This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Good luck!!
PC, Can you talk to other CG or client's family about pain med how it got there, could be client dropped ? Those pill are should charted or documented each time whoever administrated and who does order Rx? , Specially like us from outside caregiver. My case I and new cg do count pills ( Xanax, Zoloft) each time new caregiver came to my client(Ms J).
When I start this job my client's meds was all in bathroom med cabinet.... I saw Ms J was trying to open Rx for herself that she already had taken, since then I moved all her meds to CG's room.... Her family member was so surprise that Ms J was let me move her meds!! It has been almost 2 years, no problem yet!!! Like LadeeM( hi Linda) said CYA...... Good luck !!
Book - Wow, I am glad your father finally saw reason and wanted to go to the doctor. I am sorry you have to go through so much. Good luck with the doctor tomorrow. I hope you have time to enjoy some good books. Take care of YOU!!!
Taheil - Welcome. This place has been a life saver. In 2012 I was at my wits end. These people here dragged me out of the muck. Keep checking in here. The important thing is to TAKE CARE OF YOU!!!
LadeeM - at one point I was washing my panties in the sink. LOL I wish you luck with evening work. Take care of YOU!!
Hi there - Here I am apologizing for not keeping up with you guys. The house has been listed to be sold as of today. The agent sounded very hopeful that he would sell it fast. He even asked me if I have been looking for another place. I wish I could get 1/2 a shotgun house. That would be great but the rent is high on those. I really do not want to live in a box. I have been working my you know what off getting the house ready. It is unbelievable the stuff that was in this house. Mom never threw anything away. The house has not looked this good for a while. My bro and I are getting along for once and working together getting things done. Would you believe that the succession still has not gone through. Jazzy is still not looking good. She is just kind of moping around. I am giving her anything she wants to eat. Just so she eats. I went to whole food and got some really healthy food to eat tonite. Please take care of YOU All.
If you want to continue to be a caregiver licensed or not you have to make an issue.If the patient is unreliable or incapacitated no meds should be in her room unless in a locked cupboard that she does not have acess to the key.
Narcotics should be out of the room again locked never in a bathroom because of the humidity.
There is already an issue over this so you have to protect yourself. If you and other cg cover 24/7 the key to those narcotics should be passed person to person, there are other people in the house with acess so don't dismiss anyone. If a family member watches the pt on your day off count the pills before and after your break. if there are more than 2-3 missing begin to wonder.If you count the narcotis note the number of each count on the chart and initial it When I had my hip replaced I had a one week supply of vicodin which I did keep at my bedside, However I knew I would not remember what time I had taken the last pill so I wrote down every single dose I had taken. These days I take multiple medications and fill a pill box once a week so I know if I miss anything.
You can decide to do nothing and not rock the boat or you can pull up your big girl panties and start by putting a tracking system into place even if someone gets offended. Keep out of the cleaning the family has already noticed that problem. You have been there long enough for the family to know the quality of your work.other cg may rally need the pain meds which is a reason her work is suffering. Encourage her to sign up for the Affordable Care Act she should be able to find a plan she can afford. I believe it is easier and quicker than applying for Medicaid. If she can get a prescription a generic narcotic will cost less that $10 from somewhere like Walmart.
I have just realized that notifications of AC activity have not been pushed as they had been. I just went back about 30 messages to see that Book's dad finally agreed to go to the doctor two days ago. So, I guess he went yesterday. Book, how did it go with the doc? Hope all is well with him and maybe he is in the hospital for a bit? If so, enjoy the quiet for awhile! Update us.
Kids are doing well... hubby is too... My Tupperware business is growing, and I've finally purchased the quilting machine I wanted. I know it's the right one, because while I was sitting there playing with it, I thought, "this is the one"... then I heard my mom (just as plain as day) telling me it was the right one to get!
I'm headed off to do a Tupperware party this evening. I will go through the previous posts later this evening to catch up on everyone's news. Hope all is well with everyone. I miss you all.
Have a GREAT evening!
Laura.... hello to you!!!! good to hear from you and happy to hear your business is doing well and you and mom agreed on the quilting machine.... lol....
You will know two hours after you are your first caregiver job if this is what you really want to do.... It's very different in some ways of taking care of a parent...but I am trying to get to the other side of being a little jaded right now....
Red, thanks for the kudos..... and ya, not everyone can clean up a bm from someone they've never met before..... and I have had other jobs that I was appreciated... not like this last fiasco..... but hey, lessons learned, and that's what life is all about...
I don't know if I told ya'll that I will start work after the first of next month... I have chosen to work nights... am too burned out from being 'Ms. Stepnfetchit', so will try this for a change..... will be taking a pay cut, but will get more hours, so it will all work out.... I'm sure I'll get bored.... but will see if it's ok to take some of my craft junk with me....
I am finding that I am still soooo tired... maybe some of it is residual crap from what all happened.... and not going to get full severance.... but will be grateful for what I do get and make do....
Hope everyone had something to be grateful for today... love and hugs...
Oh, and I didn't know Books dad went into the hospital either..... has anyone heard from her????
