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Tootie, Veronica may be right. I used to think like you when father stopped fixing things. But he never said that he cannot do it. He would tell me to call the plumber. I remembered wondering why I had to call the plumber when father can build a bathroom and install a toilet. Or when this or that needed repairs, he stopped doing it - but he would say to me "I will fix it later." which never happens. I never really realized this until I read Veronica's words. Yes, your father may not be fixing the tub because he's "forgotten" how to do it.

Stillhope - having sisters to share the burden - is not necessarily true. Ask several posters here and you will find the ones that actually do help are like gems hidden in the mud. Or a needle in a haystack. I have 4 sisters. In all the 23 years I helped father caregive bedridden mom, not one of them helped regularly. Older sis did make an effort when she visited home every 4 or 5 years. She took over completely - except for the changing of pampers. I still did that. I do have my fave sister who is my Emotional Support. I don't complain about caregiving to her because her responses are those of non-caregivers. Not understanding where we are at and why it's not easy to just "do this or that." .... I, too, work fulltime. I do my best not to let the home life interfere with work. Very important. I don't talk about home life because the one time I did, and I was struggling with work, my boss told me straight to concentrate on work and if I'm having problems at home, then to take leave. Very important not to discuss the home front at all to coworkers or your bosses. {{hugs}}
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It's going to be a long day!
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LadeeC, you know I am the queen of grateful...... my attitude going in this time is very different than before...still licking my wounds a little,from the mess with C. But was open minded and will only hope for the best for all involved.... my first night was uneventful..... long.... but the easiest hours I have worked....

When the daughter was leaving last night.. she was telling them how busy her schedule was going to be the next day....so she might be late getting their dinner.... in the past, that was my cue to step up and volunteer...... not this time... remember, I took full responsibility for being taken advantage of with C.... we can't be taken advantage of without our permission.... learned way to much on the last job..I'm pretty sure after this many years, they have a contingency plan.....so kept my mouth shut....

When I got ready to leave for work last night.... there was ice on my windshield..... !!!!! it was already in the low 20's, had been in the 70's earlier in the day.....Texas weather sucks !!!! so I only smoked one ciggy in a 12 hour shift!!!! Too damned cold to go outside... lol... so that was a good thing !!!

I am neither excited or negative ...... just letting myself see if this is what I still want to do...but there will be lessons to learn nonetheless...

