This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I may be an adult but being responsible for her is scary at times. I just hope I'm making good decisions on her behalf..
LadeeC, thank God I'm not alone in this kind of thing... I know it's all psychological, a result of so many years of stress, but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with. I've often thought...feared...in those years taking care of my mom that after she was gone she'd end up refusing to leave and haunt me for all eternity. I don't think my mom is around, but part of my mind wonders if it IS her, trying to tell me something and the thought of her being alone and scared, or headed for h*** really bothers me. **shakes that off** No, it can't be. God would not allow her to disturb the peace after death, but I've never wanted my mom to feel afraid or alone, so having dreams where she IS afraid and alone, and I can't do squat to help her, is really stressful for me right now. I do read, every night. Once the sun room is set up, I'll chill out there with a hot cup of peppermint tea...my favorite!...before bed, too, and relax. No bad dreams last night, thank God!
AA7, I feel your fear. Oh lord, do I feel you. I get that totally. Watching my mom decline with alz, and being responsible for EVERYTHING and every decision was one of the scariest things I've ever dealt with. **hugs** You aren't alone.
Nope. Noticed nothing, remember nothing. I think I've experienced a certain "dumbing-down" of the brain since I've become a caregiver… I remembered to order my dads Rx's, and the big long names they are called, and dosages, but I don't have a clue about if/when the logo changed. :-D There is no extra neurons in my brain for anything not critical, lol.
See, can't even do the proper grammar anymore, lol.
Hugs everyone, hope its a good day for you. Heat wave up to 55 degrees today, woo hoo! Goodbye snow, hope its last time I see you until next season.
Off to a nice, quiet relaxing lunch with my neighbor. I'm looking forward to it. I'm sure she is, too. Having 3, completely out of control and undisciplined grandkids in the house can't be easy. About 15-20 minutes around them is about all I can stand. I like the kids, but it takes every ounce of will power I've got to keep my mouth shut when they act up...which is almost constantly. I'm sure Rhonda will enjoy a little R & R away from that bunch. lol
Later! Hope your day is a quiet one, everybody...
Happy to hear some of you are finally getting a break from winter...it has been a long one for sure....except in MEN A SODA!!! Poor Suze and the frog will have to wait.....all I know is the sun is shining here today.... woke up ,couldn't get back to sleep.... so will stay up and then try again....
Of course we all know I don't 'play well with others' right? The day lady and I are not going to be best friends.... could tell that the first day we spoke.... she came in this morning.....I was trying to give report so I could leave.... and she had to do this, and then this, and then this..... she goes to check on L, and she was in the bathroom..... came out all crazy looking and telling me L was in the bathroom...... I looked at her and said, 'Tag, you're it' and walked out the door.....
After that Rocky Horror Show with C, it's going to take a tad more than her to rock my boat.... pftttttt!!!
Have no complaints about this job... many things I am doing different as far as getting involved, not volunteering for anything.....could care less about anything that goes on in the family as long as Mr.M and L are taken care of... and they are very well taken care of by their kids..... anything other than that is none of my business.....
Got an email from my fav dil of C..... seems the lady they hired isn't working out...the lady didn't come to work, hmmmmm. and Gene fell, so instead of C calling 911 she called the son..... I hate to say it because I really care about this son and his wife.... but they are all going to get a dose of reality.... for all the things I took care of..... now they are going to have to do it..... can anyone say KARMA !!!! Gene is ok... and that's all that matters to me....
Am going out there this next weekend... but not to the house..... the driveway is long and twisty.... can't see the road from the house... and S is going to come down to the road with the dogs so I can see them... !!!!! She will give Gene lots of hugs and kisses for me.... and that will have to be ok......
So life goes on.... lessons learned, lots of gratitude for the way things turned out.... and was told by the daughter they are thinking about giving me a raise... it's ok if they don't.... my needs are met, but would be ok if they do.... doesn't matter.... it's not like I am working myself into the ground anymore....
So, I'm heading toward the future.... and a nap..... hope everyone has something to be grateful for today...... hugs and chocolate...
This afternoon I heard myself explaining to the lady at the gas company that we had the central heating on low because we also had wood strurning boves. Couldn't understand why she couldn't understand…?!?!?!!!
Still had a stressful day though. Our little dog's cheek swelled up humoungusly overnight on one side. His eye was swelled almost shut. He was obviously in a lot of pain, trying to hide, etc. Gave him 1/2 of a baby aspirin and some benedryl. Got a vet appointment for 3 which meant I spent all day until that time worrying about him. Didn't want to leave him alone so took him along to mom's ALF for my visit/work my buns off time.
Mom was pretty freaked out by his appearance and scared for him. Didn't get in the way of her obsession with her multiple e-cigs though. I told her I had to meet my husband back home by 2 and then take the dog over to another town for his appointment. "But will my e-cigs be charged enough by then?" Goodness! I get so frustrated. If those things were any more charged up she could take a ride on the seven of them to the darn moon. :P Noticed no one seems to be covering food when they heat up meals in the microwave. What a mess! Geez. It never ends. After a good cleanout, I'm putting up a big note: Please cover food with paper towels when heating. Most of them are young girls that just haven't developed any common sense. Grrrr...
Anyhoo...Sparky is on a ton of meds tonight, most likely a tooth that is infected. We need to get the swelling down so they can operate on Thursday, and of course ease his pain. I was in tears today feeling so helpless about my little buddy.He's a 16 pound Jack Russell Terrier that now looks half Pit Bull Terrier on one side. Think Spuds McKenzie for those who are seasoned enough to recall those commercials. :(
I'm wiped out (pocketbook too on Thurs. - $800 and some dollars - yikes!). Going to watch Bates Motel and hit the hay.
Loves to you all!
Has anyone heard from Jinx?? She hasn't been here since the end of January.. I've sent her a couple messages but no response...
I have not begun to read all the posts on this thread. . . but I have read enough to realize that I don't (DON'T) have it that bad. My biggest problem is selfishness, so that my wife (who is in hospice, but has not started the big rundown to death), who appears so often competent, has been telling me I'm not really caregiver potential -- I can't empathize enough with another person. I feel very inadequate and self-directed, even as I recognize that my wife needs my help more than I do. I am 71, by the way, and in quite good health. If you have any words of challenge or encouragement for me, I could really use them. (Maybe more challenge than encouragement.) I look forward to seeing what any of you might say to my situation. Thank you in advance, and know that I do realize how inadequate my attitude and consequent help has been.
My best, and much encouragement,
Len