The Caregiver... How are YOU doing today?

Mom hasn't felt well for weeks now. She had that UTI infection and was never the same: weak, tired all the time, sinus problems, shortness of breath, sad and depressed. She'll be 93 next month! Her doctor doesn't suggest anything else. I am not allowed to intervene. I keep asking Mom, why doesn't your doctor call you or try something else? And she won't go to anyone of course. Ugh.
Any ideas or suggestions? Not sure what she'd listen to. Finally she has an appointment this week. I had suggested she take probiotics after she finished the anti-biotics. The doctor shrugged and gave her some free samples of milk based probiotics. It gave Mom to much gas so she quit taking them.

Meanwhile, my father (who has remarried eons ago) is now approaching 96: legally blind from macular degeneration, hard of hearing: he depended on his wife who has good hearing and good eyesight, but alas, was just diagnosed with Alz!
Dad knew Roz was demented, and feared she might have Alz but last weekend Roz rolled out of bed, fell on the floor and didn't move. After a while she was taken to her doctor who told Dad she definitely had Alz now. I am going to visit them tomorrow. They live about 2 hours from here.

I am grateful for Roz's family: they are taking care of them.

Judda, only one recommendation, make sure the other family KNOWS how much you appreciate all the help they are providing to your dad! I am doing the same for mom's hubby, been married for 7.5 years now. His daughter lives about 2000 miles away, and always lets me know how much she appreciates I do for him. Why can't my own sisters in my dysfunctional family be this way?

His daughter is an only child, always used to wish she had siblings, from what she knows of this crazy situation, she doesn't wish for them any longer.

Judda, when I was taking antibiotics for my UTI (had several last year), the first bout, I had severe itchiness. I had to go back to the doc for that tiny pill to take out the itch. After that, on the 2nd and 3rd bout, while taking the antibiotics, I started eating yogurt. I spaced it apart so that I give several hours to eat the yogurt after taking the antibiotic. It works. I did not have itchiness from taking antibiotic. You can do the same with your mom. If you give her the antibiotic at breakfast and dinner, then just give her yogurt as dessert for lunch. This way there is not contradiction between the yogurt and the antibiotics.

When my mom was alive, I noticed the older she got, the less the doctors did for her. We took her to the ER, and they just gave her antibiotic IV, and wanted to release her. They didn’t even do a urine sample! When father refused to leave without them checking her urine, they did it. Yep, she had UTI.

As for probiotics, you may want to google on some food that provides probiotic. Everyone knows yogurt is one. If your mom doesn’t mind sour – there is sauerkraut or or sour pickles. Miso soup may be salty but it’s low in calories and high in Vit.B and antioxidants. Soft cheese like Gouda. Sourdough bread contains lactobacilli (aids with digestion). Sweet acidophilus milk or even buttermilk are rich in probiotics. I think the easiest would be the yogurt and the milk version.

One thing to remember is that the older we get the longer it takes to recover from an illness, surgery or any other life changing event. that being said support and encouragement are the most you can do. A good easy to eat diet is also essential. Many elders suffer from some form of swallowing difficulties too so the easily chewed part is very important. watch your loved one carefully at meal times and see if they seen to take a very long time to eat. Mac and cheese may go down a lot easier than a pork chop. 70 seemed to be the cut off age for me where everything started to take longer and be wore difficult. every set back seems to leave a deficit however slight. This is also the age where drs begin to question the treatments they prescribe or recommend. this is a case of deciding whether the treatment is worse than the disease. For example I have resisted a colonoscopy for what I consider valid reasons, Now I have a PCG who said that is my decision and so be it. Now I am 75 it is no longer recommended. I would never encourage anyone to refuse what can be a life saving examination. these days i am gratful to have reached this age when my mother, her siblings and my grand mother did not make it past 70 and had years of poor health before that.
One other small thing but when it takes a long time to eat food becomes cold and unappetizing. So give a very small portion and keep the rest warm

Wanting, I'm glad you found a good use for the funds in mom's account. Funeral expenses are highway robbery as far as I'm concerned. It's crazy. Since nobody but you makes the major decisions, not because you're not allowing anyone else in, but simply because they refuse to stand up, piss on their opinions and accusations. As soon as someone opens their mouth with something negative to say...**CLICK**. The end. Don't listen to them, they have no right to an opinion if they don't help you at all. It's ridiculous.