Hope things are going well with Edna...... and hope you are doing even better... more later to everyone... the wind blew my front door open and woke me up... going back to bed.... love, hugs, angels and HOT chocolate....
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LadeeM so far so good....Sweet Dreams..zzzzzz
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Tootie you will get lots of support here-welcome-agree he probably does not remember how to fix things-there might be a plumber in your church family or someone will be able to recommend a plumber it probably will be that repairs will have to be done by someone else from now on. You do need help with your parents-it is too much for you alone. Now that your church members know what you are up against -maybe they will help you-you may have to ask for help and if no one offers you could use some of your parents saving making sure you record it that it was for their care-if you try to do it all by yourself you will become very exhausted and resentful -a therapist once told me I was waiting for someone to rescue me and that was not going o happen -I had to rescue myself. This may sound stern but caregiving can get to be impossible -a lawyer told me 60% of caregivers dies beforethe ones they are caring for-that was a wake up moment for me.
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I don't sleep well anymore since mom moved in 17 months ago.She is 89, her faculties are fine, her health is fine, her hearing and eyesight are bad. I get up a few hours earlier than her so I have some alone time...and I sip coffee and cry anticpating what my day will be like. Reading some of your posts I realize I am far better off and shouldn't be whining. But I no longer have my privacy, I no longer can do and go where I want without feeling like I should take her along, and I don't always want to. She is manipulative with her sad or angry looks when she feels like I'm not talking to her enough or paying enough attention to her. I sit with earplugs in my ears because she has to have the T.V. so loud even her hearing aids don't help. I feel she expects too much from me and I don't always want to be around her. I'm entering my golden years, I have MS and a mother always around and I'm miserable. On nights when my husband has to work late I cry because he is my rock and I miss him. Having a conversation with her is always hard because I have to repeat myself 2 or 3 times because she can't hear me, it's exhausting. When my husband works late I don't have to cook but if I don't she makes me feel bad because she will open a can of soup and have that look of "I'll just eat this soup tonight since you're not cooking". I hate going to bed because all I do is think, think what my life is now, think how miserable I am and wonder when this will be over. Sometimes I even want to die. This is one of the worst things I've ever had to do. And I'm ashamed of the way I feel about it. My poor husband sees me cry everyday when he leaves for work. When she goes upstairs for the night at 8 P.M. that is when my day begins and I sigh a sigh of relief. It's like putting my child to bed for the night. I get up several times during the night and come downstairs and sit on the couch just to enjoy being alone without her. From 9 A.M. to 8 P.M. I am stressed, worrying that i'm not doing enough or paying enough attention to her. Occassionally when I can get out and go to the grocery store without her I feel like I'm on vacation! On my husband's days off he takes me out for the day to get away, but on the way home, I start to get anxiety because I know she will ask questions about where we went and then I get the sad look because she wasn't asked to come along. Then she has a million things for me to do, and I think it's just because she is angry that she was alone all day and now she wants attention. My husband wants to buy a gun just for recreation and target shooting, I asked him not to, because some days I feel like I would use it on myself.
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Thanks for the hug 195Austin. However the main problem is that my Dad doesn't want anyone to tell him what to do. He was a teacher & principal and thinks he knows everything. If I had money I would try to fix these things myself. When I suggest what to do he calls me names and threatens to hit me. I am encouraged by your comments and everyone else's. Thank you.
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Cindylynn you need a break asap. Has your Mom been seen by her primary doc recently? Hearing not good - maybe her ears need flushing and her hearing aids need attention i.e. cleaning or replacement. Please don't feel guilty about what you're NOT doing - think about all the good things you're doing, just the fact that your Mom is not alone. Maybe it is time for assisted living if that is an option or at least some time away at a day care a few hours a week for her, or take her to a senior center for their activities. You are too stressed and you are wearing out and will be of no good to her, yourself or your husband if you don't seek some outside help. Even hiring someone to come and sit with her if you can afford it, or someone who can take her out for a day. Whatever you do, please do not talk about taking your own life, or even think it. Only leaves heartache for those left behind. Blessings and take care of you first...xxxooo
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Cindylynn. I think part of your problem may be your own MS.It is a disease that brings a lot of depression with it. Have you been offered an antidepressent and maybe a sleeping pill. Why did your mother move in with you? did you think you would be all one big happy family. your husband is a gem to be so understanding of your feelings but he needs some care too. i realize you can't help crying all the time but it does get depressing for those around you so try and get some professional help and move mother back out if her presence is so stressfull for you
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LadeeM - Fantastic that is soooo GREAT. Go out and get yourself your favorite chocolate. I hope you have a good transition to working at night. HUGS!!! Take care of YOU!!!!
SA - I miss my mom too. I do not miss the dementia though. You have gone through so much. You have come through to other side stronger and more sure of yourself. I do not know how I will feel when the sale goes through on the house. I do hope it will be soon. Kudos and HUGS to you and keep taking care of YOU!!
Book - Wonderful - Wow, the fact that the positives are out weighing the negatives is great!!!!!There has been such a Positive change over just a few months. Take care of YOU!!!!!
Tootie -I am glad the church is there giving you caring and understanding. Take care of YOU!!!!!!!!!
Cindy - All lot of us here felt that we are not doing enough sometimes,. I know I did. You cannot second guess yourself or it will drive you crazy. Keep telling yourself you are doing the best you can. Then tell your mom the same thing every time she makes you feel guilty. They have known us all out lives and know where all those buttons are. Take care of YOU!!!!
Hi all - The weather has been crazy here too!!! It was in the upper 60's and now it will be in the 40's and raining for Mardi Gras. I did go yesterday and had a great time. I went with a friend to a home right on the parade route. I got a bunch of beads. In the French quarter girls lift up their shirts for beads from the second floor balcony's. I got a pair of beads yesterday that had a medallion on it saying "You want me to show you what" with a woman with her arms across her chest. LOL I caught it right in my hands. I know I am crazy going out to the parades tomorrow but what the heck. On the way home I was thinking that Mom will get a kick out of that pair of beads. Then I remembered she is not here anymore. I got so sad. She loved when I went somewhere and came back to tell her stories. Well, I got in the house and went to her room and told her what happened right away and I just cried like a baby. I know there will be moments like this but then I also remember when I could tell her about things. Well, I have to get going. I will be wearing my long underwear with two sweaters. You all take care of YOU!!!!!
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Tootie the more you tell us about your dad the more it looks as though he needs an intervention and your mother needs proper care. if he does in fact have some form of dementia rather than another type of mental illnes he seems to be quite far advanced and can only get worse.
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Cindy-
Before we got my mom new hearing aids we had a gizmo that included headphones that worked wirelessly with the tv. There was a transmitter that allowed the sound to be amplified for mom. She hated wearing the things, but without them the tv could not be turned up loud enough for her. They were purchased at Bed, Bath and Beyond during the Christmas season. other main drawback is that when the transmitter was plugged into the tv, the sound would go off for everyone else. Our solution to that was to have the transmitter connected to a second tv, a hassle when channels are changed, but actually worth it for some quiet.
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Cindy, I felt sad as I read your words. Well, as long as your mom can still prepare her own canned soup, so be it. That is your “off” from cooking dinner. And for the positive? At least your mom goes to bed early, 8pm! My father is bedridden and is still awake at 1am. Then he starts singing off-key because he’s bored and cannot sleep. Then he wakes me up at 2am or 3am or 4am because he cannot sleep – and starts talking loud. I’m getting so exhausted again. I feel like I used to feel when I was caregiving 2 bedridden parents and having to wake up throughout the night to suction mom. I’m envying you that your mom is able to sleep at 8pm!!!! I would be just like you and enjoy that time after 8pm. sigh… whenever I go off-island, by 3 days before I fly back home, I get major depression. I don’t want to come home at all. I had this very brief experience of what life is like without worrying about caregiving. When I would go out (other than work), my father would ask where I went. It got to the point, that I really resented this. And I would tell him, “out.” It did get tense because he wanted specifics and I refused to give it to him. It felt as if he was trying to control me and I just automatically refused to give it to him. {{hugs}}

