her. Enjoy your evening and let the pro's deal. Yeah, baby! And don't read your brother's emails before any fun event. Read them after you have an enjoyable evening with friends.
Oh, he hasn't e mailed in a month? Oh happy day! Yay! :D
Have you tried the towel technique for tablets? It's firm but fair (I'm not pretending she'll like it, mind!) - you take a decent sized bath towel, spread it out, persuade puss to lie down with her head just over one long edge, then quickly mummify her, good and snug. Once you have a cat mummy with her head poking out you can then hold her comfortably and gently prize her lower jaw down. Don't forget to be wise to the "ptui" trick five minutes later - make sure you watch that pill all the way down (stroking her throat with your forefinger will help). You will be getting the eye basilisk while all this is going on but you can't possibly be hurting her so you can persevere with a clear conscience. A tasty treat once the pill has down both helps to make sure of it and creates a good association with the towel ready for next time (assuming she doesn't leave the country in a huff!).
It's just called Life Austin..... no one deserves to be treated badly, just as you were by hubby for so many years.... but like you, this one situation does not define me...life goes on..... don't have time for resentment or anger... like I said... Karma knows her name.... thanks for the love and support, you know I'm going to be ok... and it was Rita that turned my life upside down.... Lav was in Katrina..... and here we are, putting one foot in front of the other.... love ya!!
Book - I am glad that you can use the prayer. It has worked for me. I said the prayer a lot when I was in treatment I had a b--ch of a roommate. I prayed for her and a couple of days later I was moved to another room. So it does work. Nice to see you here. Take care of YOU!!!!
CM- Thank you for the advise. I tried it but I guess I did not do it right and she slithered right out of it. Take care of YOU!!!!
Good Lord I found another bag and a box full of old mail and paid bills. There was even some Publishers Clearing house envelopes from 1997. My bro better give me more than 50% of the money when we sell this house, I am doing all the f---king work. Sorry guys LOL Hey, did you here about our ex-mayor being found guilty of 20 out 0f 21 charges including wire fraud, bribery false tax returns and money laundering. He was the mayor during Katrina and I voted for him. We are soo proud!!!! I gave Jazzy her meds this morning and she has since thrown up all over the house. I am not going to give her any more of the stuff. I am telling the doctor tomorrow. She is so thin from being sick all day. I feel so bad for her. I am praying a lot right now. Take care guys
Now he is ranting about the Governer of North Carolina. I keep trying to remind him I am not responsible for the behaviour of all these people. Mostly I just nod and if it gets too bad tell him to take a pill.
Poor Jazzy I hope she feels better soon. Do they know what is wrong with her? Do you think she is dehydrated. They can give her some fluids if so and that would make her feel more comfortable. They just inject it into the abdominal cavity and it gets absorbed. I say this in a whisper because I know how you are about medical proceedures (Some people do it themselves at home) or was that Book and the catheter? I know you will do what is right for Jazzy they are so precious.
Oooooh! It's 11:30 p.m.! At midnight a new Valentine egg is being released on my online game, Dragon Cave! Yay! Time to go! Night, ya'll!