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I think the doc is not completely convinced it's alz....he's trying to rule out other things. That's why he didn't put her on the alz drugs first. We'll wait to see what the cat scan says and go from there. In the meantime, we will move forward with the POA and medical directives. thank you all for your kind support
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came home to silence, cooked my dinner without anyone stressing or trying to help, laid down for a while, mowed the back yard...came in, took a hot shower, washed my hair...all I can say is..AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Thank you lort.
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Wanting - I am so sorry for what you are going through. Your sister will learn exactly what is involved in caring for your mother. Hopefully, she will be someone you can talk to about your mom. I do not know all the particulars though. I do know that my brother would have been more of a emotional help to me if he ever had mom for even a day. Take care of YOU!!!

Well, the statue is in the ground and I am ready for him to work. I went through the shed wondering what I could get to sell. Oh my, you would not believe what I found. There is a smoker, indoor outdoor electric grill. Drills, drill bits and the like. I am selling the rake, trowel, shovel anything that will get a price. Of course, brother is goin to go through the shed before I can have a sale. The house is on a corner lot so it will be a good draw of people.
I keep having dreams about Mom. They are good dreams of past good times. Maybe God is telling me that she is still with me. I hope so. I pray every night for her with her rosary. I have not said the rosary for years but when she was in the hospital I said them in her room.. I hope deep down inside that she heard me. I love you all. Take care of yourselves!!!
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Wanting: wonderful that you're getting a night of respite! One step at a time, glad the doc (he/she) saw the change in Mom. Also that sis was there with you to now understand more of what it is like for you. She will also know from real experience, maybe Mom could stay through the weekend? Just so glad you're getting a break. What do they hope to find out with a cat scan? If there is a brain tumor or if her brain is starting to protrude from the skull? That will definitely be good to get the results. In the meantime, enjoy your precious time and think twice about answering your phone; but from what I know from reading your posts, your Mom is in your heart all the time and you'll not abandon her even to your sister. Blessings. xxxooo
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Wanting... so glad that you are getting a night off! Those are truly a rarity in the caregiving life! Enjoy!

Lav... Sounds like you found a veritable treasure chest! I do believe your mom is with you. Take care of yourself!

All is fine here. Missing mom a LOT today. Probably because one of the Hospice counselors called me yesterday to visit. I'm glad they check on me from time to time though. :)

Have a GREAT evening!
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Lavendar, I dreamed of my Grandmother for a few weeks after she passed, but in my dreams she was a young woman again, before she got so ill and she was happy. That really gave me comfort. I hope your dreams of your mother give you comfort too.
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Watching Mom (MIL) go through this is heart wrenching...she has just enough mental clarity to be afraid of some of the changes that are coming so quickly now. Hospice gave her some meds to help with anxiety...tonight she keeps saying she needs help but no idea what she needs help with. Says she's in no pain. Her sight comes and goes in her good eye because of the Parkinson's and going from seeing a little to total darkness freaks her out every time it happens and that is a lot more often now...Hospice wants her back on the Plavix because of the TIA she just had. I just sat with her till the meds started to kick in and felt so helpless because that was all I could do and it was not helping that much. I can't blame her for being scared it would scare me too and I'm not suffering from dementia (yet, but could be coming soon at this rate)...she keeps saying she needs to get up and do something but she forgets that she can't...she's been living off of couple of Ensures a day. that is all she will eat that comes to about 460 calories a day so is steadily weaker...it could go on for several more weeks...Lord please give me the strength to be there for her with a kind voice...
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I feel you, Reddog. There are a couple of images of my mom, frozen into my mind, her last 3 months. It's so ungodly painful I can't handle thinking about it too much. It is heart wrenching. I'm so sorry. This is such a painful time, for so many different reasons. I'm glad your MIL has some meds that will calm and soothe her.

And you'll do what's right. .You've been really strong this far and have gotten through so much already. You'll stay strong and you'll do right by your MIL. She's incredibly lucky to have you.
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How am I today? Worn down. My 86 year old husband has dementia, caused by lack of oxygen over the years from COPD with probably some vascular component. He always exhibited suspiciousness and paranoia at times, even before became ill. Now, though, every day he goes into rages accusing me of one thing or another. Flirting with his doctor, stealing his money, locking him out of the house and so forth. Tis morning I wondered whether or when he would get physical, his rages are so out-of-bounds. He needs increasing help with daily activities and right now his care and all the house and yard work falls to me. I feel overwhelmed.
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Red, you are not helpless, you are giving her everything you have to give right now, 100%...so don't torture yourself (easy for ME to say, right?). I am so sorry and I know you have a hard time coming. I wish you strength and comfort. {{red}}
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friedtomato, my mom has COPD too, she's lost her mental abilities too..whether from that or something else. She would never use her inhaler or her oxygen because she was 'saving' the inhalers for her son or her grandchild and the oxygen was 'uncomfortable'. well, I wonder if she is uncomfortable now.

you need help, contact your local Center for Aging and get some assistance. You can't go this alone.

