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Same thing happened with my father's employer except her kid was a boy and into horses. I once went to school in jodphers (?spelling) What a hellish day. the other kids examined them in detail and one boy noticed a tiny stain on the front and said"Oh look where he peed on them" I was about 10-11. I may have mentioned before that mother altered dresses she had tired of for me. That consisted of simply turning the hem up. never shotening it "she"ll grow you know" I have one school picture of me in one of mother's remake dresses. Oh CM I feel your pain I had a cardigan with one front longer than the other. I learned to sew as quickly as possible and made all my own clothes well into my 20s which to blow my own trumpet I did very well and knitted all my own sweaters.
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CM my Mom knitted and crocheted and let's just say I had to wear a lot of stuff that made me look like a "doofus" compared to all my classmates!

I hope everyone is having a great day!! It's cold as h*** here but at least the suns out..
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I hear you on the hand me downs...I had an aunt that weighed almost 300 pounds who used to give me her clothes...I weighed about 120 back then...they say necessity is the mother of invention and I learned how to sew real quick...I could get a skirt and vest out of one of her skirts...had to take home ec in the 7th grade...very useless...had to stand in line to have the teacher check the hem on a dish towel and I was wearing a dress that I had made myself...I think she also taught us to make ( are you ready for this one) toast...don't think there was a student in the class that did not have a toaster at home but just in case we learned how to do it in the oven, and on top of the stove...when times are tough I guess she thought we would all survive on toast...do remember wearing my grandmothers shoes to school with them flapping up and down because they were too big...
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What a long day. But what a good day! We closed on the property and got the check and it's in the bank! We can't access the funds until Tuesday, but at least the wait is almost over. And I have a bank account at last after years of not having one!

God is good. :) What a freaking relief!
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Husband is ok to travel , but needs surgery when we get home. MIL just text, a family member passed and my good friend has been at the hospital with her family member.... I honestly can't think straight.. went to work after hubby was cleared, but my mind is fried. Too much going on with my family and friends, I actually feel guilty going on vacation... but I'm ready to lose my mind! Too much in one week, with personal and work
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Private, I'm sorry that there's just so much coming down at once. I understand how you feel.

Totally enjoy your vacation! You'll be so much better for it!

Speaking of vacations... I thought I'd check into renting a cabin in the mountains of Ashville, maybe rent a horse for my stay and go riding in the woods. Just a couple of weeks of tranquility, peace and quiet. Until I saw the prices they want for those cabins. $260 and up a DAY. Riiiiight. No.

The search for something else continues. lol
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SA, great news on the closing! What a huge relief for you! That does sound very expensive for a cabin this time of year. Those prices sound similar to ski resorts here, and I don't think the skiing is that great there;-). What is so special about them? Check out Groupons in that area, maybe you will find something reasonable.
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PC.... I missed something, what is wrong with hubby???
Go for my 'interview' with the daughters of the new family..... will let ya'll know the outcome.... just trying to stay positive and see where things land....
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SA check out AirB&B for vac. rental my sister used it last yr. for our trip to Maine-just be aware they can tweak pictures to make a place look spacious and they said they were on a lake-not true but there was access to a lake.
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Ladee you will ace the interview but you may not want to work for them-keepus posted
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Thanks for the ideas you guys, I'll check out groupons and air b&b. I might just go to Myrtle beach for a weekend and listen to the waves. It won't be that expensive. I have a real fear of spending money and finding employment is on my mind more and more lately. I'm not quite ready to go back to work, but it's got to be soon whether I feel like it or not. I have no intention of living off the proceeds of that land sale. At least, not for long.

I'm in a bit of a funk today, I just feel depressed. There's a box of my mom's clothes that we got back from the NH and up until now I haven't been able to bring myself to go through it. I did this morning though. I found a soft shirt that I bought for my mom for the NH and I just held it and cried and cried and cried. I remember her wearing that one quite often. I can't seem to stop blubbering to save my life. It's just one of those days. I'll snap out of it but these kind of days are so damn painful.

