This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
seeme - i am OK have been very "dopey-sleepy: the past couple of days so have given in to it and doesn't seem to have done me any harm - my To Do list went from walk to plants to sleep and that was the only one I accomplished - u have inspired me to make tomato veg beef soup - love soup and have a strong stomach and just finished a bowlful and it was great -glad kathy will give u a break today
ladee I know u are too busy this weekend - praying you get the help you need and make the progress you planned - brown really???? glad ur son has been helpful - it does make u wonder - hope u don't hurt so much and someone figures out what is with sonny
stormy - u are a good girl -cooking sunday meal for ur family - glad ur bro is behaving and being helpful - u needed that - praying about next week and the news
ros - how's the puppy - thinking of u I know this is hard - yes the bumper story is true and i pee where I have to when I am out walking too - usually behind bushes
vic u sound so much better - let us know what happens with the eval hope they can do something for dad - it would lift ur spirits and ur mums
jam -we look for u every day
shawna -sorry the sales were low - hopefully the larger event will be better
starri - hope you get the laundry sorted out in all senses - G will always do things - but not in the order I would like ahhhh - have to be thankful for what he does -and yes when u r away Glen gets to do stuff too.
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considering the importance of cow patties here I am dedicating this story to those of you who know crap:
CONVERSATION ON AN AIRPLANE WITH AN ATHEIST!
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk?
Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with a fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God?" as he smiled smugly.
"Ok," she said. "Those could be an interesting topic but let me ask you a question first.
A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"
The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss why there is no God when you don't know crap?"
And then she went back to reading her book
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All is well here - feeling more energetic and less dopey!!!! Yeah! Don't seem to need my antihistamines these days but that should not make me sleepy. Gary should turn up sometime today and head off for another 15 day 24/7 stint tomorrow. Soup made, antelope pot roast on the stove, (I stink of garlic) shopping done last night, laundry in the way. Daughter said she will come and do some cleaning for me when the kids go back to school. She can use a few extra bucks and I can use the help. Mother still b*tching which means she is well. I am still thinking about the POA.. and boundaries. think I need a moat around me with gaters in it lol - and a drawbridge i can pull up whenever i need it
everyone hope u r havng a good day - hoping some of the absentees will post
love and (((((((((hugs)))))) and prayers ♥♥♥
Joan
what next!!!
Thought I would check in a say hello to all............
Got the yard mowed this morning.....the heat and humidity are almost more than anyone can put up with. Found a sackful of cucumbers, so more dill pickles....dil makes the best. Now waiting to see if the approaching thunderstorm is going to hit or go around us. Temps this morning were at 98, right now 77! Amazing change.
My son and dil want to take their girls to the San Diego zoo, so I guess finding a package for them will give me something to do while it's raining.....to heck with laundry. We've been talking about loading up the rv and taking all of us to Orlando. The granddaughters need to see Disney, we would like to go to Universal Studios......I'm just not into bibbity-bobbity-boo these days.....:)
Storm has hit and it's raining.....yippee!!!!!
I'm keeping up with everyone......I'm not mentioning names so that I don't have a "senior moment" and forget someone.....just know that I am with you each and every day and you all are in my prayers.
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Shawna thanks for thinking about me, I might just have to take you up on that offer of finding someone, if he keeps treating me like I'm some kinda idiot..lol..
Hi, Burned it is so good to hear from you, It sounds like things might actually be starting to get easier.. I am so glad to hear that. keep us updated when you can,
Stormy it sounds like your morning got off to a "stormy" start, fill us in on what is up when you can.
Jo, I am happy to hear that you are feeling better, nosey question? where the heck is G going for 15 days? he out hunting again? I'm afraid if your mom has your phone number and email, a moat isn't going to do you any good, even with gators.. but it would be fun to watch the mailman try to deliver..lol
Ladee? are we up to passing the hat for bail money? or is everyone fine but tired? Jam, so good to see you and hear about you getting rain, if you can at all pull it off, get in the RV and hightail it..lol, take a break from the walls you are staring at all the time.. where is everyone else?
