The Caregiver... How are YOU doing today?

CM and redog, boy oh boy could I go on about hindsight! Sis would never provide my mom a copy of the trust she setup 15 years ago. There wasn't one in the house. Sis didn't want me to see it because I would then know what all she was responsible for, including semi annual reports on assets that still to this day has not been done. Then when she knew mom had received a copy from her attorney, took mom to the investment institutions to change account ownership with mom's signature when the trust explicitly states the only way it could be changed is with documentation of incompetence from two doctors. Of course she didn't have those. All will now come out as the court appointed conservator is finally looking at everything she has done. Who knows why sis would do this, probably same reason she reported ME to APS for financial exploitation! Just who was exploiting whom?!

Glad, I'd hadn't caught onto the "full story" of your situation. I'm so glad it seems to be moving towards complete exposure and resolution. I would've never believed other adults in my family could act as they've done… to cause harm, or for financial gain… who knows why? I hope all is exposed fully in court and things are made right. Good luck!!!

It's seems Spring can't come soon enough!! I hope everyone can try to find some positive in their day... Wishful thinking I know for many, but my intentions are filled with love and respect for everyone in my AC family... Hugs!!!

I'm sitting here with my Mom up 3rd day at 4am with panic attacks and the news is on with a story about a 7yr old RI boy with leukemia and 200 fire/police vehicles paraded at his school to wish him birthday.. I think "stop whining" this poor child and Mom are looking for a bone marrow match for this boy to live..
It can always be worse!!!

ABB – any way of taking a photo of the basement, send it to the bank and suggest that they don’t pay the workers because they did sub-standard work? Or if not, can they pay you to “fix” the problem and you will turn in the receipts with the Before and After photos? As for your father, just TELL him that he needs to pay for gas. Don’t ask. You ask, it gives them permission to say No. If he refuses to give gas money, then drive the truck until you stall on the road. Have ready your extra gas can, the emergency road company’s number, and have them come to you, etc…. It's important to learn when to be firm or not with your father. Just be sure that you’re not within reach for him to hurt you. (Yesterday morning, I cut down father’s herbal supplement. He Demanded that I give 2 pills instead of the 1. I refused. He was soooo angry, his face turned red, hands fisted and actually ORDERED me to come over so that he can hit me. I looked him in the eye, and said, “No.” Then I turned my back on him and went to the bathroom, thinking to myself, “I’m not a child anymore where I obeyed and walked to you so that you can hit me.” ) Truly, ABB, it’s very important that you start getting him used to paying for his stuff/needs. Or to SHARE the COST. It’s scary, and heart pumping with fear, and you get lightheaded and just want to obey them … but DON’T. You are not your father’s slave. You are Not his wife. You are his daughter. Not his minor daughter but a grown woman. Start out small – like with the gas. You really need to do this ABB. He’s a grown man and he KNOWS what he’s doing to you. One small step at a time. You Choose your battles. {{HUGS}}

I'm sticking with "how you doing" question only..There's too much bickering going on else where... LOL

Feeling unreasonably crabby. I shouldn't be. It's a beautiful, sunny, early Spring day. The daffodils and crocuses are glowing outside the window. My daughter is coming home for an overnight stay, to see her Granny and be fed properly for a change. Mother seems to be behaving herself, no further falls anyway. Tomorrow we're going to lunch at my sister's house, so no cooking or washing up for me. So why am I feeling so royally pissed off?

Are we allowed to have days when we're just in a lousy temper, or do we have to have a reason?

CM go with it! Some days it feels good to be crabby and don't apologize! You'll be in a better mood before you realize it...

Aargh!! Every day I sit and watch the news with my Mom and she confuses what they're saying then starts discussing it with me and wants a response and has no idea what she's talking about, so I just sit here like a "bobblehead" up and down... It's not worth trying to explain it to her.. "Groundhog Day"...

