Follow
Share
Read More
This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Find Care & Housing
Book - Here's one of those cases misery doesn't like company but understands it all too well. I have been battling with a spasm headache since last Friday. Try wearing sunglasses to help with the glare of the computer. Also, if you need heat on your neck/shoulder try moist heat. You can put a wet hand towel in the cover of a heat pad to make it a moist heat pad. If it is an ice pad that helps the neck, try freezing a big wet sponge in a plastic bag and use that for an ice pack. It doesn't melt all over the place like a bag of ice. Hope some of this makes sense. It's not easy to think when in pain. Could you be stressing about the dinner Saturday? I hope you are looking forward to it and will enjoy it.
Have you added baking soda while soaking the dress overnight?

CM - When I see my mother go into the bathroom, I turn the water on so it is warm by the time she is ready to wash her hands.
(1)
Report

Shilo, I read about the baking soda with Dawn. But, I was worried that the baking soda would turn it white and bleach out my nice red top half and the brand new looking black skirt (1 piece dress that looks like a 2 piece.) Anyway, I don't have baking soda.

Shilo, lastnight when I had my terrible headache, I did a very hot shower. I get these bad headaches like several weeks at a time. I would get it all day, all night, wake up with it, bear it all day, go to sleep with it. After 2 weeks of non stop pain, I go to the clinic to help me with the pain. And I tell the doctor my pain and they just prescribe regular over the counter painkillers. It's a combo headache - tension, migraine, sinus - as far as I can tell. Nausea is the migraine.

And yes, you're right, I'm stressing about the dinner. I am an introvert. The last dinner function I went to, I tried to strike up conversation but my seat mates were not really into it. They all knew each other and talked about their personal lives. Then they got up and left me all by myself on the table. I was very uncomfortable. I have even ordered a used book on "How to Talk to Anyone." I took a peek on the writing. The writer is not boring or too technical. I was suppose to read a few paragraphs a day. Seems now that the bosses will require I attend these dinner functions, I'd better learn to make conversations. :/
(0)
Report

Book, baking soda won't dis-color the clothing but try what you have at home.
Looks like you and I could talk awhile about headaches. Mine usually begin as muscle spasms that trigger the migraine or tension headache. Nausea can be a result of the headache. Light, noise and smell also trigger my headaches. As my neurologist told me, mine are not "true migraines".

Don't put too much stress on yourself to fit in and join in on every conversation. If a group is talking about something you are familiar with and can add to the conversation than do so. Don't make the evening any more difficult on yourself than it needs to be. You are going to the dinner for an award and I hope you will let yourself relax, be yourself and enjoy the evening. Who cares if you are not dressed to others satisfaction. Who cares if you are not the queen of conversation. Are you not the one receiving the award? Are you not the special one of the evening? P.S. - Remember to smile so the pictures turn out real good.
(1)
Report

Shilo - I was there with taking care of my mom. I could not afford to work and make sure that she was getting her needs met. So I quit work and cared for my mom. From the beginning I called the state asking if they paid for caring for her. They said because she was my mother I would be denied. I did not know about the widow of a veteran being able to get money to help out caring for my mother. I wish I had known about it earlier. I wish you luck with it. If I remember correctly it was a company that would fight for you for benefits with the VA. Good Luck. Take care of YOU!!!!!
Tex - It is easy to get burned out. My feelings and heath were put on the back burner. I got so sick mentally and physically that I was diagnosed with very high blood pressure and severe depression. I had to get on Medicaid but I was feeling a lot better. So please take care of YOU!!!! NO MATTER WHAT!!! .
LadeeM - Hi - It seems that you are able to let it go when you leave for the day. That is really good for you. It really is a good thing!!! You know let go let GOD!!! You may feel like you are not feeling anymore than you used to but I see it as finally taking care of YOU!!! Hope to see you soon on here girl.
(2)
Report

Book I'm a social phobic too. Choice of enter a room full of people I don't know or snatch up a tray and pretend I'm a waitress, I'll do the waiting every time. But I've been told and found it true that the trick is to be interested in the other people you're introduced to. It stops you worrying about what they think of you because your mind is on your impression of them.
(2)
Report

Just collected 'baby' daughter (aged 26) from her pre-training teaching experience at our local state school - she loved it, yay!!!

But talking to her about it made me realise, coincidentally, that she thinks of me as being of retirement age. Apparently there was one 'older' teacher at the school who (shocked tones) was "perhaps in her 40s?"

So next time my son prods me in the chest and says "You're going in a home!" perhaps I shouldn't assume a) that he's joking and b) that he doesn't mean any time soon.
(1)
Report

Hey everyone... well the internet server thing has turned into a clusterf**k, so I may have internet, or I may not... sort of like my life... lol.... anyway, if ya'll don't hear from me for awhile, at least you will know what is going on...... but so far, here I am.... taaa daaa...