And wanting, who the hell knows what these men have in their minds. It makes no sense to me. What, do these loser women secretly have 24kt gold between their thighs? Beats the hell out of me. I just don't want that chick's never ending problems to become MY problem. If I had kept my mouth shut and said nothing, there's no doubt it would become a habit and then next thing I know, she'd be living here again. Just...no. Who needs it? I have problems and stress of my own, I damn sure don't need hers added to the mix.

Austin, reading is my salvation, my ticket out of this world into whole other worlds...and I like to hang out in those worlds quite a bit. :) Gotta love a good book!

Juddah, I'm so sorry that your mom isn't feeling well. Those UTI's are no joke. Is she on oxygen at all? It sounds like she should be. I'm glad to hear she's got an appointment. Let us know what happens. I hope your mom feels better very soon. *hugs* And yeah, everything V and Book said, too.

Good Morning everyone..... so this fat lady is finally rested....feel like a new woman... well not NEW... but not so tired I can't think....did nothing but sleep, read, eat, and sleep some more... and just knowing I don't have to work 60 this next week makes my brain happy!!!

Should get the results from blood work this week and know where to go from here.....and know that from being rested, my body is not craving sweets.... too much setting around and too many chocolate treats have added a pound or two that isn't helping my balance problems....

So will go do laundry, come home and chill and actually act like a human....

I did have time to reflect on many things about Stu and Gene.... a lot of awesome memories... many times of laughter and silliness..... I try not to focus on the fact that Gene was not taken care of at the end , but also know he no longer had any quality of life.... I still don't think of C very much... I simply understand Karma has her name..... and that in the end, it has nothing to do with me....

So, I will be b**chin about something by the next time I post... for today, for right this minute.... my gratitude list is a long one....

Hugs, love, angels and CHOCOLATE....

Glad it's a good day for you, LadeeM, glad to hear all is well and that you're resting up. :)

Ah, sleep, blessed sleep, how I love you...I was without you too long... ha ha

Hi everyone! It is great to be able to vent and talk to others who are in similar situations with their caregiving!!
Recently we signed up for Hospice as it was recommended to us twice by our lung doc and it was a good decision. We don't have to drive for 45 minutes to docs anymore or be picking up meds here and there! Not sure what is going to happen here in the next few months or rest of this year. Dads 02 was bumped up fro 3L to 4L and nurse at lung doc said that wasn't a good sign. Hospice said if he wanted to smoke or drink that it was fine. They don't want to take away the things he likes to do and I suppose that's a good thing. He doesn't do anything except watch tv all day and move from chair to chair around the house. He did try to cut up some branches of a tree we trimmed but he was outside for 40 minutes w/o his o2 and his levels went down to 79. I don't think its good to have the levels up one minute then down the next as his blood 02 levels are 25%. I think the more strain he puts on his lungs and heart the worse it is for him.
We have been trying to sell our house as it is too hot and dry and dusty where we live so we are moving to a cooler, moister climate and closer to family so I can get some help. We've been trying to sell for 8 months and the day we started Hospice we sold the house! Needless to say we are going to need referrals for everything and hoping it all works best for dad. And for me!! I am hoping I can get a break once we move but that's not likely as I don't think anyone else in the fam will be able to do what I do for dad.
His grooming habits are totally making me sick! He doesn't shower except once a week or less, wears the same underwear for 4-5 days, coughs and sneezes all day, blowing his nose and NEVER washes his hands!! I worry all that crap in his lungs and body he is blowing out into the air I breathe and hope I don't get any weird sickness.He has nasty foot fungus and wont wear shoes in the house so I have to always wear shoes so I don't get the fungus. When I was younger I stayed with my parents for a few months to get on my feet and dad used my shower and I got athletes foot and it was awful!! I don't want that crap again!! He makes messes every time he eats or pours coffee and I am always cleaning up after him and t is getting old. Any suggestions on how I can get him to wash his hands and shower more? He has a transfer chair in shower and if he can get up and make a drink or puff a smoke he can sure as hell clean his nasty self, right?? I am a moderate to crazy germophobe with OCD and this has been making me so crazy!! I am tired of taking care of everything....laundry, bills, groceries, meals, dishes, cleaning, changing sheets, cleaning his bathroom....you name it I'm the only one who does it!! Speaking of cleaning, almost forgot, he uses a urinal sometimes during the night and he will leave the half full thing on his bathroom counter without dumping it & rinsing it!! Plus he doesn't flush the toilet so there's always pee everywhere. I think its gross and tell him to dump it but he still forgets. And just yesterday he cut his toe on something and sat there letting it bleed till blood dried and never cleaned it up!
The blood (fresh or dried) is germy as is the 'leftover' pee in the urinals. Can hospice help me get thru this and try to help him understand that it is nasty and that he should be more aware? He doesn't have any memory problems, just forgetfulness prob due to lack of oxygen for so long. He can't breathe, takes so many meds to try to help with breathing and now on more meds to help break up mucus in lungs & bronchials.....no telling how long he'll be here but as stubborn as he is I'll prob be his age before he goes!! LOL! I surely do not hope that happens...that would be the worst 30 yrs of my life for sure!!
Ok I have ranted and went in all different directions on this comment so I have to end it here before I stress myself out!!
Take care all and hang in there!! I'm trying real hard to stay calm!!