Sis just called, mother had diarhea last night and she had to wash bedsheets, so she's bringing her back here and NOT taking her anywhere today like she promised. She said they didn't get to bed til 4. Welcome to reality. Of course now, she won't want to take her anymore so that sucks.
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Fried tomato: So sorry you are overwhelmed. Its hard when it feels like everything is hitting at once. Maybe start by tackling one problem at a time. Is it possible to talk too his doctor before you take him in for appointment to let doc know about his behaviour before hand? This sounds like the most pressing problem to you. Does he act this way in front of others? Can you find a highschool student in the area to help with the yard? We are here to help you!
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Wanting..... does she wear depends? Guess your sis had a real shitty night..... too bad! My SIL won't admit her "Mommy" has accidents. The caregiver knows because they are in the garbage......tell your sister you can't do this much longer by yourself.... and can she stay with Mother at 4 hour increments so you can get out for respite.
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Red - I am sorry for your hard time. You WILL be there for your MIL I know you will. It is hard to watch them declining and heartbreaking. You have been there for her all this time so you will be there when she needs you the most. I think of you a lot and you are in my prayers. Take care of YOU!!!!
Fried - Yes, wanting has some great ideas. Get some outside help. Teenagers are looking for extra money for the summer and I am sure you can find someone to help you. The Center on Aging are there to help in these situations and they will give you all kind of ideas. Take care of YOU!!!!
I am doing okay. I am looking forward to moving on and I hope it is soon. Take care everyone. I love you all. Oh my, I've got to go walking before it rains.
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Wanting: All as predicted, but please have sis come and stay at your house with Mom, so you can get some respite on a regular basis. Now she knows what you face 24/7. Bless you all.
Red: You are doing the Lord's work. Stay with it, how is hubby doing through all of this, you've not mentioned him in a while. I hope he is sharing in this journey or he will have a more difficult time grieving later. I can tell you it won't get any easier as time goes on, but somehow you muster the strength to do what it takes. Play her favorite music - we sat and listened to old favorite hymns and country classics on cable TV.
Fried T: Hospice now has palliative care and you should be calling them in. When you are in danger or he is a danger to himself they will make an assessment. Walk away from him. He does not know what he is doing and he will forget what happened, but you won't. Protect yourself and take care of you. Always know you have friends here who have gone down the road you are traveling right now. Caregiving is not for sissies. I know you can do it. Blessings.
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Thank you, wanting time and no rest. My husband also refuses to use his inhalers and until a year ago refused to use oxygen most of the time. Convinced that he knew more than his doctors. I feel sometime that his doctor is sick of my talking about my husband's cognitive issues. And my talking to his doctor only makes my husband more suspicious and convinced there's a conspiracy. His children are in denial. They don't spend much time with him, though.

