Follow
Share
Read More
This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
BK is correct about the pulse you often can't feel it at the wrist or even hear the heart beat with a stethoscope. Right at the very end the puslse can rise dramatically as the heart tries to maintain the circulation. non of this causes distress to the patient, it is purel academic.
(1)
Report

SA... I was VERY concerned about re-entering the workforce after mother died last year. I have a Master's Degree in business, but was unable to find anything where I could actually utilize it... SO... I created my own job! I've sold Tupperware off and on for a number of years. Since I didn't want to work for anyone else... I decided to become active and sell Tupperware.

Am I telling you to do this? No... I'm telling you that you have options available to you. There are literally HUNDREDS of direct sales companies out there that you can get into for little money. Please avoid the ones that want a HUGE buy-in. By going that route... you are in charge of your own business! Be careful... many have quotas (which means you are NOT your own boss).

Since October I have gone from being a Consultant to being a Star Manager with a team of 10 Consultants under me. I'm enjoying a modest income, and work as little or as much as I want. I'm happy... I'm also paying for a brand new Harley with the money I'm earning... so, its all good. :)

Don't worry... I'm not trying to recruit anyone... but if anyone is interested... lol :P

Have a GREAT evening!
(3)
Report

Red - I am so sorry!! It is hard to watch anybody wasting away. I have no idea what hospice is supposed to do but to make the person as comfortable as possible and it sounds like they are doing that. Sounds like your son will have some good memories to remember her by. Please take care of YOU and know that we are thinking of you.
Laura - great to see you here. I am so glad that you are doing well in the selling business. Take care of YOU!!!
Book - I wish you luck in your future endeavors. It will be alright. I know that you will find yourself in a good position. Take care of YOU!!!!!
Assand - I went out and bought a plastic St. Joseph statue. I did not even think about looking through the Christmas decorations. Well, I sure hope it works. Take care of YOU!!!!
Veronica - I buried the statue in the garden. I had just weeded it out and I read that a garden is a good place and I buried him about a couple of inches down head first. Four feet are they kidding!!!!!!! Our ground sinks around here and I was afraid I would hit water. LOL Take care of YOU!!!!

Hi everyone - I have decided that you all are probably tried of hearing about my brother so I am going to quit talking about him. I am really getting scared about the money situation. I will be looking for a job but I have no idea what. I will definitely not go back to retail. I had a really good session with my counselor today. She was telling me that I have allot to offer. I have a degree in Psychology and a minor in substance abuse. I love helping people. It is almost dinner time and one of my Mom's bridge buddies came by with a spaghetti dinner YUM!! So take care of yourselves all.
(4)
Report

Lav... Take care of you too sweetie! Do whatever job makes YOU happy! It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about it. I always liked working at the elementary school. It broke my heart that they didn't have a position for me after mother died. :(

I'm not a sales person... but I am enjoying what I'm doing (mainly because I enjoy the $$) :)

Less than a month and a half left til the 1 year anniversary of mother's death. I figure its going to be VERY difficult. I look back and think there is no way its been that long. This past year has FLOWN! Much of it is still a fog... but I also know that during that time frame I took some MUCH needed ME time! I spent a LOT of time on my motorcycle. Spent COPIOUS amounts of time with my family. Also enjoyed a lot of down time! The one thing I learned from taking care of mother and having to be there 24/7... the importance of down time! I never knew how to relax before. I do now.

Have a GREAT evening!
(1)
Report

I don't understand how my Mother went down so fast. I think that visit last week just killed her will. Yesterday she got up, brushed her hair, stripped her bed, washed her clothes, I asked her to put a load of clothes in the dryer...she seemed fine.

Mid afternoon she calls me at work and asks me where the 'kids' are. How can she know where I am and know how to call me, yet NOT know that she doesn't hAVE kids anymore? I come home and she's put the clothes in the dryer but didn't turn it on, her pillows are missing. I found them in the garage, damp...she wanted to cook dinner, so I suggested fish sticks...simple, easy, she's done it amillion times before...she can't figure it out. She asks 'where are they'; I said the freezer, she looks in the pantry, I tell her again (NICELY) that they are in the freezer "behind you mom" and she gets french fries out. Asks me how I cook them. So I cooked dinner...and she was upset about it but there was nothing I could do! She couldn't do it.