DadsHelper.... doesn't it feel great to just rant and vent and say how we feel and know that everyone who reads us ..... understands and doesn't judge... just get some of the hand sanitizing gel..... and every time you think about it or see him doing something where he should wash his hands... pump a few blobs in his hand and tell him to pretend he's washing!!! At least it will kill some of the germs..

I'm stressed with my mom. I took her to the Dr and she got all mad at me and the caregiver for telling the Dr that mom had a uti and hallucinations. She didn't want to pee cause it was the caregivers idea. Then she didn't want to do what the Dr told her to do. What person does this? She fights me on everything. Because I'm the poa, I went against my mom and although she didn't have to take the pee test, the dr. Gave her anti biotics. Then mom says she has to get rid of the caregivers cause she is running out of $. I can't help her as I have fibromyalgia and arthritis in my back and hurt daily. I also work ft. But my mom stressesme out big time. The Dr was great as she told me iwas the child but now I have to be the parent and mom is the child. I just get so stressed! I love my mom but she tries my patience. Does anyone feel that way?

Hi. Well today I was going to see Dad and his wife (haven't seen them since November). Mom calls at 8:30 am in a panic: blood in urine. Take her to the ER. Cancelled plans with Dad: this was the one day I had available, and then the roller coaster ride with Mom and indecisions of what to do: yes the ER, No the ER, yes breakfast first, no doesn't like the breakfast, take it back, new plate of food, no good..should we go to the hospital? No. What can they do? She doesn't want to go to the hospital. We tried the pharmacist. Her doctor is unavailable, unreachable and not there on Monday. Walgreen pharmacist sent us to a clinic at CVS. CVS said they don't deal with the UTI. They sent us to a different clinic. We drove a half hour to get to clinic. We waited there at least a half hour. Finally she sees a nurse. No they can't take her: she has the wrong kind of insurance! Meanwhile, I had made her a cranberry drink and she felt better. Going to bathroom often but no more blood. That's good.
She was still tired, and frightened and didn't want be alone. All shaky from not eating the breakfast and now no lunch. So we came back to my place and I made her what was going to be my week of dinners: baked squash, chicken, cucumber salad, and goat yogurt with blueberries for dessert. Finally she left and I was hoping to take a nap from the day. I slept like Rip Van Winkle for an hour and she calls again: did I have some notes she had? and more emails. Gosh, why can't she leave me alone?! Enough is enough. That's what makes me so darn angry.
Do one thing and she grabs your life and suffocates ya. UGH.
Any other tips on this scene or UTI's?

I am working all week and she will get other people to drive her to the doctor etc.

I don't know when I can see Dad now. URgah!


I think Mom has a reoccuring UTI but this time it's in the lower tract. There are some natural remedies but she'll probably be only open to the anti-biotics, which didn't help the first time and now she could get resistant to the bacteria and have all the good flora and fauna ruined.

