This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Have you added baking soda while soaking the dress overnight?
CM - When I see my mother go into the bathroom, I turn the water on so it is warm by the time she is ready to wash her hands.
Shilo, lastnight when I had my terrible headache, I did a very hot shower. I get these bad headaches like several weeks at a time. I would get it all day, all night, wake up with it, bear it all day, go to sleep with it. After 2 weeks of non stop pain, I go to the clinic to help me with the pain. And I tell the doctor my pain and they just prescribe regular over the counter painkillers. It's a combo headache - tension, migraine, sinus - as far as I can tell. Nausea is the migraine.
And yes, you're right, I'm stressing about the dinner. I am an introvert. The last dinner function I went to, I tried to strike up conversation but my seat mates were not really into it. They all knew each other and talked about their personal lives. Then they got up and left me all by myself on the table. I was very uncomfortable. I have even ordered a used book on "How to Talk to Anyone." I took a peek on the writing. The writer is not boring or too technical. I was suppose to read a few paragraphs a day. Seems now that the bosses will require I attend these dinner functions, I'd better learn to make conversations. :/
Looks like you and I could talk awhile about headaches. Mine usually begin as muscle spasms that trigger the migraine or tension headache. Nausea can be a result of the headache. Light, noise and smell also trigger my headaches. As my neurologist told me, mine are not "true migraines".
Don't put too much stress on yourself to fit in and join in on every conversation. If a group is talking about something you are familiar with and can add to the conversation than do so. Don't make the evening any more difficult on yourself than it needs to be. You are going to the dinner for an award and I hope you will let yourself relax, be yourself and enjoy the evening. Who cares if you are not dressed to others satisfaction. Who cares if you are not the queen of conversation. Are you not the one receiving the award? Are you not the special one of the evening? P.S. - Remember to smile so the pictures turn out real good.
Tex - It is easy to get burned out. My feelings and heath were put on the back burner. I got so sick mentally and physically that I was diagnosed with very high blood pressure and severe depression. I had to get on Medicaid but I was feeling a lot better. So please take care of YOU!!!! NO MATTER WHAT!!! .
LadeeM - Hi - It seems that you are able to let it go when you leave for the day. That is really good for you. It really is a good thing!!! You know let go let GOD!!! You may feel like you are not feeling anymore than you used to but I see it as finally taking care of YOU!!! Hope to see you soon on here girl.
But talking to her about it made me realise, coincidentally, that she thinks of me as being of retirement age. Apparently there was one 'older' teacher at the school who (shocked tones) was "perhaps in her 40s?"
So next time my son prods me in the chest and says "You're going in a home!" perhaps I shouldn't assume a) that he's joking and b) that he doesn't mean any time soon.
Yes Lav, I am finally taking care of me..... and this will be my last 60 hr. week... if the other girl doesn't come back, well, guess the family will be doing the 'caregiver scramble' for Thursday night.... not gonna do it....
L has had another TIA,,, she is one cranky old lady, and of course its all about "I'm going home"..... and keeping her in the house and off the highway trying to flag down an 18 wheeler to take her home..... Lord, If I EVER loose my sense of humor... I am doomed.....
Came home this morning... brain dead....I start to feel like I am drunk by the end of the week... hate that feeling.... so I come in, go thru my little rituals, get ready for bed.......... and my 20 yr. old cat had peed on my bed!!!!!!!!! I won't even go into the drama that ensued, but she just looked at me like..... whats your problem!!!!! She misses me and has to spend too much time alone.... is that an excuse..... uh NO!!!! So that is how my day started or ended??? Not sure when you work nights how that works..... but I did not have the energy to do anything but change the bed and fall into it..... she is setting her now staring at me..... so I need to go have a long talk with her..... LOL..... she is a CAT.... she doesn't give a flying f**k.....
Hope everyone found one thing to be grateful for today.... love you all..... and LadeeC, thanks for the hug and the chocolate.....
The other speech bubble, the one the cat's listening to, is a blank. But actually I think you're right: they DO understand every word they say. And?
But, awww, she's 20? And peeved with you?
No, I would still be cross. But I'd probably roll myself up in my duvet and sleep on the couch… mañana...
This has been the week from h*ll....and last night was just the worst.... already too tired, and got my check... she didn't pay me for 12 hours..... then L just wasn't about sleeping last night....up, down, get dressed, get undressed, a lot of 'looking for the children' last night.... and about 3 I hear her, go to her room and she is standing there buck ass naked !!!!! I was too tired to think it was funny,then she goes to the bathroom, puts all her clothes and nightgown in the dirty clothes hamper.... get her a fresh gown....and I hear water running.... she is taking A BATH AT THREE THIS MORNING !!!!..... more up and down.... I was so d*mned glad to drive away from there this morning.....
Sooooo, I am going to put my gripey butt to bed, turn the phone off.... and sleep until I wake up...... no alarm today..... hope everyone has some sense of sanity today...... TGIF..... hugs and chocolate everyone...
