This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
LadeeM- you are not jinxed, but you have had some pretty bad runs, haven't you? (with clients' families, I mean!) I didnt read back to see what the problem is right now but I know you will work something out. Just make sure you take care of you! I have been pretty lucky with the people who work with my mom but then I am a pretty understanding person anyway.... Too bad you cant come to where i live and help me with my mom!
Book , so sorry you not only have to battle your father but your sister too! Does she just not get it???? or is she too intimidated by your dad? want us to come over there and knock some sense in to her??? wish we could! we would probably form a very long line to take turns!!!
Onedoor, ya, you know if I had one bad family, well that is to be expected every now and then... but for me to fall off into one after the other... I just have to question what part I play in it all... my attitude? My tone of voice? something.... or as I choose to see it... it is God telling me.... give it up... let it go... just be the princess you were meant to be. LOL
Book can you hide dads's pills in the fridge or freezer. put it is a food box of something sis would never touch.
And I truly appreciate all the support... and ya'll helping me to keep believing in myself..... it's not that so much, as I am simply tired, Apparently I am not making myself clear, about what working for C did to me... what I allowed to transpire.....and my heart has not been the same.... the straw that broke the camel's back????? I own that I stayed too long at that job... but on the other side of that coin.... I do not regret one second with Gene and Stu..... so, since life in general is a balancing act..... that's what I did.... it was selfishness I guess... not wanting to loose any time with either one of them..... and in a matter of months Gene died.... I have such strong feelings about what happened and tho 'hate' is not what I feel.... I don't 'hate' anyone.... but from pure neglect and C's family absolutely aware she could not care for Gene... I will always believe the man died from neglect..... but I had to leave that job.... and I am tired of 'leaving'..... tired of the stupid hassles with family members just to get to do my damned job !!!!! I know I am not conveying how much I need a break from all this.... too many of you know exactly what I am talking about....many of the feelings are the same, paid or not.....but just can't seem to regroup after C..... and the bottom line, I don't have to... it is what it is.... I'll grow wherever I am planted .... and I know a vacation would not help.... ahhh, I'm tired of thinking about it.... going to go make some clay dentures now... lol... love ya'll, and my gratitude for all of you never changes.... and that is a good thing for me..... love, hugs, angels and chocolate....
Our pastor came to visit and yay, it was a chance for the dissertation on WW11 for an hour before I left the room. You tell me folks, how is it that a 90 year spent 4 years in the military and that was the highlight of his life. How about the other 86 years if his life. This WW11 crap was shoved down my throat since I was 3. I am sick of hearing about some by-gone era, I am sick of not having my own life and I absolutely despise my dumb sister who, by the way is a therapist who can't get a job. Funny thing about therapists. Many if them go into that field to address their own problems and find that they are at home in a therapist's office even though they are on the other side if the desk. Pack of nuts.
Anne..... the gentleman that I take care of does the same thing about his time in the service.... he never saw action, of any sort, but to hear him tell it , he was on the front lines.... I have learned to 'uh huh, oh really' at all the right times and couldn't tell you a thing he said....sorry you sister is a dolt and won't help.... but that is the main song sung on this site...... pay that 'fortune' and get out when you can.... it's only money, and sanity is scarce.
Wanda - I LOVE spellcheck. The image of somebody "posh-poshing the idea" is delightful :) - almost onomatopoeic! But what's less delightful is people who ARE NOT THERE dismissing the much better-informed sense of there being something wrong from the person who is there. If you are worried that your mother is becoming ill with depression, don't wait for permission or consensus - tell her doctor what you've observed.
Bronchitis does take it out of a body, it's true. Are things picking up with the longer hours of daylight and warmer weather? I know it sounds like a cliché but it's still true - a bright sunny day can do a lot to lift the spirits.
Don't be alone - we're only virtually in your home, but we are real. Big hug.
I am counting my blessings today. I took the 2 zebra finch babies from my male/female pair's last clutch of eggs to the pet store today, and earned $10 from that. Not much, but it's $10 I didn't have before. Then I had to turn around and spend that $10 on yard waste bags, but hey - easy come, easy go, right?
