This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Am I telling you to do this? No... I'm telling you that you have options available to you. There are literally HUNDREDS of direct sales companies out there that you can get into for little money. Please avoid the ones that want a HUGE buy-in. By going that route... you are in charge of your own business! Be careful... many have quotas (which means you are NOT your own boss).
Since October I have gone from being a Consultant to being a Star Manager with a team of 10 Consultants under me. I'm enjoying a modest income, and work as little or as much as I want. I'm happy... I'm also paying for a brand new Harley with the money I'm earning... so, its all good. :)
Don't worry... I'm not trying to recruit anyone... but if anyone is interested... lol :P
Have a GREAT evening!
Laura - great to see you here. I am so glad that you are doing well in the selling business. Take care of YOU!!!
Book - I wish you luck in your future endeavors. It will be alright. I know that you will find yourself in a good position. Take care of YOU!!!!!
Assand - I went out and bought a plastic St. Joseph statue. I did not even think about looking through the Christmas decorations. Well, I sure hope it works. Take care of YOU!!!!
Veronica - I buried the statue in the garden. I had just weeded it out and I read that a garden is a good place and I buried him about a couple of inches down head first. Four feet are they kidding!!!!!!! Our ground sinks around here and I was afraid I would hit water. LOL Take care of YOU!!!!
Hi everyone - I have decided that you all are probably tried of hearing about my brother so I am going to quit talking about him. I am really getting scared about the money situation. I will be looking for a job but I have no idea what. I will definitely not go back to retail. I had a really good session with my counselor today. She was telling me that I have allot to offer. I have a degree in Psychology and a minor in substance abuse. I love helping people. It is almost dinner time and one of my Mom's bridge buddies came by with a spaghetti dinner YUM!! So take care of yourselves all.
I'm not a sales person... but I am enjoying what I'm doing (mainly because I enjoy the $$) :)
Less than a month and a half left til the 1 year anniversary of mother's death. I figure its going to be VERY difficult. I look back and think there is no way its been that long. This past year has FLOWN! Much of it is still a fog... but I also know that during that time frame I took some MUCH needed ME time! I spent a LOT of time on my motorcycle. Spent COPIOUS amounts of time with my family. Also enjoyed a lot of down time! The one thing I learned from taking care of mother and having to be there 24/7... the importance of down time! I never knew how to relax before. I do now.
Have a GREAT evening!
Mid afternoon she calls me at work and asks me where the 'kids' are. How can she know where I am and know how to call me, yet NOT know that she doesn't hAVE kids anymore? I come home and she's put the clothes in the dryer but didn't turn it on, her pillows are missing. I found them in the garage, damp...she wanted to cook dinner, so I suggested fish sticks...simple, easy, she's done it amillion times before...she can't figure it out. She asks 'where are they'; I said the freezer, she looks in the pantry, I tell her again (NICELY) that they are in the freezer "behind you mom" and she gets french fries out. Asks me how I cook them. So I cooked dinner...and she was upset about it but there was nothing I could do! She couldn't do it.
Today she got up and cooked herself a grilled cheese sandwich. She couldn't recognize fish sticks but can make a grilled cheese? She's in bed now, laying on TOP of the covers huddled under a throw; I tried to get her to get up and get IN the bed but she wouldn't so I got a quilt and put over her.
I am so confused...I don't know what to do.
I am shaking anxious and upset. Hard to work like this...I told my sister I was NOT accepting any blame for Mom's condition, I did NOT cause her to have dementia.
With mom in the hospital this is the best time to get her placed. Wait lists can be bypassed. Just tell them that with her increasing needs you can no longer take care of her at home. Then if sis takes her it is her problem!
Wanting: I'm glad you are setting boundaries with Sis and others. Good for you and stick to it. I'm not sure I'd let Sis take her anywhere because she will be more confused than ever especially if you're not with her. I know it sounds like "hovering" or "mothering", but the roles are now reversed and your Mom needs to know that you are always there. Sis can whistle Dixie if she wants, but you're the one who is with Mom all the time. Tell the doc about all that has gone on, even with the vultures, all of it. Docs can get things done faster than we can if they know the whole story and I'm sure the office can set up a case manager to help you sift through all this "stuff". Blessings and keep the faith! xxxooo
I bet a dollar to a donut sis will call tonight. Mom will be terribly disoriented, agitated and will want to go home. That home is probably not yours, but very likely somewhere in her childhood. My mom will recite her address of the home where she grew up when she wants to go "home".