This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I had just posted the text about moments like that and one about my mom came to mind. You never know when they are going to pop up. Well, I was getting coffee at a convenience store and put extra java shot in my coffee. They have those little plastic cups with the creamer in them. Well, when mom would get coffee at a restaurant she would take on of those creamers and poke holes in the top with a fork. Then turn the creamer upside down and squeeze the creamer and go moo!!!. She got such a kick out of that. Although come to think about it was a little embarrassing when we were in a very nice restaurant.
One time I was with my friends at a Shoney's and did that. They looked at me like I was losing it. LOL Take care of Ya'll.
It isn't what we wanted but it is a start. We are going to negotiate. We also have another showing in the morning.
I did put a block on bro's phone. Guess what, an hour ago I had a knock on the door. It was him and his wife asking why he could not get me or text me. I lied and told him "I don't know". Whooppppssss!!! The reason he needed to talk to me was that we had an offer. Boy, did I feel bad. Oh well, ill get over it. I am so excited and will be praying on my knees tonight and also to pat St. Joseph statue in the garden. Well, you all take care now. I have to clean the house again. I will let you all know.
I am totally depressed. Beyond depressed. I just want to lay down and sleep til I die. I can't spend any money, I can't eat..my life is over. ALL I have to look forward to is more and more health problems and decline.
KayBee – I would have had a meltdown, too. Does your mom wear Depends at nights? Not that that would stop her from taking it off at nights. Uhm… count your blessings that it’s not the poop stage yet? My dad is in the stage of touching himself Inside the pampers. The poop smeared all over is Not poop but Dirt…per my dad.
Wantingtime, diabetes runs in my family. I soooo dread getting it. The Lipitor I’m taking for my high cholesterol has a side effect that affects older women. It causes diabetes. I get so torn about taking it daily. Because I’m so terrified of needles, I don’t know how I’m going to handle the insulin shots. You can research diabetes. From what I understand, you Can drink soda – but you must limit how Much to intake. Well..that’s what someone who had diabetes told me. So, better research it and be aware of your limits.
You have made a good start by reaching out to people on this site. You have the entire internet at your disposal. You are not restricted to watching re runs of the Golden Girls. Yes we all get old and no one wants to but we all adapt either happily or miserably it is a choice. there are many people here you can talk to or even email privately if they agree. The Admins can arrange it if there is someone you feel you would like to feel closer to. Don't give up.
As far as father playing in the poop. I don't think it is the poop he is playing with that is just a side effect!
Now Book older women are usually thought of as around 70. you are only just approaching middle age and are definitely not over weight so your risk is probably not that high as long as YOU FOLLOW DRS ORDERS. stop worrying about things that may never happen. Even if you do get diabetes it is often controlled with meds and diet. If you could not face needles there are insulin pumps that are permanently attached. Afraid you will still need to prick your finger. Anyway you have and are facing challenges much bigger challenges than a little needle prick
As for the Lipitor, I try to take it because I'm afraid the doc would figure it's not working and prescribe a larger dosage or another drug like Crestor. Unfortunately, when I take Lipitor daily, I get headaches and ringing of the ears and the sniffles. Nothing major. I just have to skip the next day. Then go back to it the following day. Thanks.....
Lav, I really do hope that your house sells for what you're hoping for.
Yay! It's avocado season. Now if I can find someone who has a tree... I love avocado so much, I eat it just plain. Not in soy sauce or milk or sugar. When I eat it, I want to Taste the avocado. Oopss... 1235am.
Why not try another anti cholesterol drug. It does not have to be Crestor. I took Lovastatin for years and that did not give me any side effects and it is really CHEAP.
They stopped mine saying I was too old to need it
Bull s**t I am going to live to be 100 now. Having passed 70 by which time all my female relatives had died I am in for the long haul. I do follow Drs orders though but if I disagree they usually back off. Cos when I say no I really mean it
By the way i hate avocados. i thought you were deadly allergic to them. hope you are having a good night.
My 86 yo mother began having issues about a year ago. So incredibly sad as she chose to isolate herself to any outside associations and only rely on family. She never has driven a car so we would transport her to shopping, eating out, etc. she also lived alone.
About a year ago depression , delirium, maybe psychotic issues began creeping in. Her appetite decreased immensely and she had outbursts and stories were going on inside her head. We tried having caregivers come to assist her since my brother and I work full time and she would run outside screaming help! Call the police!
To make a long story short, she was hospitalized as a UTI was found and a pressure sore on her bottom from sitting too much. Her health went down, down and since she has been home I am her daughter taking FMLA from my job to care for her. She is steadily going down. Now she refuses any food or drink and I know her body wants to move on.
I have been beyond frustration as I would fix her many small portions of food rather than big meals and she would refuse it all.
I am trying my best to accept the process and not stress out so much because I must also take care of myself, yet it is sooooo difficult especially with my brother working out of the country for 2 weeks, I am afraid she will pass before he returns.
Sad in Houston
My 86 yo mother began having issues about a year ago. So incredibly sad as she chose to isolate herself to any outside associations and only rely on family. She never has driven a car so we would transport her to shopping, eating out, etc. she also lived alone.
About a year ago depression , delirium, maybe psychotic issues began creeping in. Her appetite decreased immensely and she had outbursts and stories were going on inside her head. We tried having caregivers come to assist her since my brother and I work full time and she would run outside screaming help! Call the police!
To make a long story short, she was hospitalized as a UTI was found and a pressure sore on her bottom from sitting too much. Her health went down, down and since she has been home I am her daughter taking FMLA from my job to care for her. She is steadily going down. Now she refuses any food or drink and I know her body wants to move on.
I have been beyond frustration as I would fix her many small portions of food rather than big meals and she would refuse it all.
I am trying my best to accept the process and not stress out so much because I must also take care of myself, yet it is sooooo difficult especially with my brother working out of the country for 2 weeks, I am afraid she will pass before he returns.
Sad in Houston
Stiffen that upper lip and ONWARD!!!