I don't miss my mom's mouth at all. I don't miss the screaming, the fights, all of that crap. I'm grieving because all of my life I wanted so badly to be able to LOVE her, to show her affection and she just made it almost impossible and that killed me. I couldn't be ME with my mom, couldn't be the person nature dictate I be...a kind hearted, soft hearted, loving individual. No, I had to turn into this rabid beast to survive her. And that beast is still alive and kicking within me and always will be. I'll never have one iota of mercy or sympathy or excuses for anyone out to harm me, mentally or physically. I will turn cold in an instant towards anyone with my mom's personality.

So, why am I crying? I guess I'm grieving for what we both never had. She a daughter that would have gladly and willingly done good and right by her and would have shown her softness and love, which she never got from me till the end, and me a mom whose personality would have valued these traits in me and shown me love in return. It's so freaking sad. Such a damn waste. And for what?

I cried at the closing yesterday, too. It killed me to sell that land that was my mother's and hand it over to someone else. Josh, the new owner, is very nice and he said I should come visit anytime and see what they're going to be doing. I'd like to...eventually. I'm happy for Josh and his wife, they love that land and I know that. I appreciate that and am grateful for that. It couldn't have gone to a better family. But it's so painful. I don't think I'll be able to go down there for quite some time.

All of this is so crazy. I should be jumping for joy. Instead, I'm a soggy miserable wreck. Go figure. Maybe one day I'll know what it's like to actually feel normal.
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If there is a polar opposite of the last family I worked for, I met them today!!! I will be working 5/12's.... but I was told I could take off anytime.... just let them know....(????? Did I hear that right??) hmmm.... the daughters have a sense of humor.... ect. they had add the emergency info down, didn't have to ask for it... hmmmm, answered all my questions...., hmmmm, I did tell them as L's care requires more, we will have to revisit my pay....daughter said she had already talked with her dad about that.... hmmmmmm????

So will start tomorrow night.... and we'll see how it goes.... OH and guess what... no one is HARD OF HEARING... !!! I wont' have to shout or scream over a too loud tv.... hmmmm I'm sure there are other 'hmmmmm's', I'll post them as I remember them.... absolutey the absolute opposite of the last fiasco..... hmmmmmm
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Sounds like a winner, LadeeM! What a huge relief! You deserve to work for an appreciative, good family that's SANE. And thank God for not having to scream at the top of your lungs to be heard! I get that one totally. lol Big congrats! :)
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Ladee if they don't hire you they deserve whoever else they get. Go girl
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Congratulations on the new job LadeeM. I hope it turns out to be everything you're wishing for. SA Hang in there...my Mom passed in 95, it does hurt to know you never had the relationship with them that we wanted, but it made me want to make sure my kids would never have to say that...they are both grown now and have almost grown children of their own and we have a very close relationship, and that is what I focus on...
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LadeeM, Finally! You found another family that truly cares for their elderly and is willing to also think of their paid caregiver. I'm sooooo happy for you! =)
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2 nights ago, when father was sleeping, I stood there staring at him. This past 2 weeks were just so stressful for me all around - home, work, health, etc... On Friday, at work, I felt my face overheating, heart beating too fast, and got lightheaded. Major headache and neckache. I hated everything, life, etc....I just wanted to cry (but did not.)

But, that night, as he was sleeping, I stood there staring at him. I felt this emotion come from deep within. It's not love. It's the same feeling I got after I started caregiving mom and I would stand there staring at her as she slept. I wonder if it's sorrow for him that he's losing himself and becoming this terrible demanding abusive person?

Lastnight, as I was changing his pampers and wiping his skin down, I started remembering all the times he was nice to me. And never really demanded that I quit my job. He did ask me to work part-time when mom got too much of handful with just him by himself... All these memories of the past came on. And of course, even the abusive sides pop up but this time the negative was not as strong as the positives.

