This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Do not give up on the disability. It usually takes at least three tries before you get it. That's just the way the system works. Once dad passes away and it does not sound as though it will be a long way away you will loose his income then too so if you can summon the strength go to social security and ask for help now. Have you considered consulting hospice for your Dad. Why not give them a call and they will come and visit and explain their services to you. Also contact your Area on aging office and see what help they can offer. You are both probably able to qualify for meals on wheels. Catholic Charities may also be able to help. Re reading your post you must have some help to have the equipment for dad be it public health or hospice. give either a call and talk to their social worker.
Loose the shame and guilt you were pushed beyond your limit and you did not run away or slit your wrists you wrote to use and it takes a strong woman to do that.
lots of people will be here for you and ready to advise. it is your sisters who should be feeling the shame and guilt. By their inattention they are abusing both you and their father and should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves. Blessings
LadeeM... congrats!! :)
Love you to bits.
So, I was brainstorming and wondered if hydrogen peroxide would do the trick. I googled the info to see if I use the pure form or mix it with water. Hmmm. Actually, White Vinegar is even better. I will need to remember to do it tomorrow night after I shower. Just fill up halfway those ziploc sandwich bag, wrap it around the head, and rubberband it into place. Give it 12 hours and it is as good as new.
She even recommended using 1 cup of white vinegar on your laundry rinse cycle (if you have the top drop machine) and a few drops of peppermint oil (antibacterial). I'd like to give that a try.
And all week has been nuts at work...Mr. M has had this catheter problem since they put it in over a week ago.. have had to call the daughter to take him to the ER three times... and of course it's usually early am, like three or four when he finally decides to admit he is hurting..... so I am in there every 15 minutes trying to get the damned thing to drain, I am getting frustrated because he is not letting me know if he is hurting.... THEN when it's HIS idea, I call the daughter..... I know she is exhausted also, she works everyday, but this is also where I have to bite my tongue in half, and not offer 'suggestions'...... the hospital they go to is 85 miles from here....so apparently THIS time, the Dr. decided this catheter isn't working..... I don't have an MD.... and I KNEW that... !!!!
And of course last night L decides she is 'going home' and then she got nauseated and I was running between them for over an hour, waiting for MrM to say ok, call the daughter... I was NOT a happy camper by the time the day lady got there.....AND the girl that was supposed to take that last day for me, won't be coming in for two weeks..... so ya, if I didn't keep my mind on that little precious gift from God on it's way.... I'd f'king kill someone.....
I am tired, sore, you would think with this much fat I'd bounce, but noooooo, but am grateful I didn't break anything, just my pride.... thank God I was alone...my cat came running over and I swear she had a smirk on her face... !!!!
Anyway, thanks again for the well wished , will make sure my daughter knows how many people are grateful for this little miracle.... that baby will have soooo many grannies..... what a blessing!!!!
So, need to get ready for work now, but wanted you all to know that I DO have 'conversations' with ya'll while I am at work.... lol.... in my head.... but if I feel the need, I will start having them out loud..... love and hugs to you all....
Well, here I am again up at midnight. We have the interstate across the street and they have been working on it for at least a year and a half. They wait until around 11 to start this every night. When are they going to finish construction? On the job front I do not know if I will be able to work full time. I have always had a problem crying a lot and it has affected my work in the past. I am very emotional and my mom was like this also. She would cry at the drop of a hat. (where did that phrase come from, no one wears hats anymore) lol Well, anyway it has costs me jobs before. I will continue to work on this with my therapist and hopefully it will get better. You all take care of YOURSELVES.
Lav, I hope I'm as brave as you when the time comes. I do the books for work. It really doesn't look good at all.
Veronica, in the beginning of the pill problems, fave sis bought me a one-month pill box. I would fill it up weekly. AND on the bulletin board, I would put down pills were given per meal (neuro B,L,D...Centrum,B...Caltrate L, D....Vision, etc...) Every time I came home, dad was mad at me because sis didn't know what the pills were. So, I abandoned that. And used the ziploc bags. I labeled each ziplocs what the pills were and when taken. That didn't work, either. It got to the point that sis gave up and just gave dad the pill bottles and let him take how much he wants, etc... The thing is.. I deal with his pampers and upper body cleaning. So, i end up dealing with the hives, the bleeding sores (from his scratching), etc....
For now, I've got dad trained on the vit B. When I got home, the first thing he said was that sis kept trying to give him more of the Vit.B than he should take. It's only suppose to be 5 pills a day. He told me that he told her that he took 2 this morning, but she got mad at him and won't listen to him. He was really concerned that sis was trying to overdose him. (Ha!!! This from the man who thinks if he takes more of the prostate pills than the 4x day, that it's okay since he knows best. Not the doctor, not the pill company and not the manufacturer....rolling my eyes...) So, to alleviate his stress over this, I promised to write a note for sis about the Vit B12. FYI, it's right there on the bulletin board ...Vit B = B2...
I was at the grocery store with lots of items to buy. The lady behind had only 1 item. I asked her, "Are you planning to buy cigarettes?" She looked at me as if I was weird. So I said, "If you're Not going to buy cigarettes, you can go in front of me. If you are going to buy cigarettes, I hate it when the cashier has to go away to get the cigarette." The lady said that she's not buying cigs. So, I let her go in front of me. She thanked me then and even after she paid her item. I've had several people offer that to me. But I always tell them that I'm not in a hurry. (Well, I wasn't in a hurry to go home.)