CM - unfortunately, you are correct. I Febrezed, Dawned and vinegared my dress in the wash. The smell is still there. Tomorrow I will check out the dresses at sis. If not fits me, off to Ross I go. Macy's is way too expensive for me.
I learned a lot from the YouTube video of Teepa Snow. I like her mini series: Making visits Valuable. I even put it on my Favorite Bar icon for easy find when I need a refresher course on understanding those with dementia. She also covered in it about showering. {{Hugs}}
I'd quickly click on this link and bookmark it.
youtube/watch?v=sUgPm8RMa48
"It's cold in here"
"The vegetables are to hard"
"Look how fat that person is"
"Can't those parents control that child"
"I can't believe you ate all that food"
"I'm tired"
"I don't feel good"
On top of it all my useless siblings may or may not call and if they do Mom starts thinking they are coming over and she gets all confused for days and keeps thinking she has to feed them which hasn't happened in 20 years!!!
And if they do decide to grace us with their presence, they just show up with no phone call!
I can't wait till it's over!
But on the other hand found a girl going to college for nursing in the fall and she was looking for part time respite care work and does have some experience! Yay!! very flexible on when she can help out. Should work out great for a good part of the summer.
Sounds as bad as Christmas! Birthdays are that way here. Narc sis always wants a big July party for herself and any others in July. Problem is all those others are my kids and they have other things that they want to do. BOO HOO says narcsis.
Ya, I'll get my money Lav.... I am not that old ladee that would have stayed, no matter what.... that kind of loyalty died when I worked for C..... I am not the same person.... and in some ways that is good.... I am at a new level of self honesty...... and in many ways it is very liberating.... isolating also.... as I feel I don't always have someone to share with, the way I am feeling and thinking now.....I don't mean you guys, I mean f2f,,,,,, (that last one is surely going to upset the lady that posted about our 'abbreviations' getting her goat...)
By the way, that thread has turned into a fun place.... yall might want to read it... and of course contribute.....poor lady has created a monster and didn't have a clue what was going to happen.....but we are having fun... and we so rarely get to do that....
So Lav, if for some reason my getting my pay turns into a 'thing', you will hear the explosion all the way to your house..... hope you are doing well... How is the job hunt going...??? hugs and chocolate to you !!!!
And I've always 'had a pair', my problem has always been knowing when to keep my mouth SHUT.....LOL.. like you, I am just not happy in my situation... but we are both doing what needs to be done to find what we are looking for..... apparently neither one of us has much patience anymore..... but that's ok too.... a hundred years from now it will not matter that you hung up on that lady today..... you are stressed and needing some thing to come together for you.... it will happen.... just hang on a little while longer.... you are worth the work you are putting in to make things right for yourself..... hugs and chocolate to you my friend....
LadeeM keep bugging her until you get your money!
Lab blowhard? You get stuff done, nothing wrong with that!
About the water bill. Just go done there and shove the canceled check in the ladies face.. That way you'll be done with the whole thing until next bill comes! One less thing to think about...
Anyway, I got distracted in my googling. Did you know that I'm not suppose to allow the urine bag from touching any surfaces? Well, I read that and looked at it dangling and touching the towel on the floor. Did you know that I'm suppose to clean the area where the catheter goes in? I've been avoiding it all this time when I changed his pamper. Did you know that I'm suppose to wipe the catheter's spigot with alcohol? Did you know that I'm not suppose to make the bag get full?
Well, I did NOT know all that. When they inserted the foley the first time, I asked the nurse and doctor how do I disconnect it so that I can empty the urine in the toilet. The doctor had this look of horror. The nurse said that I should not try to disconnect the bag. I just need to use a jar and drain the urine in it. I stared at the bag trying to figure out how to make the urine come out. I asked how. He said to just press down on the switch. Like I'm suppose to know what it looks like it. I stared at the whole bag trying to figure out what part was the switch. He pointed it to me. So, I asked him, "Can you show me how to do it?" I squatted down with him and watched Where he pressed on the bag. The next urine bag he replaced did not have the snap. I stared it and then asked sis how do I unlock it. This had a switch that you move from left to right.
Yes, yes, anyone with common sense would know how to operate this without being told. But I don't have one. And so I ask questions. When I still don't understand verbal instructions, then ask to show me how. I'm more of a visual person than verbal.
Ugh! I'm going to have clean him THERE?!?! You know, I haven't been doing it all these months. Can't I just continue to Not do it? I don't think I can do it. I've not been a thorough caregiver when it comes to cleaning his male private part. I just can't do it. I've been uhm... skipping cleaning that area all this time. Even before he had the catheter. I cannot do it while he's lying there, looking at me touching him there. He's just going to have to suffer repeated infection. Gosh, I'm tearing up. Darn conscience is going to fight me on this. Venting here because I'm trying to prolong not changing his pamper which the poop has been touched and most likely is no longer where it belongs.