This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I heard this the other day, I've found it comforting: "don't be sad that it's over, be glad that it happened." Be glad you were there for Gene for all that time. Feel better soon xxx
Then yesterday he's diagnosed with prostate cancer. Of course we need a lot more information than that, fortunately the health services in this area are pretty good so they won't keep him waiting around too long; but… ah. Not sure what this will do to his plans or mine.
At least his kids are being sweet to him for a change.
Well, fingers crossed it'll be the slow never-need-to-know-it's-there kind. Toes crossed too.
You know his family probably thought they should let you know about the NH. Hope that the current situation straightens out for you.
He is with Stu and that makes my heart rejoice for both of them.... he had no quality of life anymore.... so God blessed him and took him.....
It took everything I had to suck it up and go to work last night.... and of course L had a rough night.... didn't sleep..... just one of those things that life throws at you to see what you are all about.....
And ya'll know how I feel about the family, so no need to beat that dead horse.... so typical... doesn't mean it didn't hurt and make me angry..... but all things happen for a reason..... I have to keep telling myself that....
I appreciate all of you..... and it makes me feel like I 'belong' somewhere being here with all of you..... my heart hurts......
Tell you what, I'll worry about it if it happens and not before.
Chrissy - Great news about the job and someone taking the load off of you a little. I hope the chiropractor helps you. Take care of YOU!!!!!
Book - Shame on you for reporting Glad. LOL I hope you will get relief for your pain soon. Take care of YOU!!!!
Assand - It is great that you were able to get out. I had to wait for the right moment to tell mom about Dr. too. Take care of YOU!!!
Monday - A terrific thing to do for your mom. It was so good that you were doing something positive for yourself. How was the Zoo? Take care of YOU!!!
LadeeM - So sorry about Gene. At least he knew you cared for him and have some wonderful memories. They should have told you. I hope the job situation gets better. Tale care of YOU!!!
Hi everyone - I've been looking for a job but it is hard to get back to that. I am soooo lazy. A month ago I brought a painting that was painted by my Great- grandfather and put it on consignment with a antique place downtown. I was on consignment for another month. I called them yesterday and the phone was disconnected. OH NO!!! I went down there and it is closed and the place is cleaned out. While I was there another person had the same problem. Apparently, I am not alone there were numbers listed of other people in the same situation. I will be going down there again tomorrow and file a complaint. This ain't to go away. Don't mess with the potato lady's daughter. I will have to tell you that story another time. Take care YOU ALL!!!
Love and hugs to all of you, prayers for the hard times you are experiencing....and deep heartfelt gratitude to all my awesome friends that have my back....
So, this morning, I woke up with a stuffed face. I had enough time to open a new 16oz bottled water. I made a mix of 1/4 Cup organic apple cider vinegar plus 1 tablespoon of honey. Poured it into my bottled water. I sipped it throughout work today. Wow! NO stuffy face. NO headache. But, my stomach didn't like it - too acidic. It's 910pm, and I'm still sipping it. I can breathe thru both sides of my nose. Darn! That means I will be able to smell father's poop better, too.
I just came from a dinner function by an airline. Most of the "meat" was shrimp. And the only real meat was so hard and too many chewy fats, I gave up trying to eat it. Everyone was raving how delicious the shrimp shumai and the shrimp sushi was. sniff. sniff. And I couldn't eat it. It's awful to eat a FREE dinner at a hotel and Not be able to eat all that seafood. I think they added that beef as an afterthought. And I'm a meat eater. All well.. they had delicious cheesecake and chocolate mousse cake. Yum!!! I love eating it together. Everyone was stuffed..except me. Being allergic to shrimp in an island surrounded by the ocean sure sucks!!!
And Gene is with Stu,, and they are both at peace and perfect and no longer suffering any of our earthbound bs....... so I have my memories.... and they are priceless.... and for that I am grateful....
