The Caregiver... How are YOU doing today?

standingalone, with four brothers and sisters, I AM in the same boat you are. Right this moment, I couldn't call my sister or brothers for anything at all. They aren't interested in having a relationship with me nor do I with them. I couldn't tell you which is worst, not having siblings at all or having siblings and knowing they are trash you can't have a relationship with. My three brothers are users of the highest order...they steal from me, they lie, one tried to sexually assault me..they can come visit mom...but they don't. They don't call, they don't do anything.

My sister is far too busy with her 'family'. She used Mom as free babysitting until Mom moved in with me then quit her job to stay home with her daughter (she has two that are in college already). So now she isn't working, but still doesn't have time to even call Mom, who spent most of her time taking care of her house and running HER errands.

So just having siblings doesnt' protect you...but then neither does having a spouse. Truth is we all just have to take care of ourselves. I have been a loner my entire life and I really am ok by myself. You have to find something to occupy your time, and your mind. Force yourself to step out and interact with others, it really is rewarding.

and regardless of what you feel right now, you do have strengths. You just need time to find your feet.

Last night I was really hurt that my mother said she was unhappy here..and that I was unhappy having her here because in spite of it all, I AM happy she's here with me. But as I lay in bed last night I realized that was not her idea, it was the Wicked Witches of the West that put that idea in her head...it was them telling her that she should put herself in a nursing home 'for me'. Vultures. I want to go firebomb their houses...thank GOD they live so far away.

CM, people like you keep me sane.

Yeah, that's what I tell myself, over and over again...that whatever it takes, I'll overcome these d**n fears and make life happen. Come h*** or high water. But having all these fears lurking around in the back of my mind to begin with is no joy ride. Sometimes it's a royal b***h to banish them.

CM, yeah. I feel you totally. I could never completely relax when my mom was in the NH, or before that, in rehab or respite. When I did sleep, I did sleep deeper, knowing my mom was as well as could be expected and there were no big emergencies atm. But the rest of the time worries about her were always there in the back of my mind. That was frustrating as h***. Here I had time off and I'm spending it on the phone talking about my mom, or worried about me not being around and knowing what's up with my own two eyes, 24/7.... Time off was bitter sweet, but I'd have taken any kind of break, and kind of rest at that point, and guilt be d**ned. Honestly, I did enjoy being able to just relax in bed, knowing I wasn't going to have to leap up every 5 minutes, or deal with yet another minor crisis with my mom....

Enjoy that much of it totally, CM. Wallow in the time you have while you have it. Take a LOOOOONG, hot shower. Do a spa treatment. Ahhhh, so soothing and comforting... Scent is so important, at least to me... .Fresh bread... Fresh cut grass... fresh air... All kinds of scents... I love things that smell good, all things that smell good. A long, hot shower, or even a long, cool one in the summer, with some great smelling citrus body wash for energy, followed by a slathering of some kind of rich, scented body lotion, followed by a misting of body spray, followed by a spritz or two of your favorite perfume and....yeah, baby!

I love oriental lily's planted a few feet off the front porch. The scent of a few of them is heaven. The smell is so strong that some people only like it from a distance. lol

Enjoy what you enjoy while you can. Even if you're tired. At least try and get a really good, long nap in. :) Even that much delicious luxury can go a long, long way to helping you feel better and stronger.

Thanks, CM, I'm glad I'm not alone in some of my fears. It is serious, it's very real. This is something people will find themselves wresting with when the care giver role is finished, at least in some circumstances. I damn sure didn't care for my mom expecting lifetime security. I knew better. Now I'm having to deal with how to...deal with that. lol

How do you explain such an incredibly complicated situation to potential employers when they ask about your job history the last 10 years... ? And, how do you explain it without it taking a year or three... . What's the right and wrong way to handle that? H***, I don't know and that's part of the problem. :/

Ugh.

I am going to the beach soon. I've been thinking about it for awhile now. Myrtle Beach is only a couple hours from here. I need to truly relax, sit and listen to waves and gulls and get a freaking grip.

Have a cup of hot tea, too, CM, if you're a hot tea drinker. That's what I'm about to do. It helps me relax. My favorite is peppermint and honey. Yum!

Something chocolate may be in order as well...

SA, it must be a terribly alone feeling. You have all of us here, and I know that doesn't make up for all of the aloneness.

