This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
May the angels walk by your side.
Wanting - What a hard decision for you to make. You will make the right decision in the end. It will be the one that is best for you and her. Take care of YOU!!!
Book - Oh my goodness. Last year when I was really stressed out I would forget all kind of things. I would make coffee without water or without coffee in the filter. One time I was supposed to give mom the pills to help her memory. Well, I forgot to give it to her and them I lost them. A day later mom found them in the refrigerator and they did not need to be in there. LOL So yes, I do think it has a lot to do with stress. I have not had any problems lately. So try not to worry. Take care of YOU!!!!
Hi there - I have not been able to post lately. All week I have been getting ready for a yard sale. I was this weekend. I did pretty well but it was exhausting. The things tat I thought would go didn't and the things that I did not think would go did. Weird!!I It was fun though. A good friend of mine helped out all weekend. I would not have been able to do it without her. Bro was a no show. I am really worried about money right now. I am about to fire the realtor. Thursday I called him to tell him about the yard sale and he told me that he was going to have a open house here on Saturday. Great, thanks for letting me know. Jeez!!! So we could not have the open house. Then people came by today to see the house thinking that we had open house. Do you believe that. As you can tell I am not a happy camper. Please take care of YOURSELVES!!!!
Thanks, Lav.
Father has been waking up at 5am now. He thinks it's dinner time and talks and talks and talks. Getting angry with me because I won't get up to feed him. And he wants his pills. I tell him it's still 5am but he doesn't believe me.
Lately, he's been getting weaker. When he tries to help pull himself by the railing and me pulling him with big waterproof bedpad, I end up doing most of the pulling to get him to the middle of the hospital bed. It's killing my lower left back. This morning, I slept on my side and woke up with the backache. Then pulling him made it worse. When I just leaned over to untape his pamper, I got this severe sharp back pain. I cried aloud in pain. It was awful. I tried to force myself to continue but the pain was so bad, I couldn't do it. Still kept trying until tears were in my eyes. The pain was too much. Ugh! Between my headache, my neckache, and now the back - all 3 pain at one time. I was sooo angry and frustrated. I kept forcing to bend over until I no longer felt the sharp pain. I don't know what to do anymore with him. If oldest sis helps, it would mean Lifting him up to the middle. I cannot lift him because even lifting a 20 lbs bag of rice causes my back pain. This back pain was from wear and tear of pulling mom up all by myself all these years because dad was too exhausted to stay awake past 7pm. I just needed to vent because I've been keeping it in. I've been taking way too much Motrin and Tylenol these past couple of weeks.
Drop the head as low as he will tolerate and brace your foot on the bottom of the bed and pull. Hope I have explained that so you can understand. That way you are taking the strain on your legs not your back. think about more help even if it's only a couple of hours to bathe change linens etc. Too bad if he wants you to do it all the naked truth is you can't
Tonight, what I did, was I got as close to the bed as possible. Then I grabbed the bedpad and swung my whole body backward to pull the pad to me. This way, I was using my whole body's weight instead of my arms and back. I will test it tomorrow morning, by untucking the lifter.
I'm thinking of going to see the doc about my back and if my back, neck and shoulder pain is related to osteoporosis. As a Pacific islander, small,skinny, menopausing female - I'm a high risk candidate for early osteoporosis. Thanks.
There's one thing about dementia, one can hide their own Easter eggs!
There are also herbs and teas for easing that muscle strain: I like Tension Tamer tea. Fresh pineapple has bromaine which helps. Google in herbs for muscle pain and you'll find all kinds of helps.
Blessing to your Dad and to you, his angel helper.
Judd, I once needed something to help calm me at nights. So, I bought chamomile tea from the grocery store. I made sure it came from a name brand and not generic. I drank the tea, and broke out with rashes on my lips, tingling lips/tongue. Okay, that’s out. One tea, instant reaction. Yet, I can drink a name brand black tea and ginseng tea, and have NO reactions to it. (yum!!!) Thanks for all the advice. I am definitely going to research the side effects before purchasing. I don’t think we have a Naturapath, Homeopath here on island. I will google to see if there’s any.
I think it’s a muscle spasm. Today at work, I had the pain again. And all I did was bent forward a little bit. I used to get cervical spasms – couldn’t turn my head at all. ER couldn’t do anything but prescribe painkillers. Father finally took me to the local medicine woman. Drank the herbal medicine tea (best to drink it down fast and not stare too hard that it’s awfully green) , and she massaged my from the top of my head down to my lower back. I was tense all over.
For now, I’m going to start doing my stretching exercises made specifically for the elderlies. I’m so out of shape, that I cannot even complete the Beginner’s steps!
Father wants his pampers changed now. Bedtime. I’m sooo dreading it. When I came home, I was moaning in pain – because any slight forward position caused such a very severe horizontal pain on the lower back. This is like 100 times worse than my worst migraine/sinus/tension headaches combined. I don’t ever want to live the rest of my life with this pain. It’s awful! I don’t know how any of you who have this kind of pain can live with it. I would prefer my headaches/neckaches any time.
You all have a good night. Or a good day today. Think of one thing that is funny, and I hope it brings a smile on your face.
You need to look into getting a Theracane for those back spasms. I use it all the time, it allows you to find that trigger point and release it. If you have Good Back stores or that sort, they would probably have it. Well worth the money!
*hugs*
This is bringing back so many memories I am crying too. it is just so sad .I wish I could be there but be sure a higher power is looking after you all. Mom was surely blessed and choose her caregivers well. it will be soon red but you may have another couple of nights yet.
This is difficult enough without the people that are supposed to provide end of life care seem to not be doing their job.... but I am glad to hear she is finally settling down..... prayers for a quick end to her suffering... sending you and hubby hugs and prayers today.....
Laddee C most hospices prefer not to use pain pumps because home caregivers may not be able to manage them properly . Also some times the IVs don't work as well as dripping the liquid into the mouth works better because the blood supply remains good where as the circulation may be slowing. it's probably too late in the game to change Red;s MIL to an IV any way and her hospice is so incompetant she"ll probably be dead before they get around to it. So if this sounds as though I am trying to teach my grandmother to suck eggs so as to speak. I realise you are exceptional in your abilities as your mother's caregiver but most people don't have your skills and I am speaking in general. Inexperience and fear as you know can paralyse many people.
I am so sorry, I cannot imagine how difficult this would be. If I am understanding, they will not medically induce a coma since you would not be able to administer this without being a nurse? Would they transfer her to a hospice facility where they could keep her in a coma?