Lav, same thing happened to me with some jewelry I made, with gemstones, no less, and put on consignment.... they never did find that woman.... but , again. there is Karma.....so... it's out of my hands.... all the things going on around me right now.... out of my hands.....
love and hugs to all of you... and LadeeC, thanks for the CHOCOLATE !!!!
My daughter is having surgery today (nothing major) and my husband took the day off to bring her.. I wanted to be the one to take her!! BUT NO I have to be here with my Mom. If my husband stayed and I went, then Mom's morning would have screwed up the whole day... I have 6 siblings and can only depend on 1 of them to help care for Mom and she's not available today..I know it's not major surgery but I'm her Mom and she's never had surgery she wanted ME to go with her... This is the stuff that my siblings don't even have to consider when they have to make arrangements. They just do what they want, when they want! It pisses me off....
By the way not 1 of them called Mom on Easter!!!
When mom passed away last year, all my 7 siblings were going to attend her funeral. No one wanted to stay home with father who did not want to go. Guess who was going to stay? Me!!! Me - who spent the past 23 years of my life staying home to help dad caregive mom. Yet, THEY all were going to her funeral, while I stayed home. I am soooo bitter against all my siblings.
A while back, I wanted so badly to go to the states and be with my siblings. Since then, my mind have been going back and forth. Practical vs Wish. Lately, I've been remembering how my siblings were at mom's funeral. Something in me, the trusting, loyal person - became disillusioned. I truly never thought my siblings would be like the siblings that I read here on AC. I've learned the reality. As I remember mom's funeral, the greediness of my siblings, I realized that deep down, I am no longer the Me of years ago when I flew to Colorado and we took the car ride to Vegas. I realized that I truly have no desire, at this time, to be with my siblings. I'm still hurt and still disillusioned. So, this weekend, I'm going to plan my 4 week vacation and spread it out one week at 4 different months. I was toying with the idea of flying to Hong Kong for the weekend but hotel is expensive now. I've never been to Manila, Philippines but I've heard too many scary stories about going there. Japan is too expensive. Buying a ticket to Hawaii is about $1500.00 and that's not even including the hotel. I could always get the nerve to go to Korea except the political situation is scary. So, I'm stuck to being here. Plus, I need to start saving like crazy.
Hate yourself? You have to be kidding! You are a wonderful caring person, it's everyone else that's messed up.. You have no regrets you've managed to dig yourself out and keep going. That is a quality that I envy.. Plan your trips, you deserve each and every one..
The other day, when he made a mess with his pampers, I just stood there staring. My mind went blank, and I just stood there staring. I Did Not Want To Do It Any More. I stood there without talking or moving for about 2 or 3 minutes. And the mess wasn't that bad. I don't know how far I can go before I break. I can't stand him. At least mom couldn't talk and call me names. I'm going to be okay.
I think I'm going thru menopause. For the past few days, everywhere I go, it's hot. It's so hot. I might have the beginnings of hot flashes. I'm not sweating. My body's temperature is not hot. I'm just hot inside, uncomfortable hot. I think I will need to go and dig up my Japanese folding fan and carry it in my purse. I'd better go now and look for it. I might forget. Later... thank you!!!
yes get away anywhere. Can one of your clients tell you how to get around in some of these exotic places. Why not go to Europe for the whole month there are youth hostels which are cheap and other travelers will help you get around. There are also rail and bus passes that can take you anywhere for a reasonable price.
Ask Country Mouse she at least lives in England. Even take a bus tour of interesting places they do it all. bed and breakfast is a big industry there. Go girl go. You deserve it and you need it
Red - I hope you get your carpet soon. It will be nice for you to get back to your life. Take care of YOU!!!
Nothing new about the painting. I tried to file a complaint yesterday and police said that they could not do anything. It is really complicated. He told me to get an attorney. Right, I am not rich. I called the local better business bureau and filed a complaint and am waiting to hear back from them. Ya'll take care!!!