Tootie, my father knows everything- since I can remember. He is Always Right. We are not allowed to share a differing opinion. Otherwise, we’re dumb and know nothing. The name calling and threatenings…. father, too. Our fathers seem to be twins. I’d like to give you a piece of advice that I’m learning this year. Document, Document, Document. I strongly recommend that you start doing a journal of your daily activities, mom’s day, and your father’s reactions. This will protect you if something happens and your father accuses you, or something. My father is beginning to accuse me of stealing from him. So, I am now fervently saving receipts, photocopying it (receipts fade), and did 2 spreadsheets – bank account (withdrawals/deposits) and Expenses (logged all the expenses paid with his money.) I really shouldn’t worry because when father his stroke about 2 years ago, I have tripled his bank account. But still, one doesn’t know how authorities will react.
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Glad, I thought of you when I saw this YouTube video. It's a neat ad that was put on the subway. If you google: " adweek subway by Tim Nudd" It is sooooo neat. I tried to view the Original YouTube but my computer showed it blurred and in fast-speed. Whereas the one by "adweek" was better, normal paced.
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In December I came to my mom's apartment where she was covered with vomit and feces. She was later diagnosed with a UTI after I prodded the professionals to consider a test of her urine. She went to rehab for 2 weeks. She was released suddenly due to medicare funding and I moved her apartment into my home. You know dining room now her bedroom. I searched tiredlessly for day care providers and found a day care center that appeared to meet her needs and mine, I work daily. I started this the day after her move in. I tried to "keep it moving!" My mom does not accept transition well. Her mood at times sullen and always unpredictable. In terms of her independence she could have benefitted from at least 3 more weeks at Rehab for strengthening, and attainment of her readiness level. Of course that did not happen. She is incontinent now, she thinks to can go to the bathroom on her own ( tiny space/powder room). She is non-ambulatory, legally blind and has moderate dementia. I think I do a great job with her care. But at times she says I am the worst person in the world. I recognize that she does not mean it because I am aware of what I do and how much I exceed expectations just by making it work day in and day out. I am in need of support for everything I do. And like today when the center is closed, due to inclement weather I need to have someone here with her while I go into work. My stomach is in knots because I can not risk loosing my job. I am 50 years old and they would love let me go and hire someone much younger. Does anyone know of resources out there they can assist a 26 year USR/VANG VET caring for their elderly parent? I have to lift her now from her wheelchair to the car an out again. I have to lift her from the bed to the wheelchair on to the bedside toilet. I do not have a ramp yet, it costs, so I push her wheelchair up stairs and down to enter and exit the house. She gets 700.00 a month social security. I have always supplemented everything she needed beyond this. Maybe there are resources that I do not know about.
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Lav that sounds like so much fun! Glad to see you enjoying yourself...Just put on a mask and flash those puppies!! LOL
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Cindy changes have to be made here or you will only get worse-with MS you should not have all this stress. Is there a senior center where she could go during the day for activities she will say no but tell her she can not make all the decisions-you may have to mention nursing homes she will not like that either but she is playing havoc in your home. Make a plan -you can include her input -right now she has too much power-she may decide to change her behavior and be more of a family member instead of the queen of the home. She may agree to go to day care one or two days a week or to develop some interests or help with household chores or give some money so someone can be hired to care for her occasionally.. She must be aware of your health problems and chooses to just ignore this. It sounds like her mind I ok and her behavior is very bad.You can start with baby steps as I did with the husband first I asked him to go to adult day care he refused and down the road it was placement that needed to be considered-he again refused and was told that not is was not his decision. Changes have to be made and any small change will give you the power instead of her as it is now
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BT, I am so sorry about your mom. *hugs* I'm sure finding her that way wasn't easy and I hope she's doing much better now. You are doing a great job, so please don't let elderly insults get to you. We all deal with/dealt with them. The elderly, in a lot of cases after they reach a certain point, don't even remember saying anything. I'm glad you realize that in your own personal situation that she doesn't mean it. Some of them DO mean it, even if they can't remember later. lol