How are you doing? any suggestions for Mom? I don't know if she'll be open but maybe you know of some success stories?


Hope you had a better day than we did.

Judy

I am so sorry you have OCD and are having to care for a (physicall) dirty old man that must be a nightmare.
You should get some help from hospice with his hygiene problems. They should send in an aide to help with bathing 3-5 times a week and when they see the foot rot should get him meds for that especially if you mention it. Will he take meds?
Hospice does not usually stop bad habits like booze and smoking as it is too late to help his health so he might as well continue to enjoy them. Make sure he takes his oxygen off before he smokes. A concentrator is not as dangerous as a tank but better safe than sorry. If he has been accepted for hospice care I don't think there is much danger of him outliving you. He will probably get pneumonia and that will be the end pretty quickly. You will be asked if you want to treat it with antibiotics by hospice so think about that. I would not worry too much about his oxygen levels. let him do pretty much what he wants as long as it is not a danger to himself or others. I would not let him use sharp tools or drive anything b,ut a hand saw will soon tire him out and he"ll be glad to come in and rest. Once he has done something like that once he probably won't try again. Do you use a humidifier in the house that would probably make his breathing more comfortable. Don't expect hospice to have a magic cure for his dirty habits there is really nothing to be done. just be very thankful he can still use the bathroom and a urinal. Many people here would think you have an easy life as Dad's caregiver and would gladly exchange their loved one for yours but it is very understandable how unbearable you find it with your OCD. Are you being treated for that? Can any more be done for you to help you get through Dad's final months? Blessings

Ladee M glad to hear the fat lady is finally singing!!!!!!!! Many hugs

Hi. Well today I was going to see Dad (haven't seen him since November). Mom calls at 8:30 am in a panic: blood in urine. Take her to the ER. Cancelled plans with Dad: this was the one day I had available, and then the roller coaster ride with Mom and indecisions of what to do: yes the ER, No the ER, yes breakfast first, no doesn't like the breakfast, take it back, new plate of food, no good..should we go to the hospital? No. What can they do? She doesn't want to go to the hospital. We tried the pharmacist. Her doctor is unavailable, unreachable and not there on Monday. Walgreen pharmacist sent us to a clinic at CVS. CVS said they don't deal with the UTI. They sent us to another clinic a half hour away. We waited there at least a half hour. Finally she sees a nurse. No they can't take her: she has the wrong kind of insurance!

Meanwhile, I had made her a cranberry drink and she felt better. Going to bathroom often but no more blood. That's good.
She was still tired, and frightened and didn't want be alone. All shaky from not eating the breakfast and now no lunch. So we came back to my place and I made her what was going to be my week of dinners: baked squash, chicken, cucumber salad, and goat yogurt with blueberries for dessert. Finally she left and I was hoping to take a nap from the day. I slept like Rip Van Winkle for an hour and she calls again: did I have some notes she had?

I am working all week and she will get other people to drive her to the doctor etc.

I don't know when I can see Dad now. URgah!

I think Mom has a reoccuring UTI but this time it's in the lower tract. There are some natural remedies but she'll probably be only open to the anti-biotics, which didn't help the first time and now she could get resistant to the bacteria and have all the good flora and fauna ruined.

Thank you all for your UTI stories and tips. How far apart should antibiotics be taken from probiotic food? Mom had a lot of gas from some probiotics her doctor gave her: they were samples and I thought they looked very inferior to what you could get anywhere else. Mom thinks she has a lactose intolerance so she is eating goat yogurt and drinking up that cranberry juice.

She is eating yogurt now and afraid of too much salt in pickles, sauerkraut, feta cheese, etc.
How are you doing? any suggestions for Mom? I don't know if she'll be open but maybe you know of some success stories?

Hope you had a better day than we did.

Hmm sounds like Sean could be doing heroin most addicts hang around with other ones he could be doing less than her and started later but don't be surprised I have seen it in my best friends family set boundaries for yourself and Sean
This may caused more anger and frustration but in the long run you will have peace of mind.
Boundaries are healthy for you and those surrounding you.

