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LadeeM, I'm so sorry. Gene has a piece of your heart. You were a lifesaver for him because you brought conversations and laughter in his life. He was able to talk about all his travels. And you Listened. {{{HUGS}}}
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Oh, People..! Why won't they THINK? I'm so sorry, LadeeM, both for Gene and for you. I'm sad to think that it's a reflection of the way that family behaved that it never crossed their little minds to tell you what was going on.

I heard this the other day, I've found it comforting: "don't be sad that it's over, be glad that it happened." Be glad you were there for Gene for all that time. Feel better soon xxx
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Worrying a bit. Just for background: my partner and I aren't partners any more, we're selling our jointly-owned house, I'll move with my mother and he will be free to do as he pleases. That's the plan, anyway.

Then yesterday he's diagnosed with prostate cancer. Of course we need a lot more information than that, fortunately the health services in this area are pretty good so they won't keep him waiting around too long; but… ah. Not sure what this will do to his plans or mine.

At least his kids are being sweet to him for a change.

Well, fingers crossed it'll be the slow never-need-to-know-it's-there kind. Toes crossed too.
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CM, sorry to hear about the ex having prostate cancer. That seems to increase as men get older (like women get breast cancer as they pass menopause.) You all might be left dangling until they figure out what kind of prostate cancer he has. And what stage it's in. Will this affect you adversely with your portion of the house? Maybe not - if he is willing to settle the sale before his children decide they want it? Please keep us updated.
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LadeeM, I am so sorry to hear about Gene! And I know you are hurting! So sad his family didn't consider your feelings about him! But be comforted to.know he knew you cared while ypu were there and he knows now! Now you have 2 guardian angels watching over you!
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Ladee, So, sorry for your loss, you seemed to enjoy Gene so much and did a wonderful job caring for him.

You know his family probably thought they should let you know about the NH. Hope that the current situation straightens out for you.
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Oh LadeeM I so sorry about Gene.. I know you cared for him deeply.. An email? So sad no one cared enough to let you know where he was staying.. Again I'm sorry about Gene.. Hugs
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Thank you all for the love and support... I am so heartbroken that I did not get to tell him bye and how much I loved him.... but in my heart, I know he knew... that will have to do I guess..... I wrote in my journal right after I quit out there... that I gave them two months before they managed to kill him with neglect... and so it came to pass , two months later.....

He is with Stu and that makes my heart rejoice for both of them.... he had no quality of life anymore.... so God blessed him and took him.....

It took everything I had to suck it up and go to work last night.... and of course L had a rough night.... didn't sleep..... just one of those things that life throws at you to see what you are all about.....

And ya'll know how I feel about the family, so no need to beat that dead horse.... so typical... doesn't mean it didn't hurt and make me angry..... but all things happen for a reason..... I have to keep telling myself that....

I appreciate all of you..... and it makes me feel like I 'belong' somewhere being here with all of you..... my heart hurts......
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Thank you, Book - the house is up for sale and if we get any offers we'll sell; but we're not exactly having to beat back the crowds… I'm just wondering what happens to that plan, though, if he does get ill. It's not like I don't care about him any more.