I have discovered that I like my father ... only when he's sleeping.
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Oh Book, as always, more proud of you than words can say... what this is saying to me is that you are feeling some compassion.... and that also means you have compassion for yourself..because we can not give away what we do not have...... such hard work you have done on yourself.... the woman that came on here , how long ago was it? and the woman I see now.... tears of joy for you Book...... just overwhelmed at the fact your journey is so absolutely difficult and you always put one foot in front of the other..... am sending you so many hugs that you are telling me to STOP !!!!!! lots of love to you Book.... lots and lots of love...
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Ah, Book, I feel you. *big hugs*
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LadeeM....Good luck, I'll be thinking of you..hugs
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Thanks Assa, you know I'll be on here bitchin' and complainin' in no time... lol

Going to take time to get my sleeping time down.... but if there is some peace.. I am not having to dodge verbal bullets and vomit.... (by C) and the tv isn't making my eardrums vibrate..... oh... and no one drinks..... !!!!!! Or takes too many meds.....!!!!! or is hateful..... I'm not going to know how to act..... would be an extra happy camper if I hadn't had to take such a drastic cut in pay..... with that many hours a week, I could really add to my savings.... but no one gets it all.... so, ..........

Have a good one Assa.... guess it's gonna be spring eventually.....hugs and chocolate
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LadeeM ha Spring eventually, would you please tell that to the snow that's coming down outside my window! LOL...

