This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
It was a mini Christmas. It even included going to a meditation group. I was going to try a walk on the beach but Maine is still too cold. What a good idea though: line up several friends and let someone be hostess to you. How's that sound?
Before I left I made sure my mom had plenty of company and told a few relatives to call her.
Hugs to all!!!
Do you think you could qualify for Medicaid or whatever has replaced it.
We know you are going to be alright but we worry and pray just the same. Love you, tough old broard or not.
The one year anniversary of mom's death is only 2 1/2 weeks away. Please keep us in your thoughts. It will be difficult. On top of that, the day after the anniversary... the body donor program is having a memorial service for all of their donors. We should get mother's cremains approximately a month later.
Today is my hubby's birthday, and he decided he wanted to go play pool... so... I find myself with a little time on my hands... I think I'll go play with my quilting machine. :)
Have a GREAT evening!
Last time I drove to Connecticut from Maine
I visited my mother in Bloomfield,
then my father in Vernon.
In my mother’s eyes I saw a phoenix rising;
soaring with freedom,
dancing, gardening, loving her many friends.
I savored her stories
as she recounted each blessing.
I held her in my arms
noting that now,
I was the bigger one.
But her former modelesque figure
had transformed into a petite form
graced with overflowing joy.
But my father’s form
was compact
as a snowball.
His pale skin was thin
and though his face was familiar
there was a weariness in his startling blue-gray eyes
and a hoarseness in his voice.
He coughed before he spoke
and thrust his head forward
forcing his words out.
Beyond his jokes, and wry comments,
there loomed gloomy thoughts of defeat.
When I left him
I mourned silently for his saddened soul.
Later that night,
I dreamt that I held him
like the Madonna cradling her dying Christ,
and though he was in my arms
I could not touch him.
Nothing going on that can't be resolved.... so, she also explained that exhaustion and not having time to grieve will make the symptoms of ET even worse... and that part.... whew, was relieved to hear that !!! That is something I can do something about...
Told the daughter last night I want to go to four nights.... what can she do... of course she agreed.... and then, out of nowhere she says I got a dollar an hour raise.....
While that is a good thing, and me cutting back my hours, it will work out about even.... but it had to come to something like this for that raise???? See why I am getting to where I hate my job.... not the people I care for..... the damned politics of my job...
thank each of you for your support and prayers... I know that I don't realize how much I am cared about..... just never enters my mind....just blunder thru life and do what pops up in front of my face....so your love and prayers is acknowledged and appreciated......
Veronica... thank you for keeping me grounded with good information....it did help me to get focused on lesser of many evils in our caregiving lives...
I so rarely post anything about my health... but very grateful I did...wake up call , this was.... so headed toward the future.... love and appreciate you all, just can not imagine doing this journey without my AC family and friends.....
I saw it on TV the other night and they were training female inmates in a prison how to do this and I immediately thought of you. You would use your scultpting skills and be associated with healthcare. Just a thought but have no idea where you could train. Of course it might be deadly boring but not too hard on the body.
Assa, better for her not to be happy as opposed to you having to keep doing this until we both end up in the hospital..... she'll get used to it.... she may even enjoy it after awhile... but do it even if she doesn't.... you HAVE GOT to get a break..... sending you hugs and chocolate...
Great on the day care! I don't know what I would do without it. But, keep I mind those therapeutic white lies to get her out of the house! I have to use them every day. But when I pick mom up, normally she has had a wonderful time and glad that there is this resource.
LadeeM... so glad it is turning out to NOT be Parkinson's! Take care of yourself... and enjoy that raise! You deserve it!
I still haven't heard back from the caregiving agency. I'm not sure if the "confirmed" report I have on file will keep me from getting the job or not. If it does... I might just have to go hunt down that hospice nurse who reported that I slugged my mother when all I did was smack her hand for punching me in the face!
Oh well... if its meant to be, it will happen. In the meantime, I plan on applying for a few more jobs. As much as I would love to just sell Tupperware and work on building my quilting business... I need money now! Hubby's SS just isn't cutting it for paying the bills. I might have to put his butt out on a corner somewhere... lol... maybe someone would pay me to take him OFF of the corner... rofl... :P
Have a GREAT evening!
wound up touring an Alzheimer's unit at the nursing home we selected...and realized my mother is no where near that stage yet. So we are going to try to keep her home. If no other reason than we need to spend down her savings account. We will use that money to hire a sitter..IF I can find one.
In the meantime, I am revolving around three relatives, an aunt, my sister and my niece. My sister is kicking about coming to sit one day a week and I am not getting more than that. She also wants us to try leaving mother alone at least one day a week.
she says "Just because I 'can't' come more often (and gripes about the one day) that doesn't mean I don't WANT to come more!" I am not sure what other spin I could possibly put on it. She doesn't work, she didn't have a problem being out of the house when she was working and had three kids...now that she has only one child at home and no job, suddenly her housework takes days and days...
anyway...SHE doesn't want mother to be in a nursing home (except when I ask her to stay...THEN she's all "are we gonna put her in")..
ugh..
have another niece that will help once school is over...gonna drive up from Houston to stay some. Still looking for a sitter though
Wanting, don’t know what to say. Assisted living? If not, can you find someone to come to the home and give you respite maybe twice a week? If impossible, how about once a week? Make it a midweek – when businesses have normal working hours – and you can do whatever you want on that 1 day off from caregiving. Too bad family is not as supportive as we all would like.
I asked the daughter last night if she had found anyone yet... a lot of mumble, double talk and avoidance, then I said, well, I won't be here Thrus night, so hope you find someone... she called back about an hour later and has someone!!!!! Isn't it amazing when you just have to get stupid and rude to get someone off their a**.... and she hired the caregiver that I love the most !!! We have worked together before... she is excellent and will be an asset to that family.... so progress in health and work.....
wanting, happy to hear the meds are making a difference....it's good to hear that you will be getting some mental rest for a change...
Laura, maybe it won't take long to get some money put back so you can do what you enjoy doing..... that is the sick part of having to work... we get stuck doing things we don't want to do.... so prayers you get what you are looking for...
So, work tonight and then off for three glorious days.... not going to know how to act... and this weekend is supposed to be nice.... I am actually going to get to go rock hunting..... because I will be rested up some....
so hope you all find one thing to be grateful for today..... thank you all for the awesome support... hugs, love, angels and CHOCOLATE !!!!!