I've survived the day, hubby has survived the day, and actually surprised me, he did things on his own doing laundry without me having to tell him what to do... now for figuring out which way to head next, I need to get clothes in the camper, but I have to leave some in here for us to wear till time to go, I don't want to have to stop and do laundry on the way out of town.. Still can't figure out how to read hubby's streets and trips program he has on the computer, he's got what looks like a good route laid out, but it doesn't do me any good cause I can't tell what state we're in or what town is near where the cut off point is, so that I'll be able to look up a campground before the sun starts going down.. I don't want to spend the last hour of daylight trying to find a place to camp for the night..lol..
Guess I will go get the rand macnally and see what I can figure out... will check in again in a bit.
Seeme, I prayed today that if you couldn't get away you would at least get a restful sleep if you got to take a nap...
Burned, sounds like you are finally getting some help... glad to hear from you today and never apologize for being a busy caregiver, we were thinking about you whether you get time to post or not....
Stormy sorry your day got started off so bad.... fill us in on what happened....
emjo, the painting everything was a JOKE in response to Seeme's post about BS.. of course it is going to have cool colors, things that make me feel comfortable when I walk in the door, but decorating will be done the road, as I get extra money....glad you are feeling less "dopey" today....
Jam, there is no grass to mow here, so one less thing for folks to do in this heat....
The AC is working good on the BS, if it hadn't and I didn't have the money for a new AC, then Mike would just have to put up with me until winter.....
Son did not show up today, which was good because I got a lot done... And I am learning, if I have no expectations, then I don't get upset...
Need to get started on laundry, love ya'll, later...
it's Ok - be nosey -
the contract G is working right now is 15 days on then should have about 5 days off. and then another 15 on. He is safety and covering the day and the night shift (they donlt want to hire 2 people) so has to be there - stay out at camp and be on call 24/7. he actually works from noon to midnight but can be called anytime there is an incident
.. depending on the time of day, the drive from town to the worksite is a hour to 1 1/2 hr long which is too long if something happens there.
They used to be able to bring family out to the camps to visit but then the pro's started coming in so that was stopped - unless you are on official business which means someone has requested that you come out there and there is paperwork, you are not allowed. There are ID checks all the time - he himself has been checked 3-4 times in a day -they have a quota
the good side is that this crew of steel heads (iron workers) are very focussed, work hard and got the other job done quickly so he probably will be away less than 15 days if the weather cooperates. When it gets wet out there it is a sea of mud and can slow things down
i am thinking about taking a trip to the big city while he is away and visiting girlfriends
it seems it is either feast ot famine for us - he assures me the horses will not always be 2 hr drive away - they usually are just down the road but no pasture here.
well re the phone I have caller id so i don't have to answer and re emails I have them sent to a hidden folder so i don't have to look at them till I am up to it - and the mailman - hmmm - actually a mail lady - I just bring the mail in and let it sit there till i feel like looking at it - gives me some kind of protection - there are other family members who have been burned who just toss that particular mail in the garbage - the last bit of nastiness that came in my direction was a dig that involved Gordie in hospital when he was dying and was strictly to prove her point - it was the last straw for me - remember this is not alz or dementia - this has been going on all my life
take care and hope u get ur route figured out
Sounds like we have a storm moving in.. so I guess I ought to get off of here..lol.. hope we get some rain out of this one, yesterdays rumbled and grumbled, rained like hell about a 1/2 block from us and not one drop here..
Ya'll have a good night and I will check in later..
Shawna; I have a job which is underpaid, too. People don't realize how much time we need to do what we do. A plumber (I have nothing against plumbers, it's just to make an example) earns in one hour what I earn in one day. We must stop to lower prices! Otherwise we shalll become the next generation of slaves.
Starri: I think a woman is very lucky if she finds a man who does "anything" in a house. In Italy at least they don't cooperate. Sometimes they do the cooking because they like it, but the rest is blank...
Vic: good wishes with pa.. Hope it's just a question of the wax in the ear.
Ladee: hope you are going to live very soon in that new house! I have painted the living room in yellow (egg yolk) and it's fantastic; in summer you feel you have the sun in the house, and in winter it makes everything happier. But it must be a "real" yellow! not lemon yellow. The dog who defended Nicky was Erika, while Camilla and Rexy didn't move... They were too scared. Camilla is the white one, Rexy is the german shepherd, Erika is the other one!!!