Hey now, I love my old percolator. They make good strong HOT coffee unlike the drippy ones. I find them at garage sales or thrift stores and have a few extra in the garage (ditto other small appliances). Thank God for those, have found very nice household and clothing items that way. So much of the new stuff is just junk, why blow good money on them? I would spring for new carpeting but decided that won't happen till mom's outta here, can't keep things clean as it is and seems there's nothing mom likes better than to walk around right after I've swept, dropping cookie crumbs everywhere she goes. Don't want to talk about the furnace; my brother's in that business but from experience know he won't save me any money.

It's 11:40pm and I have just finished laughing so hard watching 2 YouTube videos by Jeff Gordon. I saw on HLN his video 2 and wanted to watch the whole video and not just snippets of it. So, I just Googled it. I watched both videos, laughing so hard, my father shushed me because he was trying to sleep.

If you all need some laughter, Google:
1. Pepsi Maxx & Jeff Gordon Presents: "test drive" - as in the unsuspecting salesman offers his "client" to test drive a car, and Jeff Gordon did! So funny!

2. Pesi Maxx & Jeff Gordon Presents: Test Drive 2 - where a reporter saw the video 1 and said on live TV that it was a fake video. So, Jeff went to prove to him how "fake" it was by taking the unsuspecting reporter on a "fake" drive. That was so funny. Even though the reporter was terrified, he still kept calling the driver "sir."

I feel so much better after laughing so hard. I hope you, too, may find it a tension releaser.

I know my friends here won't take this the wrong way..

My daughter who lives here has to have surgery for carpal tunnel. The recovery is 4 weeks so she'll be out of work and hanging around here. Well, after a little thought my husband smiles and says "oh good you can watch Nana while Mom and I go out"! She says "oh ya, lucky me"!! LOL

The plans I have are limitless!!!!

A&A-
Tv news is difficult here as well. Mom doesn't understand the stories and in her brain everything tragic that happens must have something to do with her family. The worst is when her hubby turns on COPS or some such nonsense, mom thinks theses shows are news and worries about daughters again. Rammed if you do or don't.

Ha! When the phone on the TV is ringing, my father is trying to answer the phone. Or he tells me to answer it.

GOD F'ING D*** IT! I'm so pissed off right now I could spit nails.

There is so much to do around this d*** house and it seems I'm the only one around here bothering to get anything done. I had to HIRE someone yesterday to clean out the shed in our carport and remove a bunch of junk that had piled up for years and that cost $600 SO FAR and the guy isn't even done yet! This isn't coming out of Sean's pocket, it's coming out of MINE because it has to be done and I'm SICK, SICK, SICK of talking and begging Sean to get off his freaking a** and DO something around here!

I could have rented a U-Haul for $20 and Sean and Dylan could have cleaned that place out. But NO. All I get, especially from Sean, is bulls*** and attitude. I can't ask him to do jack s*** without him having some kind of attitude problem and acting put upon and giving me grief about it. This is HIS house by rights! A month and a half ago...yeah, a MONTH and a HALF...I asked him to clean out that front room, that pig sty he was using as his computer room. He hadn't done it yet. So, I hired the guy to come and clean that mess out and get rid of that broken down piece of crap computer desk and other assorted crap that had to go. When the guy got here, ready to take that crap out, Sean had major attitude, talking about there was stuff in there he wanted to keep, going in there in a huff, slamming shit around. I had told the guy to just take it ALL. I lost it. I yelled at him that maybe he should have moved his a** a freaking MONTH ago if he was so d*** worried about crap he wanted to keep!

All I asked him to do this morning was to get the dolly and move the washer and dryer, from our rental trailer that's now sitting in our sun room, out to the newly cleaned out shed. He said "ARE YOU F'ING KIDDING ME???" I flipped. I told him I was sick of his stupid a** attitude, sick of his ridiculous procrastination and one F'ing hair away from moving into my OWN house and saying the h*** with him, his s****y attitude and this money pit!

