This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Stormy, I hope the test gives good results... Try to relax until you have the results.
Ladee I went to swim this morning! the sun was very hot, the water was very fresh... Wonderful!
The ones I feel the worst for are not those involved, but the new people coming on any thread here and reading this mistrust, the ugly remarks, and wondering if this is a safe place to put what is going on in their life... it may be cyber space, but some how someway, there has to be a loving compromise and take the new people into consideration.... this world we live in has so much misery going on... things out of people's control, they are suffering, war, famine, floods, droughts, the economy.... and on and on... and yet here we are, participating in something that a hundred years from now will not make any difference to anyone.... I for one, feel, if we can't contribute to the solution, then we are choosing to be part of the problem.... I have friends on this sight, not just this thread, that are carrying such a load, they are so exhausted, one who is grieving her son, one who is worried out of her mind about not getting a straight answer about her dad, one who posts positive things and we all feed off of it because it is so refreshing...and many more just too tired, too broke, too stressed and wondering how to put one foot in front of the other....those are my concerns... where are these people going to go when they get tired and weary from more stress ......
Can't we all just call a truce? Let it all go and start over? Maybe I am being naive in thinking it is that simple, but how we respond to this speaks volumes about who we really are..... What we stand for, and what we are willing to fall for... As I said, I have people I care about all over this sight..... maybe if we tried harder to just care about each other, instead of drawing lines in the sand and choosing sides, or saying things that are simply meant to hurt and cause more problems....Just something for each and every one of us to think about... love you all, prayers for a resolution.....
And Heidi, I am not jumping on you and your happy attitude. I would love to have that outlook, but it is very hard when you are too tired to care. I already take meds and wonderif you are, too? I go to doc Monday, maybe I will ask. BP has been going up steadily, but I do take meds. It is the situation......
How is your dad?? Any news??? I hate that you are having this drag on and on, when you simply need answers.....with my mom, we never did get an answer and my dad refused an autopsy, which all of us found strange, but that is another story....
Hope everyone is having a decent evening... more later after I take something for my backache.. Marie was a hard to please lady today, and Sonny was being stubborn, first time he has ever done this with me.... so, a little piece of what is yet to come I am afraid, oh well, I signed on for it, hugs to everyone..
I had a hard today with gran. She's 87 and has Alz. She does well on most days. But today???? I sell BeautiControl and had set up a booth for the afternoon at a merchants' day trying to draw buyers to our downtown. I told her when I left: where I was, what I was doing, and when I'd be back. She called my cell phone a few hours later asking who I was and what I had done with all those people who lived with her. I finally about 30 minutes later I got home to find that she had dumped her leftovers from lunch onto the top shelf of the refrigerator. I had a mess of coleslaw and beans to clean up.
I said I'd let her stay with me and my family (I have two girls, 11 and 6) until I couldn't take care of her anymore. I'm afraid that point is about here. I cannot make my family sacrifice more than they already have. She's been with us around 5 years. We've not been on a family vacation since before then. She'll either have to fork over the money for someone to come stay with her when I go back to work (I sub teach at the schools) or go to a nursing home. I burned out. I'm physically, financially, and emotionally spent. We cannot do it alone anymore.
Thanks for listening.
ladee I know you need some rest -
stormy - this is a huge change for u and I can imagine ur brain is in a whirl -and ur sisters. - good for dad for accepting that it has to close. u both are resourceful hardworking people and I am sure u will figure something out for employment - those years in the store were not wasted,
lonken - I and the other understand where u r at. I know the sacrifices and costs are huge. Look into a nursing home or Assisted Living as the Alz will not get better and she will likely need more and more care. you and your girls need a life too and your girls need their mum and your hubby needs his wife if I have the timing right one girl is heading into the teens which can be diffficult times for all. Do you have POA as that you assist you in managing her resources. There are others here with more experience in those things than I.
