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LadeeM - OK, just thinking out loud here...so would the part about "No matter where I am, I'm in an exhausted state of mind" be part of the body or the chorus? or "No matter what time it is..."
Isn't there a poet amongst us?
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Tough going today....I called mom to check in this morning and after two attempts I finally connected with her only to hear "I don't want to talk"! I replied that was no problem and that I would call her another time to which she responded "I would prefer that you don't, I never want to speak to you again". I must admit I am getting a but numb to these comments, it hurts a little less each time despite my understanding that she has dementia, she is still my mom. No progress with my dad yet on getting her some help with this uncontrollable anger, he was short of breath today and sounded beyond defeated. I sent him an email suggesting he give my phone number to the neurologist so I could figure out what the mri showed and then be able to explain it to him. I would also like the chance to tell her what is going on at home. I think my dad is somehow embarrassed to ask for help with her anger, but something has got to give. I will see them next week as we are all gathering for a family wedding, she will never attend as it is too overwhelming for her. In the meantime, I will continue to call several times each day.
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Pammie, has mom always been like this to some degree and it's only gotten worse??? This sounds so serious.... and not having the medical profession to help you find out what is wrong is very frustrating...And I absolutely agree with you that she should not have to endure this..... I would scream from the roof tops until someone heard me.... please keep us updated as this situation is something we all need to know about... this kind of aggression and lack of treatment and cooperation...... I am interested in what you have to do to get some positive results for you mom.... and for yourself.... I hate this disease... with a passion !!!! Sending you lots of hugs...
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TIRED, FRUSTRATED
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Darius Rucker? Maybe think on that tomorrow. The Caregiver State of Mind...
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Or any other song we want to change the words to.... sounds like some creative fun......
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I can see you starting a new thread 'the caregivers' songs' or 'the caregivers' blues' it does sound like fun
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I had lunch today with baby bro's girlfriend. Long distance relationship. Bro's gf is going on July 4th to visit him. This is her first time to fly to the states. She is so scared. She kept wishing that I was going so that we could travel together. She was able to find a very good price of $1500.00! Of course, she's flying via Japan - which is cheaper. But darn, that flight from Tokyo to Chicago/Houston is like 13 hours non-stop!!!! I rather fly via Honolulu with a 7.5 hour flight to Hono, 3 hr layover, another 7.5 hour to Houston, stopover, etc... but that comes out to $2000.00. I cannot in all honesty afford that and still pay for meals at restaurants... not with my job on the line.

Anyway, she had watched me change dad's pamper. She told me that she's been telling bro that she used to caregive her grandma. But grandma was a very nice, easygoing patient. Unlike my dad. It's sooooo strange to hear another Normal Person (not from the home care nurses) praise me. She told me that the way I change my dad's pamper was very patient and very good at doing it. It's so strange how she kept bringing it up how good I am at it. She said that I deserve a break from it. So, she wants to make a point of us doing things together. So strange to be with her without bro there. She just text me. My bro is so happy with her for spending some time with me. She told me that if my dad ever told her F**k You, she would cry. Ohhhh boy... She's from a loving family... cultural shock - from a loving family to a possible joining of a dysfunctional one.
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Glad, didn't we have a thread here awhile back about songs for caregivers??? I'll have to check into that..... but ya, we can just make up our own lyrics and have some fun for a change.....
Shilo..... we can look for that old thread and just resurrect it...... or start a new one..... God knows we sing the blues every day..... lol
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LadeeM-
I don't know of another thread, may be that it is too old. I am a relative newcomer, coming up on two years, I think.
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And one started by eggshellwalker:
https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/theme-songs-for-the-caregiver-156049.htm

The thread by eggshell was the first time I heard about that song Angel, and the full version that Sharynmarie once posted on her Wall - about "They're coming to take me away..."
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Glad, you've been here two years already. Time does fly when we are having fun!!! lol I'll check back on the old threads..... but that also means time is slipping away from ME !!!

Just want everyone to know that the ROT Rally will be in Austin this next week... so I will be out on 290 drooling over some bad a** Harleys and many a bad boy !!!!! Gave a t*tty shot last year... of course had my granny bra on, but still got honks and thumbs up!!! Once a biker, always a biker..... !!!! The sound of all those bikes going thru town takes me down memory lane.... deep sigh.....

