This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Tex - I understand about the doctor visit. I am sorry you have to go so far. My mom loved walmart. Even though she was in a electric cart she wanted to go down every isle. She would ask what is this and what is that. This was always after work. It would take a couple of hours. It was always hard to find a cart too. Oh well, she did not get out a lot so this was her social time. She always was grateful that we went shopping. Take care of YOU!!!!
Pam - So sorry about the wreck. I hope it all turns out well. So glad that your mom is in such good health. Take care of YOU!!!!!
LadeeM - I am sorry your disappointed. It will get better. I agree with you about not work for the other girl. It would set a precedent. She will want you to do it more. At least she is a good caregiver. You care so much that your lady does not have her schedule changed. You are a winder. Take care of YOU!!!
H there - We had a open house on Sunday and apparently someone liked it so much they wanted to see again this afternoon. I am trying not to get my hopes up. The house has been listed in one of the for sale magazines. On line you can click on the house and get a video showing it. This is so great!! I guess it is the time of year. Job hunt is going well. I am working with a employment specialist for the state who is helping me. I will meet with her again tomorrow. I hope to get one soon. Money is really getting low. I do not know how I will pay the bills. So good news and bad. A friend and I went out to lunch and had a good time. You all take care okay.
Like you, I was mulling siblings and the unanswerable question of WHY they're like they are. Thinking I should write to brother before it's too late, the time will have gone, and I'll never have tried to change things. But on the other hand…
Goodness, isn't it discouraging??! Well. Getting it off your chest helps a bit. Hope you have a better day today.
Last night..... then sleep, glorious sleep.... love ya'll... later, when I have a rested brain cell....
The women looks up at me and says "I understand my FIL is 95"!
VOILA! The frequency much reduced and at times somewhat normal. We also eliminated real butter, don't know if that has anything to do with it, but I'm not even going to try it. She is back on a normal diet.
I hope things improve, you need to take care of yourself..
Get going on that probiotic, what a difference in my mom! Incredible!
Now, sis keeps commenting how forgetful he is. And every time I come home from work, he would ask for his 2 pills - but it's no longer in the dispenser. So I always verify with sis if she gave it to him for dinner. She said yes. So she KNOWS how forgetful he is.
Then one night, I saw him pick up a bottle by his table, opened it, and took pills out. I was shocked and then angry when I saw it was the prostate bottle. Sis gave him the whole bottle! Now he's taking it whenever he thinks it's night time (after he wakes from a short nap.) I took the bottle away and hid in the bedroom. I knew that sis would just go to the cabinet, open a New bottle and give it to him. So, I confiscated all 4 unopened bottles and hid those, too. Terrible arguments from that night on because he wanted that bottle. He was also so mad when sis told him that I also took the bottles in the cabine. He demanded for it. I said no. I will give it to him daily.
So every day, I put aside 2 for dinner. For the past 3 or 4 days, I noticed that the pills remained in the dispenser pill box. I just figured sis did not give it to him for dinner and he 'forgot' to take it.
Tonight, as I was changing his pampers and his shirt, he was scratching himself like crazy. I looked at his back. From this morning to tonight, he has broken out in very bad rashes/hives! I KNEW that he was overusing pills again. I turned to his table by his bed. There! On the table, was a prostate pill bottle! I am just so angry and Disgusted with sis. I can't believe it. I'm tired of all this b.s. I try not to interfere. But if I don't, these pills can damage his insides and then I will have more work to do. Not sis. Me.
She can be eating dinner right here in the livingroom. When I walk in from work at 7pm, father would immediately ask me what's for dinner. Me! So, now I have to find soft food for him, and meat/rice for me. Sis finishes her meal. Does she offer to get him dinner so that I can get mine? No. Instead, she said to just give him banana cake! {{imaginary thunking of my head against the wall}}. I gave him the microwavable Lean Cuisine noodle. He ate all the food from his plate. I don't know anymore. Yep, I did confiscate that other prostate pill bottle. I can't wait until tomorrow when father notices it's missing from his table. Not!!!!
I just hate to hide the pills in the bedroom. The only room in the house with air con is the livingroom, where father is with the hospital bed. My room is so hot, it's stuffy. I don't even stay in it too long because I start sweating immediately - even with the fan on. When I touch the prostate bottle, it's hot. And the pills are not suppose to be in a hot room. So, I keep putting it back in the air con room, then sis does this, and then I'm forced to hide it again. Yeah, same crap - different day. It's like the mice chasing it's tail. Or was that the dog chasing it's tail?
I wonder how that happens when you never leave your house without me!!!
Only she doesn't. She's forgotten it. So that was a bit depressing. Daughter and I sat and encouraged her without actually cheating, and eventually she got the corners and edges sorted out. Then it ground to a halt. And she can't remember anywhere she's lived. Or where we born. Or when. Or when she was born. And I'm not sure if she REALLY can't remember or if I've just inadvertently depressed her and put her into a negative tailspin.
Oh well. Might as well go and finish it myself. At least it'll keep me out of mischief for five minutes, me and my bright ideas… :(
My test results came back.... I am perfect.... all my numbers are as they should be..... my bad cholesterol is only one point above what it should be.... so not to bad for a fat woman who loves chocolate, but lets stress do her in..... hmmmmm.
Book, would there be any mileage in telling every pharmacist and health food store you know your father goes to that he is allergic to these products and if they sell to him they are risking his health? You've got to cut off supply without its being your fault, somehow. Goodness it must be frustrating.
Just supper to get out of the way (and bath, and t.v., and late snacks, and eye drops, and meds, and the rest… but you know what I mean) and today will be done. "Come what come may, time and the hour run through the roughest day." I wouldn't mind but it started so well.
It's morning, time to get up. He is pissed off. He just discovered the pill bottle missing.