Today she got up and cooked herself a grilled cheese sandwich. She couldn't recognize fish sticks but can make a grilled cheese? She's in bed now, laying on TOP of the covers huddled under a throw; I tried to get her to get up and get IN the bed but she wouldn't so I got a quilt and put over her.

I am so confused...I don't know what to do.
(0)
Report

Wanting: it is a sign of things to come. She really should not be alone all day, especially if she wants to cook. Washing clothes is a pretty easy thing, but she can not think clearly now. Her brain is no longer a solid mass, it is now full of little areas that are no longer solid i.e. little holes; it is like a spark plug misfiring, only this time it is her brain. As I've shared before on this site, my husband could be helping with folding clothes, but it lasted only a few minutes - attention span becomes less and less. He would forget how to find the bathroom. If I was not right beside him, he thought I was not here. He always wanted to help with the dishes, putting them in the DW - maybe 2-3 pieces and then was done even tho' there were more to do, just could not keep his thoughts on track. It is a hard place to be, but imagine what it is like for her, she knows some things i.e. to call you, but does not remember her kids. Sometimes he did not want to get dressed for bed, so I let him sleep in his clothes. In the big picture, it is not all that crucial - best to keep her comfortable, no confrontations, it will only frustrate you, not her. She also might become verbally abusive i.e. "who are you, you can't tell me what to do, I want to get out of this place, you're not my daughter (in my case it was "you're not my wife, you're my mother"); they just cannot comprehend. If you have not read books on Alz. I would recommend: "The 36 Hour Day", "Your Name is Hughes Hannibal Shanks" written by his wife; the library is a great place to find books that will help you now that her stage has advanced. I wish I could come and help you, you'll just become more creative with your conversations with her, get in touch with her doctor and talk things over. Her doc needs to know what is going on with her and help for you too. Blessings and hugs. Tell her you love her as many times a day/night that you can - she wants to feel safe, loved and not alone. Those are the biggest fears for an Alz./dementia loved one. Take care of you. xxxooo
(2)
Report

Wanting, sometimes having a mild stroke, or surgery involving anesthesia, or even something as traumatic as your aunt's visit and the resulting chaos - can trigger the downhill or next stage of dementia. NOT your fault. Remember your mom's words to you after your aunt left. I think your mom was stressing within but did not show it. You know, "don't show you're vulnerable" to anyone because they will use it against you. I agree, with your mom's new confusion, I think it's very dangerous to leave her by herself. It's just not worrying about her burning down the house. It's also the thought of her leaving the house, and cannot remember how to return. She might decide that she wants to "go home" and her current home is not the home that is in her head. Just keep us updated on your mom's situation. {{hugs}}
(2)
Report

Wanting, you must feel very anxious, but (I hope) this could be a case of her simply having been extremely upset and taking a while to settle down again. If you're really worried about her condition, call her doctor and tell him what's going on. He'll either want to check her out (which might set your mind at rest) or he'll say wait and see. I always find it reassuring to get a professional opinion, maybe that would help?
(0)
Report

Red, I'm really sorry, for all of your family. I understand how hard this is. And how sad. *hugs*
(0)
Report

Laura good for you being happy in what you are doing.Lav good wishes n the job hunt how about a life coach with your degree it might be the thing for you. I am so glad many of you have good memories of your family members who have passed on-I still can not get past the anger and it has almost been 5 yrs. with the husband and over a year with my Mom-but have ha a good year with my honey-sometimes I still can not believe how great my life is now-many of you know me for years and of all I went through and am so blessed with my real guanine friends here. Spring has finally come to the Hudson Valley in New York YA.
(1)
Report

