This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
My dad had a quack for a Dr. and both my "ugly sisters" complained that he would never stop and answer any of their questions when dad was in the hospital... I was up there one day, and as he started to zoom out of the room after I had asked him something, he saw that I was standing in the doorway, he would have had to put his hands on me to move me, so he stayed long enough to answer the questions, my sisters didn't know whether to be proud or appalled, but we got the answers, and I finally convinced him and them to change Dr's... Lord, the extent we have to go to sometimes to get some help and some answers...
So many people are intimidated by Dr's, they don't realize they are feet made of clay just like us.... they, sometimes, have more knowledge, and I say sometimes....
One time when the old man was in the hospital and we were having problems getting them to tend to him, I went up there one evening and as I walked past the nurses station, I sort of thumped my hand on the desk and said "get his paper work ready, I'm moving him to another hospital"....... there was some scurrying and phone calling and before you know it the DON was there and we had a plan in place.. hmmm. The "ugly sisters" got mad about that one, but I told them I was tired of hearing them bitch and complain when there were other hospitals in town, good Lord, find a solution, and it worked so why are ya'll mad ONE MORE TIME... and ya'll wonder why I call them the "ugly sisters".....sometimes ya just gotta do what ya gotta do.... and f**k em if they don't like it...and that includes the sibs... if you can't find a solution, don't get mad if I do....after the old man died haven't had to deal with them at all, so that is why ya'll are my sisters.... at least we all understand each other.... and SUPPORT each other, what a concept.... Lord please bless caregivers with crazy families....
Ladee. how's your virus? I had one of these and it lasted 2 months; in fact it was not a virus, it was a bacterium and I cured it with antibiotics. Lorenzino is still home, too tired to go out. He sleeps all day long and he tries to sneak in the part of the house where my mother lives, because it's more quiet there!
Sandra, Stormy: I am very sorry for the problems you are having with your father/mother. I live in another country and when we have a problem we go straight to the hospital. It is completely free for people of my mother's age, so they keep her there until she is better and she can go back home. So I don't know what kind of advice I can give you!
Emjo: yes I choose to be selfish a few hours every day. I have to do something for myself. This period of the year everyone goes on vacation, they travel, they go to the beach, they go to the mountains. If I didn't go to the swimming pool at least, I would feel very very unhappy!
Shawna: I have to cook 3 different things every night: the meal for the dogs, the meal for me (I am on a diet) and the meal for my mother. Arghhh! I am lucky that the cats prefer the canned food!
Hi Starry where are you?
Hi Jam, give us news from time to time! Generally speaking, I mean!
bye and 'night
However on about the third day I had a near death exxperience - not documented by the doctors - but I .saw things I couldn't have known. More on that another time.
gives you something to think about doesn't it :-D
one of the things an instructor wants to bring out in students is curiosity - it helps learning and makes life more interesting in general
just to be fair I will tell you about the LPSG - one of my online adventures - one guy on line belonged to a website called LPSG so I innocently checked it out - WELL!!! - it means "Large Penis Support Group" and there were pictures all over the place and guys wondering is theirs was the best`etc. I wasn't on there but a minute and one member (pun intended) messaged me and wanted to chat - he cheated on his wife when he travelled and wanted to know if I was interested - but said he loved his wife and she didnt know about it. Boy I let him have it! Told him if he thought that cheating around the countryside was not affecting his marriage is was deluding himself. Also told him if he wanted excitement he should go bungee jumping and if the cord didn't break his marriage would stay in tact. Met a nice young italian boy there too - we basically just chatted - but not on that site - I never went back! Oh my - I got some surprises!
the online stuff was an adventure - the odd soap opera in it too lol
Seemie- Thanks for the advice today.
Ladee- Hope you are feeling better. And don't even get me started on dads drs. and that goes for the nurses too (some of them). I think some of them got their nursing degree out of a cracker jack box... I'd be here all night talking about drs.and nurses. Maybe another day.
Shawna- good luck with selling all of your merchandise!!
Emjo- Girl you can't leave a sister hanging like that. Tell us more.....
Starri- hope you are doing ok. I will try not to worry so much until we learn more.
Rossella- I loved your cat pictures they look like some cool cats!!!