The nerve of Dylan to say such a thing. This attitude has become a major problem in this economy! The young folk think they know it all, that there is no place for us 50 somethings in the workforce any longer. And if I remember you are still a 40 something. Check in with the unemployment offices in your area, here they have many workshops and hiring events. Have you thoughtfully you might be dealing with PTSD? If so, there is help for that as well.

Sending you lots of big hugs. Do no listen to derogatory comments especially from your sons! You will figure it out when you are ready.

Wanting could you call the relatives and say to them they need to call first before deciding to visit to see if it is a good time to visit and have the decision to be yours and you will let them know it the time is good for you -that way if they come anyway they can just turn around and go home-right now they have power they should not have over you.

SA it is never too late to get a good job and you are no where within the too late age. 40 something. That is the age of both my daughters and they have both picked themselves up by their bootstraps and made good lives for themselves.
In my late 50s it was necessary for me to re enter the work force or at least get a job that could provide a living wage.
I am and was a RN but trained in the UK and had not worked in the field for about 40 years. UK qualifications in the medical field are not recognised in this country so you can't just go out and apply for a job. You need to prove your education and then take the NCLEX. has anyone considered retaking their original qualifying exams almost 50 years after the original even?. On top of that I had always been led to believe that I was not very smart. This played havoc with my self esteem. So having no expectation of sucess I set about refreshing my knowledge and preparing for the exam. It was very depressing and all the practice tests I took only got a grade of 60 or less far too low to pass the exam.
The NCLEX is now computerized and given individually at a commercial learning center. I knew that the exam consisted of at least 75 questions and up to over 200.
On the day of the test the computer asked me politely to gather my belongings and check out after only 80 questions. With my spirits in my boots I left, there was no way 80 questions could satisfy the examiners. i waited for the ominous letter to arrive in the mail. Also each day I checked the licence verification site on the State licence board. On day five there was my name. I was once again a RN. Thats all well and good but who is going to hire an almost 60 something who has not worked in the fied for 35 years. Well my first interview got me a part time job which soon became full time and for the next ten years I was productively employed.
SA you can do it if you want it enough. Worst case scenario I would have gone back to school in a related field. The one that comes to mind is phlebotomy. It is only a 45 hour course but after that there are plenty of opportunities out there.
The moral of my story is that there is no such thing as failure and boy does scucess build your self confidence

Wanting you are right the vultures are circling. but be comforted in that Mom is not unhappy or if she is it is not because she is living with you. Eveything seems to be exagerated when a loved one is disabled with dementis. getting upset about the sewer was her way of telling you that she knows she is begining to fail and does not like the role reversal. She should be the mother and take care of the mess. Can you redirect her into a helping roll by giving her something to do to help. maybe fetch the paper towells or the trash bag or disinfectant. Things like that so her self confidence is rebuilt. I know it is hard when you are also anxious about having to deal with the mess. Maybe tell her that the both of you will go out and buy a wetvac the next day so if it happens again the clean up will be easier. my rule of thumb is to take a deep breath and count to ten before I open the door on a disaster. Mom I am sure is happy living with you and you enjoy taking care of her. I think the vultures will move on to pastures new.

I had 6 and 1/2 glorious hours of uninterrupted sleep...MIL slept all the way through the night for a change...it does not happen often and when it does I savor the moment...then I feel compelled to check to make sure she's still breathing...her mental state is declining rapidly...yesterday she kept calling us over and over again and when we went to her she had no idea why she called or what she needed or wanted. Yesterday she was sitting at the table in her wheelchair and started calling out Help...Help...went to her and she said she could not keep holding on (barely audible or understandable) she was gripping the side of the table and terrified to let go...told her she was sitting at the table and to just let go...she did and was fine...she sees the kids on the patio (except they are a town away and she can't see her water cup on the table in front of her) I don't know how long this process can take. The hospice workers have still not told me which eye drops to discontinue...no point disturbing MIL with any long term meds...she's also physically weaker...no longer able to transport herself even a few feet with her walker...standing up to turn to transfer from wheelchair to bed takes me and my husband helping her...Yesterday she actually ate 4-5 small bites of real food...mostly she just has her Ensure now...she took one lick off of her favorite ice cream (has had to have one after every lunch and dinner for 3 years that she's lived here) and wanted to throw the rest away...with some solid sleep I can deal with it all a lot better without feeling so cranky...