Seeme I hope you get some sleep. Veg soup seems very good but it sure makes your mother poo a lot!
Burnedin I am very sorry for your husband. It must be very hard.
Stormy i am glad i was wrong and your brother is behaving. It's been a surprise for me!
Emjo: very nice story, the girl and God and crap. Very good.
I have to say everybody good night because I have to work for a few hours... I have a translation and I have not worked at all because of Nicky, so I have to make up for the time lost. A big kiss to everyone and thanks for being here!
Rosella......So glad to hear Nicky is doing good so far. I'm going to take it as a sign that things will progress slowly but steadily in the healing direction. Tell her she is a brave little girl for me.
My fave sister called yesterday to say we have another great-grandchild in the oven. The nephew is in the Coast Guard and has met someone who is not a US citizen, she got pregnant, and they should be married by now. That bro and sil are keeping it very hush-hush because they were not married in the Catholic church.
That whole thing sounds like the begining of a tragedy to me. I'm sure it isn't the first marriage to start that way, and the bro better relax on the church thing or he could lose a son. They tend to overdo.
We had rain last night, finally, so I went outside to enjoy the lightning display. It was a constant flash and continuous rumble. But today we will have to put up with the added humidity. Heat index will be up over 100 and I have to take mom to the dentist and me to the reg doc for yearly check-up during the hottest part of the day.
Oh, I told sis that I needed a vacation and she didn't offer again, so I think she is of the opinion that I asked for this, so I should deal with it. Got it. I didn't think I needed to be hit over the head twice, but maybe I did.
Mom did good for Kathy, and she will go with me tomorrow to Raleigh to take mom to the lung doctor. So glad for the extra help.....I just get screwed out of my "day off".
Mom is due to get up at any time, so I will close for now.......Cheers to everyone having a great day, a productive day, and a peaceful day with no drama......Love you all.....(((((hugs))))) and kisses......to Nicky also............
Stormy I am glad they were able to get the trach back in here. Were you able to ask Dad if he had been messing with it? I certainly would have needed a drink and maybe even a hospital bed myself having that happen, and I would not have cared what hour of the morning it was..lol..
I'm glad to hear that you were able to go home to get some rest, and that Sis is back now, maybe your life can return to whatever it knows as normal now.
Ladee? how are you this morning? after all you did yesterday, are you able to move today? I am feeling like I've been beat from head to toe and really didn't do all that much yesterday. But at least all the laundry is done up, with the exception of some linens.. those I will take to the friend so he will feel he's earned the money Glenn's paid him for this month. He won't be doing laundry while we are gone, but we're going to continue paying him anyway, he'll mow the lawn every now and then and throw the fish some food.. The money's not much, but he's on SSI, so it takes a bite out of his electric bill..
Shawna? how are you feeling today? all that setting up and taking down of equipment probably has you sore.
Seeme, hope all the soup is gone now..lol, no more soup poop for a while, how is everyone else today?
Starri..too funny about laundry! A friend once told me that she always had to pick up her hubby's socks because he took em off at night and left on the floor. Well she got so tired of picking them up to put in the laundry that she started sweeping them under the bed! When he ran out of clean socks he asked her if she knew what happened to all his socks....she asked him if he put them in to be washed and he said no...so he finally looked under the bed! Too funny! She was able to cure him of that habit... Course some of us have a harder time of it. But I tell ya that I have a gold mine in my hubby. Through all the years he has been right there with me doing everything. one time years ago he was vacuuming and I heard some of his biker buddies pulling up and told him to give me the vacuum...he wouldn't do it! They called him pussy for awhile! But you know I think they respected it but couldn't admit it!
Dad has done much better in the last two days. He is not so much out of it and back to feeding himself and not slipping out of chairs as often. I figure it is was build up in his ear. His ENT appt is thurs but will call this am to see if I can get him there today. The home health folks came sat....a nurse will be coming today. His doc used the anemia diagnosis but I also made them aware of the meningioma. Saturday early am he kept calling us about having to get up to go to a funeral..he had to get dressed ....kept trying to tell him it was too early. Mo wasn't even up..finally got him calmed back down. No crazy talk yesterday and last night was pretty good. Hubby took the first few times..and I picked up after one or so.. So yay! I was able to rest..I tell you, if I could I would sleep the days and nights away...