Have you tried DSS? They should be able to steer you in the right direction as far as getting the help you need goes, including other agencies and resources.


Ah, today may be a good day. Sean and I are driving to Raleigh, NC to look at a used car for him. His old car is on it's last legs, my car has been sitting for over 4 years and needs the shop and legal tags, etc, and I can't keep renting vehicles. I found a really nice 2005 Kia Amanti in Raleigh at a very, very good and affordable price. Sean liked what he saw online. The car is immaculate, the inside pristine. Carfax shows no problems with the vehicle. If he likes it, we get it today and thank God! No more rentals! Right now I'm driving a Nissan Rogue that's costing a mint. Well, not really, but it FEELS like a mint! I don't want to spend ANY money unless it's a sheer necessity.

Tomorrow we speak to a financial advisor. I'm looking forward to that. Yesterday we transferred my share of the land sale funds into my account. I just kept staring at that figure. It doesn't even seem real. As far as I'm concerned, it isn't. lol I want to forget it's in there, get employed and live off that.

Well, wish us luck on the car. I don't want to spend another dime on this damn rental.

Hope everyone's day is a great one and here's hoping for smooth sailing all around!
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Just a quick drive by for this morning, will read later after work... Father's new thing.... There's something wrong with the clock. Insists it's not the right time. Nephew already changed the battery. Father insists that is not the time and that I need to change the battery, too.

This morning, his tshirt is now choking him. The same shirts he's been wearing. I wonder if he's now going to be willing to wear the hospital gown? Or would he still want to wear his shirts and just continue to complain that it's choking him? I will put some gowns into the laundry basket for sis to wash.... better to have a freshly laundered colthes than a musty smelling one which would turn him off completely from the gown.
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Ok, here's my gratitude list for the day........I'm grateful to have a job.... I'm f'n grateful for the inch of ice on my windshield this morning after a 12 hour shift.....I'm grateful for the 'moisture' as we need it.... I am grateful for my f'n cat that keeps staring at me and making me feel guilty for not stopping and getting her food this morning.....she could care less that I was tired and cold....

I'm grateful that I have at least one working brain cell that will get coffee and creamer to take to work with me tonight.....was told I could fix myself coffee.... alrighty then.... 5:30 am, I'm crashing... go to the kitchen..... INSTANT CAFFIENE FREE COFFEE !!!!! What is that anyway..... dirt in a cup??? I passed......

