This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Isn't there a poet amongst us?
Anyway, she had watched me change dad's pamper. She told me that she's been telling bro that she used to caregive her grandma. But grandma was a very nice, easygoing patient. Unlike my dad. It's sooooo strange to hear another Normal Person (not from the home care nurses) praise me. She told me that the way I change my dad's pamper was very patient and very good at doing it. It's so strange how she kept bringing it up how good I am at it. She said that I deserve a break from it. So, she wants to make a point of us doing things together. So strange to be with her without bro there. She just text me. My bro is so happy with her for spending some time with me. She told me that if my dad ever told her F**k You, she would cry. Ohhhh boy... She's from a loving family... cultural shock - from a loving family to a possible joining of a dysfunctional one.
Shilo..... we can look for that old thread and just resurrect it...... or start a new one..... God knows we sing the blues every day..... lol
I don't know of another thread, may be that it is too old. I am a relative newcomer, coming up on two years, I think.
https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/theme-songs-for-the-caregiver-156049.htm
The thread by eggshell was the first time I heard about that song Angel, and the full version that Sharynmarie once posted on her Wall - about "They're coming to take me away..."
Just want everyone to know that the ROT Rally will be in Austin this next week... so I will be out on 290 drooling over some bad a** Harleys and many a bad boy !!!!! Gave a t*tty shot last year... of course had my granny bra on, but still got honks and thumbs up!!! Once a biker, always a biker..... !!!! The sound of all those bikes going thru town takes me down memory lane.... deep sigh.....
Hope you all have a great day.... love, hugs, angels and chocolate..... and Harleys..... oh yeah !!!!!!
And sending prayers for the sil to be..... poor thing....
I just woke up and realize why I kept saying "It's so strange" when I was talking about bro's gf. This is the first time I've spent with her without my bro being around. I'm really really hoping that I'm wrong. My bro keeps falling in love and never getting the female. 1st one didn't want leave this island and move to Virginia (yet she did when she married a white caucasion. marriage didn't last long.) 2nd one - researched our native food and made it for him. He never ever brought her to meet the family in the mainland. (she got tired of waiting, married her coworker who ended up very dangerous controlling man who constantly called at her work to make sure she was at work.divorced.) And this current one.
During lunch, she took over the conversation, gushing about me repeatedly, how bro is so happy that she's here with me, etc... Yet, when I tried to talk, she would start looking around, then suddenly get up and walk away. I knew she was rude because all the times she visited at the house, when she was leaving, she never said, "goodbye or see you later." She just gets up and walks out. The first time this happened, I kept waiting for her to come back in. Finally figured out that she left. Yes, I'm a little bit jealous but I was like with fave sis. But I was and still am happy that sis found her soulmate. And her hubby never once tried to interfere with sis & I. I so worry about bro because his clock is ticking - literally. His heart is really really bad. If this gf is going to bring him happiness - so be it. During our lunch, she kept texting him about what we're doing together. Even though she told me that he said to stop texting and enjoy her time with me. sigh.... I'm really trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. And I know that bro is waiting for me to email him about my day with her. I cannot lie to him. So I haven't emailed. I will need to find a nice way of telling him how I enjoyed our luncheon which I did - but not say much about her as a person.
He had one before we got married when he was in the service.. I tell him to "keep dreaming"..
There are a few of you that refer to siblings using other endearing terminology. lol I was trying to remember some of them. Can someone help me here.
What other endearing terminology???
Brother #1 The wonderful one
Brother #2 My Hero
Sister #1 The stupid one (With a Masters)
Sister #3 The jealous, judgmental, hypocritical, phony,drama queen B****.
My wonderful brother and I were talking about when she was stung by a bee last summer. He said it was the first time he ever heard a bee talk. I said HUH??? He said, "yea, I heard the bee say STFU right before he stung her." The wonderful brother is also the funny brother.
Book, I agree with Shilo. Tell bro how much you enjoyed lunch I've never heard of a person except my Bro that gets up and walks out without a word. Strange!! I would ask her why she does that. Tell her that it makes you feel like you have done something wrong. Jeez, who taught her manners. Have you ever told Bro that she does this. By the way, did you ever start any Mandalas. I found out that Carl Jung introduced these. The name mean "self" in Sanskrit. I have a book on Jung and there were drawings in it. They were very crude but good. Take care of YOU!!
Hi there - Well, I still cannot run the water in the kitchen sink. Bro tried to fix it but found out that some kind of ring broke under the sink. He said that it could not have happened unless someone got under there with a wrench and broke it. Well I sure didn't do it so the guy that inspected the house must have. Agent called him and he has not called him back yet. It is a shame I don't have my girl scout utensils anymore. Good new about house. Two offers in 2 days. We took the one that does not need an inspector. I don't need anymore problems. A lot less money but bro and I both agreed on it. I need a job job job. Take care of you all!!!!
Our monthly caregiver's meeting will be on Saturday, the 21st. I sure hope fave sis is babysitting grandson. When she's babysitting, she hates going out and just wants to stay home. I then don't feel so bad about not visiting her and so can attend the meeting with a clear conscience. And not be torn about not shopping with sis. Although I don't care for these caregiver's meetings, I do need to reconnect with other caregivers. Family just don't understand what I'm going through, and the stress of handling a "problem" care receiver.
Lav, congrats on the house sale..... take the money and run girl... get your 'shot gun' house and commence to begin a new life..... and yes, a job will help.... lol
Shilo, I call my sisters The Ugly Sisters...... I've also called them Cardboard Cut Out Sisters..... have nothing to do with them.....
Book, I understand about not talking to bro about gf..... hopefully he will spend three weeks with her and change his mind.....
Damn I'm tired.... such mess with that fridge... finally went and bought a fan to set on the floor..... let the air dry it.... a whole day of cleaning.... have been so depressed and letting things go.... so, a mess..... I will never let it get like this again...... had son install my new ac for the front of the Grapes of Wrath wagon..... he is a talker too Book, so what should have been a 45 min. job, turned into a three hour job..... and he's still not finished... sure hope the mosquitos don't realize there is a gaping hole where the ac didn't fit against the wall..... deep sigh....
Hope everyone found one thing to be grateful for today.... hugs to you all...