CM are you researching some good old Anglo Saxon swear words? I am afraid I don't know any. I do believe the Jews have some with a nice ring to them.
I expect Mum is enjoying her respite away from all the commotion at home.
it's hard to let go of the constant readiness that goes with caregiving but try and give yourself some breaks. Maybe take Alice for a walk. She says she enjoys the attention of being your avatar but she gets tired of hearing about peoples relatives. If her sisters give her any problems a quick peck takes care of that and as for that rooster she thinks he is gay. She asks if you saw the ad in the paper. 'Twenty heifers for sale. Never been bred. Plus one gay bull"
Anyway Alice says she does not mind a change of scenery but if you sell her with the house make sure the new owners are vegans.

Veronica, thanks. You give me hope that when I lose my job that I do have a chance on still making it on the job scene. All I have to do now is figure out what I want to do next - other than receptionist (hated it!), bookkeeping (I just can't look at numbers and then tell the boss what it means) and sales agent (lousy at it, not aggressive enough).

wantingtime-I understand... I'm in a similar situation... I have had to understand that (in our case) our mother doesn't want to be a 'burden' to us. There are so many dynamics going on here, especially on her side with getting older. I've learned that 'we' daughters have to muster up more patience and love that we ever thought we'd have. Keep telling your mom that you love her and assure her that she gives and 'helps' you a lot in your live... She give you value... They have to feel this 'value'... It's very difficult for them in this stage of their lives ... one that we'll have to go through... (((hugs))) PS no sibling support here either... but, trying to rise above it...

Being a caregiver is tough on a family, its also tough on a caregiver who is not family related. Either you have a family that cares or one that doesn't care, you work 24/7 caring for a person and you become attached, I care for them like I hope someday if needed someone will care for me in the same way. Problem I work through an agency, and I work 5 days a week day/night and have a replacement come in on the week-ends...90% of the time these week-enders don't show up, cancel or when they do show up have absolutely no experience when they said they did, they are messy, don't bring their own food or blankets (they use the client's) and I am at my wits end. I enjoy what I do, but can't stand the lack of common sense or compassion these weekend caregivers have. I really am getting burned out, some people say I care too much for my clients, and I know I do, but not really sure if I can continue to work with the other caregivers. So, I should just not worry and go home on Saturday and not thinks about my client until I come back on Monday...? Should I quit, what about hospital jobs...any suggestions?

Care too much. Do you have contact with family members or just your agency. If there is family in the picture talk to them about the weekends. otherwise speak to the agenecy supervisor abour the shoddy work thes people do. Take a few pictures on Monday morning.
Try not to get too emotionally involved in this and look realistically at the tasks that are left undone. If patient care is neglected, no meds, depends not changed bathroom filty that is a problem.
Leaving a pile of laundry by the washer or dirty dishes in the sink. that's plain annoying but does not harm the patient.
Not bringing their own food or blankets, well that is plain thoughtless or something they expected to be provided. Do you see what I mean sort out the real priorities and tell them about other things that are expected.
Don't quit you love your job and make a great different in your patient's lives. yes you can work in a hospital or nursing home but you will still come across the same sloppy workers.Try and prepare for the weekends on Friday so that your clients don't suffer while you are gone. If someone does not show of course you need to cover for the sake of your patients but you also have to insist on a day off during the week for your own welbeing or if you are short of money requesting overtime pay is appropriate. Post some specific questions on the walls of Ladee M and Ladee C they are both mature and experienced private caregivers and can give you plenty of advice.

Caretoomuch, they always tell us we care too much, what ever that means.. to them... but to us, it means we have a strong work ethic, we have common sense, and this is what we do.... take care of elders....

veroinica has some great suggestions..... or you can go private if you want to continue doing what you love... I am private... have done all the things you have done and under NO circumstances will I work in a NH.... see too much that doesn't agree with me and have been tagged a 'trouble maker'....

So try to see what you can do on a private level..... put an ad in the paper, usually there are lists at hospitals you can get your name on... many options.... so you don't have to quit doing what you love.... just find another way.... if you opt for private care, come back and we'll talk some more... but just come back anyway..... this is a great place to be and to be heard..... let us know what your plans are.... sending you hugs...

Wanting, thanks. Of course you're right. *hugs* There's just been so much change, so fast, on top of a lot of really stressful years taking care of my mom. Now the unemployment/it's a big, scary world issues on top of that...It's just a whole lot all at once. Sometimes I just think it would be a relief to have family to talk to, bounce ideas off off, get encouragement and support from and visa versa...not my boys, but maybe a sister... then again, after hearing some of the stories around here, maybe not....

