This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Time to do the laundry, scrub the shower (with a long handle rectangle broom), etc.. And take that Raid spray and spray the outside of the bedrooms. Tomorrow, I will go to Home Depot and find a better ant killer for the outside perimeter - than plain old Raid. These ants are now everywhere. Dad says that they're now trying to go in his ears. So, lastnight, he stuffed cotton balls in his ears. Definitely time to be pro-active against these ants.
I have always been the one she wishes she didn't have. She's as much as told me all my life that she would have given anything if she had stopped having kids before I came along. She can't bear living with me. She would prefer living in a nursing home over my three bedroom ranch. I've never done a thing to satisfy her I don't know why I thought now would be any different.
Yesterday, when I came home at 330pm, oldest sis had actually washed all the dishes, emptied the strainer, - basically cleaned the kitchen sink, and unclogged it. I was shocked.
bookluvr, Chili's is very good. I am in love with their grilled chicken sandwich and the guys at word love the burger bites.
Wanting - I was telling the bank teller about my plans to eat at Chili. She recommended to me Not to eat the 'local' dishes. That Chili is known for their Mexican dishes - and to stick to those. She then said that she likes to eat their eggrolls and .. chicken something. Hopefully I will know what that 'chicken' something is tomorrow.
You can always move to Tex... we have all sorts of weather, summers are brutal tho....so keep your Co. home for the summers !!!!!
You are the least favorite child so your control is one thing she does not want to loose.
If you don't care if she is mean anymore what is she going to do? She has always been mean and ungrateful so expect stories of mistreatment every time you visit. You are expected to be upset and react. so react tell her you will deal with that mean person. Ask where you can find the meanie then storm out of her room saying you will certainly make sure she is never mean to her again. then spend five minutes outside breathing fresh air and go back and assure her how upset you are and you understand how mean that person was as she was rude to you too. A little theatre will satisfy her, the reins still are firmly in her hands which means her lifeline is still intact. She is probably regreting going to a N/H. When she told you what she wanted she probably had something else totally in mind like taking over the master bedroom. But in her confused brain she was in the N/H before she had chance to regroup. she will be fine you certainly have nothing to feel guilty about. Don't visit too much till she gets settled and into the routine.
This so-called 'journey'...the journey from h*ll as far as I'm concerned...has scarred me for life. There's so much pain and anger associated with that whole time for me. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever get over it. I have a fear of alz that's ungodly. Every single time I have a brain fart, I wonder if I'm next. I'll kill myself before it gets too bad if I ever get diagnosed with it.
Being housebound with my mom for so many years and pretty much living under a rock has done a number on me on so many levels. I went into this one person with one mentality and came out another person with an entirely different mentality. I'm still struggling with that every single day. You guys know, when you care for an alz patient, especially single handedly without much help, it becomes your world and you're up to your eyeballs in it, being slowly but surely consumed by it. It happens so slowly that you don't even realize that it's happening until one day you wake up and wonder how in the hell you ended up there.
No, I'm not out in the world yet. I should be. I need to be. But I feel so much ungodly fear it's beyond belief. I'm not even sure in my own mind where all that fear comes from.
I feel worn out and weary, tired and still so exhausted. My sleep patterns are still out of whack 6 months after my mom's death. I still have dreams and nightmares about the whole alz thing. **shudder**
I've holed up in my house like a bear in a cave. I know I have to break these chains holding me, but sometimes I wonder if I'll ever have enough strength. I've always been strong, really strong, but it's like all those years with my mom sapped my strength down to nothing. All those years, being forced to suppress my own wants and needs took energy. Caring for my mom around the clock for endless years took energy. H*ll, just getting up in the morning, knowing what I would have to face and witness, took energy. I'm sucked dry and simply feel grateful that I can rest when I need to.
It was a long, hard, uphill WAR, taking care of my mom. Alz is an assault not just on the victim, but on those that care for them and have to witness it and deal with it with them, on so many countless levels.
I associate humanity in general with so much pain that at this moment I can't imagine ever having anything to do with people again on any intimate level. It just hurts too damn much for so many reasons and I don't want even one more drop of pain in my already overflowing bucket.
I know I'll be alright. Sooner or later.
I hope you guys are well and staying strong, and especially, getting all the help you require and during this journey, you'll require a lot of it.
I wish all of you guys all the best in the world. Take care.
Ref your getting out the cave mission, here is what you need to do: look around for people or a cause that sparks off all of that energy and, yes, constructive anger you have. Not Alzheimer's, not yet; but what about some other kind of advocacy?
Yes you are a strong person, my goodness you are, but even strong people have to rest. Take your time, then get out there - people like you are very much needed. Keep in touch! Big hug.
It is great that he apologized!
I live out in the country now with my beloved dogs and cats on 2 acres surrounded by fields and forests. I'm gradually renovating this wee dilapidated house, planting trees and shrubs and starting to grow some veggies. I'm slowly getting better but, at the mercy of a narc life long I doubt I'll ever come back to what I might have or could have been. It's akin to having PTSD.
As is usually the case, all but two friends, who had been through it, abandoned me when the going got tough and I have no family. I think I might like to do a little volunteer work down the road but, for the foreseeable future I'm perfectly content to keep to myself and putter about the property. At this point I really don't like most humans.
I explained to her that dad tends to spill his drink on himself. One time I came home from work, and when time to change him before bedtime, I found the whole bed, waterproof pad, his clothes soaking wet. He also spills his honey/water drink on the bed. She didn't smile much. My oldest sister and dad may try to appease her. If I can change his shirt 2-3 times a day, then they can change his bedding once a day. While I tried to explain to her how he spills drinks on himself, she was not listening to me. She was trying to rush my dad's one hour so that she can leave early. I Helped her to clean him even though dad kept ordering me to leave them alone so that she can do him by herself. I refused. It's faster if 2 people work on him than just one person.
You know what really bugged me the most? Look, I change dad's pampers by myself. I tape the side of his Depend pamper that is closest to me. Then I bend over and tape the one opposite me. How hard is that???? Nope, she told me to go and tape up the other side opposite her. She was pissed off at me and wanted to show it. I did it because I'm not into power play - and I just want her out of here ASAP.
The last time I was here on a Thursday, she was NOT going to wash his hair or bedding. I INSISTED that she do it because the next gov't caregiving visit would have be on Monday. I explained to BOTH cg and dad that I want his hair and the bedding washed on Thursdays. Because the next visit is Monday. That is 3 days of no hair washing and soiled sheet. She was NOT a happy camper when she left today. {{{smiling}}} She is going to be soooo surprised to find me here again on Thursday!!!
It's nice to have no complaints...
Until tomorrow when she has a doctors appt!!