This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I think God is telling me to let Him be in the drivers seat. Things haven't gotten any better. Our television went out Tues. evening. I held my hands up in the air and said..."I give". Taking it a day at a time and hoping nothing happens "any" day. My husbands lifelong friend came to visit, and made the statement, "you know the damage the electricity did the outside of your body, think what it's done to the inside....", it made me soooo sad to think about it. Everyone tells him "Boy, You're luckly to be alive"...he says...yeah I guess.
I'm so very sad that this is the beginning of the end. I try to keep my spirits up in order to spend quality time with him, but it's so difficult to do. I don't want to be sad around him, but my heart is heavy with sorrow. God please help me.
Realy i know why but i am frustrated i can not get a handle on it. I just needed to vent and support thank you
Do vent - it really helps. Hugs to you x
Hi DeeAnn, Welcome to AC (agingcare). All the above is true. When you're at work, the clients don't have the deep emotional strings that you have with family. You're able to be detached or objective - understanding that it's the disease. But when it comes to family, we keep forgetting that, and still expect them to behave lik e their normal selves. We're strongly encouraged to Detach and set Boundaries.
For any of you have Amazon kindles, I just noticed today when I was playing my musics, that the songs now have captions? You can sing along while the song is playing. As I was marveling over this, it finally registered to me the words on the song Brave by Sara Baraeilles.
It is going to be 95° here today. What is it like in your neck of the woods?
I have been absent for a few days, but reading... have had a sinus headache, the kind that makes you puke. and still had to work..... so now I have my time off and can get caught up....
No Book, still a little standing water in the sink.... but didn't feel like plunging gunk !!! slept all day first day off so will get to it tomorrow... and ya, when it rain it pours....... one thing after the other....
MrM had a fall in the bathroom last night.... bumped his head..... no injury, scared him more than anything..... and it totally pisses him off that I am able to lift him off the floor.... don't know why it makes him so angry...... he is really hanging on to his 'manhood' lately.... he is 94 and all he talks about is the Army.... he was never in combat, but to hear him tell it... he saved 'Murica !!!! And Cujo was at her worst last night until I snapped back at her...... sorry folks, I don't get paid enough for verbal abuse...... she always mellows out ... so it was all good..
My body was screaming by the time I left... felt like I was walking like the TinMan.... forgot my meds at home..... looooooong night..... more later when I have a working brain cell.... hugs and love.
Deeann - Our mothers know how to push our buttons. I know mine did. Taking care people you have had no prior relationship with is totally different. It is easier to detach. This website is the best thing in the world. Please keep coming back. Take care of YOU!!!!.
Hi everyone - I had busy day. I went to a job fair and applied for a job. We had to take a math test. With NO CALCULATER!!! Lots of percentages. I got 10 out of 16. The interview went well. I feel very hopeful but I am trying not to get to excited. Looking for a job is very time consuming. Looking on line is hard. Then there are the cover letters and resume to send. I also found out that some of these places give out your information to other websites. I have been deleting all kinds of emails. Jeez!!! A lot of jobsites out there.
Still doing dishes in the bathroom sink but now I have it down to a science. I am so lucky there are two bathrooms. One is for washing the dishes and the other is for washing me. LOL I have not had to talk to bro in a couple of days. The last time he called I took my time calling him back. Of course, he asked me what I was doing all that time. I told him that I was busy washing dishes in the bathroom sink and looking for a job. LOL He was quiet after that. Yea for me. Well, anyway you all please take care of YOU!!!!
Good luck!
Christine
Years ago I had the blessing of being able to mentor a young woman that had more tragedy in her life than most anyone has in a lifetime... She was a ballerina for the New York City Ballet.... while she was there her mother was killed by a boyfriend and he then killed himself...... a few years later her sister was murdered..... and this woman amazes me....... certainly puts my little whines into prospective.....
The proposal.... her husband and she are getting a place in Montana..... and she wants me to come there and live...... and 'be taken care of'........ wowwww !!! How do I even put words on this.....we have a very deep connection and what a blessing this would be for me...... if it is meant to be, it will happen.... I would even leave my beloved Texas for this.....still trying to take it all in...... but wanted to share this with my AC family.... we don't get to share good news often..... and this is better than good news..... I am too cynical and jaded to get my hopes up.... but what a dream come true this would be..... thanks for letting me share..... love ya'll
I hope that neither one of them are elderly and have dementia! LOL
That's a lot to think about.. My head would be spinning.. Hugs.
p.s. How is this couple's health now?