Tell you what, I'll worry about it if it happens and not before.
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Red - I am so glad that you are returning to normal (whatever that is). It will take time to adjust to MIL not being there. It took some times for me too. It is great that you got to relax for Easter. Take care of YOU!!
Chrissy - Great news about the job and someone taking the load off of you a little. I hope the chiropractor helps you. Take care of YOU!!!!!
Book - Shame on you for reporting Glad. LOL I hope you will get relief for your pain soon. Take care of YOU!!!!
Assand - It is great that you were able to get out. I had to wait for the right moment to tell mom about Dr. too. Take care of YOU!!!
Monday - A terrific thing to do for your mom. It was so good that you were doing something positive for yourself. How was the Zoo? Take care of YOU!!!
LadeeM - So sorry about Gene. At least he knew you cared for him and have some wonderful memories. They should have told you. I hope the job situation gets better. Tale care of YOU!!!
Hi everyone - I've been looking for a job but it is hard to get back to that. I am soooo lazy. A month ago I brought a painting that was painted by my Great- grandfather and put it on consignment with a antique place downtown. I was on consignment for another month. I called them yesterday and the phone was disconnected. OH NO!!! I went down there and it is closed and the place is cleaned out. While I was there another person had the same problem. Apparently, I am not alone there were numbers listed of other people in the same situation. I will be going down there again tomorrow and file a complaint. This ain't to go away. Don't mess with the potato lady's daughter. I will have to tell you that story another time. Take care YOU ALL!!!
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Lab what the heck? That's terrible that the shop took your painting and ran.. File that complaint, maybe someone knows where they went..
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Oh LAV auto correct!!
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I have set a goal for 6 months to get out of caregiving...... God knows my heart is not in this anymore, and I'm tired of grief..... and being treated 'less than'..... so, doors will open, and I will keep an open mind...... and what ever happens, happens.... I would rather live in a cardboard box under a bridge than to continue to compromise my integrity...... at least I would be free....

Love and hugs to all of you, prayers for the hard times you are experiencing....and deep heartfelt gratitude to all my awesome friends that have my back....
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Lavender...our daughter bought a coffee table at a local furniture store and paid for it in advance...they did the same thing and closed up shop and left town...I found out the name of the owner of the building and tracked them down...he had a store in another town...she did get her coffee table...
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It's mango season. Major sinus/allergy acting up. Doesn't help this house is surrounded by mango trees. Everyone seems to be suffering with sinuses. I told them it's mango season. Some did not connect mango to sinus. Yep, my doc was the one who made the connection for me. Anyway, tired of taking Tylenol then Mortrin trying to get rid of the headaches but not the stuffed face. Then take the sinus pill which causes my stomach to hurt.

So, this morning, I woke up with a stuffed face. I had enough time to open a new 16oz bottled water. I made a mix of 1/4 Cup organic apple cider vinegar plus 1 tablespoon of honey. Poured it into my bottled water. I sipped it throughout work today. Wow! NO stuffy face. NO headache. But, my stomach didn't like it - too acidic. It's 910pm, and I'm still sipping it. I can breathe thru both sides of my nose. Darn! That means I will be able to smell father's poop better, too.

I just came from a dinner function by an airline. Most of the "meat" was shrimp. And the only real meat was so hard and too many chewy fats, I gave up trying to eat it. Everyone was raving how delicious the shrimp shumai and the shrimp sushi was. sniff. sniff. And I couldn't eat it. It's awful to eat a FREE dinner at a hotel and Not be able to eat all that seafood. I think they added that beef as an afterthought. And I'm a meat eater. All well.. they had delicious cheesecake and chocolate mousse cake. Yum!!! I love eating it together. Everyone was stuffed..except me. Being allergic to shrimp in an island surrounded by the ocean sure sucks!!!
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Red - We are trying to track down our stuff. Believe me I am more than angry, I am out for revenge. I really have no idea how much the painting is worth. He was my great-grandfather and was the painter for the Court of Austria. There are at least 7 people on our list of people that want their stuff back. I am following up this morning. I have to go back to the place and make a complaint with the police. I hate to go all the way downtown but I am on a mission from Mom. Take care of YOU!!!
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Ladee I am so sorry about Gene-I know he knew how much you loved and am so sorry they did not give you a chance to say good-by to him-his heart was happy for all you did for him-his life was good because of you and you know he felt your love.
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Thanks Austin..... ya, we both knew what our bond was.... and as far as the family.... well, there is Karma and then the fact that they are stuck with Carolyn.... sooooo, sorry, that part makes me smile......
And Gene is with Stu,, and they are both at peace and perfect and no longer suffering any of our earthbound bs....... so I have my memories.... and they are priceless.... and for that I am grateful....