Starri - u will be OK. just go with the flow and be good to u
seeme - are ur ears still hurting - like the judy attitudy!
ros - glad u got to swim - i want to!!!! It does me a world of good too. - but have to go to the YMCA
all - holding you up in prayer
love and hugs♥♥♥
Joan
Lonken, I'm sorry to hear that it's reached that state, but it does eventually, where you can not care for them at home any longer. It's a hard decision to make but a decision on what's best for the both of you.
Jo, Thanks for the good thoughts, hope you are feeling better and that muscle has quit hurting. I'm with you Jo, it's either the creek or YMCA..would rather have the ymca.. Is there a hotel/motel near by with a pool? maybe you can make bud's with one of the folks there and get them to let you use their pool.
Ladee, my dear, what in the world has you feeling like you do? I like what you said about the problem not being the problem, it's your attitude about it....Jam? where are you? I'm with Seeme, it's a sad thing when our government thinks it's ok to screw with someone that is doing good, and won't take the time to check on those that are not. We miss you.
Heidi, Hi-Fives for you, I don't know that I could do that on a regular basis..
Big Hugs for all, and for all of you that haven't checked in, in a while, please do and let us know how you are.
Emjo- I sure hope you are right. About us finding a job when the time comes for us to start looking. The way the economy is right now and with jobs so scarce it is a bit scary to think about.....
seeme u r absolutely right - haven't they got a job to do other than harassing people who r giving excellent caregiving???
YR wondering how u r
anyone -I have a sinus infection remedy that costs pennies -I had sinus infections for years -first one when I was 7 and 3-4 times a year in my adulthood and as many anitbiotics till they didn't work any more and no doubt contributed to this candida infection, anyway if anyone is interested I will post or email - I have been free of infection for well over a year now and if one comes on, it goes just as quickly -wish I had known it years ago
luv and hugs♥♥♥
Jo
Thanks Starri for stopping by the mom and pops stores. It is customers like you that have kept us in business for as long as we have. We will certainly miss being up there at our store. It will be a sad day the last day we are open. : ( I hope you are doing and feeling better!!! U R in my thoughts and prayers!!! Love and Hugs Stormy
Seeme, I love you!!!
Jam, we're keepin the light on for ya!!!!
Emjo, I appreciate the time you spent with me today, I feel like a load has been lifted, amazing what letting go of the tears will do for the soul...... I can finally breathe again....
For everyone else, this has been a long day, had to ask sil to help me with the ac on the BS, as I can not count on my son... prayers for him please, I'll share some other time about him,,, my fear is he will commit suicide..... that hangs over my head everyday.... and I am powerless.... over so many things and situations, but am so grateful to all of you, the good times, the bad, the fun and the tears, and we are still together trudging this road to happy destiny.... hugs across the miles..
stormy ur secret is safe and I think u have lots of skills - much more than u realize
had a great day with my g'son - his 6th b'day treat - Mickie D's, Wallies, home to my house, through the touchless car wash and back to his house - it was the 1 and 2 buck toys that entertained him all afternoon
have a good nite all
jo
Stormy, Southco delivered anything you would need for a store from candy, cigs, coffee cups, deli food, frozen lunch meats, even some produce, drinks, playing cards, to firewood, suntan oils, and kerosene cans. Even had some seasonal toys and other novelty items, ball caps, drug items, grocery items, school suplies. That's why I knew about Campbell's being there in your town.
Jam......loving you
Starri........take your time {{{{{hugs}}}}}
Vic......sinus infection now in this house....hope it doesn't get too deep in family...