Hope you all have a great day.... love, hugs, angels and chocolate..... and Harleys..... oh yeah !!!!!!
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Thanks Book, I knew I wasn't dreaming..... so we can just resurrect that one.... there was some funny stuff on there if I remember.....
And sending prayers for the sil to be..... poor thing....
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LadeeM, I appreciate your feedback! This dementia process has been ongoing for at least 5 years, it was expedited by a significant case of over anesthesia for a knee replacement. It was medically documented that the short term memory loss after that surgery was a result of too much anesthesia. She has an appointment on Tuesday with her primary, I am praying that God guides my dad to call ahead so the appointment is actually productive in getting her something to help calm her down and hopefully decrease the anger. Mom was always strong and she had her opinions, but she was never a mean person like what we see now. My older brother commented that perhaps the arocept is helping her cognition enough for more realization on her part as to her decline and that may be the root of the intense anger, I would hope that she would be able to comment on her confusion or lack of memory if that's the case. I came very close to calling the neurologist myself as I am authorized to speak on her behalf, however, I feel conflicted about going around my father. I will have a different approach moving forward when it comes to communication with medical staff, I.e. I will take the calls and speak with my dad afterwards (he is partially deaf and tends to leave hearing aids out as a means of coping with moms rants)
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How sad for your mom... I know that anesthesia is very dangerous for elders and especially ones with alz/dementia.... I pray there is something that can be done..... you know she is miserable also... with all that anger boiling in her like that.... so let us know what is done.... like I said, it will help me and others with similar situations to know what to do or ask about...... sending you, a great daughter, hugs and prayers for a good outcome...
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Pammie, will you be going with them to visit with the doctor? You can still stay in the background (as in behind them) so that if the doctor asks questions, and your father is not being very forthcoming, you can do a quiet signal with your hand a "so-so" gesture (as in your fingers spread out and you move it from side to side up and down motion.) Or shake your head if he "veers" from the truth.

I just woke up and realize why I kept saying "It's so strange" when I was talking about bro's gf. This is the first time I've spent with her without my bro being around. I'm really really hoping that I'm wrong. My bro keeps falling in love and never getting the female. 1st one didn't want leave this island and move to Virginia (yet she did when she married a white caucasion. marriage didn't last long.) 2nd one - researched our native food and made it for him. He never ever brought her to meet the family in the mainland. (she got tired of waiting, married her coworker who ended up very dangerous controlling man who constantly called at her work to make sure she was at work.divorced.) And this current one.

During lunch, she took over the conversation, gushing about me repeatedly, how bro is so happy that she's here with me, etc... Yet, when I tried to talk, she would start looking around, then suddenly get up and walk away. I knew she was rude because all the times she visited at the house, when she was leaving, she never said, "goodbye or see you later." She just gets up and walks out. The first time this happened, I kept waiting for her to come back in. Finally figured out that she left. Yes, I'm a little bit jealous but I was like with fave sis. But I was and still am happy that sis found her soulmate. And her hubby never once tried to interfere with sis & I. I so worry about bro because his clock is ticking - literally. His heart is really really bad. If this gf is going to bring him happiness - so be it. During our lunch, she kept texting him about what we're doing together. Even though she told me that he said to stop texting and enjoy her time with me. sigh.... I'm really trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. And I know that bro is waiting for me to email him about my day with her. I cannot lie to him. So I haven't emailed. I will need to find a nice way of telling him how I enjoyed our luncheon which I did - but not say much about her as a person.
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Book, she does sound self centered for sure.... and scatter brained..... to just get up and walk away is just rude..... it will be hard for you to share with bro and not say anything ugly about her... she must have come across not very 'genuine'.... and that's sad for your bro....... he can't find a girl in the states???? I'm sure he values your opinion and if he asks you, try to be gentle but honest... you may save him some major heart ache down the line...
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LadeeM a biker b*tch! LOL My husband whines on occasion that he wants a Harley but he has to pay college tuition instead..

He had one before we got married when he was in the service.. I tell him to "keep dreaming"..
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What a week! First our upstairs heat pump crapped out, luckily only freon this time (pray it holds for another year!) Then the fridge half of our fridge/freezer went out, repair on Monday. So now hubs goes into the lower level rec room to shut the door, and we have a leak from the parents bathroom! I hope that "comes in 3s" things is right... I can;t take much more!
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Book - I agree, it is best to let bro know how you feel the lunch went. You enjoyed the lunch but would have like to have been able to share more in the conversation instead of it being a monopoly on the gf's part. Were you trying to be polite and let her talk thinking you would have your chance later? If so, let bro know that and say time went by too quickly. Or was she just a chatty cathy? Glad you enjoyed the lunch.

There are a few of you that refer to siblings using other endearing terminology. lol I was trying to remember some of them. Can someone help me here.
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Shilo, I can't. She is flying to meet him in July 4th for 3 weeks. I do know from another friend of his that his female friend in the states do not like this gf. We will see what comes of it. My family has always been one to step back and let each of us learn from our own mistakes. We do not interfere. If bro asks, I still need to be diplomatic. I know he will tell her what I said. Then if he marries her, there will be a strain in our relationship.

What other endearing terminology???
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My terms of endearment for my siblings. Just sayin...........