Lav, same thing happened to me with some jewelry I made, with gemstones, no less, and put on consignment.... they never did find that woman.... but , again. there is Karma.....so... it's out of my hands.... all the things going on around me right now.... out of my hands.....

love and hugs to all of you... and LadeeC, thanks for the CHOCOLATE !!!!
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Thanks Lav and Book....i started this job as part time last july and just happened to turn into fulltime which is a good thing. Mom is at daycare all day anyway and caregiver or another family member picks her up. Its best for her to rely on someone else anyway. Its hard adjusting to more hours but its making me happier. When I was working fulltime before it was hard it was second shift, had basically no homecare and only daycare. I have to fight and beg my brother that lives near by but i told him he is helping. Mom is sleeping better, but crankier in the morning but still just trying to control her pain. She stopped tearing at the blanket now just throws pillows at me. Hugs to everyone...thanks for all the support
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I have spent 3 days cleaning an empty room and bath...Everything from the ceiling down has been either washed or painted. I'm so tired I don't know if we're extra dirty or I'm just extra old and slow...probably a combination of all 3...Now impatiently waiting to have the new carpet installed...they said probably within a week...then we can move back into the house...and back to at least semi normal...did give up the idea of a garage sale this weekend...going to wait till we are moved back into the house so there will be more room to set stuff up and move around out there...hugs to all...
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Reddog, I hated the garage sale/estate sale idea. People pawing through all your memories is upsetting. Give it to cousins so at least you see it again. We hired a painter to strip peeling wallpaper and repaint faded walls. A 1400 sq ft house cost $3250 for a professional painter. So think of all the money you saved. We are too old to do it ourselves.
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Venting!

My daughter is having surgery today (nothing major) and my husband took the day off to bring her.. I wanted to be the one to take her!! BUT NO I have to be here with my Mom. If my husband stayed and I went, then Mom's morning would have screwed up the whole day... I have 6 siblings and can only depend on 1 of them to help care for Mom and she's not available today..I know it's not major surgery but I'm her Mom and she's never had surgery she wanted ME to go with her... This is the stuff that my siblings don't even have to consider when they have to make arrangements. They just do what they want, when they want! It pisses me off....

By the way not 1 of them called Mom on Easter!!!
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Assandy, {{hugs}}.. I know what you mean. I'm sorry that you couldn't be there for your daughter. When my favorite niece was getting married, I wanted to attend but everyone was going and no one wanted to babysit father. So, oldest sis volunteered to stay home, and I cried. I was soooo grateful to her. She knows that the my fave sister's 2 daughters view me as their 2nd mama.

When mom passed away last year, all my 7 siblings were going to attend her funeral. No one wanted to stay home with father who did not want to go. Guess who was going to stay? Me!!! Me - who spent the past 23 years of my life staying home to help dad caregive mom. Yet, THEY all were going to her funeral, while I stayed home. I am soooo bitter against all my siblings.

A while back, I wanted so badly to go to the states and be with my siblings. Since then, my mind have been going back and forth. Practical vs Wish. Lately, I've been remembering how my siblings were at mom's funeral. Something in me, the trusting, loyal person - became disillusioned. I truly never thought my siblings would be like the siblings that I read here on AC. I've learned the reality. As I remember mom's funeral, the greediness of my siblings, I realized that deep down, I am no longer the Me of years ago when I flew to Colorado and we took the car ride to Vegas. I realized that I truly have no desire, at this time, to be with my siblings. I'm still hurt and still disillusioned. So, this weekend, I'm going to plan my 4 week vacation and spread it out one week at 4 different months. I was toying with the idea of flying to Hong Kong for the weekend but hotel is expensive now. I've never been to Manila, Philippines but I've heard too many scary stories about going there. Japan is too expensive. Buying a ticket to Hawaii is about $1500.00 and that's not even including the hotel. I could always get the nerve to go to Korea except the political situation is scary. So, I'm stuck to being here. Plus, I need to start saving like crazy.
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FYI, father is back to touching inside his pampers. 2 straight days in a row of finding "messy" clothes and bed pads with his "dirt" and not 'poop'. I'm sooo tired of changing pampers. I'm beginning to hate my life. sigh.. depression must be sneaking up on me.... That's the only time when I hate everything, even me.
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Book thank you!