V, your post made my day and put a big smile on my face. I guess I just needed a big, fat dose of positive to nudge me out of these glooms I seem to be stuck in lately.. :) That helped. Your post gave me hope that maybe all isn't...hopeless. I needed that. Badly. *big hugs*

Thanks you guys. I don't know what the hell I'd do without you guys and your wisdom and stories. *squish!*

On a good note, I'm finally getting the flower beds taken care of. The whole yard was a disaster. I won't get into what it cost to make 1.25 acres good. Now, I have to redo the flower beds in front, which are nothing but solid, out of control, overgrown weeds. It's an embarrassment. My yard guy, Mark, is coming tomorrow to start on the beds. The weeds are coming out, and there were some tree-things growing in there, too, which is coming out, new soil is being put in and mulch. The flower beds that don't have boarders are getting one. I found a heavy, solid black boarder for $20 for 60'. It's not fancy, but the black will rock against the flowers. I got all my bulbs, about 200 of them, from amazon and only paid like $135 for all of them. On nursery sites, it was running in the $400+ range. Yikes.

I'm really looking forward to seeing the beds look like they're supposed to for once. I wish my mom could see how nice this whole place looks now. I'm going to hang some bird feeders off the sunroom in the backyard. I have some in the front as well. I bought those feeders for my mom and those were the ones hanging up while she was alive and enjoyed all the birds. I think my mom would approve of the bird feeders in the backyard, too. The more birds that showed up, and sometimes there were a hoard of them, the happier it made her. Bird feeders will forever remind me of my mom.

Have a great...and quiet!...night everyone!

Caretomuch, isn't someone responsible for checking these people out before they go into someone's house? I mean, isn't there someone that briefs these people on what the job entails, and what they should bring with them to work, what to expect, etc...? If I were you, I'd be on the phone asking questions. I mean, really, I wouldn't want someone like you're describing left alone with my mom. And using her stuff, too? No way. I'd have to find out who was responsible for sending them and lodge a complaint.

Book I am lousy at selling too and I know nursing is not for you. What about psychology. That's a long course to get through but you are very insightful and have had lots of practice. Something like being an ultrasound technologist could work. that seems to be a pretty short course.
Are you actually good with numbers. Becoming an accountant would take a lot of education but maybe tax preparation would be a posibility. you like to cook would that interest you? There are so many openings for a smart youg woman like you. What does your Aunt think. I know she wants you to get off the island but does she have suggestions. Go girl go you can do it. Many hugs

Hi there all- I am working from 2 days ago and Im sorry about that.
Red - glad you had a funny moment with your husband. Laughter is the best medicine. Take care of YOU!!!!
Veronica - sorry about the dog peeing on you. lol Take care of YOU!!!
LadeeM - thanks for the comments. Yes, I would ask the daughter to take you off the pedestal. Just tell her that you are afraid of heights. Take care of YOU!!!
Assand - At least it is warming up for you. Change to "you need to do this and you need to do that. Or come right out and tell them that you are feeling like you do everything and that things need to change. Take care of YOU!!!
Nancy - Welcome to the site. Is there a support group you can join so you have a place where you can share. Please come here as often as you can okay. Take care of YOU!!!!!!
Chrissy - I hope you get some rest and relaxation. Take care of YOU!!!
Olmanandme - Sounds like your mother and the dog are bonding. LOL Why is the brother blaming you for your mom's comments. You have made me laugh today. Thank you for that. It is more that okay to OD on chocolate we are all chocoholics especially LadeeM. LOL Take care of YOU!!!!!
ABB - Thanks for the thoughts. Good luck dealing with the bothers. LOL Take care of YOU!!!
Hi all- Today is mom's birthday. She would have been 88 years old. A woman friend of hers had a mass said for her this morning. It was very nice. When the Our father was said mom and I would hold hands during the mass. I missed that today. Her friends are going to pray for the house to be sold. I have never heard of this but someone told me to bury a statue of St. Joseph upside down in a garden supposedly to lead people toward the house. Might as well try it huh! Bother is still getting me angry. He told me to have a garage sale. He will take off a day and come down. ONE DAY!!!! So apparently I will be the one to set up, put prices on things and put an ad in the paper. SO SORRY that is not going to happen. I WILL have the garage sale and pocket the money. A friend will come and help me with it. I'll be damned if he is going to make money on my work anymore. Grrrrr!!! Then he screamed at me for not answering his calls again. He does not leave a message on the machine. I do not have the call coming in thing. Then he leaves a nasty message on my cell phone. "call me now" and have called you all day. If it helps I will bury more than one St. Joseph statue. Anything to get this house sold and get him away from me. take care of you all!!!

