This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
http://www.pascenter.org/documents/paid_family_caregiver_programs.pdf
My turn to vent. I have tried for 2 years now to get paid through this program but I'm not eligible bc I am also my mother's representative. You can't be an attendant and a representative in SC. I do not know of anyone willing to 'volunteer' to be her representative so I can be paid to be her attendant. Her case manager can give me a list of people to call and ask if they want to be my mother's attendant but why would I want to take the time to do that? Only to have someone else be paid to do what I still have to do the rest of the time the attendant is not there, no thank you. Talk about resentment. When you don't have any income at all even alittle bit would help. I have no health insurance and not eligible for help either. Can't even afford to have any needed tests done. So not to be eligible to be paid to be the attendant bc of a technicality really burns. Sorry I have vented but I spent the past couple months writing letters to the state rep's and senate on this issue.
I know exactly what you mean. Was your dad in the service? Have you checked their Aid and Attendance program?
I read about this all the time on here, have for years, and now I am there myself.... Guess I will have to get in touch with the daughter for using the 'magic pill' tonight..... I absolutely DREAD going to work..... that is my vent for today.....
Ya Shilo, that's what I will do , go to the library if it takes too long... but so far, I am up and running today WOOT WOOT
I have gotten over my second bout with some enteric bug of some sort. Lost work days each time.
Caught the old cow coming out of bathroom and I know she didn't wash her d*mn hands.
Looked her right in eye when she was out at the table waiting for breakfast and asked 'how often do you wash your hands???'. Not one bloody answer. Usually she gets all huffy and does her little narcissism dance but there was absolutely nothing.
Now, how the h*ll do I protect myself against her?
two cents ¢¢
She said water is too cold, I said have a wipe....she said makes my hands feel wet???? ladeeM, I 'm always reading your post and tell you what this AC site is causing me very addictive..LOL take care!!
Ok,yall have to get on the 'hiway to hell', see ya'll in the morning..... love and chocolate..
Red, hope your sale is a success and bless you for keeping the dog that has driven you insane.....hugs
Book .. hope your dinner went well!!
LadeeM .. *hugs and chocolate* .. just cuz, and glad you didn't have too long of a break from the web. w00t!
I've given up on the moist toilet tissue, though - she just won't use it, plus it's none too ecologically sound :\ If I have qualms I change her Tena pad and get her to bathe asap.
Book this is migraine is it? Or a trapped nerve? I'm really sorry to hear you're feeling poorly.
I know that smell - don't want to be a doom monger but I've never succeeded in getting rid of it, and you get it in some surprisingly upmarket labels - I think it must be a glitch in the yarn processing early on, because it's like rancid lanolin, isn't it? Hope you've had more luck. Would Febreze be worth a go as a quick cheat's measure?
Deterioration due to age, parkinsons and dementia, along with, another stroke and some TIAs, have pretty much knocked the stuffing out of her and now she can't sit up or stand, is barely able to speak and is no longer obnoxious. As she doesn't like the way the NH hairdresser does it, she wanted to go to a hairdresser in the next village and today's the day. I've made the appointment, paid the hairdresser and booked the paratransit bus to take her. I'll escort, following along in my truck. Between the hairdresser and the bus it's $50 but it's all she has to look forward to and we can do it every so often as long as she's able to go.
In the meantime this is year two of renovation on my "Little House on the Prairie" and it's chaos but it's an investment. Eventually I'll be able to live simply, comfortably and more self sufficiently well within my means. On almost two acres, 158 evergreens were recently planted around the perimeter to grow into a wind break It's been too cold up to now to start the veggie garden. Perennials and more berry bushes going in today.
I've been collecting old windows to be made into a greenhouse come fall and an old shed out back will be fixed up for future chickens. I've turned into a geriatric hillbilly lol
CM, no, don't say that about my new $15.00 dress!! I don't want to go shopping anymore. Do you know how difficult it is to find a pretty dress for a 4'11.5" person who weighs only 100 lbs.? Without alterations. I've had several of my clothes altered - and they did a lousy job on it.
My old Lesportsac purse (years of use) was so old looking and faded. So, I bought a new one - on sale for $68.00. 50% off. No returns. No refunds. Do not wash material. They took it from the back room, brought it the cash register still wrapped in its original plastic, and then I paid for it. I came home, opened it up, took it out of the plastic. It had that same smell that is on my new dress! I Febrezed that purse vigorously. It has knocked out like 90% of the smell. BUT it's still there. Hmm... I'm going to Febreze my dress right now. It's 9pm. Then, before I go to bed, I will get a tub of water, put some Dawn dish soap in it (not much) and soak it overnight. Then tomorrow morning, before I change father's pampers at 630am, I will throw it in the washer. Put my cell phone timer for 10 minutes (or 15?) so that I can run out and put 1/2 C of vinegar in the rinse cycle. Let's hope all these measures doesn't literally ruin the material my new dress.
By the way, that bone ortho pillow did wonders with my neck overnight. I slept thru the whole night. Got it at Amazon for about $12.00 + shipping. Time to go. Father keeps looking at me - he wants his pampers changed now.
What's the dress made of? Well, kill or cure I suppose…
Amitriptyline. I was trying to remember the name of the drug my other half was given to treat pain and headaches he was getting from a 'bony spur' on one of his neck vertebrae, and that's it. It's a tricyclic antidepressant, but at a MUCH lower dose - like, 1/10th of the psychiatric therapy - it's said to be effective in treating chronic pain. It takes a while to do anything much, as far as I remember (this was a few years back), but it must have been worthwhile or he wouldn't have persisted with it (he's not keen on pills). It can't hurt to ask, anyway?
Whoops mother's off on her travels again. Heigh ho and away...