This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Book - I use to worry about getting diabetes too. Now I try to eat better, test my sugar once in a while and not worry so much. If it is in the genes I can't stop it from happening. I don't have a problem pricking my mother's finger to test sugar but I'm a baby when it comes to sticking my finger. OUCH! I also faint at the sight of my own blood, not anyone elses, just mine.
To the new folks.... this is the place to come and share what is going on.... not just once, but to help you find friends that truly understand and don't judge....
Last night,or should I say at 5am, I hear L in the bedroom, go check, and she has her bed pulled almost out the door....she was mumbling something about a 'freezer'.... took me awhile to get her to let go of it, move the bed back and get her back in bed..... tonight is my last night.... thank God.....
Hope you all found something to be grateful for today....
WE SOLD THE HOUSE!!!!!!!!
Yeah! to you LadeeM. What are you going to do with your spare time?
LadeeM ha the freezer! I hope you get to relax on your off days or I should say your weekend! Hugs..
Ya L is strong all right....I did realize the other night, what the 'knot' in my stomach is when she gets like that..... It is an unconscious flash back to when R broke my leg !!!!! Her tone of voice, and how there is violence right under the surface......
Shilo, not quitting, I wish, just getting my days off..... and then someone else can stop her from moving the bed to the hiway!!!! Or where ever she was moving it to..... just want to be away from there for awhile.....
Was told by MrM last night I needed to empty the catheter bag before the day lady comes on shift so he doesn't have to hear her complain that I left it for her to do.... just ask me how p*ssed I got..... I empty it at 5am.... how much could be in there for the stupid day lady..... so instead of telling the day lady that is part of her job.... I get told..... ya'll..... my attitude already sucks...... so it took it all for me to keep my mouth shut last night..... maybe my 'six month plan' will be moved up to two !!!!!!!!
is it empty when your shift starts?
CM – unfortunately, our avocado trees grow Tall. You need to get this metal stick with a hook or a metal cradle to “pick” the avocado off the tree. If you pick the ones that fall, most times it’s too ripe. And bruised up from the fall. Fave sis gave me 3 avocados. After I read your post, I went out to see if any of our lemon trees have lemon. Hmmm. We no longer have a lemon tree. Now I’m curious on how avocados would taste with a squeeze of lemon.
Veronica, it’s shrimp that I’m deadly allergic to. Darn thing makes me itch all over, and my tongue to feel “funny” and my lips. It’s the mango trees that causes me severe sinus/allergy. I tried eating fresh mango and broke out with big rashes and diarrhea. But I can eat the Dried mango with no problem. Go figure!
Congratulations, Lav!!! It’s all coming around for you. I’m glad for you.
Pami, my older brother, visiting from the states, came home. He just had to tell me how I should change my bedridden mother’s pamper. I stopped immediately, turned to him and asked him if he wanted to take over. He shook his head. And never offered any caregiving advice. If someone wants to tell me how to do things, they can darn well take over! As if !!!!
Today mother said 'six of one, seven of another...no that's not right...(in thought)...six of one, half of something...half a dozen is that right?' Yes mom but I might like your seven of another better.
Thank you for another day.
And simply ignoring her, tending to her needs, of course, but not being 'friendly' and trying to joke with her.....just being all business....and using my 'firm' voice with her..... I read on here all the time, people with their right mind being abusive , just because they can..... my dad was like that.... him, well, I never took any crap off that old man.....so, because I set that boundary, had an ok last few days.... she hasn't slept all week..... guess the lazy day lady lets her sleep so she doesn't have to be bothered..... don't know, don't care..... abuse is abuse, dress if up to look like an old lady and it's still abuse.....
She did flip out on the day lady yesterday.... made a huge mess in the kitchen...all because she didn't get her way about something.... and ya'll know I laughed out loud when I found out.... ohhhhh Karma, I love you sooooo.....
No more catheter for the day lady to b*tch about..... MrM can do it himself now.... after his last visit to the Dr.
I told the daughter what I said to L, she was ok with it..wouldn't have cared if she wasn't..... but that is bullsh*t to let someone abuse you..... a hundred years from now will it matter if you set a boundary..... NO......
Got a text from my Thurs night replacement... she will be at work tonight.... good thing,,, cause I ain't EVEN gonna be there......
Shilo... don't worry about it.... we have no Grammar Police here... we don't care about all that.... just happy you feel you have found a safe place to have your feelings.....
Going to go lay down and read..... why? Because I CAN.... hugs to all of you....
Book: I don't know WHAT she wears half the time (which is kinda scary). When she's home, I think she only wears her gown, so I ordered some *free* Depends. I forgot the website, but if you Google it, you'll find out how. She'll probably be insulted, but I am SO beyond caring about that right now....