Yes Lav, I am finally taking care of me..... and this will be my last 60 hr. week... if the other girl doesn't come back, well, guess the family will be doing the 'caregiver scramble' for Thursday night.... not gonna do it....

L has had another TIA,,, she is one cranky old lady, and of course its all about "I'm going home"..... and keeping her in the house and off the highway trying to flag down an 18 wheeler to take her home..... Lord, If I EVER loose my sense of humor... I am doomed.....

Came home this morning... brain dead....I start to feel like I am drunk by the end of the week... hate that feeling.... so I come in, go thru my little rituals, get ready for bed.......... and my 20 yr. old cat had peed on my bed!!!!!!!!! I won't even go into the drama that ensued, but she just looked at me like..... whats your problem!!!!! She misses me and has to spend too much time alone.... is that an excuse..... uh NO!!!! So that is how my day started or ended??? Not sure when you work nights how that works..... but I did not have the energy to do anything but change the bed and fall into it..... she is setting her now staring at me..... so I need to go have a long talk with her..... LOL..... she is a CAT.... she doesn't give a flying f**k.....

Hope everyone found one thing to be grateful for today.... love you all..... and LadeeC, thanks for the hug and the chocolate.....
(2)
Report

LadeeM there's a Larson cartoon of a dog and a cat listening to their 'owners' - the dog hears "Rex blah blah blah blah blah boy!"

The other speech bubble, the one the cat's listening to, is a blank. But actually I think you're right: they DO understand every word they say. And?

But, awww, she's 20? And peeved with you?

No, I would still be cross. But I'd probably roll myself up in my duvet and sleep on the couch… mañana...
(1)
Report

I'm convinced cats and dogs see the images in our heads. Couldn't care less about our words or tones of voice. I believe in the 'whisperers' because they just 'connect' with the animal.
(1)
Report

I don't know if the Diva cat can see images in my head, but that girl and I have been together so long.... I really don't have to say much to her.... and she is not a 'talker' unless she is hungry.... and it sounds like 'NOW, NOW NOW"... lol

This has been the week from h*ll....and last night was just the worst.... already too tired, and got my check... she didn't pay me for 12 hours..... then L just wasn't about sleeping last night....up, down, get dressed, get undressed, a lot of 'looking for the children' last night.... and about 3 I hear her, go to her room and she is standing there buck ass naked !!!!! I was too tired to think it was funny,then she goes to the bathroom, puts all her clothes and nightgown in the dirty clothes hamper.... get her a fresh gown....and I hear water running.... she is taking A BATH AT THREE THIS MORNING !!!!..... more up and down.... I was so d*mned glad to drive away from there this morning.....

Sooooo, I am going to put my gripey butt to bed, turn the phone off.... and sleep until I wake up...... no alarm today..... hope everyone has some sense of sanity today...... TGIF..... hugs and chocolate everyone...
(1)
Report

LadeeM I always remember a disc jockey talking one day about his cat who would sit on top of the fridge and fix him with a steady gaze that plainly said "I think you DO know where the can-opener is…"
(3)
Report

Red, I would wear the slacks option if I had a very fancy one. I would need to get a whole new set which may end up more than a dress. Too bad I didn't have one already in my closet! I hope the weather holds out so that you can have a successful garage sale. You all are having some dramatic weather there.

CM - unfortunately, you are correct. I Febrezed, Dawned and vinegared my dress in the wash. The smell is still there. Tomorrow I will check out the dresses at sis. If not fits me, off to Ross I go. Macy's is way too expensive for me.
(1)
Report

Book, if you go shopping, if you are not comfortable in a dress (I know exactly where you are coming from), find a nice pair of black slacks. Everybody needs at least one.
(1)
Report

Hi everyone So my Mom and I had a bantering match the other day she try's every excuses to get out of having a shower, so I lost my patience and said if you keep this up I an going to call your Doctor and she will send in the respite care lady's an they will do it because Mom I am fed up!! Then she wanted to wear underwear that she wore the other day she said they were clean still well I said they are dirty and than it was the pants but I gave in on that part because I check them and they still looked clean so that was more arguing. She starting crying I felt so bad I starting crying then she said sorry for giving me such a hard time for having a shower.Then I am saying sorry then we are hugging and crying saying sorry to each other. But I continue to feel guilty very easily and worry about it that is my problem.
(3)
Report

Overwhem...I'm so sorry...it's so frustrating when they think that they're clean because their nose no longer works. They've lost their sense of smell. So to them, because they don't smell awful, they think they're clean. But for us, our nose works well, and they really smell. If the showering is a constant battle for you both, you may need to think of just doing it once a week. After a while, she won't even want to do once a week but once twice a week. My father had reached that stage when he had his stroke.