Jam- Girl we miss you and hope you are doing alright. We are waiting for your return!!!!! No word from any drs. yet on dad. I don't know if sis got up with the oncologist probably not. But she might not have had a chance to call him today. So we will see what happens. Well, ya'll take care and have a restful and peaceful nite. Love and Hugs to you all!!!! Stormy
Jam, missing you..........
And just in case ya'll didn't figure it out, emjo is a tease! lol I'm sure she could teach me a thing or two!!!
Headed to bed....everyone have a peaceful night while I am taking mom to the bathroon every 20 min.....pray the anti's work fast..................zzzzzzzzzzzz
but I blossomed later - after 70 lol - flirted more in my seventies than all the rest of my life - until i met Gary - really it was only about a year but I could write a book about it - like i said the youngest one was who went after me was 23!!! not that he got anywhere - and definitely have some tips for anyone who wants to date on line!!! These are the stories I can't tell my grandchildren!!
heidi - glad you are jhaving a good evening
stormy - breath deep, hope dad's results are OK
shawna sending good vibes ur way for sales
YR - hope you get a little peace
vic and asg - how ya doing
ros ur cats are great!!!!
54 thinking of u and wondering if you are going to get to the beach with hubby
cara - hope u r getting something better worked out
starri - always good hearing from u -hope u r getting a break
everyone else - take care - have compassion on yourselves too
love and hugs ♥♥♥
Joan
emjo, talking about being naive.. I think I was born cynical and jaded, had the advantage of trusting no one for any reason, so I could see things from an emotional distance which has saved me a lot of heartache... but I am sure it added to missed opportunity's too. Oh well, I am older and wiser....
Hope everyone has a descent day... will check in when I get in from work.....
Would be nice to hear from Jam, the light is on, hope you are ok...
hugs across the miles
Looking for options to get some short term care here so that hubby and I can get a few days away.. We will see what that brings. Haven't talked to brother since he basically said he can't come. At least he is calling and talking to parents.
Here's praying for a decent day..asking God to help me with my attitude. So tired emotionally and spiritually.
It's a great morning! Sun is shining although it's going to be around 106 deg today. Hot! Wanted everyone to know that we upgraded our internet and then something happened to the main server, so had no computer contact all day yesterday. Was in withdrawal! Now trying to catch up on everything and will check back in later! Hope everyone has a terrific day and prayers to all for peace in your hearts!
Love and Hugz,
Jam
ladee - for a good day
vic - for a break
stormy - for you to get the test results and treatment for dad's leg and courage for whatever comes
jam - for all good things
and the same for everyone else - praying for a good day for all
love and hugs ♥♥♥
Joan
Stormy, Prayers go with you today....hugs, too.......keep us informed........love ya
My 6 hrs off and I have errands to do, so will check in later............
Got all my errands done. The chiro was finally able to loosen the left side which feels wonderful....now I hope it holds up.
Emjo..........Mindy? For some reason Mork and Mindy came to mind. Moonbeam?
Mom's calling already..................
shawna - look after that foot - get back into the pool as fast as you can with mum
seeme -you will be eating off the floors soon
ros i agree with what ladee is saying - it must be so hard - even for me realizing my mum is not who i thought she was is hard and what you are going through is harder ((((((hugs)))))
ladee - hope ur days r going well
jam -how r u? -think of u lots
vic, Yr, asg, 54, john, starri and everyone else have a good night - tomorrow is a new day!
love and (((((hugs))))) ♥♥♥ Joan
Seemie- They found daddy with gall bladder stones. Don't know if that has anything to do with anything.
I chatted with my neice today on the computer. And I was asking her how was her daddy doing (my brother) and she said still drinking. I have not talked to him since sunday. And even then he did not ask how dad was doing. He does not even know we went to the dr today. My sis is about ready to get him. Just for him not coming down here to see daddy especially with all of this stuff that might be going on. I think she said it's been 2 weeks since he has been down to see dad. And I bet anything there is going to be some sh$#! going on this weekend while my sis is gone to that wedding!!!! I'm just ready for this weekend to get here and get gone. I know my sis is not saying that. But I'm going to have to be the one dealing with brother when and if he shows up to stay with dad at nite. And I'll be the only one that can do stuff for daddy(suction, canula). Plus just worried about that leg. Well I guess I better go for now. I will talk to ya'll tomorrow. Love and Hugs Stormy