This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Lav, about time..... I can't imagine being talked to like that, well, other than L talking to me like that all the time...but from a sib??? I would have closed those stairs and left him there until he apologized..... lol.... I'm sorry, I know the things he says slices the skin.... but people only do what we let them do.....and that even includes those we care for..... what is he going to do , get mad and holler??? Whoopdedoo!!
You have friends.... get them to help you move... sounds like once you get settled in your new place it will be time to put some distance between you and bro for awhile....and don't start feeling hyper-responsible about getting things done..... you have carried the load for years now.... just look at him and say... " Tag, your it" and walk away......can't wait to hear about the new apartment, the new job, and you WILL get a job, and the new freedoms you are going to feel.... sending you hugs and chocolate....
My parent former landlord still screwing around returning security deposit. Mom died in March I know I am going to get stuck paying utilities even though my sis called the power company and said since Mom was only name on bill once she passed away no longer our responsibility and I did make sure it was paid until Dad moved in.
But a bit concerned about my vision in one eye as its been foggy for almost two weeks. I do have eye doc appt tomorrow afternoon while dad in daycare so I can get an answer.
LadeeM – I was counting all your ‘disasters.’ You surpassed the ‘all bad things comes in three.’ Maybe from the new day on, you will have positives. Unfortunately, that may not work for things that are old and is on its last breathe (old fridge). You are one very strong lady!!!
Turn-page, I’m so glad that hospice is helping a lot with MIL. It sure makes a difference when someone is there doing most of the work while we can relax a bit, right? AND someone to talk with. That’s how I learned a lot on how to caregive with my mom. I watched and asked lots of questions. Learned soooo many things from them. And just their description of some of their patients having bedsores that went deep inside until you see the bones. Eeww!! That registered to me and dad. Since then, we have always been so aggressive on Prevention. The govt caregivers are always happy to share their knowledge.
Good news. My cholesterol went down. 6 months ago it was 227. It's now 177. Trig from 46 is now 32, LDL was 152 is now 107, and HDL was 64 is now 65. (oops, with the HDL, I was eating sausages weekly and KFC chicken - yum!!!) Overall - all of it meets the Optimal requirement except for the LDL - which optimal is Less 100. I'm just off by 7.
I took the Lipitor of 10mg as daily as I can remember to take it. Guess what the doctor did? Guess?!!! He UPPED MY DOSAGE!!! Why?! It went down. Why did he up the dosage? I'm only off by 7 out of all 5 Lipid Panel. .... And I gained 2 lbs. I knew I was gaining when I tried on my niece's borrowed dresses the day before the dinner. I was bulging more - on both of the dresses that I borrowed. Hence my panic. I'm so glad that that is over.... Still brainstorming on where to go next. I'm leaning back to going to Hawaii. Maybe this time - just for the weekend. Hotel cost is way too expensive.
The nurse came. He was writing down dad's prescriptions into the logsheet. He asked me when will I give the potassium, tomorrow? I said, no. Today. He had one for Lunch. I asked him if he took his pill at lunch and he said yes. So there should be 3 pills in there. The nurse looked inside, counted 4. He said no, there's only 3. It cannot be! I specifically wrote in the pad when to give it to him. He said he took the pill for lunch. Can you count his antibiotic pills?
The nurse counted it 4 times. And all 4 times - he counted only 11 pills. I picked up his meds yesterday after work. I started giving it to him today. There should have been 13 pills left - not 11. He used 3 pills today. OMG!!!! Sis gave him his antibiotics for lunch and dinner!!! The nurse and I stared at each other. I started stressing on how to handle this. Then I remembered we have the one-week pill dispenser that fave sis bought for dad. Each day has 4 rows: Morning, Noon, Evening, Bed. Nurse admired it. HE took the pills out of the container and distributed each to its respective time to be taken. I told him that even with that, sis will not follow. He just looked at me. There's only so much that we can do, right? She will do whatever my dad tells her to do. Period.
I promise you, the one sure way to drive a doctor NUTS is not to tell him about something that's bothering you. How can he help you if you don't tell him what's going on? You're stopping the poor man doing his job.
Grrrrrr!!!! Get back there as soon as you can, promise? x
Assandy, Cm, and everyone - if today's your new day, I hope it's a better day today than it was yesterday. Especially you, LadeeM! =)
Then one month later, my therapist told me that I am so exhausted, that I was blacking out. He insisted that I tell my 7 siblings to help me. I told him it's no use. He insisted. He said to Tell Them that if I continue "as is", I would die of exhaustion or land in the hospital. I told my siblings. Nothing. Happened.