I'm tired. I have two grown men here acting like spoiled little boys that are perfectly content to sit on their a**es and let me do it all. And of course, Sean is doing exactly what I warned him about...spending his money on that F'ING spice again, which renders him stupid and useless.

I'm ready to head for the d*** hills and piss on all of it.

~rant over~

SA all the yelling in the world isn't going to change their behavior. In my opinion you need to find your own place or you will be greeted with their laziness on a daily basis. Take care of #1...

I know, AA7. And normally, I'm not a yeller. I haven't raised my voice about anything this whole time. I just grit my teeth, ignore the attitude and try and be civil. This morning I'd had it. I'm not a freaking saint and I don't have a halo on. There's only so much BS I can handle. I'm a doer. If something needs doing, get er' done already.

I told Sean...I didn't ask, I TOLD him...that he owed me for half this work. He agreed. Two old farts did this work in two days without a hitch. Sean and I could have done this ourselves without Dylan in the mix. I don't fear hard physical work. I've been doing it my whole life. But anyway, I was so damn upset I went on Amazon and ordered everything I'll need for the sun room including the furniture. Actually, this is the first time we'll EVER have used that room. First, it was a giant, $8000 dog house for my mom's 140 lb. rottweiler/austrailian shepherd mix dog, then it was used as a junk room for my mom's ever increasing hoard of crap she'd get from rental properties. Now, at last, we'll get to actually put that space to use. We have an awesome view of the lake from out there, the yard is like a giant woods and for once I'd like to actually like to enjoy it.

:)

SA you got rid of one big problem Mom and now you have two more on your plate.
Please don't paint yourself into another corner, you are half way there already.
Do not spend another penny right now you need to get those lazy boys out of the house. This is never going to be one big happy family. Face the fact that Sean is already a drug addict so stop enabling him.
You have two choices they go or you do. I know you desperately want to stay in the house so stop fixing it up. Keep all the receipts to prove what you have paid for. Make finding a job your #1 priority. I don't know what you did before but get out there and stop subsidizing these boys lifestyle. they should be paying their share of the household expences or rent whichever pleases you. If they don't no food no laundry no conveniences like toothpaste razer blades. Keep a minimum in the house. Do you have enough money to buy Sean out if not once you are working a mortgage may be possible so whatever you do don't spend it on the house. It needs to appraise low go and see a good lawyer and find out what your options are. By rights you should have inherited can you do anything about that? this sound harsh I know and they are your sons but you can't change them they have to change themselves but right now they don't see the need. have an appraiser come through the house to see what it is really worth. Not a Realtor but a real appraiser that you actually have to pay. you deserve better that this but you aren't going to get it as long as you keep sabotarging yourself

Feeling generally cranky...my husband is great guy and does what he can to help with his mom most of the time...today I was feeding her lunch when he got out of bed...I was up just as late as he was. I think I'm going to get my hair cut and he can hold down the fort around here for a while...

reddog how did your hair come out?

assandache, it came out fine...I wear it short because it's so much easier for me to take care of... I go to Great Clips just down the street and I was in and out in half an hour...came home and cancelled MIL Comcast cable to her room and ordered another box from Direct TV...she only watches one local tv channel 13 and has been paying Comcast 94 a month...she can get the same channel on Direct TV added to our bill and it will be 6 a month and with all 3 recievers our bill will still be lower than her 94 a month I think it will be around 71...I just did it because I get so tired of arguing ...She likes Comcast because she's always had Comcast...so now she will have Direct TV and probably never know the difference...should cancel the paper she has ordered for the next year that she can't read any more...one change at a time...right now she still seems to like to stare at the front page for 3 or 4 hours. Always seems to think she's read it before...when she starts on that I just dump it...I am fully aware of the fact that I can no longer expect anything to make sense, but sometimes just a glimmer of it would be nice.

