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Red I'm so terribly sorry. Personally, if anything, I'm a spiritualist and I don't believe we just end here. I've had many experiences in my life, some vivid, others subtle. Last night a music box in my bedroom played - it hasn't been wound up in several years. The physical body may no longer of use but the spirit goes on into eternity Once she passes your mother's spirit will be free and she will cross over to where others will meet her, no longer in pain and happy once more.

May the angels walk by your side.
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Red My thoughts and prayers are with you. Try not to give anything by mouth except the liquid morphine and in as big a dose as it takes to control the pain. keep asking for an increase if MIL is complaining or is scrunching her face up or moaning and restless. There is NO upper limit if she is still in pain. Even if she can't swallow just drip it drop by drop into the side of her mouth. Take as much time as it takes & change sides as you do it. There are Compazine suppositories which will control the vomiting and Ativan for the anxiety. This is a tiny pill and can go under the tongue. I am concerned about the fact she has been on the blood thinners and is vomiting blood. I hate to alarm you as I am not at your side but it is possible she may have a big bleed and pass that way. Have some dark towels ready so it does not look so bad. It is not a bad way for the loved one to pass and painless but hard to watch. Is she still passing urine? Make sure the nurse checks her belly to be sure she does not have an overful bladder which will make her very uncomfortable and restless. Ask about putting in a catheter if she is not passing urine. From what you have said I have the impression that your hospice nurse may not be very experienced in hospice or at all which is why I am sticking my nose in. I did this job for 10 years and both Laddees and others here are very experienced in end of life care. You are both doing a wonderful job and Mom must know how much she has been loved in this life and there will be others that have gone before waiting to meet her spirit and care for her. There are so many prayers and blessings comming from your friends here.
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Red - I am so sorry for what you are going through. You are a good daughter. I know how hard it is to see her this way. You are trying so hard to make her comfortable. when she passes you will only remember the good times with her. You will have no regrets because you have done the best you could. Take care of YOU!!!
Wanting - What a hard decision for you to make. You will make the right decision in the end. It will be the one that is best for you and her. Take care of YOU!!!
Book - Oh my goodness. Last year when I was really stressed out I would forget all kind of things. I would make coffee without water or without coffee in the filter. One time I was supposed to give mom the pills to help her memory. Well, I forgot to give it to her and them I lost them. A day later mom found them in the refrigerator and they did not need to be in there. LOL So yes, I do think it has a lot to do with stress. I have not had any problems lately. So try not to worry. Take care of YOU!!!!
Hi there - I have not been able to post lately. All week I have been getting ready for a yard sale. I was this weekend. I did pretty well but it was exhausting. The things tat I thought would go didn't and the things that I did not think would go did. Weird!!I It was fun though. A good friend of mine helped out all weekend. I would not have been able to do it without her. Bro was a no show. I am really worried about money right now. I am about to fire the realtor. Thursday I called him to tell him about the yard sale and he told me that he was going to have a open house here on Saturday. Great, thanks for letting me know. Jeez!!! So we could not have the open house. Then people came by today to see the house thinking that we had open house. Do you believe that. As you can tell I am not a happy camper. Please take care of YOURSELVES!!!!
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Red, I'm sorry that you and hubby are going through this. I'm just sooo glad that you both are there for each other to help with MIL. And that she knows that you are both there for her. I just feel sooo bad for her - the pain and the fear of not seeing. {{{{HUGS}}}
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I downloaded several books via sideways onto this Kindle. One of the books is not compatible with this ereader. It's been freezing a lot lately. As soon as I figure which ebook, I will delete it and transfer it to the BN Nook ereader. Anyway, my lunch hour so I can't stay long.

Thanks, Lav.
Father has been waking up at 5am now. He thinks it's dinner time and talks and talks and talks. Getting angry with me because I won't get up to feed him. And he wants his pills. I tell him it's still 5am but he doesn't believe me.

