This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I don't mind talkative people. I can listen to them. But I would like it if they know when to stop and share with the listening. =) I'm going to take a short nap.
He's concerned about the house/land. Hello? You were here in March for 3 weeks. Why wasn't he concerned about it then? Because he was busy eating out with oldest bro at these different restaurants, and spending time with his gf. Now that he's back in Virginia, he's concerned? Whatever!
He wants me to get POA. Hello? Dad is not diagnosed with dementia. He said he's not stupid to let anyone have POA over him (his SIL had POA over his brother and something must have happened for him to be so anti-female having POA.) Dad who is very old fashion and believes women know nothing and should keep their mouth shut? Who is only good for cleaning and cooking? Bro became quiet.
So, I told him that he better figure out what he wants to do. Dad already said that his house/land goes to him and other older bro. If they want to keep it, he better figure out what he wants, and get his butt back here. Because once oldest bro finds a way to get POA, I truly believe this house/land would end up with him or his children.
Are you making any arrangements for where you will live after dad passes? Sounds like they won't hesitate to send you packing....you are like me, no one to take care of me.... maybe we can find bridge to live under and be roommates!!!
Back to work tonight... seems I didn't have any time off , stayed busy cleaning house and the mess with the fridge.... I hate being Susy Homemaker....... I'd rather be sculpting or sleeping.....
What I'm really concerned about is how she is handling how close bro and I are. I just couldn't help it that she kept bringing up how happy bro is that she's with me. She took a photo of me and sent it to bro while we in the restaurant. She then couldn't resist telling me that bro said that I look weird. She really didn't have to tell me that. I mean, she was not telling me all the other stuff he was texting to her, but she just had to tell me that one only? That night, she sent me a text again saying that bro was happy that we spent time together. . I hope, really hope that I'm wrong that she does not perceive me as competition for bro's heart. That's why I'm trying to stay as neutral as possible.
She wants us to go eat at Yogurtland regularly. That's fine. It will help her to get to know me and not see me as a threat. I have other misgivings which I will not mention here. That one - I may be wrong - but no matter how I try to dismiss it - those thoughts keep popping back. I will not interfere. Bro used my spare cell phone. I had to use it yesterday. She text him telling him to delete all their texts. He did not. You guys, my brother loves her. His heart is really bad. Twice he failed his annual work's physical check-up. They actually called the ambulance to take him to the ER. If he loves this woman, then I will not stand in his way. And I think, since he met her last year, is also the time when he started to say those 3 words of affection to me by email and text. I still have his text in my cell phone. I'm hoping soooo hard that I'm wrong about her. Now I feel so sad thinking about it.
Book & ladeeM - I won't have anyone to help take care of me either. Mind if I join your group of lonesome doves? Book would you leave the island or would we be moving there? I just had a picture of LadeeM on her m-cycle circling around and around you warding off the evil spirits. There would be a learning curve to your culture but you would also need to accept a few of our um ways...as the m-cycle seems to be a must!
I once slept overnight at a hotel by myself. Because I didn't know if someone had died in that room and might be haunting it, I went to bed fully clothed with socks on....and On top of the blanket. Any boogaloo (ghosts) visits me at night, I was already dressed and packed. I would have ran outside the room in seconds - if they did not bar the door...
Yes, we have roaches here, not as big as the ones Lav has tho...... when I lived down home we almost had to wear helmets in the house, those suckers are huge and can fly..... mostly scorpions here to worry about...
And I think we'll have to get Book to move to the states... no demons allowed in the states.... !!!! She could travel all over the States and not have to pay horrible air fare prices......
The cost of living is good here in Tx..... unemployment low.....and here in Central Tx we are having another oil boom... which means jobs for many and revenue to the towns.....I think gas is cheaper here than anywhere....
Ya, Golden Girls... we need four, Veronica, who do you want to be.... I want to be the old lady.... can't remember her name....
God, finally something to look forward to...... this could turn into a plan !!! LOL
Have to work tonight so am going to bed for awhile.... ttyl.....love and hugs
No matter where we are Ladee and her m-cycle will keep all evil at bay so don't worry about that Book.
We could live in the north in summer time. I know there is a reservation just by the canadian border were everything is cheaper. Do you know which one I speak of Ladee, it is in NY around the Falls? In the winter, south were the weather is warmer and tornado/hurricane season has past...just for you Book.
Photo - Do you have a caregivers group to go to. There are plenty of places you can go to for help. I would suggest that you call council on aging in your area for help. I'm sorry I do not know you that well but you are not taking care of you. I was floundering taking care of my mother. A social worker care to see Mom for an assessment. At the end she motioned for me to go talk to her. She told me to get help because she could see me getting to the breaking point. I have been going to one on one and group therapy and also on meds for depression. I feel a lot better. Please keep coming back in here. It is the best place on earth. Take Care Of YOU!!!!!!
Book - You really have a dilemma on your hands. Maybe it is not as it seems to be. I hope that bro's relationship will not be in jeopardy from his relationship. Why do we always have some kind of BS going on. I hope that your brothers remember what you did for your mother and father. When it comes to the nitty gritty. Take care of YOU!!!
Well. I still have to wash dishes in the backyard. I think that this could be bad. The dishes are not getting very clean without hot water. Rinsing with cold water. Oh well. I am p o'd . Bro said that we can not prove that inspector did the harm. Jeez! We do not close until July 30th. My birthday. So it will be awile before I can use a decent sink. I am going to move the dish washing to the bathtub. That way I can run hot water. Pain in the big A. Let me get back to the dishes. Take care ya'll
Lav, at least heat some water in the micro wave.. plumbers are expensive... but I bet if you went online, you could figure out how to fix it yourself.... I have a clogged sink right now.... and that's what I am going to do to fix it....
I can't wait for my next day off !!!! I know, I know, ya'll don't get days off.... but my body is screaming... I did way too much yesterday..... up and down the steps is what got me I think.....
My new little ac is keeping things nice and cool in the Grapes of Wrath wagon... I may actually make it this summer...... and Book , you asked about tornados..... we have them here occasionally.... but we don't have basements or storm cellars. Have not been any where I live..... so maybe you just need to think about moving to Texas..... we have swamps to mountains here, and everything in between.....
Will talk to ya'll tomorrow.... hugs, love, angels and chocolate..... and no demons....
When mom was alive and needed to go to the ER, I tried for weeks to get him to take her. He refused. So, I decided one day, to go next door to bro's house. The only one home was my 16 yr old nephew. I was in my late 30s or early 40s. My Father Listened to my 16 yr old nephew - because he is a MALE.
On his recent hospital visit, I tried to get him to go the ER. He refused. I went next door, and my 2 nephews came over. He agreed to go. Get it? As a Female, I am Nothing to him. I am only good to keep house, cook, wash his clothes and fetch.
And that is why I'm pressuring baby bro that he needs to come back home and either get dad to include his name in the house/land or get POA. My fear is - that if bro gets his name in the house/land, and he marries his gf - I'm screwed. So now, I'm backing off. I won't pressure him anymore because he doesn't want POA. He will only listen to a Male. Only.
I'm smiling wryly: your father may think you're only good for housework, cooking and tending him. Does that mean you have to agree???
You've spotted your long-distance problem, too: that the capital assets, the house and land, seem likely to be heading your brother's way in the future. Well, now. So what provision are you making for you? I know it's a scary question, but it's better faced now than later...