This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
With my mother, the inhibitions around seeing her in the bath, helping her clean up after toileting and so on have gradually fallen away; so I HOPE that as her needs increase I'll be able to adjust (not without qualms). But if it had been my dad, well. I don't know. It just is different.
If you feel this is something you're not going to be able to manage, I think you should perhaps be clear about that with his medical team and get them to supply support, if possible. I don't think you're being unreasonable or squeamish, but if it's important to his wellbeing then it needs to be done by somebody else.
I'm so sorry to have been right about your dress. I had a cashmere jumper I adored and tried everything to get rid of that faint but pervasive odour, then eventually I threw it away in a really foul mood - it's SO frustrating.
LadeeM, I missed "the thread" you mentioned. Can you post it again.
TS - tough *hit
I never thought to see if the original poster responded to all of you hijacking her subject and turning it around. At least now she knows where to go if she runs across an acronym she doesn't understand.
Now take a deep breath or two, be a brave girl, and continue to read.
First of all hang up the handle to his pully so he can't hit you with it. After you change his Pamper and all the poop is cleaned up before you fix the sides. get a clean washbowl some warm water and soap and a clean wash cloth and towel or use paper towels (The "good" ones that don't fall apart.). Lay a towel under the offending part and turn your back to his face. Pick up the penis in one hand and with the other pull back the foreskin to reveal the head. OK another deep breath. Take your soapy cloth and wash around the catheter then around the rest of the penile head. Rinse well in clear water to get all the soap off. If there are any crystals under the foreskin leave that for a real nurse, they have been there for years so a few more days won't hurt. See you have both survived. Caked on blood around a catheter is not a good thing.
When you empty a catheter bag you should wear gloves as you should with any personal care. Do not disconnect the bag from the catheter. Wipe the outlet to the bag with a spirit swab and empty it into a container at the bedside. Don't allow the end of the exit to the bag to touch the container. Wipe the end again and close it up. Dispose of the urine in the toilet and rinse the container.
Write a very nasty note to whoever left a bowl of bloody urine in the bathroom.
You should be given a new collection bag once a week. There should be a hole at the top of the bag that can be hooked to the bed with an S hook or just tied up with a piece of string. if the urine is not draining look to see if there are any big clots in the tubing. You may be able to squeeze them and milk them down the tube into the bag.
Sorry I know that is far more than you wanted to know. At least you know what to do even if you choose not to do it.
Thanks for the detailed instructions. The one I found in Google did not go into detail like you did. It just said what I wrote earlier. You and I know that eventually I'm going to end up doing it no matter how much I don't want to. As long as I don't have to insert that tube IN his penis, I'm fine. I copied and pasted your info on my desktop file "Dad's Urinary." I sooooo appreciate your very Practical Advice! {{{HUGS}}}
I've watched and re-watched several videos on how to make a hole in the bread egg breakfast. I'm now ready to try it first time now. This time, since I know sis will end up eating my 2nd portion of my breakfast (even though she only cooks for herself but has no hesitation at all in eating My cooked food), I will have to make extras for her. Otherwise, my 2nd portion (for lunch) will be eaten (not by me). So, 3 egg sandwich to go and some fried hot sausages on the side.
Did't feed him lunch so they came over to my SIL after the shower and I fixed my dad a plate. Dad did manage to lose my sunglasses I had in the truck. He is eating a late dinner now but when I asked what he did today he doesn't remember a single thing. *sigh*.
Lav –- I did not know that job applicants have to pay the cost for the company to do background checks. That’s like adding insult to injury – if they don’t hire you. That’s like how the airlines now charge you for your checked baggage And now your meals on the plane. We spend like $2000.00 on air ticket and we also now must spend $ for the meals. I can understand if we paid only $300.00 for a ticket. I can see the loss of doing business by providing free meals per person. I mean just fuel surcharge alone is about $600.00 of the ticket price. $355.00 is a lot of money for a person who is applying at different companies. No wonder a lot of people don’t have a job. You have to have money to even get a foot in the door. =(
CM –- thanks, though. I keep telling myself that but I guess it isn’t working as I thought it would. Oh, well. That’s life. You do what you have to do.