SA - I agree with over. There are always addicts who try to get other people around them to use with them. Sounds like Sean and his girlfriend need help. If you leave that house you might as well kiss it goodbye. Sean and his girlfriend would have run of the house and do whatever they wanted. I would recommend going to your local county substance abuse center and tell them what is going on,. There has to be something you can do. I am so sorry you are in this situation. I know what you have been through and you were just getting your life together. Please, Take Care Of YOU!!!!
Dad's helper - Venting is what is soo great about this site. Nothing surprises us and we have all felt the same way at one time or another. Take care of YOU!!!!!
Judda - My mom was having UTI's a lot. A nurse who came to the house told me to get mom an refillable plastic bottle. Like one you would put ketchup or mustard in. I found one at walmart that was clear. I filled it with warm water and mom used it as a douche. It worked wonders. I hope things get better for you. Take care of YOU!!!!!
LadeeM - I am so glad you finally had some Ladeem days. It sounds like you used them well. Now that you will not be working as much you will not be so wiped out the end of your day. Take care of YOU!!!!!
We had Open House today. I do not know how it went. There has been no feedback from agent. I am still not sure that we should keep him or get someone else. I am ready to move out now. It has been a long road but I feel things are about to change for the better. Something has to. I turned the home phone off to save money. I do not know how I am going to pay the bills this month. I need a little miracle. The job situation is getting better. I have been accepted for a program with the parish to get help finding one. Still no word about the painting. I am afraid it has been sold or thrown away. Why didn't the estate gut call me. I would have gladly have picked it up. I hope he rots in jail somewhere the SOB. I can think of other words but I do not want to burn your ears. LOL Well, I have to look on the web for a job or better yet a very rich old man I can marry, Take care of yourselves.

besides the anxiety over whether I made a good choice on the funeral thing, today went well. My mother was calm and sweet all day, although she only ate some toast and a piece of pie. Any day with no drama is a good day.

My catalpa trees are blooming and the roses...my yard smells fabulous!

Had a pretty bad weekend (also) starting with my mother's dr appt on Friday... She (86) gets irate when I go into the dr's rm with her... and, yet I know from past To say the least she gets things fouled up and then blames everything on me... Then she has to interrupt and dominate any conversation I have with people... It's no wonder we get sick... Not sure how or if I'll be able to handle this ... if 'she' goes first as it's all been too intense and emotionally hurtful.

My neighbor came over and told me that her BIL(86) is dying with stomach cancer... I couldn't believe he is! Cause he was fine last St Patrick day that we had good time together!! Right now he is with hospice nurse... Told his family that he might has another 2 weeks... So sad....

Still running in high gear to try and reclaim our lives...carpet is supposed to be installed in the bedroom tomorrow...have gone through things with a vengeance. Every drawer that is supposed to go back in that room is completely empty...Nothing will go back in them that we do not use or wear...closet is completely empty and freshly painted too...same rule applies to that. Finished the painted Moroccan cabinet I've been working on for in there. Will drag out the hand carved Indian screen we used as a head board tomorrow and have my husband blow the dust off it with his air compressor and give it a clear coat so it matches the bed frame we have on order...should be moved back in the house by the middle of the week...Got the pillow shams that match the valances back from the dry cleaners...picked out the new comforter need to go get it...soon as we are settled in I need to get ready for a garage sale...almost home...I deal with things by staying busy...if I don't I can get depressed...MIL's been gone 2 and a half weeks and I think I have been running pretty steady ever since.

Juddha, I have acid reflux. When I take antibiotics for UTI, I get severe stomach pains by day 3. I once took a few sips of Cranberry juice (and any acidic juices) and had a really bad flare up of acid reflux. So instead, I eat yogurt about 2 hours after dinner.