Again good luck with new client.. I hope your time with her is respectful and hassle free!!!
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No snow here Assa, but did have the AC on believe it or not... got up to the mid 70's yesterday.... cold front coming in now... will be in the 20's tonight..... my closet looks like a yard sale.... ALLLLL kinds of clothes in there...
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SA...congrats on finally receiving that money. Sorry I'm so late on sending best wishes. Last two weekends been redecorating mom's room and it looks so much better. Sometimes she likes it LOL Melatonin seems to help a little but she always wakes up around 2am for the bathroom but then forgets to go back to bed and normally wakes me up or wakes the dog up who comes to find me. I did take mom out on saturday before another snowstorm came. I'm sure when it ever warms up that will keep her calmer and less bored. I have ordered the roses so she keeps looking at catalog and is excited about her rose garden.
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How am I today? I am upset because I know my Mother needs a good bath but that's not going to happen. My father won't fix the tub/plumbing so we can all have a good bath. I could give her a good washup but he is so paranoid he guards her around the clock. So I will wait until I can bring it up seemingly very innocently. Currently my father has decided to run the heat and air at the same time. I feel like everything is a fight with my father. Butt I went to Church today and my Pastor has encouraged me in dealing with this situation. So just thinking and remembering that my Church family understands and cares makes me feel better!
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Tootie you are in a no win situation. It is hard to comment with so little information.
Are you caregiver for your mother with ALZ or for both parents?
It sounds as though your father has symptoms suggesting he also has dementia.
The situation with the bathroom is a red herring. Depending on how far his dementia has progressed he probably is no longer capable of fixing the problem basically he can't remember how to do it or what tools or supplies he needs so that is a seperate issue.
His treatment of your mother by denying her care he is actually abusing her so you are the one who has to take action. The action you need to take is to contact Adult Protective Services on Monday. Do not let him know you are doing this because his disease may make him violent towards you or your mother. do you have other family members who can help you or someone from your church?
Your church family may care about you and express understanding but not be fully aware of the seriousness of the situation. From your post i am not clear if you realize the true situation.
I am sorry to be so blunt or if what I have written upsets you that is not my intention but if you were expecting a reply that said "poor you, how awful what a miserable old man" that is not how i see your situation. it is going to be difficult going forward and you can expect a lot of love and support here as well as helpful advice. so please come back often and let us know how things are going. Blessings
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My question is: how do I look normal at 9:00 am wearing high heels and make up, smiling at my co-workers when inside I feel like an alien. The other day a coworker was telling the rest of us what a nice weekend she had had, they gad gone bicycle riding with her grand kids and then had stopped for lunch at a beach restaurant. After this last year of being responsible and caring for my mother those stories sound like a movie to me. I had one lady and then another to come and work for me, I kept thinking it was all their fault and they were not doing their jobs, so I fired the first, hired the second, all the same, I am now taking my mother to an ALF for daycare only. I pay so I could get either Saturday or Sunday off, but at the end of the day it's all the same, when I get my clothes ready at night I gave to get hers too for the next day, a lady comes Medicare covered and showers my mom at 7:00 in the morning while I'm running around getting dressed for work, my poor husband just stands outside waiting for the craziness to pass (he drives my mother to daycare) since I drive an hour to work I can't. If anyone had told me thus would be my life at thus point I would have laughed at them, I was strong, independent, fulfilled, my mother now occupies my house, my mind and my marriage, the other day at work I called the doctor, the pharmacist and the ALF all because my mother was constipated and I was beside myself, i ended up making my last phone call from the bathroom at work because I didn't want anyone to know, I came home in tears. How do I pretend to be normal when I'm not anymore? I still want my life back but doubt it will ever be the same. This is how I feel. And oh yes, the bathroom situation at 3:00 in the morning, been there, done that too! I love my mom, may i please have my life back?
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iMPKL, thank you for such loving words, I'm trying very hard to keep it all together, a full time job where I have look put together and professional though I'm a mess inside, my fears of what the future holds for me and my mom, how long is she going to last and under what conditions? Will I be better off placing her somewhere? Will I be able to keep gear at home knowing I still gave to work and keep a house and a marriage going? I disagree with you though, my mom is not a child, a child smiles and makes you happy, looking at my mom makes me sad, no matter what I do it's just sad and frustrating and exhausting this new job I have that I never wanted or applied for. As for my sibling he offered me his half of my mother's possessions which I have earned 10 times over by now just so he wouldn't have to worry about her, he hasn't seen her in over two years and lives two minutes away from me. We both kept our word. It is very sad and frustrating, I have days in which my heart cries out for a sister to share the burden with but have none. Just God, myself and my husband. God bless you all.
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Drove back to Virginia six weeks ago, got them from the nursing home to assisted living. Mother wanted to go and went she is happy, but dad was so angry he refused to go for several days until they put a really loud coughing man in his room. The attorney hired a transition team to deal with my dad good grief my father has cost himself a fortune being such a pain in the rear. But I know this is hard for him, he can be miserable any he goes, and he is. All the drugs they have him on still he's miserable to me still treats me shameful. I busted my rear moving this house to their over price real estate. Mother was so happy she said she felt when they opened the door to her new home it just put it's arms around her, that's what I was going for. Then grabby Appleton just sneers. When I first saw them they were looking pretty bad in the nursing home. I took the clean close and brought my shears they both got new hair cuts I was a stylist in my previous life many years back. Now I'm here in the tore up house trying to figure out what I'm going to do with the mounds of junk left. I made them photo albums of their life together several so they could see they had a good life, dad didn't even recognize himself, moms memory not that bad she can still reason. I had to stop going over there to visit as dad has once again made me the target and he's rude to mother. I've had to gentle explain saying the things he dose hurts. He said oh I'm sorry, he can't hear well at all, mother says oh I'm use to him taking things out on me, Dad says what did you say, I said dad, mother said she forgives you, oh he said. Geezzz! I'm exhausted and want this thing over the house empty and to be free, but they live in Virginia and I live in Texas, great guns fire I'm so sick of this mess. But they're safe and in a locked memory care unit. I need to get this house cleaned out and move on I'm thinking of selling my home in Texas. I love Texas but the little town I live in is now becoming huge with way to much traffic huge bridges. Time to move on just don't want to move to Virginia it's not my choice but I'll figure it out. Missed everyone on the site blessing and happy trails!
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LadeeM .. woooooooooohooo .. You know those lessons we talk about? Maybe this one is learning to appreciate the right stuff when we see it. I'm hoping that you get tons of opportunities to be grateful!! *hugs and hugs*

Book .. sometimes your posts just break my heart. You're such a trooper .. you deserve some kind of general's star or at least one of those medals of valor or something. Hey! Admins!! Can we get a new hug image: some kind of medal?? Please? And thank you very much!

SA .. 'bout damned times things started going your way, huh? And it's no wonder that your emotions are on a roller coaster .. you've been stuffing most of them for years and they're just bustin' a gut to get out. Let 'em roll. Your heart will appreciate it!
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