It's not like I have an ice scraper... I live in Central Tex for God's sake....so back and forth with jugs of water and using a sharp rock I found in my car for a scraper..... no gloves....starting to feel less and less grateful.....

Then remembered all of you , cooped up for months with your charges... with nothing but white outside..... so back to 'grateful'.......

Love and hugs to all of you.....
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Happy Fat Tuesday...I've never been to New Orleans but like the colors of Mardi Gras and love the regional food...so the 3 of us are doing our west coast version of Mardi Gras...Jambalaya, collard greens, fried green tomatoes and I have a king cake rising on the back of the stove for dessert....got MIL all changed and into her wheel chair and was going thru her door toward the kitchen when she decided she needed to go potty...got her back out of the chair and onto the portable commode...seriously, a second and a half earlier she didn't have a clue she might need to go...any way better than last time got her on it said she was finished (knew she wasn't but she insisted) got her back in her chair, called me in less than 5 minutes said she had to go...the call was to late, she had messed all over herself again...don't know if it really snuck up on her or she was trying to hold it because she had argued with me to get off the pot ...she's blowing her whistle now...time to go clean her up again...maybe this time we'll make it to the kitchen for lunch...happy day to all.
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Reddog...ouch! I know how that goes. :S Here's hoping the evening is smoother...


Just got back from Raleigh not too long ago... Sean got the Amanti! He's very happy with it. It's a very nice car, engine purrs, very responsive, extra clean. I'm just happy that that's over with and I can relax!

Time to go dig up some grub. Night all!
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Ladee M their having the courtesy to offer coffee-making facilities sounds like a good start - shame about the caffeine-free baloney! Educate them… :)
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Better - Was your mom a vet or a vet's widow? There are funds for this. I do not know if you are able to get anything though. It does not hurt to check. They can say very hurtful things sometimes can't they. It used to hurt when mom said things like that but I got better and not reacting to them. Take care of YOU!!!
Book - these shirts must be t-shirts. Mom would get a shirt that she slept in sometimes and it always crept up on her. I finally said that she should not wear it anymore and bought her hospital gowns to sleep in. Only for the summer though. She got used to them. Take care of YOU!!!!
LadeeM - INSTANT DECAF coffee are they crazy. I will send you some Columbian okay. I cannot stand paying my heating bills this time of year. This house is not a winter home so I can relate. Take care of YOU!!!!!
Assand - they would give me great beads if I DID NOT show my puppies. LOL Taka care of YOU!!!
Red- I am glad that you had some Louisiana food. I love jambalaya but I hate collard greens and green fired tomatoes.
Hi - It was mom's two month anniversary today. I cannot believe it has been that long since she has been gone. I am okay but I feel like I have no family to turn to anymore. My brother does not call me at all. I thought that he would help me straighten this place up. I have decided that I would not ask him advice on things concerning things in this house anymore. If I feel that something should be done I will do it. Whatever I want to sell I will sell and keep the money. He only cares about money from the house. Not about me. As far as I am concerned this is it with him. I am soo fed up with this crap from him. But then why am I not surprised? He has been like this a long time. I am tired of hoping to have a good relationship with him and then this. I cannot wait for this house to be sold.
I did not go to mardi gras it was 37 degrees and rainy. Well, I have to eat something. You all take care.
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Ladee M Now you know what flanel night gowns are useful for!!!!!!!!!!!!
Made myself a little rice pack today to put inside my mittens when I go to get my Pro time done. If the finger is too cold the blood won't run.
Also stopped wearing a bra because it makes my post shingles neuropathy hurt too much - now three years old. The old knee warmers get a bit chilly though.
Glad the new job is working out. Oh hardship no coffee for 12 hours. no problem for me. A good British cup of tea fills the spot 2 sugars and milk please
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LadeeM, You're gracious to acknowledge the pain of us snowbound folks, but really, we're equipped for it. I plug in the tank engine heater for my car most days than not just so my car will start as I have to park outside. Built a ramp for my mom that takes up a lot of the garage. It's a PITA.

Don't blame you for being majorly bummed. You deserve to be. That's NOT normal weather for you. I want to be your snow angel that swoops down and makes it all better. LOL

Congrats on the new job and I'm hoping and praying the road there will be much more pleasant for you, the coffee situation notwithstanding.