Right now it is the behavioral stuff that's the hardest to deal with. But, no rest, I admit that incontinence is not yet a major issue.
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oh friedtomato! my mother is the same....she is telling everyone that I am telling lies..which I don't take too much to heart because according to her, everyone else is lying too. It's the illness. My brothers and sister are in denial too. You are not alone. Try to take care of yourself too while you are caring for him. Remember he still loves you.
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We've come to the point where I'm afraid to try and transfer MIL by myself because she's so weak and gets confused and tries to sit down in the middle of no where near a seat or soft landing spot...It takes me and husband both to move her back and forth from chair to wheelchair to bed...now about all we can do is get her to stand and kind of turn while one of us moves the furniture for her to sit on up behind her while the other hangs onto her to keep her from hitting the floor...I have no idea how any of you do this alone...then there is the paperwork and getting final affairs in order and making arrangements for what is to be done when she does pass. What happens if someone is old and alone and there is no family member to try and find out what state their father was born in...she's 91...she barely remembers where she was born...and that was only with prompting from me...her dad abandoned the family during prohibition because he was a bootlegger and the police were after him...her 14 year old brother came to California by himself and picked apples to support their family...so I don't have much info on her dad nor do I see much point in digging much deeper to find it...I just put down Tx. that is where MIL was born and so was her mother...what happens if I have the wrong state for him...at that stage of the game what difference can it possibly make...I hate busy work
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Red: do the best you can gathering information and let it be. at the age of 91, I agree with you, what difference can it make. She is here and now, what was past is past. You're doing great. And yes, we've done the moving by ourselves with the help of a belt you put around her belly/back and your back, facing each other. There is a name for it, but I can't remember - maybe a "geri belt"? Take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time - it is not an easy time; know there are prayers for you and your families. xxxooo
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Dear Red. you can do no better, there is no better to be done. If the anxiety medicine is not working request an increase.Wouldn't it be better for her to be drowsy than filled with anxiety and fear for whatever time she has left. At this point why try and get her in and out of bed. I realize it is "good' for her and helps prevent presure sores but it also has major risks now she is so helpless. What if she slips and breaks something. No surgeon would consider an operation. As far as the Plavix is concerned well I won't second guess another hospice nurse and if she can take the pill no harm done. The usual practice is to discontinue all possible medications and just give those for pain anxiety and nausia. don't push the Ensure if she will drink fine but don't worry about it. keep her mouth moist and clean for comfort. Your Hospice nurse should give you some foam swabs on sticks like huge Q tips which makes mouth hygiene easier. Take turns with your husband sitting with her so you can both rest. Turn her and change if necessary when you relieve each other. if she runs a fever just wash her down with a luke warm wash cloth. You can get tylenol suppositories to reduce the fever. if you can't get them and she can't swallow liquid you can just use the plain white tablets rectally. All he pain and anxiety meds can also be given rectally. Only use something like KY jell which is water soluble not something vasiline based as the meds wont absorb properly. Try lying beside her and hold her if she gets restless. Keep playing the music and maybe light some scented candles. Lavender is very calming. Thinking of you Blessings
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Thank you all for your concern and suggestions, the Hospice nurse has given me the suppositories for fever but so far she has just been really chilled and wanting more covers. I would not be getting her out of bed except that is what she wants and we are trying to keep her as comfortable as we can...it's like she's trying to outrun the whole thing by having us move her around...in the middle of this whole mess I was contacted by a young man who believes and with good reason that he's our 20 year old grandson...he messaged me on FB the same day that our son was deploying (for lack of a better word, I think of it as a military term but he's out now and working as a test pilot for a private company. I got hold of our son at the airport in DC just before he was leaving the country...he will be gone 2-3 months...not sure yet...can you imagine how off the wall that must sound to a kid whose been wanting to meet who he believes is his father for his whole life. This was a girl that he barely knew and dated for only a couple of weeks...she was with someone else just before and just after so when she told our son she was pregnant he was willing to support his child but under the circumstances said he wanted a paternity test done...he also had an attorney and wanted visitation rights if it turned out to be his child...she got defensive and told the attorney to forget it wasn't his kid anyway and slapped a restraining order on our son???not sure why on that because he certainly wasn't beating the bushes to have the right to support someone elses child...none of it made much sense but we never knew for sure whether it was our grandchild or not. I just got an email from our son that they have been emailing back and forth and he thinks things are ok and hopes to hold it on that level till he can get back. The young man said he's fairly sure that our son is his father and that he's waited 20 years to get to know him and he's willing to wait a little while longer...that was his message to me...I never knew my dad so this is breaking my heart to think this kid has gone through this, because I know first hand what it's like to wonder about who your family is and why things were that way...he did say that he didn't feel like our son walked out on him or anything like that, but it is hard to even imagine what all he's been told. From what I could see on his FB account he seems like a nice responsible young man...he works and is going to college. He looks clean cut and there is no bad language on his account that he's posted or his friends either for matter...I'm wise enough to know I need to stand back and let what ever is going to happen between him and our son happen but IT"S KILLING ME...If that's my grandson, I've got 20 years of hugs to make up for...that I don't even know...I'd have my gut tied in a knot over this if MIL was as healthy as a horse...as it is she may out last me...
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Reddog.... thank you for sharing such a personal moment..... If he turns out to be your grandson, I already know he will be loved by you for after you said you have a lot of hugs to make up for!
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How beautiful Red, that this young man may be your grandson..... and even if it turns out he isn't... still sounds like a 'new memeber' of the family.... you can still give 'grama hugs' regardless.... please keep us updated about this wonderful surprise..... and if you gut is in a knot , imagine how your son is feeling... prayers for this to have a great outcome....