Mom has started her physical therapy, once I get her started in the morning and to daycare she has been doing good. Swelling has gone down in her foot and the bruising is getting better. She can even wear her shoe again. Its not healing fast enough for her but she is improving. Her caregiver is back this week and she is in much better mood. No outburts so far this week,, been sleeping through the night and eating pretty well. Well this is as good it will get for her i call it a good week so far. Hugs to everyone and hope everyone has a good day
(1)
Report

As I said before we think MIL had a TIA 2 days ago...didn't blow that darn whistle for 2 days...slept 12 hours then almost all day off and on in her recliner then slept 10 hours and was so weak she could not stand to transfer so spent all day yesterday in her bed dozing off and on...around 2 am this morning she seemed to have a "miracle cure" blew the whistle almost on the hour till we got her up at 6 am...it did take both me and my husband to get her into her wheelchair but we were able to do it and she' sitting at the table now...they have me crushing her pills now and putting them in applesauce so it's easier for her to get them down...yesterday she only drank 2 Ensures for the whole day...and still only wanted 1 this morning...looks like we may be riding an up and down roller coaster for a few days...not even pretending that she can see her t.v. so we are playing music for her...after 2 days of not hearing it I think I was grateful to hear that whistle again.
(3)
Report

just got back from lunch. Mother had packed up her room, ready to head home...I told her we were going tomorrow. Sister called and talked to her for two minutes. I called my sister on the way back to work and told her we had to find assisted living for mom, she blew up at me that she had already DONE that six months ago and the waiting lists are long...I said well we have to get her on the list. she said she didnt' remember any of it. Didn't sound interested in making an effort so I said I would take care of it. Sis then started in on me about the visit from the vultures last week....blaming me for mom's sudden downturn and for making her upset. I should have let the relatives taken what they wanted...she has no clue how bad mom is. So I tried to explain..SHE says mom just needs some change of scenery and she's coming to pick her up. I told her no she could NOT just show up and take Mom...I need to tell Mom and get her ready. So tomorrow after the doctor visit, Sis will take her home with her (she says) although she is not happy with ME setting any rules (it's ok for me to take the BRUNT of caring for mom, I am just not supposed to have any say over anything!)

I am shaking anxious and upset. Hard to work like this...I told my sister I was NOT accepting any blame for Mom's condition, I did NOT cause her to have dementia.
(2)
Report

all I know for sure anymore is that when my mother passes, I will NEVER speak or see these people ever again. I am so over putting up with the pain and drama.
(0)
Report

Wanting-
With mom in the hospital this is the best time to get her placed. Wait lists can be bypassed. Just tell them that with her increasing needs you can no longer take care of her at home. Then if sis takes her it is her problem!
(0)
Report

I'm sorry, I wasnt' clear...she isn't in the hospital, she's at my house...she's sitting in her room all packed to go to a home she only imagines in her mind. I talked to a nursing home, the only one I see now that takes Medicaid, and they put her on a waiting list. I'll keep looking, Id like a choice..
(0)
Report

Red: Glad the whistle blowing took a sabbatical for a few hours...and she slept well which also gave you some respite time. Applesauce is quite acidic for taking the crushed pills, and that is what Hospice told you to do? I would use pudding or yogurt instead. Applesauce seems to always be the choice, but it is not the best for the tummy. If she likes vanilla, chocolate, or butterscotch pudding, it is easier on the stomach. You can over-ride Hospice, just tell them you're changing. Take care of you and thank you for taking good care of MIL.
Wanting: I'm glad you are setting boundaries with Sis and others. Good for you and stick to it. I'm not sure I'd let Sis take her anywhere because she will be more confused than ever especially if you're not with her. I know it sounds like "hovering" or "mothering", but the roles are now reversed and your Mom needs to know that you are always there. Sis can whistle Dixie if she wants, but you're the one who is with Mom all the time. Tell the doc about all that has gone on, even with the vultures, all of it. Docs can get things done faster than we can if they know the whole story and I'm sure the office can set up a case manager to help you sift through all this "stuff". Blessings and keep the faith! xxxooo
(0)
Report