My doctor does NOT understand what we caregivers are going through. He truly doesn't. My therapist, I met only twice, and he caught on quickly how exhausted I was. And this was a month after my annual checkup. Of the two, you can tell who Listens and uses their eyes to discern their patients.
No, I'm afraid that he will order another MRI. I went through that once. I swear when I was in that machine, I felt my blood or my synapses moving to the sound, flashing lights or magnetic field of that MRI. During the MRI, as I felt the inside of my brain moving (or felt as if it was moving), I was so scared it would mess up my synapses that I would come out of the MRI with a messed up brain.
FYI, here on island, it is expected that family takes care of family or their elderly parents. If I happen to die while caregiving, then that expectation will fall on oldest sis. If she dies while caregiving, then older sis in the states, will most likely step up to the plate. There are 8 of us kids.
I got a scam post on my private messages on my wall, I have notified admin.... you can go to the Dyfuncitonal Thread, ABB got one too and copy and pasted it there... you can read it in full..... please do not respond to this and let admin know if you have been contacted........
Admin posted to the scam thread awhile ago and the poster has been blocked and all posts supposedly removed. If yours is not removed, check the scam thread, there is a link there posted by GardenArtist to report it.
LadeeM - Jeez!! I thought I had it bad. I hope that you can get everything taken care of . I don't blame you for just going to bed. You had enough!! Where oh where is the trash can. I have no noticed anything but will keep a lookout on the wall. Take care of YOU!!
Hi everyone- Yesterday was not a good day. The sale did not go through. The house needs a new roof and the pipes under the house are blocked. I came in after being gone for 21/2 hours to find water on the floor but the rest of the house was okay. I tried to ran the water and there is now a leak under the kitchen sink. There is now a big bowl under there. I will be washing dishes in the tub. So apartment canceled and life on hold. Bro and agent talked and I agreed that we will just get what we can and just get it sold. I can't live here with all that can happen. We will not get the money that we wanted but we will get something. The cost of getting the pipes fixed be anywhere from hundreds to thousands and we might not get the money that we spent on a sale. The area I live in is basically a swamp. Everyone in the neighborhood has to get dirt at least once a year to put around the house because of sinkage. You can drive around the area and see the foundation of the houses. This pipe problem is common place in the area. I should be a plumber. Well, anyway we will keep the storage and my favorite charity will come and get the furniture. There will be someone to clean out the attic. UNBELIEVABLE!!!! I will be calling the agent and tell him that whatever the inspector did resulted in a leak that was not there before. Well, I have to go and get paper plates and plastic utensils. Ya'll take care.
She needs to see a doctor who specializes in elder care asap. If she refuses, you can only wait out the inevitable.
This is where I hate money and all it stands for and all that we have do without.... maybe you will luck out and find a place like I did... an old, and I mean OLD, Winnabago setting in this guys pasture..... just kept nagging until I got it for $200..... I call it the Grapes of Wrath wagon !!! But its mine.... nothing in it works but me.... lol..... but ya know what... after what all we've been thru.... our needs are more simple... with the Hurricanes taking it all from me... and having to start over in a new community, starting from scratch... loosing everything.... well, our needs become more simple.... Just as people don't understand caregivers, they don't understand Hurricane survivors either..... so am sending lots of prayers for you to get a much needed break....it will happen for you Lav.... you might have to make it happen.... but you are going to get a break.... have faith,,,,,, sending you lots of love.....
I know none of the legalities to get help... others on here may be able to help you with that.....but I can tell you as a paid caregiver.... even if they were agreeable to having in-home help... I would not work for your mom the way she is... for one thing... I see this as cruel.... for your dad to not insist your mom go to a Dr..... your mom has no quality of life as it is now...... she is miserable, for whatever reasons, and therefore making everyone else miserable... all I can do is welcome you to this thread, hope you come back , and let others give their experiences that may possibly help your situation.... sending you hugs....
For me, if I can put some things into a comedic mind set, I can deal with it.... it gives me a little distance from her attacks.... but just the norm for what we all deal with on a daily basis....... even last night... setting there listening to her tell me she wasn't HOME, and her mother had the same kind of curtains, for the millionth time.....I was thinking... " My , but Cujo is being a little Chatty Cathy tonight"....
And I have become very clear what she triggers in me when she gets aggressive, that same feeling in my gut when Ruth was on a rampage and broke my leg... !!!!Needless to say, I stay out of arms reach around her when she is on a rant.... but I was out of arms reach with Ruth also, but she could 'lunge' further than I gave her credit for.... and yes, I'm being silly here.... but I have to laugh to keep from crying.... hugs, love, angels and a bucket of chocolate.....