Veronica –- When I read your first sentence, I was confused. What nursing books? Then I ‘caught on’ to your comment. I chuckled. That helped a lot to prepare me for the rest of your words. I’m really glad you did go to details. Because I would have tried googling more info on it and then ‘wing it’ on my own. Oops… I won’t tell you how often the exit of the bag touched the jar full of urine. Let’s just say it’s like 99% of the time. I will now have to raise the bag higher when it comes to emptying it.
57twin – Hi!
Apparently l am still tired today, hence the grumpiness.... I know each of you understand.... its just crappy that this is what we all have in common, instead of getting to share exotic vacations with each other...... hugs to you all....
I just cannot believe they want YOU to pay for the background check! I would keep looking, and we have all learned something. Reputable companies if they want to hire you will pay for it, and will not ask your age. That actually makes me angry!
Prevention is better than cure, as you say; but the trouble with that is, it relies on our being the only ones using the sink! Prevention is not the strong suit of people who don't have the hassle of clearing the wretched thing out, unfortunately.
Hours later she was telling me about going out and asked me if I was there? I was sitting right next to her! She only remembered my friend & my husband being there because they were sitting across from her!
After we went to the supermarket and she wanted to buy 5 cans of beans they were 5/$4..I told her one is enough and it's still on sale. She got pissed and put all cans back, so she saw my husband looking at some cut up fruit and said "you better put that down SHE won't let you get it". LOL
So am guessing the sibs did a pass on mom birthday...... probably a blessing in disguise..... but glad that the fire department didn't have to be called !!!! Hang in there... this only happens once a year Thank God... sending you lots of hugs for accomplishing one more daunting caregiver task....
It's disconcerting when they start telling you about an event you were both just at; but it's even worse when she tells you that you were there, too. Er, yes, I was, and "mother, who do you think I am, that you're talking to now?" When this happened, mother laughed, patted my hand and said "oh I know who you are!" I'm really not sure she did, at the time...
Glad - Yes, I agree with you. I will not be going back. Take care of YOU!!!
Red - That is great. Garage sales are a pain but you got some money out of the deal and Goodwill got some things that they can sell. When the people came to take all the stuff I had in the house it was like a new house. Mom loved clutter. Relax honey you deserve it. Take care of YOU!!!
Assande - You are a very brave daughter to take your mom. LOL I can just see you telling her about the cans. I would have said my name is ____ not SHE. My mom bought all kind of food when we would go to the grocery. She loved Wal-Mart and we would spend a least two hours there each time. When she passed I had to go through the pantry and get rid of the leftover food items that I would never eat. Well, Catholic charities was glad to get it. Hey, did you let your hubby get the fruit? LOL Take care of YOU!!!
You all have get my mind off my troubles. This is going to be another long one. Yesterday, I went to the grocery early and did other errands. I got home and there was a message from the realtor. I called him back as soon as I saw the message. Which was 20 minutes later. He had another realtor showing the house. I had two hours to clean the house. I started right away. I thought that I would call my bother later. I was in and out of the house picking up and getting everything to look nice and clean. I then noticed that Bro had called and then texted. It was an angry message and text. He was berating me about not calling the realtor and not calling him back. I got so ANGRY. So I did a stupid thing. I texted him back and told him that I was cleaning the house and to leave me alone. He really got angry. Told me "how DARE you telling me that. So now he is going to call the realtor to not call me but to call him instead when he wants to show the house. I will be out of the loop...This phone thing has been a problem before. I guess he just thinks I don't do anything but wait for the phone to ring. Bro thinks because he has given me money that he has control over me. All I could think of yesterday was that Mom controlled me and now he is. I need this house sold and to get a job. I cannot be under bro's thumb anymore. Thank God that he lives an hour away. He better not show up here because the door is locked and chained and he is not welcome. The house is half mine. I will not be bullied anymore. I am calling the realtor to tell him to give me at least a half hour before he calls bro. I am being treated like a child and a stupid one at that.