Lately, he's been getting weaker. When he tries to help pull himself by the railing and me pulling him with big waterproof bedpad, I end up doing most of the pulling to get him to the middle of the hospital bed. It's killing my lower left back. This morning, I slept on my side and woke up with the backache. Then pulling him made it worse. When I just leaned over to untape his pamper, I got this severe sharp back pain. I cried aloud in pain. It was awful. I tried to force myself to continue but the pain was so bad, I couldn't do it. Still kept trying until tears were in my eyes. The pain was too much. Ugh! Between my headache, my neckache, and now the back - all 3 pain at one time. I was sooo angry and frustrated. I kept forcing to bend over until I no longer felt the sharp pain. I don't know what to do anymore with him. If oldest sis helps, it would mean Lifting him up to the middle. I cannot lift him because even lifting a 20 lbs bag of rice causes my back pain. This back pain was from wear and tear of pulling mom up all by myself all these years because dad was too exhausted to stay awake past 7pm. I just needed to vent because I've been keeping it in. I've been taking way too much Motrin and Tylenol these past couple of weeks.
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Book be very careful with the Tylenol, it is toxic to the kidneys and can kill . The damage can not be reversed. You need something stronger and maybe a muscle relaxant. Time for a Dr visit. Have you tried using a back brace when you are tending to Dad. Try putting a long sheet under the waterproof pad -top to bottom but loose. Then if you have to pull him up the bed alone go to the head of the bed.
Drop the head as low as he will tolerate and brace your foot on the bottom of the bed and pull. Hope I have explained that so you can understand. That way you are taking the strain on your legs not your back. think about more help even if it's only a couple of hours to bathe change linens etc. Too bad if he wants you to do it all the naked truth is you can't
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Veronica, I do automatically include a lifter sheet on top of the mattress cover but below the waterproof pad. But, I follow the govt caregiver's lead by tucking the lifter under the mattress. So, when I pull dad, do I pull the bedpad? Or the Lifter?

Tonight, what I did, was I got as close to the bed as possible. Then I grabbed the bedpad and swung my whole body backward to pull the pad to me. This way, I was using my whole body's weight instead of my arms and back. I will test it tomorrow morning, by untucking the lifter.

I'm thinking of going to see the doc about my back and if my back, neck and shoulder pain is related to osteoporosis. As a Pacific islander, small,skinny, menopausing female - I'm a high risk candidate for early osteoporosis. Thanks.
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SA the small house sounds great -let Sean sink or swim on his own-when you are out of there detach from his craziness and getting a job will be good for you.
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Sometimes we need a little laughter to lighten the load:

There's one thing about dementia, one can hide their own Easter eggs!
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Book with all the stress you have been dealing with for forever it is not a stretch to know why you are forgetful at times -you have a full time job and full time care for your Dad girlfriend most people would be knocked out by all that and with your sibs next door no help to you-appreciate you for being able to keep going -sending a hug your way.
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Wanting it is time for the nursing home-most nursing homes are liberal with visiting times for family members and if they are strict maybe you could volunteer a small time every week and they would relax some rules-they would appreciate you just sitting with a resident and hold their hand someone who would otherwise be disruptive -usually they are glad to have a family member be with the person who otherwise might be upset-taking cookies in at intervals would help the staff to love-I was a nurse and goodies were appreciated very much.
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Homeopathic rather than drugs are great for pain relievers: Most famous one is Arnica Montana, for occasional muscle injury. For persistent pain try Rhus Toxicodendron. Absolutely read up on it, call a health store, and talk to to a Naturapath, Homeopath, or open minded Integrative doctor.

There are also herbs and teas for easing that muscle strain: I like Tension Tamer tea. Fresh pineapple has bromaine which helps. Google in herbs for muscle pain and you'll find all kinds of helps.
Blessing to your Dad and to you, his angel helper.
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Book - please take care of your back. I think you should go to a doctor too. Like people told me. You can't take care of your father if you are in that much pain. TAKE CARE OF YOU!!!!
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Thanks, Austin, Lavender.

Judd, I once needed something to help calm me at nights. So, I bought chamomile tea from the grocery store. I made sure it came from a name brand and not generic. I drank the tea, and broke out with rashes on my lips, tingling lips/tongue. Okay, that’s out. One tea, instant reaction. Yet, I can drink a name brand black tea and ginseng tea, and have NO reactions to it. (yum!!!) Thanks for all the advice. I am definitely going to research the side effects before purchasing. I don’t think we have a Naturapath, Homeopath here on island. I will google to see if there’s any.

I think it’s a muscle spasm. Today at work, I had the pain again. And all I did was bent forward a little bit. I used to get cervical spasms – couldn’t turn my head at all. ER couldn’t do anything but prescribe painkillers. Father finally took me to the local medicine woman. Drank the herbal medicine tea (best to drink it down fast and not stare too hard that it’s awfully green) , and she massaged my from the top of my head down to my lower back. I was tense all over.

For now, I’m going to start doing my stretching exercises made specifically for the elderlies. I’m so out of shape, that I cannot even complete the Beginner’s steps!

Father wants his pampers changed now. Bedtime. I’m sooo dreading it. When I came home, I was moaning in pain – because any slight forward position caused such a very severe horizontal pain on the lower back. This is like 100 times worse than my worst migraine/sinus/tension headaches combined. I don’t ever want to live the rest of my life with this pain. It’s awful! I don’t know how any of you who have this kind of pain can live with it. I would prefer my headaches/neckaches any time.