Pc stop worrying about that 1/2 Vicodin. patient or hubby could have dropped it in her room and someone picked it up on their shoe and it fell off in the bathroom. Going forward concentrate on making sure all are accounted for and if not you know what you have to do. keep quiet for now. You told the husband that relieves you of responsibility on that one. Just don't cover up for the other cg, the family already sees she is slipping so it is up to them to take action
It’s a daily struggle to remain firm in not giving in to his demands for his pills. AND the doctor told him to stop taking all those pills. Of Course, he’s not listening.
Sis told me that the nurse will do home visits and that they will clean his bedsore, not me. I repeated it to her. She said yes. Well, every time I change his pampers, his bedsore is leaking that brownish pus. For me to NOT clean it for 24hrs… I think that would make it become infected (if it’s not infected yet.) This morning, I Tried not to look at it and the gross pus leaking out. I caved in. My conscience told me that I needed to change the gauze. It was really really gross because I didn’t change it lastnight.
The nurse came today. She loves doing wound-care. She was digging in there cleaning it with a qtip and gauze while father kept making painful noises. He does this all the time when I clean it too. Even to lightly touch it, he moans. Yet, he doesn’t want to change lying positions every 2 hours. I told her that I was instructed not to clean it. But, I think I should because it gets really gross if I don’t clean it. I told her that I can’t stand cleaning it because it’s gross but I have to clean it anyway. I did get queasy seeing the gauze and then the qtip get blood on it. She totally agreed with me. She said that it is best to try to keep it as clean as possible. I told her how I change, clean it, etc.. And she said that I’m doing it correctly and I can continue to do so – just don’t put any Calmoseptine.
Dad said that the doctor kept talking to oldest sis – instead of directly to him. He said that the doctor thinks he’s crazy. I replied, “You saw the wrong doctor. You saw mom’s doctor not yours. He’s not an old person doctor. When I took mom to him, he asked me so many questions about mom that he should know about.” He did not go to his doctor (the one who does home visits) because she’s a Female. She doesn’t know much like a Male doctor. But this female doctor actually looks at him, listens to him and talks TO him and not as if he’s not there. But noooooo. He wants a Male doctor – so he went to mom’s doctor. And since this doctor is not familiar with old people (nutritionist doctor), he looked to sis with his questions, comments, etc….
Book ewww.. I wouldn't want to clean that yucky wound either, but at least he saw the doctor....
Mom went a whole week with no panic attacks!! But the last 3 mornings not so lucky!! Dementia has a mind of it's own!!
It's been warmer here actually 50 yesterday and today! Doesn't look so hopeful for next week though!! Spring can't come soon enough for me......
Book, I admire you. You are a very strong person. I don't know if I could do what you have to do, I really don't.
He's also shedding skin. Every time I change his pampers, I find his skin all over the bedding. The ants seem to be attracted to his dead skin. Ugh!! Every time I see those skins on the bedding, I think "snake." Snakes shed their skin, my dad is shedding his. I was telling the nurse that his skin is shedding all the time. I spent a long time this morning scrubbing off his dead peeling skin.
She took the peroxide, poured some on the gauze and she proceeded to Scrub his back, peeling off the dead skin. Then she took another gauze, and used that to wipe off the skin. I asked her if I should do that too. She said no. She did not put any lotion or A&D cream on it. Tonight, when I changed his pamper, I was amazed. No shedding skin! His back was soooo smooth. Amazing what peroxide can do! (FYI, you can also use peroxide to clean your toilet tank.)
The nurse made me feel so uncomfortable. She told my dad twice that he has a beautiful daughter. Later, she said that I have white teeth. Boy, sounds like I'm a horse being inspected by a prospective buyer....
Book- I still do not know how you do it. It is a shame that it all has to fall on you. Mom hated it when her doctor would turn to me instead of her. I would just ask her what she thought about whatever it was. Yes, you are a beautiful daughter. Take care of YOU!!
Veronica - Hey there. You gave some great advise to PC. Take care of YOU!!!
LadeeM - Hey there. Congrats on the new job. It will be a new experience for you. It will be a great time to do some crafts. Take care of YOU!!!
Laura - Good to see you again. I hope you are enjoying quilting again. I wish I could but some Tupperware from you I need it. I feel Mom being around me now. Take care of YOU!!!
Assand - I hope your Mom's panic attacks do not get so bad. It is hard to watch them go through those. Take care of YOU!!!!!!
Hi all - Well, the house is ready to be shown. I went through my closet last night. I wound up with three bags of trash. It was all my mom's stuff. I saw the trash men as I was backing out of the driveway this morning and said thank you to them. They smiled and said your welcome. LOL Mom's friends are calling asking how I got the house ready so quickly. I told them that I had too. They thought I would stay here. Why would I want to stay here without my Mom. I did come across an old embroidery project that I did not finish and will start working on it today. I went out and bought Jazzy her favorite Fancy Feast food and some catnip. I put down some catnip for her and she rolled around in it. She still has a kitten in her. Thank God !!!! I will be going to the Krewe of Barkus tomorrow. It is a parade for dogs and their owners. Most of the dogs are from shelters around the area and they dress them up in little costumes. I will definitely bring my camera. You all take care of YOU!!!!