Brother #1 The wonderful one
Brother #2 My Hero
Sister #1 The stupid one (With a Masters)
Sister #3 The jealous, judgmental, hypocritical, phony,drama queen B****.
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Hmm. Boni. Let me first make breakfast, do one load of laundry.. and see if I can come up with 2 simple words to describe my 7 siblings. I chuckled as I read yours.
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Book, I have a sister in law that I love to death. She makes my Brother (the Hero) so happy and she has a heart of gold......but she NEVER shuts up. She keeps talking right through you, never hears a word I say, and talks to you even when you are trying to talk to someone else. She can be kind of stressful for me sometimes. BUT I LOVE HER! She treats my Brother like a king and makes Mom so happy and is a truly caring wonderful human being. Yes, she is rude, but somethings can be overlooked when the good out weighs the bad.

My wonderful brother and I were talking about when she was stung by a bee last summer. He said it was the first time he ever heard a bee talk. I said HUH??? He said, "yea, I heard the bee say STFU right before he stung her." The wonderful brother is also the funny brother.
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Book- I plan on going as long as mom doesn't pitch a fit! I will nod and signal the doc about untrue statements. I hope she gets something accomplished at the GP on Tuesday. It would make her life better and certainly help out my dad. Again, thanks for the feedback!
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Pam - Jeez. A lot of people have been having problems with leaks lately. Ladeem had a problem and I have a problem too. I hope all these things stop happening and things run smoother for you. Take care of YOU!!!!
Book, I agree with Shilo. Tell bro how much you enjoyed lunch I've never heard of a person except my Bro that gets up and walks out without a word. Strange!! I would ask her why she does that. Tell her that it makes you feel like you have done something wrong. Jeez, who taught her manners. Have you ever told Bro that she does this. By the way, did you ever start any Mandalas. I found out that Carl Jung introduced these. The name mean "self" in Sanskrit. I have a book on Jung and there were drawings in it. They were very crude but good. Take care of YOU!!
Hi there - Well, I still cannot run the water in the kitchen sink. Bro tried to fix it but found out that some kind of ring broke under the sink. He said that it could not have happened unless someone got under there with a wrench and broke it. Well I sure didn't do it so the guy that inspected the house must have. Agent called him and he has not called him back yet. It is a shame I don't have my girl scout utensils anymore. Good new about house. Two offers in 2 days. We took the one that does not need an inspector. I don't need anymore problems. A lot less money but bro and I both agreed on it. I need a job job job. Take care of you all!!!!
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Lav - Good news on the house and hope it sticks like super glue! Sounds like it could be one of those quick sales if there isn't an inspection. As for the inspector...I would find his name on-line and do one of those rating things on him so others will see your experience. I don't think you have to give your name just give some kind of made up initials.
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Lav, it does sound like someone was doing some hankypanky with your sink. The underhanded things one does for money.

Our monthly caregiver's meeting will be on Saturday, the 21st. I sure hope fave sis is babysitting grandson. When she's babysitting, she hates going out and just wants to stay home. I then don't feel so bad about not visiting her and so can attend the meeting with a clear conscience. And not be torn about not shopping with sis. Although I don't care for these caregiver's meetings, I do need to reconnect with other caregivers. Family just don't understand what I'm going through, and the stress of handling a "problem" care receiver.
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Off to take the 2 scythes and do some whacking of the ever encroaching vines. It's reaching towards the house' walls. The outside spirits that don't like me are attached to these vines. I don't like the vines, I get these yucky vibes from it. I don't want it touching the house. So, I'm going to put on some slacks and hopefully find my garden gloves (bought just for the scythes). The tearing up of boxes for recycling will just have to wait.
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Assa, yes a biker b*tch.... !!!! And shame on you for not letting hubby have his dream ride.... you would love it too...... lol...I rode for over 25 years..... nothing like it in the whole world.... the only time I ever ever ever felt free.....

Lav, congrats on the house sale..... take the money and run girl... get your 'shot gun' house and commence to begin a new life..... and yes, a job will help.... lol

Shilo, I call my sisters The Ugly Sisters...... I've also called them Cardboard Cut Out Sisters..... have nothing to do with them.....

Book, I understand about not talking to bro about gf..... hopefully he will spend three weeks with her and change his mind.....

Damn I'm tired.... such mess with that fridge... finally went and bought a fan to set on the floor..... let the air dry it.... a whole day of cleaning.... have been so depressed and letting things go.... so, a mess..... I will never let it get like this again...... had son install my new ac for the front of the Grapes of Wrath wagon..... he is a talker too Book, so what should have been a 45 min. job, turned into a three hour job..... and he's still not finished... sure hope the mosquitos don't realize there is a gaping hole where the ac didn't fit against the wall..... deep sigh....

Hope everyone found one thing to be grateful for today.... hugs to you all...
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