Just venting. Well, today will be the 16th time I have taken mother to the MD since Jan.1 of this year. It's just for various things due to age, the pain doctor, 2 UTI's, had to recently have foot surgery for a foot problem doctor told her 6 yrs. ago she needed to deal with but naturally she didn't so now the surgery had to be much more extensive because she didn't deal with it when it wasn't so bad.Tried to get her to follow MD's orders about amount of moving around but that didn't go so well, when the MD pulled the pin out of her big toe it was bent and I just found out this morning from my husband that she told him she had hit her operated foot earlier on her bed chasing after her dog but not to tell me.Each MD visit is a 80 mile round trip.I read one thread on here about how some caregivers after just a md visit had to just lay down and take a nap.I know how they feel. Just one MD visit with my mother and I am physically and emotionally exhausted. We have to travel up and down a very busy interstate into a large city and driving requires all of my attention.I so dread every morning hearing the wheels on her walker,shes on the move again.Her foot dr still doesn't want her to go to the hairdresser as her foot is now infected,also that place is really busy and I just know she will get stepped on. She doesn't know it but if he still says no hairdresser if I have to bodily lift her into the shower she is get her hair washed. She has old lady hair and only gets it washed once a week and curled.Well ,the best I can do is make sure she is very clean and blow dry it.Won't look that good but she will be CLEAN! Since the foot surgery getting her a shower isn't that easy because I have to now go through extra steps to make sure the operated foot doesn't get wet.The MD also told her she can't go shopping yet since that is to much walking even if she does use the little electric carts.She lives to shop.Yikes!

LOL Veronica !!!!! I needed this laugh today..... thanks for the best one liner I've read in a long time.... hugs to you for making the 'fat lady' laugh.

Sorry to hear so many are having such a rough time..... Hope it's just a "Monday Thing" and things get better for all of you... Hugs..

We have carpet...looks great...can't get the new bed delivered till tomorrow...one more night of garage living...tomorrow night we can sleep in our room again...it's been 3 years this month...almost back to normal...

I had a bad weekend . Yesterday I was hit while driving my mom and son to church. This man was 87 years old. He hit me on the drivers side, not the door though. the fender over the wheel. it driveble. But this man said it was my fault he hit me. I only got a ticket for being in the wrong lane I was in the right lane and he was in the lane next to me on the left hand side, making a right turn. Which you can't do. I was in the right hand lane only for making right turns. So now i t is up to the insurance whose fault it is. I do they say its his fault, because he hit me. Then my heater sprung a leak and had to get a new one.A man from auto zone helped me get it in. One blessing at least.
Today moms doctor said she is in excellent health.

Pami I've tried drawing myself a diagram - he was in the left hand lane making a right turn, and you were in the right hand lane, reserved for making right turns only, but you were going straight on? Is that right?

If so, it sounds as if it's the civil engineers who are to blame! That junction needs a better layout and better signposting. But if you were also turning right and he still managed to hit you then yes it was his fault, unless you were coming up fast on the inside (unlikely, I'd have thought!). You're right - let your insurers fight it out between them.

At least you found a helpful person - gosh! - and had good news from your mother's doctor. Wish you a better week ahead.

Last two days have been a little hectic... had to call daughter Mon morning, tell her her dad was not doing well, she took him to the hospital, they kept him overnight..... prostate problems.... he will be coming home with a catheter....hopefully for only two weeks.... L did awesome without him being there... other than her wanting to 'go home'....she did great....

the girl hired to work for me on Thurs nights has already asked for the 15th and the 22nd off, both Thurs.... hmmmm... not helping me any... said she would work that Wed night... uh no..... I'll do it....too many changes for Lorene and she is doing so well, we are not going to upset the schedule... sure wish the girl had told the daughter this BEFORE she hired her... so right now... I am a little angry, disappointed....so, so much for Ladee getting a turn.... I'll do the self pity thing for a little while this evening... get over myself.... and go do my job....

If we do this now with the new girl, it will set a precedent.... and I am not willing.... I have worked with her in the past, she is an excellent cg.... but am feeling taken advantage of.... so, nope, I'll work, get some extra cash, so when I have my exhausted nervous breakdown.... I'll be able to pay for it.... lol.... love and hugs to all of you..... Red, happy to hear you will be sleeping in your own room tomorrow night..... I know you are looking forward to it.....
Sue, sorry to hear about your friend....things happen so quickly sometimes.... so important to not take much for granted..... and have no regrets....

So, heading toward the future.... hugs to you all..

I watched the movie Philomena with my daughter, I thought it was good. Makes me so proud to be a Catholic (NOT)...