I learned a lot from the YouTube video of Teepa Snow. I like her mini series: Making visits Valuable. I even put it on my Favorite Bar icon for easy find when I need a refresher course on understanding those with dementia. She also covered in it about showering. {{Hugs}}

I'd quickly click on this link and bookmark it.
youtube/watch?v=sUgPm8RMa48
(4)
Report

Finally got back on here. As regards to my sister, I think it is a hopeless case. She's going to do what she wants. No matter how much I protest, she still does it her way. For my physical and mental health, I just let her do it. You teach people how much you will tolerate. Apparently I will tolerate a lot.
(2)
Report

Tomorrow is Mom's 92nd birthday! I dread it.. I plan to take her to lunch but I am not looking forward to the complaining..

"It's cold in here"
"The vegetables are to hard"
"Look how fat that person is"
"Can't those parents control that child"
"I can't believe you ate all that food"
"I'm tired"
"I don't feel good"

On top of it all my useless siblings may or may not call and if they do Mom starts thinking they are coming over and she gets all confused for days and keeps thinking she has to feed them which hasn't happened in 20 years!!!

And if they do decide to grace us with their presence, they just show up with no phone call!

I can't wait till it's over!
(5)
Report

got real mad at my dad today for taking flowers out of the trunk of my car then he didnt remember where he put them. actually swore at him
But on the other hand found a girl going to college for nursing in the fall and she was looking for part time respite care work and does have some experience! Yay!! very flexible on when she can help out. Should work out great for a good part of the summer.
(5)
Report

LadeeM - You get your money girl. You know, they need a caregiver from hell just so they can MAYBE appreciate the fact that they are lucky enough to have you. What is wrong with these people. I hope that you get the rest you need. Maybe you should have a time card that they need to sign every day to document the hours you are there. By the way, my cat sounds like yours. Jazzy is very demanding in her old age. Hmmmm,just like mom was. Isn't that strange. Jazzy is spending a lot of time outside now. Her favorite thing is to lick the water off the plants after I water everything. She waits for me every day to do this even though she has a full water bowl out there,. LOL Please take care of YOU!!!!
(4)
Report

assandache, I hope everyone of those useless siblings stays away. No need to say more there. Even though your mother will complain about all those things, I hope you will smile, laugh and enjoy the lunch time with your mother. Too much huh? Can you try for 2 out of 3? Maybe just enjoy the food you eat at lunch, how does that sound? I'm getting hungery already. Where did you say you're going for lunch?
(2)
Report

I am laughing my head off finally oh that was good thanks twocents it was good but bad lol
(0)
Report

AandA.
Sounds as bad as Christmas! Birthdays are that way here. Narc sis always wants a big July party for herself and any others in July. Problem is all those others are my kids and they have other things that they want to do. BOO HOO says narcsis.
(4)
Report

Oh and Teepa Snow is doing some sort of tour. She is in Denver June 6. I'm going, anybody else? Check with Alzheimer's association for dates in other cities.
(1)
Report

Oh I'm going to get my money..... you can count on that....the daughter is a marry...she makes me soooooo tired..... had an ugly divorce some time back and has found her 'calling' with being overworked and underappreciated..... and she could cut her work load in half if she would just LET GO and let the caregivers do our d*mned job..... she walks and talks 90 mph..... doesn't hear anything I say, then comes back later with questions about what I just told her..... and I'm already tired.... when I called her about the unpaid hours, she dared to question me.... I finally got angry and said.... You owe me $$$, and Im going to hang up now...... she is so scattered and overwhelming..... I hate having to talk to her at all...
Ya, I'll get my money Lav.... I am not that old ladee that would have stayed, no matter what.... that kind of loyalty died when I worked for C..... I am not the same person.... and in some ways that is good.... I am at a new level of self honesty...... and in many ways it is very liberating.... isolating also.... as I feel I don't always have someone to share with, the way I am feeling and thinking now.....I don't mean you guys, I mean f2f,,,,,, (that last one is surely going to upset the lady that posted about our 'abbreviations' getting her goat...)

By the way, that thread has turned into a fun place.... yall might want to read it... and of course contribute.....poor lady has created a monster and didn't have a clue what was going to happen.....but we are having fun... and we so rarely get to do that....