I probably just made a HUGE mistake. For the last several months, we've been having Edna remain in bed for at least half the day, so that she has the variable pressure mattress to protect her behind (whilst doing extra PT to account for the lack of movement). There's no TV in there, so I've lent my tablet to the cause, and log into YouTube videos and movies. That doesn't seem like such a big deal, except she sees us tap the thing to make changes and got it in her head she knew what we were doing (hardly: WE barely know how to make the dang thing work .. it's NOT a computer, lol .. it's a tablet and it's just *different* .. anyway ...... )

I got the hairbrained idea that I could gets some educational apps to help stimulate her. Got one a couple and started her on them. She giggled and was seemingly having a bunch of fun, and I left the room to finish the kitchen project I'd started a few hours ago. Left her alone for 15 minutes and came back to a scrambled tablet screen. Uttoh. Last time she did that I had to scrap the whole operating system and reconfigure the dang thing. Oops. Arggh. Me and my bright ideas.

My kingdom for the edit button .. "... hairbrained idea that I could get ... " .... "Got a couple ... "

Red cancel the paper now. Keep a few copies and if necesary iron them and give her a crisp copy every morning. Yes the pennies in my purse scream and the notes hide in the lining. Yes I am a mean old trout!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LadeeC i would not have noticed if you hadn't pointed it out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ha funny about reading... I had to sneak months of church bulletins away from Mom today, I left her one from last week. She kept staring at the old ones and asking me the date?

Book - How are ya? I love ice coffee myself but I take it black. We have a local coffee shop here that I love. At home I use a Toddy maker. It is a cold drip coffee maker. I love it. It is like coffee concentrate. I will google the things you posted as soon as I finish this. Take care of YOU!!
SA - yes, keeping a home is very expensive and time consuming. That is why I am selling the house asap. I hope the bills are a lot lower. When we replaced ours we noticed the difference the next month. I can understand your anger in having to do all the work yourself. I am doing that now. I used to call my brother when I was cleaning out something that he might have wanted. Well, since he has not picked up the THINGS I threw them out. I am not calling him anymore. If I do not want it it goes in the garbage. He can kiss my a---. He asked me if the shed had been cleaned out yet. I told him No!. He asked when I was going to do that. I told him that it was his job and he told me he didn't have time. Well, it is still sitting there with all the crap in it. That is what I would do when Sean is not there I would just start pitching. It is ridicules. I wish you luck with everything. Take care of YOU please.
LadeeM - Wow, sounds like you hit the god mine with your charges. Even if the money is no good you are working in a good place right now. Take the picture. demand YOUR money. Hugs, chocolate and take care of YOU!!
CM- I hope your mom does not fall again. It is another thing you have to worry about. We are all entitled to have a bad temper sometimes. Take care of YOU!!!!!
Red- don't beat yourself up. Mom spent a lot of money on flowers and bulbs that wound up in the garbage. this is when I was not living here. She would beat up on herself and I told her it is what it is. Take care of YOU!!!!
ABB - Tell him that if he does not give you money for gas he will have to hire a cab. Well, maybe that is a little harsh. Just ask him nicely. Take care of YOU!!!!
Brandy - I am sorry you are having a lousy time of it. Take care of YOU!!!!!
Windy - It is very hard to have a negative person to deal with. In the past year Mom was like this also. I just had to tell her if there was anything I could do for her. If not I would leave the area where she was and come back and ask if she was feeling better. Then it would not rub off on me. take care of YOU!!!!
Glad - I hope the situation will be resolved soon. Maybe someone should investigate her too!!! It just irks the hell out of me how cold and calculating our siblings can be. Mom would tell my brother something and he would ask me why I did that to her. He hardly ever called her and then tell me I was not caring for her properly. What nerve!!! All can say is Take care of YOU okay!!!!
Assand - I saw that story on the news too. I thought how great it was. Well. the time changes Sunday morning so spring is on the way. I hope you plan something terrific for your time away. Mon had to keep her bulletins too. Take care of YOU!!!
Well, I am still waiting on people coming to see the house. the realtor took pictures of the house to post on the internet. He took a picture of the backyard and I had forgotten that there was a bag of garbage I had left there. So in the pictures there is a huge green garbage bag in the backyard. I took another picture and sent it to the realtor. Who wants to buy a house that has garbage in the back yard JEEEEEZZZ!! I am trying to sell a painting that was my moms it is old. I do not want to give it to a thrift store. I co-signed it at a auction house. I just want it to go to a good home. When I got home today someone stopped be and asked to look at it. I told her to call the realtor. So, it is good that someone is interested. We had the coldest Mardi Gras on record Tuesday. DO you believe that. I am taking a course on Coursera. It is called a beginners guide to irrational behavior. It sounds like maybe I will understand myself better.
Take care ya'll