Hate yourself? You have to be kidding! You are a wonderful caring person, it's everyone else that's messed up.. You have no regrets you've managed to dig yourself out and keep going. That is a quality that I envy.. Plan your trips, you deserve each and every one..
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Book, you have done so well for your folks. Do not get depressed about that, they wouldn't want that. I have had to take the attitude with my siblings that I do not give a flying rats A**. What they think or do, they are just who they are, and not much I can do about that.
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Thanks Assandy and Gladim...I'm just getting so tired of being island-bound. I want to travel. To visit places. I book people to leave the island, and I am sooo envious of them. I'm just so tired of doing pampers day in and day out. :::: I think it's time to contact Roomie and ask if she can cover for me in the weekend. I might ask her if she can do this once a month. Maybe if I get away once in a while - stay at fave sis's home, it might ease my yearning and dissatisfaction of life. My problem is that if I fly to Hong Kong or Cairns Australia, I will be arriving late - close to midnight. With Hong Kong, I will need to figure out how to use the subway to the station closest to the hotel, and then take a taxi to the hotel. With Cairns, I will need to find a taxi to the hotel. Japan is worse. I will need to travel by the subway - which is complicated. I'm still brainstorming.

The other day, when he made a mess with his pampers, I just stood there staring. My mind went blank, and I just stood there staring. I Did Not Want To Do It Any More. I stood there without talking or moving for about 2 or 3 minutes. And the mess wasn't that bad. I don't know how far I can go before I break. I can't stand him. At least mom couldn't talk and call me names. I'm going to be okay.

I think I'm going thru menopause. For the past few days, everywhere I go, it's hot. It's so hot. I might have the beginnings of hot flashes. I'm not sweating. My body's temperature is not hot. I'm just hot inside, uncomfortable hot. I think I will need to go and dig up my Japanese folding fan and carry it in my purse. I'd better go now and look for it. I might forget. Later... thank you!!!
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Book time for some deep breaths. You can do it. We all love you here. Can't help with the Pampers I am afraid. they were not around fifty years ago. We hand made little pads we called "Incy pads" We were give a roll of white cotton wool a roll of brown and a roll of gauze to keep it all together. Permanent blisters on you hand from all the cutting till you formed a callous.
yes get away anywhere. Can one of your clients tell you how to get around in some of these exotic places. Why not go to Europe for the whole month there are youth hostels which are cheap and other travelers will help you get around. There are also rail and bus passes that can take you anywhere for a reasonable price.
Ask Country Mouse she at least lives in England. Even take a bus tour of interesting places they do it all. bed and breakfast is a big industry there. Go girl go. You deserve it and you need it
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Book - I am so sorry about your siblings. It hurts and you ask when are they going to change. Well, they're not. My brother has to live with the guilt that he was not there for my Mom. I on the other hand have no regrets concerning mom. You will have no regrets concerning your Father. Veronica had a good idea. Europe is a great place to go. Buses and trains and the rail will get you where you want to go. I hope that will get away soon. I went through menopause and it was not nice. One time at Thanksgiving I got so hot that I wanted to tear my clothes off and run down the street. I would have given anything for a pool at those times. But what did help was when I was home I jumped into the shower and turned on the cold water. lol Take care of YOU!!!
Red - I hope you get your carpet soon. It will be nice for you to get back to your life. Take care of YOU!!!
Nothing new about the painting. I tried to file a complaint yesterday and police said that they could not do anything. It is really complicated. He told me to get an attorney. Right, I am not rich. I called the local better business bureau and filed a complaint and am waiting to hear back from them. Ya'll take care!!!
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Assande - I a sorry you could not be with your daughter at least your husband was. I am sure your daughter understands. Take care of YOU!!!!
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