give mil hugs for me..... she is on the road 'home' and not giving up yet..... I know this is hard....but she is aware of how much she is loved... and in the end, that's all that matters anyway.....
hugs to you Red.
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Oh, Red, your MIL may be fighting for all her worth to avoid that ultimate "end" of the road. Father is sooo terrified of dying. I can see him doing just like MIL. His words may say he wants death, but his actions reflect the complete opposite. My father refused to believe that mom could no longer "walk" with his and my assistance. I had warned him but he insisted she can walk. We got her off the hospital bed to stand up. She no longer could support her weight. Down she went to the floor - even with father holding her up with the long towel around her torso and him in front of her, while I was behind her to support her. Her dead weight was waaaay too much for both of us. She landed on the floor next to the bed. We tried and tried to lift her up. Couldn't. So, I had to go and get my BIL to come and help us. With 2 grown men, they struggled to get her up and back onto the bed. That was the last time father and I ever tried to get her off the bed. I'm just so glad that you and hubby are so much wiser than my father (who was denial of mom's situation.)

With mom, towards the end, she was freezing despite being covered with blankets. Be careful, one time, I smelled her sweat. Opened the blanket, and she was soaking wet. Really soaking wet, with chilly skin. Her hospital gown felt as if it just came out of the washer. The waterproof pad and the lifter were also soaking wet. Yet, her skin was icy cold. After that, I had to make sure once in a while to check if she's okay underneath the blanket.

The cycle of life. As one is moving towards the end of life, another one enters your lives from the opposite end. Wow. You have raised a good son who has values. Most people would just automatically say that that is not my child. But your son was willing to step up to the plate and to actually insist on visitation rights. You know, that is soooo rare. I'm glad that you shared this with us. {{{Hugs}}}
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Red so sorry I know it's scary and heart wrenching. Just hold her hand and let her know your there.. HUGS...
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It's so hard watching end of life. I had the hearing Wed. And I believe mom and I won. A gal filed a claim saying I fired her . Which I didn't. I just live my mom so much and it's so hard watching her. I think she it's afraid to die and plus she doesn't want to leave me. I have been having better days both health wise not hurting for awhile. I finally just had to try to quit worrying about everything but plus my mom had been behaving so I can say for once on here it's going ok. Knock on wood..
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Love not live. Haha
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Red... get a gait belt... it will give you a tremendous amount of support when trying to help MIL up and down. Even when mother was fighting it, I could lift her up without hurting her (although to hear her yell and carry on, you would've thought I was killing her!). I know its difficult to leave her in bed, but there comes a time when that is all you can do. It broke my heart to have to tell mother no, she had to stay in bed. I was so afraid she would fall again, and it was almost impossible for me to pick her up off the floor.

Fried... So many illnesses cause these types of behaviors in our loved ones. You might also have dad checked for a UTI... that will cause LOADS of erratic behaviors!

Everyone... Have a GREAT evening!
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one of the better days today. She was off and on, it's a strange thing, this mixture of being aware but not. She knows where she is, she can get up and get herself some ice cream (and tell me to get my own) but can't remember the deaths of her mother and brothers and continually asks where the 'babies' are. but at least the repetitive questions have lessened, she sat up and watched tv or sat at the table with her head up instead of in her hands so I am classing this as a YAY day...hope tonight is a good one.

Brothers are supposed to come tomorrow, I hope the visit is pleasant and she enjoys it.

Sister is getting upset and wanting to fight with the doctor "why didn't he DO something when we first talked to him about it!" "We have to be more aggressive with him!"

I am trying to be a rock for my mom....I can't fight with the doc, can't expend the energy on what might have been. I have done the best I could do with what info I had.

Oh I do not want to lose my Mom. I am not ready for this. My heart is breaking... intellectually, I think "well, at least she isn't afraid of dying anymore...she won't really know she's dying" but the little kid in me is crying "don't go away Mom!"

I could SOOO fall apart if I allowed myself to. I am taking antidepressants myself and doing gardening...and I am asking for help..just so sad.
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Wanting, I'm sure what you are dealing with is extremely difficult. Hugs to you. When I first came to be with mom I was so frustrated with her doctor. After about six months I wrote a letter to him to advocate for my mom. But mainly I let him know how frustrated I was with mom's care. Like, isn't there more that can be done? Research, anything? The nest time I took mom to see him he actually thanked me for the letter ans said he really needed a kick in the backside. Talk about shocked! It was very difficult, that woman was not my mother, I wanted her back. Here we are two years later and naturally mom is progressing in her disease. I actually enjoy the doctor visits, they are so good at giving me the good ol pat on the back. Getting aggressive with the doc will only help if you are doing assertive advocating for mom.

hope your night goes well.
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