Things still on a down hill slide... we think MIL had another TIA today...met with the Hospice nurse and he seems to think it may be a matter of a couple of weeks...I'm feeling bad about our son right now...he came to see his grandma a week ago and she enjoyed seeing him a lot. He's a test pilot and there is a LOT of secrecy to what he does...he has to leave for DC Wednesday and then will be deployed out of the country for 2-3 months and can't even tell us where he's going...(really hard on a nosey mom) anyway he's feeling really bad about leaving at a time like this and I told him he should NOT...he was able to come see her when she could enjoy the visit and there is absolutely nothing he can do here that would make any difference in the outcome...after the fact is for those left behind not his grandma...told him we are doing fine, it's just hard watching what she is going through and maybe dementia at this stage of life is a blessing for her. With what he has to do I don't want him worrying about her or us, he needs to concentrate on what he has to do...I'm more worried about him than what's going on here actually...this has been coming for a while and it's no shock to any of us. Night before last she was blowing her whistle every couple of hours. Last night she slept for 12 hours straight and was awake for maybe 2-3 hours this morning then slept 4 hours in her chair was up for about an hour slept another couple of hours in her chair then was ready for bed and didn't even stir when I did her last eye drops. Everything seems to be shutting down really fast now...twice I've changed her depends and they were almost dry (that never happens)and once I started to change her and found she had messed and didn't know it. Hospice wants me to track when she has a bowel movement and how much Ensure she is actually drinking...they've taken her off of almost all her meds, so now she only gets what's going to keep her comfortable now and nothing for long term benefits. I realize that Hospice could be wrong but from what I'm seeing he may have erred on the side of caution...just feeling kind of numb right now...and compelled to keep busy

Oh Red so sorry.. Hugs to you and your family..

Lab yup St. Joseph upside down.. I used a little plastic one to sell my MIL house.. Look through Christmas decorations that's where I found mine..

Red, it sounds like MIL is close to the end. My mom had reached that stage several times. But dad was determined that she live -so several trips to the ER - even though we had hospice service. It must be unnerving to go from the constant whistle blowing and now she just sleeps all day/night. And I agree with you so much that it was best thing to happened that he was able to see his grandmother while she was alert. The "should have" won't be so great. {{Hugs}}

Veronica, you reminded me of something about psychology. I took basic psychology in college for one semester. Our teacher graded us using the curve system. So, we had one of our tests done and he said that there were 2 people who made it on the 90's. As we walked out of the classroom, a classmate was going on and on, bragging about her grade (in the high 80's). Another classmate & I just let her do all the talking. She turns and asked us what our grades were. I didn't answer. But she kept pestering me, Insisting that I tell. I kept ignoring her. So, she turned to the other girl and finally got her to admit her test result. Of Course, HER score was higher than that other girl. So, she turns to me and tries to get me to reveal my score. sigh... I admit, I was pissed off that she was gloating that she had a higher grade than that other person. So, I told her. (I was one of the top 2.) She immediately clammed up and did not say a single word after that. =)

I don't have the people "insight" nor can read between the lines to help me become a good psychologist. I'm way too trusting of people. I would believe whatever they tell me. I may have doubts inside but the majority of me would believe it. Thanks.

My heart goes out to the many persons who are tirelessly serving as caregivers. My Mom has been living with us for 2 1/2 yrs now and there have been times I was ready to quit! But then other days are better, that seems to be common. This year I choose a word to help keep myself motivated. For 2014 its PERSEVERE, to maintain effort, steadfast in the face of difficulty, Don't give up, Hang in there! 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
It helps me to repeat it , over & over , instead of lashing out at her when I am tired & frustrated. Believe me it feels like it will never end, but then I read the posts of those who are missing their loved ones and know that this too shall pass. It has helped me , so I pass it on as an encouragement to others.

Reddog... my son was a navy seal...... He got out in October! Better you not know where he is! He needs to concentrate on his mission. Glad he had a good visit with his grandmother. This is a hard time for you. Try and take one day at a time! Hugs!