Mom is smelling particularly unpleasant today, but - surprise, surprise - she just went into the bathroom and I hear water running in the shower! Glory hallelujah, and angels singing! LOL I only had to ask once this time. :-)
It's the little things...never thought I'd see the day when getting my elderly mother to take a shower so the house doesn't smell bad would be something that made me so happy ....
Ladee M so glad your test results came back ok, and that it was not what you were fearing...
everyone take care of yourselves...I'm trying to get ready for a garage sale so we can get back to a normal routine and take some time to just spoil each other, and enjoy life inside the house again...LOL
I. Don't. Think. So. But if he wasn't telling who was I to ask?
There were commemorations of the D Day landings a few years back on the BBC, and an excitable children's t.v. programme took a few elderly veterans back to the beaches for their unique perspective on the battle. Some misguided producer had set up a machine gun emplacement for the old men to relive their youth. One of the veterans did take a turn at firing. The young presenter was enthusiastic until the solemn-faced veteran explained that he was remembering what he'd seen, and the penny dropped. Old soldiers know that war is not entertaining.
But the comradeship away from theatre, that's another thing altogether. My FIL, who was only in the forces for the war and left straight after; and my BIL, who was in the Navy but didn't see official action; both hugely valued the lifelong friendships they made. I suppose there's never anything quite like it again.
Actually, there is no way of explaining Eurovision to anyone who hasn't seen it. Watch footage by all means, if you're interested, but you have to bear in mind that ONLY Eurocrats steeped in federal ideology actually believe that this is a genuine cultural event. Every normal person knows it's a robo-festival dreamed up and funded by civil servants and has zero to do with music.On the other hand, it's often hysterically funny, and sometimes punctuated by one or two seriously good acts that have been chosen almost accidentally by their respective countries.
The UK came 17th. Alas. I would say why this was terribly unfair to our lovely singer, except I am having trouble remembering which one she was. But they were all pretty good this year so I'm not being rude to her.
Mother sat through this thing and then said she wanted to go back to the news channel. The news was that Chicita Wurst had won the Eurovision Song Contest...
Money and also too see if. I coud be. Moms poa,but she didnt understand it completely. So now we go to a lawyer ndnhave him talk to her. Anyway the bank told me and my mother no more giving out money. They are looking out forher interest. My sister isnt. Looking aat thelarger picture. At least I am. At least I dont have to worryt about her health. Going in may to my doctor for blood test, since I have high blood pressure and hypertension and iam onmeds for it also seizure medicine , but my neurolgist is taking me off it. It seems like we all have health problems one way or the other. My doctor who is her doctpor said she bwill probably live. To be a hundred. Help! Pami
Book - I agree with Veronica, hide the pills from your sister. Maybe hide them with the cleaning supplies she would never find them there. Also, make her take care of your Dad's hives for a while.Take care of YOU!!!!
Anne - I know it is hard to have a sibling like your sister who does not do anything and you do everything. Sorry about the lesions it must be hard on you. It is possible for you to remind your father about other times in his life. I would do that with my mom and it seemed a light came on somewhere and she remembered. Take care of YOU!!!!
Wandakay- Sorry to hear that your mom is not doing well. My mom would tell people not to come over either. However, when people did just drop by she was happy because people remembered her. I think that maybe she would like your siblings to just drop by. Maybe that is something you should try. I hope she feels better. There is no other place on earth that I have found that understood what I was going through other than this site. Please come in and sit awhile. This place is great therapy. Take care of YOU!!!
Susan - it sure is the little things that helps us through the day. Take care of YOU!!!
Hi all - I just spent a good part of the day with my brother. We are getting along right now. I do not think I am passed all the resentment though but it is better. I have not heard about the painting yet. I have been busy working on getting a job. I wish that the house would sell. I am rally getting anxious about it. Will we ever sell it. I am tired of spinning my wheels. I get hopeful when someone comes and then nothing happens. We had one couple that came twice but had not had an offer. I try to remember to pray to St. Joseph every day for financial help. I am hoping this month will be it. The insurance comes due in July and we need to be out of here be then. Well. you all take care of YOU!!!
Later you guys!