This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
He's forgetting my name. I'm "girl". Most of the time, he calls oldest sis name. He's forgetting that he just ate and wants to eat again. I tried distraction, I tried giving him his other favorites but... he wanted his nutrient drink. Those drinks are so expensive. 1 case (24 count) cost $66.00. And he's gaining weight. We're struggling now with his turning but... soon , sis will have to be helping me with him. Have to go. Time to feed him.
This was a very sad time for me personally. It's never easy having to watch someone start to die, or to decline and suffer for it.. It's... heavy. I hope you guys take the time to get some rest when you can. And yeah, Hospice is great. It helps knowing you're not having to face such a difficult time alone.
And never take anything for granted. I don't know how many times I thought to myself, 'She's not going to survive this, there's no way....' but she did. The elderly can, and do, bounce back from so many really critical health issues that come up. When I think about it, it's pretty amazing...
Glad, grudges don't hurt the deceased. I hope your sister doesn't allow another 40 years to go by feeling the weight of them...
Hope everyone has a great day.
Glad, grudges don't hurt the deceased.
First, I watched in YouTube the original song "Royal" by Lorde. I love those female voices sing the chorus line. Then, I went to watch Puddles rendition - choosing the YouTube video with two women in black clothing and Puddles the Tall white clown. I like his version best!!! ..... Google: Puddles Pity Party Royal
FYI, since you already have the google opened to him, also click on his rendition of : "That'll be the Day." I laughed on that one.
Glad... I'm sorry your sister is blaming you for HER shortcomings! I've heard it all! My brother blamed me for him not coming to see mother. It was because I had it all under control and didn't need him! HAH! I asked... nay I BEGGED him to come sit with her occasionally so I could work... out of a week... he came ONCE! Guess that was my fault too... :P
Red... This will be the hardest thing you do in your life. My thoughts are with you.
I hope all of you have a GREAT evening!
Red - You are in my thoughts and prayers as you are going through this. Just know that we are all here for you. It is the hardest part. take care of YOU!!!
Book - I hope your father will become more cooperative with you. Take care of YOU!!!!
Hi there everyone - Spring is here. I hope everyone else is getting better weather. I attended a crawfish festival today and had a great time. I purposely left my phone at my friends house when we went because I had spent over three years tied to my phone in case my mom needed me. Before we left for the fest I called my brother that I would be gone for the day. Yesterday we had the first potential buyer go through the house. These people want to see the house again tomorrow. My bro is not paying his share of the bills for the house. Everytime I talk to him he tells me how much money he owes. Well that is not my fault. He and his wifey go out to eat twice a week. I told him that he needed to help me pay the home insurance. He complained the whole conversation. I am keeping track of what I pay for everything. The resentment is building again. My problems seem so small for what you all are going through. Please take care of yourselves.
Lav, glad you're getting out and about! Don't blame you about the cell phone!
God, I wish I could go out and enjoy it. A friend of mine, Odetta, asked me to go to a hockey game with a bunch of her co-workers. The thought of being surrounded by strangers, required to make endless, polite conversation and small talk... **twitch** No. No can do. I couldn't pretend to be perky and bubbly...which isn't me to begin with and takes work to fake it...lol....if my life depended on it right now.
My neighbor wants me to go to church today. I told her I would, but I'm not. I intended to go, yesterday. But this morning the thought of being around the masses just raises my anxiety level. It's not that I'm avoiding God, I'm just avoiding people in general. God I can handle. People in their hundreds I can't.
I used to think I'd be a lot less stressed when my mom was gone and in a way that's very true. On some levels, I AM a lot less stressed. But I have an entire host of new issues to deal with, mostly the fallout of being in the care giver role so long, the white hot burn of the pain of so much anger and hate...and regret... for so many years with my mom, so many suppressed emotions demanding attention....trying to act 'normal' around others when I feel like a full blown loon just isn't possible anymore. How the hell do you explain that to people?
You don't. So, I just tend to disappear and avoid everyone...or at least, avoid pressure :/
Anyone heard of a Caucasian Shepherd? I'm thinking of getting one. I'd like to have a dog for protection. I just don't know if I'm ready for all the time and training at this point. Too much on my plate already. But I do miss having a big dog around... Maybe down the road.
You had me LOL about the face mask. My little Jack Russell would probably bark himself silly if I wore one. For now, he just tolerates me plucking my chin hairs. :) What's up with those darn things??? Dread the day I'm blind and they grow a foot long! Might have to pay the neighbor girl to keep me beard free. LOL
SA, a dog might be just the thing for you right now, even if you think it might be too much. They ask for so little compared to the love and comfort they give, pure unrequited love. It might do your poor, beat up heart some good. I mean that in a good way, I hope you know. I think you would make a fantastic mom for a little pup. Take my 2 cents as you will. :)
Check out Foothills Golden Retriever Rescue, they are also looking for foster placements. You could try before you make the commitment. They have some nice looking dogs on their website.
A girlfriend long ago thought it would be a GREAT idea to get a half wolf/shepherd mix. I didn't think so, in her little 900 sq. ft. house with no yard. I tried to say something about possible issues with this but she wasn't hearing it. She got the dog. The dog that shredded her furniture, ripped up and chewed up the base boards, bit one mailman and the UPS delivery guy and was threatened with lawsuits. The animal was going bat shit crazy in such a small space with no outlets. She finally got rid of her, gave her to a man that lived in the country with several acres and two or three other wolf dogs.
The problems people have with their dogs isn't the dog...it's the people and how they raise/handle it, unfortunately. Plus, I have one and a quarter acre here, more than enough space to run and play for a half dozen dogs. I tend to spend a lot of time with my pets, especially the dogs, and take them places with me, too. Playing, training, parks, dog parks, long walks, beach, you name it.
Maybe I'll have the energy for that soon. If I got a big dog now, it wouldn't be the dog's fault if it turned badly, it would be mine.
Just took the dog for a walk and it felt so good to be outside. It's all of 20 degrees with some snow spitting down. Geez. So sick of this. The tulips I planted last fall are under a four foot snow drift. Maybe see them in May....Ergghhh!
She eats very little,because fears if she eats too much she will get sick.
I a, very tired. What do i do.
Talked to the yard guy today. Just the clean up is going to be $500. Yay. :(
Pami, I would try to get her to the Dr....she can be given meds that will help with her depression...if not, then you can only be there to help her and check on her... I would recommend some Ensure or something like that to at least make sure she is getting nutrients..... it is a sad situation.... she is missing her husband and at her age, she probably doesn't want to go on without him.... just do the best you can.... and come back here and get to know everyone....and let us get to know you.
LadyDi.... lol, most of us deal with "grump grammy'.... so you are in the right place....sounds as if you are doing all you can... so just add to things to help YOU take care of yourself..... the negativity will get to me faster than anything, so I do understand....its like this ugly brown dress that we do not want to wear and we look down and have it on..... so , like Pami... come back and pull up a chair.... many great ladies on this thread.... and they will have other suggestions also.....
We even laugh here... !!!! Imagine that !!!! And we talk about caregiving and life in general.... from cold weather to frogs... and dogs, and cats.... you get the picture...
So welcome, both of you... hope we see you again.... hugs, angels,love and chocolate...
So I feel I have rattled on but I guess that's what happens to a caregivers mind when it gets overwhelmed! Thanks for letting me vent and listening.
God Bless all of you and Prayers go out to everyone!!