You all have a good night. Or a good day today. Think of one thing that is funny, and I hope it brings a smile on your face.
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Hi there- I just wanted to share with you all a kind of breakthrough. When I had the yard sale a woman came and wanted the tables that we had. We had just marked them down to get rid of them. The old price was still on the tables. The woman said okay not bad for whatever amount it was. I corrected her and said we had just gone down on it. A noisy neighbor was there and laughed at me because I told the woman to pay the lower price. I was pissed off(excuse me) normally I would have kept that feeling inside of me. Instead I told her to go home. She said that she was just kidding. I know she meant it. After she left I felt great. I am no longer ms. doormat. YEAH!!! Well anyway I just wanted to share my epiphany. Love you all. Take care of YOU!!!!!
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I'm just about to sign off for the night. Congrats Lav!! I can do that with family. I cannot do it with non-family. Good for you!
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Book-
You need to look into getting a Theracane for those back spasms. I use it all the time, it allows you to find that trigger point and release it. If you have Good Back stores or that sort, they would probably have it. Well worth the money!
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YaaaaaaaaY Lav....... hugs to you sister friend....way to go !!!
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Another night of MIL clutching and calling her mama...writhing in pain...I called Hospice they went from .25 morphine every 4 hours to .5 then upped that to every 2 hours...they are trying to get me some liquid anti anxiety meds for her now...tried crushing up the pill and putting it in liquid in the syringe...don't think she got it all because she has been thrashing almost all night. Hope health worker came this morning and we found a hot spot on her back the size of my hand...that thing came up over night...she thrashes and fights when we try to move her at all...will not keep any clothes or covers on has ripped them all off. After the last dose of morphine she finally drifted back off after an hour of thrashing around and after that I could put a sheet over her but when we tried to put the oxygen back on her she ripped it off. Husband finally threaded it through the trapeze over her bed and has it hanging with just the end of the canula going in her nostrils with none of the tubing touching her skin and so far she's leaving it alone...I have no idea what she is running on right now...after all the blood and bile she threw up Saturday night she has refused water and won't even let me swab her mouth out. She had no water Friday. about a cup that she somehow managed to turn into what seemed like a gallon coming back and nothing since...so this is like day 5 with a cup on Saturday that she threw up plus some...she had 3 sips of Ensure a week ago yesterday. I can't believe she has clung to life this long. There are healthy young people who would not have lasted like this. I think part of the problem has been that the diagnosis that put her in Hospice is terminal Parkinson's...all the blood she was hurling Saturday night has nothing to do with that. It seems pretty obvious to me that her cancer has come back strong. When I call and tell them she's highly agitated and in pain I think they kind of discounted it like I'm to dumb to know what's going on...when the home health worker came today she called the office herself and told them what was going on and they seem to be trying to get the liquid and will bring it as soon as they get it. That was several hours ago and we're still waiting. I keep praying that we can make her comfortable and that she will be taken soon...my husband feels the same way about it...one of the nurses said they didn't want to give her so much morphine that she was completely out of it...seriously...I would rather see her in a medically induced coma than what has been going on here...she's been getting the morphine every 2 hours even if she seems to be calm at the moment because that changes in a nano second and she's almost like having mild convulsions...and groaning and whimpering...that is not comfort care people...she is resting peacefully right now, prayjng that continues until journeys end.
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Reddog, this is incredibly hard for you. It annoys me you were not given help sooner. Keep calling hospice next time until you get resolution. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. Hang in there!
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Red my heart is aching thinking about all your MIL is going through.. I agree about the squeaky wheel.. Hugs..
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Red, if your MIL's pain is from her cancer, I don't think the morphine will help much with the pain. When my mom was in the hospital, there was a man yelling for hours begging and begging for help. That he was hurting, please help him. Help! Help! ::: It was awful. The nurse told us that he had cancer. And they can only give him the pain killer at the prescribed time and not sooner. The poor man. He was suffering. If your MIL is going through this like that man with regards to the pain, does your state allow prescribed marijuana as medication? From what I understand, in the long run, this is much better in helping with the pain than morphine. It just sounds so awful what she's going through. I feel so sorry and so bad for her. And for you and your husband to have to suffer with her, too. {{Hugs}}
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Father woke up at 5am again today. He started counting over and over up to 20. And telling me to wake up, time to eat. This time, I had a hard time ignoring him and going back to sleep. I woke up late, by 40 minutes. It was 7:10am and I work at 8:30. Even he had a hard time waking up. I had to shortcut his hygiene. No upper body wash or changing his shirt. I just had enough time to change his pamper and get him breakfast, throw in a toast for me (peanut butter sandwich), and then get ready for work. I think 5am is now going to be his new wake up hour.
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Red .. I don't know if hospice still does this, but my mom had a PCA pump for the morphine. It's basically an IV (you'd have to get her to a level that she can tolerate anything touching her), that gives a perpetual dose, and permits a patient-administered 'bolus' dose. Hospice monitored the frequency with which she pushed that sucker and upped it appropriately. Maybe they did it because bone cancer is one of the most godly-awful painful forms of cancer. Personally, if I were you, I'd be pushing it. And, yeah .. who cares if she's going into a coma. It's palliative care .. where the rule is: keep them comfortable.

*hugs*
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Thank you one and all for the advice...tonight I tried calling Hospice 3 times and kept getting a voice mail??? Called one of the workers they had sent out that had given me her cell phone...she had to call their director to get a nurse to call me back...seriously...then the guy called who was supposed to be answering the phone and said he didn't hear it???? They said today that MIL dementia is so bad she doesn't know she's supposed to eat or drink water. 2 days ago I would have said she knows who we are...not so sure any more. Has lost the ability to speak, so can't tell us exactly what is wrong. Has stopped calling for her mama or begging for help because she can't see. Been giving her the morphine every 2 hours and she seems to just sleep...but if you touch her, she opens her eyes and starts trying to push everything away. Today we were able to slip some water down the inside of her cheek with a syringe but has started gurgling and trying to cough but is so week it doesn't do anything. I just pray that she reaches the end of her journey soon.
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You are doing so well Red which is more than I can say for the professionals who are supposed to be helping you. Glad the morphine is working don't stop that. Stop trying to give her water. Dehydration does bring some comfort to the dying and is a natural pain reliever at this stage. Also her organs are slowly shutting down so don't need the stress of trying to process anything. The human body just as at conception knows what is has to do so at the end it tidies up before finally turning the light out. The gurgling you are hearing is very common and distressing to those who have to hear it. She many begin to loose frothy fluid from her mouth and in her case possibly blood stained. Just keep a towel under her face and let it drain and wash frequently. If she will allow you to reposition turn her from side to side and this may ease the gurgling. If turning distresses her leave her be. She will slowly become more comatose but keep up the morphine till the end. make sure she has a dose half an hour before the ide comes to bathe her. remember hearing is the last thing to go so keep talking to her. Bringing the dog in and putting her hand on his fur may also help her. Let him up on the bed if that's appropriate but not if he gets excited. Bring his bed in and let him lie quietly he needs to say good bye too.
This is bringing back so many memories I am crying too. it is just so sad .I wish I could be there but be sure a higher power is looking after you all. Mom was surely blessed and choose her caregivers well. it will be soon red but you may have another couple of nights yet.
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Red, she is doing fine without water.... she can aspirate the water into her lungs.... I know how difficult it is to watch this.... but her body is taking care of her needs believe it or not... did Hospice give you any information to read...??? I would not be happy with this Hospice from the sound of things.... the last two times Hospice was called in for my clients, I hated those people and their lack of care...I tell everyone I know NOT to use this Hospice.... I am sorry that things are not going smoothly and not answering the phone.... well, sorry, someone would hear about that for sure....
This is difficult enough without the people that are supposed to provide end of life care seem to not be doing their job.... but I am glad to hear she is finally settling down..... prayers for a quick end to her suffering... sending you and hubby hugs and prayers today.....
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Book there being an upper limit on the amount of morphine you can give is plain wrong.. As long as you increase it in regular doses it is not wrong. Basically enough needs to be given to ease the pain. Pain from bone cancer can be controled. It is true that the nurses can not give more than the amount the Dr had prescribed but they have tongues in their heads and can ask for more.
Laddee C most hospices prefer not to use pain pumps because home caregivers may not be able to manage them properly . Also some times the IVs don't work as well as dripping the liquid into the mouth works better because the blood supply remains good where as the circulation may be slowing. it's probably too late in the game to change Red;s MIL to an IV any way and her hospice is so incompetant she"ll probably be dead before they get around to it. So if this sounds as though I am trying to teach my grandmother to suck eggs so as to speak. I realise you are exceptional in your abilities as your mother's caregiver but most people don't have your skills and I am speaking in general. Inexperience and fear as you know can paralyse many people.
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Red I am so sorry that the Hospice Company that is assigned to your family is so unable to do their job -I have heard that about some Hospices which is unacceptable -the main thing now is too keep her comfortable and do what you have to do so that happens-do not worry about anything but her comfort now and keep calling the Hospice company as often as you need to so she is comfortable-it sounds like the end is near -if Hospice does not control her pain I would get her admitted to the hospital in a cancer unit for her to get the care you all should be getting-I am so sorry you have to go through this without proper help from the professionals-may God be with you and your family.
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Red-
I am so sorry, I cannot imagine how difficult this would be. If I am understanding, they will not medically induce a coma since you would not be able to administer this without being a nurse? Would they transfer her to a hospice facility where they could keep her in a coma?
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