Seem..I think it was you that said you asked sis to come 'again' and no joy! I know what you mean we sometimes like to keep hitting our heads against the brick wall...just hoping that response will be different. I sent my brother a couple of text msgs several days age saying that dad seems to be regressing and that we are getting home health to come in again. You would think he would at least say thanks or even call to talk to mom! Nothing!!!!! Whew.. From what mom says he is working seven days a week with no time off right now. He works for Boeing as and engineer. For 20 plus years with the shuttles. Soooo right now he is doing something that has to do with the new solid rockets... Course Obama discontinued a new program so bro doesn't know if he will have work. Guess he is trying to get in all that he can. Think he can go elsewhere with company but he doesn't want to leave Florida.. So who knows. I understand his predicament but s$$t you would think he would at least call or respond. I feel the worst for my parents especially dad as he asks about him all the time and is worried for him. Oh well....
Emjo...loved the story! Good chuckle! Seeme hope you bil can get over the Catholic thing.. None of kids, grands or even bro got married in Church. Unfortunately if the marriages breaks up it is easier to get annulment if they aren't! Sad huh! Mom used to worry about it so much...think she has finally let go and let God handle.. At least the grands are all finally married..as they were all living together at one point or another. My bros ex wife is living with him again..so who knows about that one. Don't think mom asks but I know it bothers her as my bro suggested that she get her a Christmas pres so she wouldn't be left out....
Well enough of that!
Here's praying for the best day possible for all of us!
Ladee..hang in there the BS will come together and it is all yours! Pray your charges are in good spirits..
Oh..Starri..told hubby about finding how tos on Internet for rv's ...yay! It has kept him occupied! Lol...men!
Enough rambling ...
Sun is shining here today, weather bug is showing 98 for a high, bet it's going to be higher than that.. maybe today I can get out to the burn pile and get that going, want to have this place in some kinda order before we leave.. Anyway, baby brother is needing a ride into town, has something on his mind he wants to talk about, so will go get him and take him.. Ya'll be good and I will check in with you later...
Thanks again for worrying for my little dog. She is definitely better and she'll come home probably the day after tomorrow!!! She is a mess... I'll take a picture of her and I will put it as my profile, so you will see what you have worried about!!!
Seeme, we had the same story in our family 2 years ago. The daughter of my cousin got pregnant and she wasn't married. They didn't say it to anyone!!! I wonder what they thought of doing. Hide the baby once he was born? Of course the new of the pregnancy spread in our family anyway, and we all called to make congrats, because the birth of a baby is always and always a happy thing. They had not said it because they felt uncomfortable...
Stormy what a morning! You were right in calling the 911 because if you don't know how to do these things, it's much better you don't do anything! If your sister had been there, things would have gone the same way. She was lucky she didn't have to deal with that situation.
Vic: you are lucky to have a husband like yours.
Starry: Big kiss.
And big kiss to everyone who did not write tonight.
Ahhh, Ros, what good news.. I know you have to be excited to bring the baby home. Keep us posted on how she is doing and try not to wear yourself out checking on her every three seconds..lol..
Well, steps are being made towards getting out of here on the first, we went today to the local UPS office, we chose them as our mail forwarding service. There are other services that RV'ers use, and i am sure their perfectly fine, but I am not comfortable with giving just anyone access to our mail, especially Glenn's medications, he takes morphine for his back pain, it has to have a signature and ups delivers it anyway..lol, so it will work out fine, I bet that the guy who gets the honor of delivering it will be happy not to have to come out here, it kills a hour just getting here and back to town.. They have x-amount of stuff to deliver each day and the faster they get it done the quicker they get off work, so this will work out great for this guy, he's generally out here between 630 and 7:00 pm..