So Lav, if for some reason my getting my pay turns into a 'thing', you will hear the explosion all the way to your house..... hope you are doing well... How is the job hunt going...??? hugs and chocolate to you !!!!
(2)
Report

*martyr* Not marry..... LOL.... if I am this tired, I should at least proof read before I hit submit......
(1)
Report

LadeeM - I am so glad that you grew a pair of you know what. I think the older I get the more hutzpah we get. Hey, I spelled that right LOL Take care of YOU!!!The job hunt is kind of going oaky but today was a downer. I went to a insurance company and the guy asked me how old I was. The guy said before he asked said that he knew we did not have to know but. I had to tell him my age. When I did that I felt (oh my god no one is going to hire me). Well anyway there were a lot of people were there. They gave a little ditty about the company and there is where the problem came in. I would have to fork over $355.00 for a background check and license to sell insurance. I spent 8 years of my life getting a degree and now I need to have a masters degreed to do what I really wanted to do. Boy, do I sound depressed I guess I am.But, I am waiting on another company that will be contacting me soon about coming in for an interview though. Also, the water company called to say that my water would be turned off. I knew I had paid it and checked with the bank. I called the water company and told them and they still don't have a record of it. They wanted me to come by and show them my statement. I hit the roof and told them that I had already wasted my gas once today and hung up..I will call again Monday. I guess I had just had enough. Oh well I let it out but I felt sorry for the person on the phone.. But I will get over it. Boy, I am a blowhard today. Ya'll take care of you.
(2)
Report

You are not being a blowhard Lav.... its just that now that you life is not consumed with Caregiving, you are fighting for what you deserve.... and what you need.... but you keep plugging away, there is a job, just for you....something you will enjoy doing, that pays well, and you will have some peace of mind....I know what it's like to have no one to depend on but myself.... and you know how tired I am of doing what I do.... but it is what it is... and if I want to do my dream job, then I have to make it happen....

And I've always 'had a pair', my problem has always been knowing when to keep my mouth SHUT.....LOL.. like you, I am just not happy in my situation... but we are both doing what needs to be done to find what we are looking for..... apparently neither one of us has much patience anymore..... but that's ok too.... a hundred years from now it will not matter that you hung up on that lady today..... you are stressed and needing some thing to come together for you.... it will happen.... just hang on a little while longer.... you are worth the work you are putting in to make things right for yourself..... hugs and chocolate to you my friend....
(1)
Report

Thanks everyone. At least it will be one meal I don't have to cook!

LadeeM keep bugging her until you get your money!

Lab blowhard? You get stuff done, nothing wrong with that!
About the water bill. Just go done there and shove the canceled check in the ladies face.. That way you'll be done with the whole thing until next bill comes! One less thing to think about...
(0)
Report

I wasn't here when the nurse came. She emptied dad's bloody urine into his plastic wash basin (for his sponge baths). When I came home, the basin is on the bathroom floor with dried blood on it. We keep a big jar in the bathroom near the toilet. This jar is for emptying the urine. I just finished googling how to clean a plastic of dried blood/urine. We have basic cleaning supplies here. I gave up. After I change his pamper (he has touched inside and I know the poop has left the pamper by the smell emanating in the air), I will check to see if we still have Clorox.

Anyway, I got distracted in my googling. Did you know that I'm not suppose to allow the urine bag from touching any surfaces? Well, I read that and looked at it dangling and touching the towel on the floor. Did you know that I'm suppose to clean the area where the catheter goes in? I've been avoiding it all this time when I changed his pamper. Did you know that I'm suppose to wipe the catheter's spigot with alcohol? Did you know that I'm not suppose to make the bag get full?

Well, I did NOT know all that. When they inserted the foley the first time, I asked the nurse and doctor how do I disconnect it so that I can empty the urine in the toilet. The doctor had this look of horror. The nurse said that I should not try to disconnect the bag. I just need to use a jar and drain the urine in it. I stared at the bag trying to figure out how to make the urine come out. I asked how. He said to just press down on the switch. Like I'm suppose to know what it looks like it. I stared at the whole bag trying to figure out what part was the switch. He pointed it to me. So, I asked him, "Can you show me how to do it?" I squatted down with him and watched Where he pressed on the bag. The next urine bag he replaced did not have the snap. I stared it and then asked sis how do I unlock it. This had a switch that you move from left to right.

Yes, yes, anyone with common sense would know how to operate this without being told. But I don't have one. And so I ask questions. When I still don't understand verbal instructions, then ask to show me how. I'm more of a visual person than verbal.

Ugh! I'm going to have clean him THERE?!?! You know, I haven't been doing it all these months. Can't I just continue to Not do it? I don't think I can do it. I've not been a thorough caregiver when it comes to cleaning his male private part. I just can't do it. I've been uhm... skipping cleaning that area all this time. Even before he had the catheter. I cannot do it while he's lying there, looking at me touching him there. He's just going to have to suffer repeated infection. Gosh, I'm tearing up. Darn conscience is going to fight me on this. Venting here because I'm trying to prolong not changing his pamper which the poop has been touched and most likely is no longer where it belongs.
(0)
Report

Oh Book all I can say is YUCK!
(1)
Report

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter