This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
For yourself, avoid coffee and drink chamomile tea. Talk to your angel and hers. If you have Ativan, take it. Periodically go outdoors breath deeply and slowly, focus on the joy of her release from pain and her reunion with so many who have gone before her.
Thank you. This will help me as well. Not sure how long I am going to keep doing this. I would love to, but the legal stuff is taking so da*n long! I would definitely increase it to show your actual hours.
She was moved by the Jewish Family Services huge bag of goodies to celebrate Passover. Mom couldn't believe someone could do that for her. I was happy to be the one to deliver it. Also, a nurse she met last week brought mom a Passover macaroons and wanted to have coffee with her but we were at the hospital. She cheered up at the kindness of others. I too stayed in a good mood. Instead of grumping about loss of work hours, I brought my old cellphone and made a few business calls from the waiting room. It was a good day. Hey, just so you know. They do happen too. Not much, but it does!
Just a side note on that Korean ferry sinking which was filled with high school kids going to the island for a 4 days weekend. I was surprised when I found out that the captain and at least 2 of his workers were on the first and only lifeboat released from the sinking ferry. When land radio asked questions about the sinking ferry, he gave such vague info. Then he had it announced several times to not move, not leave your rooms, stay put. The kids listened. Yet, this captain and his men went and released Only One lifeboat - which they got in. I'm not sure if you all keep track of the news. But this has been happening more often. So many cruise ships and others in which the captain and the crew abandoned ship Without telling the passengers. The vice president of one of the school, who coordinated the trip, committed suicide. He was on the ferry, was able to escape. I guess he just couldn't take the guilt of surviving and yet Most of his students were trapped inside the ferry. One teacher, despite the announcement saying to stay put, had texted to his students to put on their life jackets and get out. .... Then there's the story of the 7 year old's older brother (of not much years from her) gave her his life jacket and stayed behind with their parents. The girl survived but the 3 did not.
Fave sis and I have not had me-time together in a long time. Today we finally did get to have lunch - at Cappriociosa. I had a free seafood spaghetti coupon. I stuffed myself on it (no shrimp in it.) I brought home the leftovers. And I just ate it for dinner. 2 hours later - and I'm itching all over. Is my allergy from shrimp now spreading to clams (or is that oyster?) and octopus? As soon as I hit Submit, I'm going to take my allergy pill. The itchiness was only on my upper thigh. Now it's spreading on my arms and my lower legs. Just now, I started scratching my forehead. Gotta do it now, my face is beginning to itch. Later...
Heart try not to be upset about Mom's remarks in church. I was shocked when I first came to the US that people felt free to converse normally while waiting in a church for a service to begin. Mom was merely having her mind go back to her youth and those old memories stirred annoyance at people seemingly being irreverent in a holy place. You of course were embarressed and maybe you could have spoken to those present that with her dementia Mom frequently thinks things should be as they were decades ago and was not being disrespectful to those present. Remember sisters are people too . They may be married to the church but they do know how the world works too. Enjoy that beautiful lily and rejoice tomorrow. The Lord is risen so pray for peace on earth and sing loudly to drown out those annoying little remarks beside you. Fuss with mom's dress and put on your prettiest bonnett. Happy Easter.