So we're one step closer to freedom..lol.. a couple of mailing address changes, some shopping (which has to wait till next payday 8/24/11 :( and we'll be able to take off.. I banking on the 1st, as there is so much to do on those last couple of days..
Hope that all have had a wonderful day, time for me to stretch out I believe..
Just wanted to say a quick hello to all and hope everyone has had a great day!
Rossella......so happy to hear Nicky is on the mend....give her lots of puppy kisses and hugs from me.
Stormy.....sorry you had the trach scare.....sometimes those little buggers just won't go back in. It's amazing how quickly the tissue will swell.
Seeme.......a friend asked me today if you had tried the sleepy-time tea with Mom at night? We were talking about people staying awake and she said that's what she uses occasionally and she sleeps like a baby. I told her I thought you had tried just about everything without success, but wasn't real sure about the tea.
Ladee......beginning to worry about you......hope things are okay today. Post when you feel up to it.
Went shopping today at my least favorite store. Bought a fire pit to put outdoors on the new front patio with the gliders. Will be nice to sit out there with a fire and Target has plans to roast a hotdog or two....:) Woke up to rain, but that's gone now and it's been sunny and hot this afternoon. Not as bad as it has been, but enough to make me stay inside. I have a lot of reading to catch up on, so maybe I'll force myself to go out on the back deck and sit on the glider and read. Or fall asleep. Maybe our little fawns will make an appearance. I'll make sure to take the camera emjo if I go. Hope you're doing okay today also. Missed seeing you here today.
Time to start making dinners.....hope y'all have a great evening!
Love and Hugz,
Jam
Glad to her Nicky is doing good and will be coming home.....That was quicker than I thought........
Got all the doctors' visits done. Mom will have to go back to the dentist and I just have to take my BP periodically. May have to increase the meds, but he understands the stress I am under.
We go to Raleigh tomorrow, so I will close for tonight. Oh, doc said to give mom 1/2 a Benadryl to make her sleepy. Since she sleeps off and on during the day, the melatonin won't be as effective and he is right about that. It worked for a little while, but not anymore. Now she still gets up but is like a wet noodle. Already got her to take it, so I will be in bed shortly myself. It will be another long day, but hopefully the last one. I will get things transferred to a local pulmonologist. Everyone have a good evening...........later....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Dad is basically the same. Hope you all are doing OK. P & P
Ladee, where are you? Everyone else? where the heck are you? I woke up with a migraine today, so nothing much on my agenda.
Hey Jam can we get a appointment in to see your husband?????? I know he is a er dr. just kidding. And this is not a reflection on him. Just the ones that we are dealing with. I know there are good drs out there we just have not found one down here. Well I got to go get in the shower and start getting ready. So if we hear anything today I will try to report back to ya'll. Thanks for listening to me and all my ranting and raving. Don't know what I would do without ya'll and this thread. It keeps me somewhat sane.....
Ros what kind of dog is nicky? hope she is doing good still and is able to come home today. Give her a hug and a kiss from stormy. I love animals.
Emjo I hope you don't have a stomach virus. I hate those things.... I hope you feel better today.... Have a good day everyone!!!! Love and (((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))) Stormy
(((((((stormy))))) how very frustrating for u all. prayers that u find out what's going on - this is such a tough tiime for u - think starri gave u some good pointers
starri - hope your migraine has settled down - my daughter gets them - no fun -glad u got ur mail stuff sorted out for the trip
jam -so good to see u posting sometimes - hope u get a pic of those fawns
YR 11.5 lbs. Absolutely awesome - thats an accomplishment - u must feel good about it!!!
vic - hope the eval is are going to be useful - will send u the sinus remedy - my head is clearing from this bug
ros ((((hugs)))) to u and nickie - u must be exhausted - I know u r so happy to have her home
shawna - u need some little elves to help u get ready for the next sale - do u get much online business?
ladee - we r all wondering how u r doing with the BS. What colours r u considering? Hope u r not too exhausted by now
seeme - hope the benadryl works for ur mum - and therefore for u - lack of sleep is so hard on us -a local pulmonologist would be good
linda22 - glad ur mum is settling in - no transition is easy
everyone else - take care and have a good day
love hugs and prayers ♥♥♥
Jo