Everyone else have a peaceful night with uninterrupted sleep....peace out..... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Emjo-thanks for the encouragement about the job skills. Glad you had a good time at the bday party. (((((Hugs)))))
Seemie-Still not sure if I know the dist. co. I'm sure I have probably seen it drive by. But we have a man that has a co. like that he sells toys, diet pills, candy, cards, caps, perfume, other meds all kinds of stuff. His co. name is Brown's Wholesale Co. do you know of it. Boy I sure am going to miss seeing our customers and our salesmen. Going to be a sad day in the neighborhood. I know dad is sad about it too. Has not said anything to me about it. But I know it is own his mind. He loves that store. He was still working most 12 hr. days at that store up until the end of Feb. last year. And he was 76 then. I don't know how he did it. I know he is sad about the store closing. He never wanted it to come to this. I think sometimes he loved that store more than us kids. It was his baby too!!!! Well, I will talk to ya'll tomorrow. The start of what I'm sure is going to be a wonderful weekend....NOT! ((((Hugs))))) to all Stormy
After a "fair" night, I need some advice......Mom wakes up almost every morning very wet from sweating. I know she is on antibiotics and may be having a little war going on in her body, but I make sure I don't have the heating blanket on anything but the lowest setting. She started this little more than a week ago. It is worse around her bottom, so I think I may need a different brand of pull ups. I am using the Maker;s Mark brand from Sam's Club. When you look at them on her, there seems to be enough room that air would get in and keep things cool, but they are stuck to her in the morning. Any other suggestions?
Seeme, I'd start a process of elimination, how long ago did she start the antibiotics? did this start about the same time? have you changed other medications in this time period? how about the diapers? are those a new brand? have you changed anything else? wipes, etc..? is it only her bottom that is getting wet? does it smell more intensely of urine?
Sometimes the body just decides it doesn't like a med we've been on forever, and other times it's just a change of things. My son was allergic to those diaper's you get from a service, I was given a year membership as a shower gift, lasted two weeks..lol.. had to use cloth diapers that I washed.
You might want to try the next size up, or talk to her doctor about maybe interaction with the med if she started this about the same time.
How is everyone else doing today? I went shopping some yesterday, picked up a few things for the camper, can now see just what I can get in there as far as canned goods and stuff.. I think working more and more towards getting this thing ready for the escape is helping my mood some, I've picked up just about a months worth of canned dog food, get weird looks out of my brother when I do that. He picks up three or four days worth at a time, keep telling him that 1: I get paid twice a month (he does now as well) 2: if I run out of money during those
times (4th Weds and 1st), this way I do not have to worry about being out of dog food. and 3: I save a bunch of money on gas by not having to run back and forth to town. I tend to stock, has saved our butt's many a time when somethings happened that sucked up what little money we had like car repairs. I was digging on line last night for shelf stable things, and there are groups out there that teach about food storage. Some of the producer's have stuff that lasts 30 years..lol..
I need shelf stable right now because of lack of space and refrigeration , later if we settle back down in one place, I can start the stocking over, Meats are the one thing that make me nervous now over stocking them, between hubby just recently shutting off power to the freezer, and that time we were out of power for days, killed off several hundred dollars in meats and left me a very stinky mess to clean up.
Baby brother just dropped Mom's sewing machine off, she had left it to him, I told him if he didn't want it, I'd take it, with his memory, it would either get donated or thrown in a burn pile, I didn't want to see that happen.
Anyway, guess i ought to get off here and get out side, start putting away what I picked up, and making some kinda blue print in my head (or on paper) what the lay out can be for the camper.
Hope that everyone is having better days today. Big Hugs.
Ladee, hope you get a thrill before going to work today in a "3 underwear" day.....
Starri...I had big dogs and never bought less than 50 lbs of food at a time. And it only lased 3 weeks. Put it in tins or plastic containers to keep bugs out. No problems. Mixed the last of the bag with the next new bag to keep them from having issues with the change. Tended to get a little poopy with every new bag of food. Would you believe I bought dental picks at the store to clean their teeth, but I want to gag when I have to clean mom's? I could pull out wads of hair out of the dogs' ears, and I get disgusted when I have to clean mom's out. Being long-haired dogs, I had to clip their nails and the hair between the pads of their feet, and I HATE to clip mom's toenails. I hate the look of feet !! Don't want to touch them and don't want them touching me, except for babies'. I must be nuts.........
Stormy, Wishing you good luck and a peaceful weekend. No, I don't know the Brown Company. Guess you were too big a store for us to service. Keep us posted and don't forget to call 911 or hubby if bro comes drunk..........worried about that.......hate a mean drunk.
Later.....my day is beginning......