This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Not sure if I feel relieved about the upcoming move but since my vision issue is new that makes my decision feel better to me as this concerns me a great deal. Spoke at length with a friend who is in a similar situation with her mom and with a cousin who was her fathers and her in laws caregiver for several years for thoughts about the move, I guess I feel a bit sad as I feel I am abandoning him though he will only be about 3.5 miles away and his new home will provide more support. I know this is what mom would have wanted. My sister will be here next month to help with the move. So feeling a bit emotional right now I will see how I am tomorrow.
I always remember her as a kind person..She has several grown children. So sad for the family..
I think my life stinks some days. I can't imagine what her life was like to end in such a tragic death...
Dementia could be a facter but more likely unrecognized mental or denied mental illness.
Cujo has settled down... finally slept after almost two weeks of only sleeping an hour or two at a time.... between the LBD and exhaustion.... well, I don't need to explain it to ya'll... ya'll live it too..... what frustrates me is the daughter is so stubborn about giving Cujo her anxiety meds.... EVERY DAY..... she ends up giving her one when it is her turn to stay the weekend..... I have tried to explain to the daughter how the meds work..... giving it to her every day allows it to do it's job, not knock her out when the daughter is tired of dealing with her...
So Cujo had two great nights sleep, was in a much better mood, and she can be so much fun when she isn't exhausted..... but can't imagine the roller coaster her brain and body go thru with the meds not being consistent... deep sigh.....
So, will spend one of my precious days off getting the mess from the leaking fridge cleaned up..... so need to get going.... hugs to all of you ..... we need each other..... in a good way....