Red you are doing a fantastic job. This is the absolute hardest part for you just waiting for it to happen. Predicting the end of life varies from day to day. One day it looks like two weeks three days later a couple of days. The next 24 hours and finally a very few hours. look for mottling of her skin. that is a purple pattern that looks like netting, and big purple blotches on parts next to the bed like buttocks.
She will become very pale with cold hands and feet. her breathing may change. She may actually stop for a few seconds up to a minute then resume with a very deep breath then slowly slow again. This can come and go but usually in the last few days.She will stop eating and drinking, don't force it just keep her mouth moist.Her lips may be blue with a white circle round the mouth. the body uses the blood to keep the vital organs going so the skin may feel cold. She won't have a cold sensation herself You can keep track of her drinking and urinating. doesn't really matter but it keeps the hospice nurse happy and is thought to make the caregiver feel they are doing something. You are knowledgeable and mature enough not to need "busy work" The dog may refuse to leave her side for the last couple of days. the truth is there is actually nothing you can do above and beyond what you are doing. She may also start to have very loose stools or frank diarrhea, don't worry about it just keep her clean. her urine will become very dark and finally stop. the hospice nurse should feel her belly to make sure she does not have retention. The skin could take on a yellowish hue as the liver fails.She may wait till she is alone before she takes her last breath that was her choice. She knows she was loved and valued After she takes her last breath there is no rush take as much time as you want with her before you call hospice. Do not call 911. All of our thought and prayers go with you and mom. by the time you read this it may be all over Blessings and many hugs

Lav I did bury a St Joseph but he was really slow at selling the house. I guess he had more important things to do. you know they sell them on the web for just this purpose and they come with instructions too. I think you are supposed to bury them about four feet and that wasn't happening. he was lucky if he got four inches over his head

Book you made me smile, remembering the polite convention that my kids and their peers established: after their exam results came back, one person who'd done well would volunteer her results, and the convention was that if you'd done less well you said what results you'd got, and if you'd done better you just congratulated her and shut up. Your classmate should have known not to go on asking! - any humiliation she felt was her own fault.

Son has just called to see how his granny settled in over the weekend. I think he's feeling that he's disgraced himself, because he was supposed to meet us at the care home to help her settle in but it didn't quite happen. The truth was that his rugby team won an important match on Saturday and the celebrations had gone a bit too well - come Sunday morning he was in no fit state to drive, let alone drive 60 miles down the M4 and arrive with an encouraging smile on his face. Happily, his granny totally agreed that Rugby Comes First and was just pleased that his team had won.

And, besides, you see, here's the difference: Son makes a mess of things, apologises and explains the truth of it without making excuses. That's fine. What I can't stand is lame excuses that try to twist the situation as though it's somehow mother's fault that her children don't visit her, or invite her to things, or indeed demonstrate any care or concern for her at all. "I'm afraid I'm too hungover to drive" is one thing. "You moved so far away it makes it too difficult for us" now… is that why they can't pick up the phone or invite her to family gatherings? It won't wash.

Having said that, Sister relented and went to visit her yesterday, just to check she was settling in. Sister is disappointed that mother 'hasn't made any effort' to socialise with the other residents - I agree it would be great if she would make that effort, and meet them half way, but I can't believe Sister is actually surprised. Mother doesn't make any effort with her old friends; why would she suddenly decide to try to make new ones?

We've just shown our first viewer round the house. Ideal in that she's got two children, aged 6 and 9, because I'd love a young family to move in; but I don't think she was that taken. Secretly I'm not too bothered. If we don't sell I shan't mind; if we do I'll look for somewhere else I like. There's some comfort in that.

CM-
You are fortunate to have a son that will tell the truth rather than come up with lame excuses! I have heard so many of these lame excuses from siblings, I've lost track. But now with guardian and conservator in place, everyone is now witnessing the lameness of siblings.

Be proud! You brought him up right!

Red: blessings on you and your family. Thank you to your son for coming while Gram could still "know" him. He is a gem and we're proud of him too, serving his country. Lots of secrets there. You're doing the very best for your MIL now - when you tell her you love her as much as you can and also tell her that when she is ready to leave you all, it is o.k. Sometimes they just need to know everyone will be o.k. and she can leave you all, because you will be o.k. You can also tell by her pulse rate - it will become so much slower almost to the point where you can't feel it for a while. Know my prayers are with you and your family, for a peaceful and calm journey. xxxooo