V, it would be kind of hard to get Sean out of a house that HE owes and is in his name. lol The other house is in his name, too, and next week I'm insisting that we go to a lawyer and transfer it into MY name. That way, if things around here get too ridiculous, I'm out. Sean has plans to move sooner or later, says he doesn't want to stay in NC forever. Well, I AM going to be in NC forever, and hopefully I'll stay HERE in this house. No, I don't have enough money to buy him out. With the home improvements we're doing the value of this house is going to go up and it's already at 179,000 tax value, so...yeah. I can't afford it. Sean and I had a long talk and I think we understand each other a little better. At least, I hope so. I guess we'll see.

Ahhh, I can't wait for all the sun room stuff to come in! It's going to be really nice out there and I can't wait to relax in that space! Once again, I'm decorating it in a fantasy, whimsical theme. I'm going to have lots of plants...some silk, some live. It's going to look like a jungle in there! I ordered several whimsical plant stands, some are animals, one is an ornate bike, an amish wagon and a couple of tall tiered plant stands, I have 6 moroccan flameless candle holders that hang from the ceiling with chains and 2 moroccan tabletop flameless candleholders, too. I've got suncatchers that will go in the windows, an electric fireplace...and DRAGONS!!! :D Oh man, you should see my dragons! They're garden statues made of colorful metal, shiny and gorgeous works of stunning art with incredible detail. They're so detailed and lifelike it's unreal. They hold solar powered globes that will glow in the dark. And of course, lots of candles. It will be awesome. :)

Yeah, it's costing, but I'm well within budget so it's cool. The furniture was only $350 at Walmart online, and that's a hell of a lot better than some of the $1000-2000 price tags for sun room furniture I was seeing. Who knew wicker was that expensive??

We were going to go for bamboo floors in the two rooms in here, but now I'm thinking laminate. lol The AC unit kind of blew away my budget for bamboo and those two rooms still need furniture.

Yup, going to be looking for work next month when all these renovations are complete.

Have a good one, ya'll...here's hoping for calm, quiet and peace!

Lab garbage bag! If I was looking at those pictures that would be the first thing I saw!! Now your doing the Realtors job too..

Oops Lav!!!

Red, your comments about canceling the paper and downsizing the cable describe what I've had to do in my situation, too. I watched the paper come everyday, and get thrown away every day - without being read. I couldn't figure out how to cancel (on the website) so I put it on "Vacation Stay"… indefinitely, lol. My dad used to get 300 some channels on AT&T Uverse. It was a couple hundred a month. He doesn't watch ANY tv in past 6 months, so I downsized to smallest package.

Success: my father wrote me a check for a couple hundred dollars to use towards gas and other house expenses. I guess I caught him at the right time yesterday, after his doctors were telling him how lucky he was to have me helping him and taking him to appointments. This money will be gone in no time, but its a start, and from now on, I'm going to let him know when I buy stuff for house and get him to chip in… if I can. Thanks for encouragement and ideas in this area, especially you Book.