Laughing about you using a sharp rock knowing you and I share a passion for collecting rocks. :) In a pinch, put some table salt into the hot water. Salt is a great de-icer. Our roads are white here, not from snow right now but for the salt they put down to melt the ice on roads. If you have a sturdy metal spatula for grilling, they make for a pretty good scraper. Been there done that. Warm up your car 10 minutes before you leave and run the defroster on warm. Hope that helps though I know ice can be stubborn. We've now had 50 days with below zero temps so I 'knows' my ice. Ha!

I have some sort of great news. My brother and SIL are 90% coming for a visit in August. We've had some painful e-mail exchanges that have knocked me down and made me angry at the same time for the past several weeks.

I'm not quite trusting 100% to make plans for that far away, but it sounds hopeful that my little family will get a break that is long needed.

Sending you some hot chocolate with marshmallows and a candy cane to stir it up. We stock up after Christmas for the rest of winter. ((Hugs))
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Bettertoday .. as mentioned, there are benefits available for vets. A good place to start is http://www.va.gov/opa/persona/caregiver_family.asp for caregivers.

Another little known resource is the Program of All-Inclusive Care for the Elderly (PACE), under the Medicaid.gov auspices, which assists individuals who might otherwise be candidates for a nursing facility, but could safely remain at home, with assistance.

Keep up the good work, and come back to let us know how everything goes.
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I had my doctor's appointment today for my annual check-up's result. My total cholesterol went down from 249 to 239. But my LDL (the bad one) went from 156 to 170. I checked my medical history. This is the highest LDL I've ever had. He is very concerned that I will get a heart attack. So, I have promised to take my Lipitor (I just didn't tell him that I won't take it daily.) Diabetes runs in our family. Recent findings point to Lipitor causing diabetes to older women. He said that I don't eat fat so there's no need for me to change my eating habits. Just continue with the way I'm eating. It's my LIFESTYLE that must be changed. I told him that I work full-time and then go home to caregive my bedridden father. He said it's very important I find a way to exercise because who's going to take care of your father and you? Sometimes, when I have reached the end of my ropes, I don't give a darn about "who is going to take care of your father". I've been doing this for over 24 years and ... to be truthful, death doesn't sound so bad at all. What I worry the most is - what if I get a stroke or a heart attack and become an invalid? THAT is my greatest fears. So, I am going to take those Lipitor pills (every other day) to help lower my LDL. Not for father. For me.

I have always thought you all in the states who have snow must go stir crazy being stuck in the house during wintertime. Just the thought of dressing up to brave the snow would make me change my mind about leaving the house. I laughed when I read of one poster who said her mother said she was leaving. Walked out of the house. Then came back in. She changed her mind. It was too cold outside. Thank goodness she still had enough cognitive thought to know to go back into the house.

Red, Better - I don't envy you all about transferring a person from the bed to the wheelchair, etc.. That is very strenuous, backbreaking work. It took a 2 person team to do that. Father would lift mom in the front using a towel which we wrapped around her back and he pulled her up from the front. I was there to help guide her from the back or to move the wheelchair to her while he held mom steady. Twice she slowly sank to the floor because we expected her to help us move but instead she was deadweight. She did not know how to stand anymore. We couldn't get her off the floor and so I went and got a male relative to help us. And even with him, it was very very difficult to get her off the floor. She was complete dead weight and didn't move her legs at all. That was the last time we ever tried to get her off the bed.... I tried to pull dad using the lifter. He weighs more than me. He didn't even move at all. Instead, I hurt my back. So, if father ever reaches the stage when he can no longer help me move him, I will INSIST that sis helps me in changing his pampers.
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Oh Windy I'm going to stop complaining about my weather here in Massachusetts!! That below 0 stuff is frightening...
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Oh man.. The game show network changed it's lineup today and has the Dating Game on until noon time.. I need to run some errands this morning so now Mom's going to be all confused with the TV.. She's will be wandering around here in a frenzy while I'm out..

I just got her settled down because she thought she was going to have to go to Mass for Ash Wednesday.. Not happening! She's thrilled about that, she's watching it on TV, but that's only a half hour show..

Maybe today will be the day she pushes her medic alert button . . . She always threatens me with "I'll just push this thing and they'll come". I tell her it's just a panic attack and she needs to settle down and think of something else other than herself!! LOL
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