Red BK is right about the applesauce. I hate it unless it is with roast porkt! Check with the pharmacist that none of Mom's pills are long acting. they can not be crushed because the patient gets too much med at once. I guess Mom just used up another of her nine lives. You will know if it is the real deal if the dog velcro's himself to her side.
(1)
Report

Wanting don't let your sister take Mom it will be a disaster If you can get her into the hospital she can go to a NH straight from there but you may not get a choice if it is a Medicaid placement. They usually take the first available bed.
(0)
Report

I won't force her to go with my sister...but I will admit that I would really really really LOVE the break. I have spent the entire evening answering confusing questions about who owns this house, how many people live here, where did I get it, how much was that other house, this house doesn't belong to me, listening to her snap that she isn't going to the doctor anymore, talk about how she wishes she would die, she won't rest, she won't read, she won't watch TV, she just sits with her head in her hands or stares at the wall.
(0)
Report

Wanting: Bless you. She may not remember any of this tomorrow. It is not easy being "up" all the time. I can only encourage you to hang in there with her. The doctor needs to know all this and medication is in order for her, so you can have some peace and rest too. I know you need a break - I hear that in your post and answering the same questions over and over gets old after a few hours of that. Believe me, I've been down that road too. But in the end, the love we have for our loved one sustains us to take the next step and do the next thing, whatever that is. Play some of your favorite music, she might even listen to that, or play some music she likes - it might trigger some calming emotions for her. Give her a big hug and tell her you love her. Hugs to you. xxxooo
(1)
Report

Wanting it is good you are setting boundaries with your sister and I would listen to what Veronica has to say.Butterfly your idea is god about getting the oc involved often they can get things done that we the families are not able to that should be the doc my keyboard skips lately.
(0)
Report

If you can find old songs from her younger days it would help even when they do not know there own name they remember the words of songs from their younger days
(1)
Report

went to doc today and got the official diagnosis of mid stage Alziem..my sister was there, so thank goodness she now can't claim no knowledge...right or wrong she took mom for the night. I know I may have to pay later but thank GOD for a tiny break. the doc said she is alarmed at how much my mother deteriated in the month since she saw her. Ordered a cat scan to check for a brain tumor. lort, just let me have one night of peace.
(1)
Report

Wanting, I am very happy you have a night. Great doctor visit, the best part sis got to hear firsthand. Maybe she will finally realize what work this is. If I were you, I would go to a fancy hotel for the night. You will be hearing from sis, and it probably won't take Lon for her to want to bring her back. At the very least turn off all the lights and take the phone off the hook, no texting either.
(0)
Report

P.S. Did the doc start her on any new meds?
(0)
Report

yes, he put her on Zoloft. Waiting to hear about the cat scan of the brain before starting the other drugs. One thing at a time he says. I and sis want the drugs NOW...she is getting bad quick and we would like to stop it if possible. (LOL, she wanted me to pack for 'several days'...who wants to bet she'll call tonight)
(0)
Report

Wanting: Zoloft is an excellent drug for the elderly....... good choice! Hope you get some respite. Sister needs to experience your Mom's condition a little longer don't you think? Enjoy your respite!
(0)
Report

Wanting-
I bet a dollar to a donut sis will call tonight. Mom will be terribly disoriented, agitated and will want to go home. That home is probably not yours, but very likely somewhere in her childhood. My mom will recite her address of the home where she grew up when she wants to go "home".
(0)
Report

Zoloft is an SSRI and will take at least two weeks to kick in. If it works, GOOD, but if it kicks her into manic phase, she will need an SNRI, which controls the panic hormone norepinephrine. These are both anti depressants. They are NOT the weapons of choice for Alzheimer's. See alz.org and you will find the drugs for Alzheimer's are usually Namenda or Aricept. They have a totally different mechanism. Hopefully you are working with an Alzheimer's expert and not a general MD.
(1)
Report

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter